Installment 2: June
Not too long ago, I was in Lansing for a school field trip. When the subject of movies came up, the 2001 surprise hit starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez and Ja Rule, The Fast and the Furious, came up. When I revealed that I had never seen the movie, I was given blank stares of shock, and I believe one gentlemen actually gasped. The Fast and the Furious is a movie that has never interested me, and I have no desire to see it, as I am not into cars, nor am I into Vin Diesel (one of the most inept actor’s currently working in Hollywood today, if you ask me...next to the entire cast of House of 1,000 Corpses of course), yet the movie has epitomized an entire generation, my generation’s philosophy. Well, kicking off the high octane month of June, we have the sequel, 2 Fast 2 Furious which you can see beginning June 6th. The only returning cast member will be Paul Walker. So to compensate for the lose of Vin and director Rob Cohen (who directed Vin’s 2002 summer blockbuster XXX), 2 Fast 2 Furious will feature more cars, more stunts, and I am sure enough T&A to stretch the PG-13 rating to the max. The movie has scared away any same-day competition, but Finding Nemo will be in its second weeked, however, these two movies have totally opposite demographics.
Attention all studios...just because Chicago and Moulin Rogue have reinvigorated the genre of the musical, doesn’t mean that any crap will be a hit. Let us hope that this proves true for From Justin to Kelly: The Tale of Two American Idols which you can be subjected to at your own risk starting June 13. (I will spare you of the “Friday the Thirteenth” pun.) Just a technicality, but if I was Kelly, I would be pissed. She won American Idol! There is ONE American Idol winner thus far. Justin: take a hint and quit mooching! I have managed to be objective throughout the Summer Movie Preview, but give me a break! This promises to be the dumbest movie until Havana Nights: Dirty Dancing 2.
Forget everything I just said. Also debuting on June 13 is Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd, winner of my award for Most Egregious Spelling in a Movie Title, beating 2 Fast 2 Furious. From Justin To Kelly: The Tale of Two American Idols looks ridiculous, but this garbage promises to be ‘dumberer’ than anything this year. June 13th is shaping up to be the summer movie weekend to avoid! What should have been direct to video, or better yet, never made at all, is now ready to rape you of your money this summer. An imitation Jim Carrey will team up with an imitation Jeff Daniels and cause mayham at their high school. Salt on the wound is the appearance of former comic genius Eugene Levy. Who after Bringing Down the House and this, has lost my respect.
Buddy comedies have not been hot lately. I Spy flopped in November, and National Security disappointed in January. Hoping the reverse this streak is Harrison Ford, heart-throb for the over 30 women, and Josh Hartnett, heart-throb for the under 30 women, who will team up in Hollywood Homicide coming to a theater near you on June 13. One thing Hollywood Homicide has going for it is the fact that neither “buddy” is black. White people acting like black people seems to be the theme for this year, and after Brining Down the House, I am rightly tired of them. Summer 2003 is sequel soaked and comic book adaptation saturated, so an “original” movie featuring a pair of Hollywood A-listers might be just the trick.
When the first commercial spot for The Hulk debuted during the Super Bowl, fan-boys everywhere let out a shriek of pure terror: “HE LOOKS FAKE!” Newsflash nerds, its pretty damn hard to make a 20 ft. tall green beast look real. Fortunately, director Ang Lee has assured us that some tweaking has been done, and anyone who has seen the latest and final trailer can attest to this. Marvel brethren Spider-Man was the most anticipated movie of the year, in 2002. While The Hulk cannot make that claim (by no short distance, The Matrix sequels are the most highly anticipated of 2003), its near the top of most people’s must see lists. Originally, this movie was not a big deal to me, but as June 20th draws closer, my anticipation level has been pumped up.
I have only seen a hand full on films 2 times in the theater, these include Chicago and Jumanji. However, one film stands alone on a highly unattainable, highly sought after pedestal, the 5-time Club. In 2000, I saw Charlie’s Angels 5 times in the theater. It wasn’t the PG-13 T&A which kept me coming back for more (although it didn’t hurt), it was the stylized fun. I have kept a watchful eye over the development and production of the movie, and as the release date approaches, I am giddy. Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle will definitely have my money on opening day, June 27th. The sequel is minus Bill Murary, but Bernie Mac looks to be a great replacement. All the angels are back, Lucy Liu (who I am giving top billing to because she is everyone’s least favorite, and makes the least amount of money of the three...poor girl), Drew Barrymore, and Cameron Diaz. Matt LeBlanc and Luke Wilson are back as love interests, and Crispin Glover is back as “creepy thin-man.” By far the most interesting cast member is Demi Moore, who will play fallen angel Madison, a stroke of genius. OH MY GOD...I CAN’T WAIT!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!
That concludes segment two of The Teen Film Review Summer Preview. Look for Part 3, July, very soon. Of course the film’s talked about above are the major studio releases. Below you will find a full list of releases in June, including the smaller flicks not discussed in detail above.
2 Fast 2 Furious (June 6th)
Prozac Nation (June 6th - Limited Release)
When Harry Met Lloyd: Dumb and Dumberer (June 13th)
From Justin to Kelly: The Tale of Two American Idols (June 13th)
Hollywood Homicide (June 13th)
Rugrats Go Wild! (June 13th)
Manito (June 13th - Limited Release)
The Hulk (June 20th)
Alex & Emma (June 20th)
Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle (June 27th)
28 Days Later (June 27th)
The Hard Word (June 27th - Limited Release)
© 2003 Jacob Sproul
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