THE HESSIAN'S TOP TEN OBSERVATIONS UPON REGAINING HIS SKULL
by Adrienne
10) So this is what not having eaten for twenty years and thirty-six hours feels like....
9) If I had known it would be this painful regenerating, I would have run myself through with my own sword again before letting those rebels behead me with it!
8) This place hasn't changed one bit... I lost my life fighting for a patch of withered trees and a dozen acres of sheep! His Majesty will never hear the end of this....
7) I didn't think that being out of shape mattered when you were dead, but my legs are killing me.
6) You'd think that my hair would at least have the courtesy to come back combed. I should have crushed that sniveling little Brit who borrowed mine and never gave it back!
5) Why is everyone staring like- damn, I must have my cloak caught in my trousers again....
4) Since when did the village lovebirds hold their trysts under my tree? Isn't that what the covered bridge is for?
3) Someone should have hit her over the head a long time ago. With something much sharper than a tree branch.
2) I hope Lucifer had it in for that blacksmith, too, because Daredevil needs a new set of shoes something terrible.
1) Do you mean to tell me that he's still standing?
