1 INT. BALDY’S OFFICE - NIGHT 1
Silhouetted in the foreground we see the bald head of a man
wearing a creme suit and polo neck. In the background we see
a nervous looking late twenties/early thirties man sitting
with rapt attention and looking toward the man, accompanied
either side, by two burly, black suited no-nonsense type
cronies. Baldy leans forward to address him.
SLOW ZOOM IN FROM FRONT
The bald man seen from the front, even smiling, looks highly
menacing, like a shark baring it’s teeth.
So, Dexter, you’re telling me you can’t
pay me back the fifteen grand I leant you
to start this car business of yours
because you say haven’t made a profit? I
dunno why you bother.
JUMP CUT TO:
2 INT. CAR SHOWROOM OFFICE 2
We see, over Dexter’s shoulder, him holding open a ledger and
the books balancing at ZERO profit.
JUMP CUT TO:
3 INT. BALDY’S OFFICE 3
Pauses to light a thin cigar and contemptuously blows smoke
in DEXTER’S general direction.
So it looks like we have a bit of a
fuckin’ problem then don’t it?
SLOW ZOOM IN
Dexter looks like he’s about to say something he’s going to
regret, but says it anyway.
Yes...but it was ten grand.
SLOW ZOOM CONTINUED
It’s the interest you cheeky little
fucker! You got some nerve saying that!
(pauses to take another drag and a
mournful look) Alright then. Seeing as
you fancy yourself as such an ‘ardcase
here’s your chance to prove it and clear
your debt. And I’m giving you credit here
Dexter, seeing as we didn’t have to come
looking for you, so bear that in mind.
JUMP CUT TO:
Throws a picture of a man onto the desk. There is an address
scrawled in the corner. Down on the floor we also see what
appears to be a large suitcase containing thousands of pounds
in used notes.
TWO WAY SPLIT SCREEN:
A. INT. OFFICE - NIGHT : BALDY’S MOUTH AND LOWER CHIN
4 B. INT OFFICE - DAY 4
Businessman sitting at a desk.
There’s a new boy in town and he’s
treading on me toes, taking me for a
right cunt, just like you ‘ave been
5 INT. OFFICE - NIGHT 5
MEDIUM SHOT OF DEXTER AND THE TWO MEN
What do you want me to do?
6 INT. OFFICE - NIGHT 6
MEDIUM SHOT OF BALDY
What? To avoid me putting you through the
wood chipper and taking your ‘ouse you
JUMP CUT TO:
7 EXT. WOOD YARD - DAY 7
One of the smiling goons from the room pushing a trousered,
the same as Dexter’s current pair, leg, feet last into an
industrial wood chipping machine accompanied by the sound of
the wood chipper and the man’s screams.
8 INT. OFFICE - NIGHT 8
Well, you just have to put ‘im out the
way Dexter, in any way you see fit. Think
you can do that? Got the balls for it
have you? (Doesn’t wait for an
answer)You’ve got three days.
Dexter begins to stand up.
Oh, one more thing Dexter. If you’re
thinking of doing a runner...
Baldy motions with his hand to one of the burly men. He walks
to a cupboard door and opens it.
9 EXT. CUPBOARD DOOR. 9
We see it open and there is a terrified looking girl standing
there, tied and gagged, who is Dexter’s girlfriend.
He turns angrily toward Baldy and the two men step forward.
We see the worm has turned.
10 INT. OFFICE - NIGHT 10
Baldy still sitting and grinning chillingly.
Ooooh, you’ve changed your tune Dexter.
Amazing what a little incentive does,
innit!? Now, fuck off and do the job! You
can have her back when you prove to me
that you’ve done it.
JUMP CUT TO:
11 INT. OFFICE - LATER 11
Dexter walking behind a secretary into a rather plush office.
She leaves and we see him, silhouetted, pointing a crappy
looking gun at the elegantly dressed but distracted man who
is standing at a window, reading a report.
You’re not really going to
fire that thing are you?
ZOOM IN ON DEXTER
Dexter swallows hard, begins to sweat and, realizing what
he’s got himself into, tries to pull the trigger but can’t.
12 INT. OFFICE 12
MEDIUM ZOOM ON BUSINESSMAN
Not really cut out for this sort of thing
are you. What’s your name?
13 ZOOM OUT 13
We see Dexter and the man, either side of the desk. The
Businessman sits down, showing no fear whatsoever and even
smiling to himself.
BUSINESS MAN (CONT’D)
Baldy has to have sent you! Take a seat
and let’s see if we can work this out.
The Secretary reappears and calmly takes the gun from him,
and we fast forward through Dexter getting his story across.
JUMP CUT TO:
Businessman makes a call.
14 INT. WOMEN’S INSTITUTE BUILDING 14
We zoom past a sign saying WOMEN’S INSTITUTE to a room full
of WI women and then to an Older lady, ROSE, answering the
phone. She recognizes the voice of her son and listens to
what he has to say fast forwarded again. She puts the phone
down dramatically and turns to the women. She gives them the
story and one of them says:
Why not give Arthur a call?
Absolutely. Good idea Marge.
Picks up the phone and gets through to an old codger in an
aircraft hanger standing in front of a rather shoddy looking
Old Tank. We hear her voice.
Hello old girl! Still having the Dance
on Friday night?
Yes Arthur, and I hope you’re still
coming. But we have a spot of bother
Never too busy for you Rose? What can I
do you for?
We just hear muffled instructions and his face change from
jovial to serious and then he stands up after putting the
phone down, salutes and says loudly:
Field Marshall Arthur Pembroke reporting
for duty ma’am!
15 INT. BALDY’S OFFICE - LATER 15
We hear a knock at the door and Baldy looking towards it from
what he’s doing, which is counting huge piles of cash using a
counting machine, and the girl is in the corner being
tormented by the other two. Actually they have her sitting on
a chair with her soles exposed and are mercilessly tickling
her feet with a feather duster.
Fuck me! That was quick Dexter.
Motions to one of the goons to open the door. And standing
there is a crowd of women headed up by Rose. Dexter is behind
Hello! We’re collecting for the Women’s
Institute tonight and we thought you
might like to contribute. The donations
are for the new Children’s Wing of the
No fanks luv! Don’t like kids.
She peers over his shoulder and sees all the cash they’re
counting on the desk, and blusters by him and enters the
But you’re loaded. Surely you can spare a
few pounds for some old ladies.
One of them tries to stop her but is suddenly winded and
dropped by a sudden blow to the solar plexes.
Dexter darts forward and grabs Sharon and before the goons
realize what’s happening they’re out the door, as is everyone
else, pursued out into the street by the three villains,
machine guns in hand.
16 EXT. BRIGHTON STREET - MOMENTS LATER 16
We see them all pile into several cars and head toward the
sea front. As we follow them we see the pursuit vehicle and
Baldy and his mate hanging out the window firing the machine
17 EXT. SIDE ROAD - MOMENTS LATER 17
We see them head into a side road and suddenly two trucks
pull into the pursuit vehicle’s path, cut them off and the
occupants get out and run off.
18 EXT. SIDE ROAD 18
Arthur and friend setting up a Bazooka/ Rocket launcher and
aiming it at the villain’s car.
19 EXT. SIDE ROAD 19
Arthur’s eye taking aim.
20 EXT. SIDE ROAD 20
Arthur finishes aiming and pulls the trigger. A missile
shoots out the end of the gun and we follow it to the
screaming faces of the villains where it explodes.
21 INT. BALLROOM - FRIDAY 21
Camera glides past a sign reading ANNUAL WOMEN’S INSTITUTE
DINNER DANCE, and we then see couples dancing including
Dexter and Sharon and Rose and Arthur.
Suddenly the music stops and a speaker appears on the stage.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a rather
special presentation for you tonight.
Dexter, the Businessman and the President of the WI come to
the podium and dexter and the Businessman are holding a
rather large cardboard check, with the amount covered up.
They are joined by a Nurse and a little girl who is obviously
sick, but not too sick.
(Trying to sound posh)
In the last few weeks I have been lucky
enough to come into contact with the WI
and have seen all the wonderful work they
do, which I was not previously aware of.
So together with some of my colleagues
from the Sussex Businessman’s Association
we present you with this cheque for the
building of the new Children’s Hospital
on Sussex Mount.
The amount is unveiled reading a cool Three Million Pounds
and handed over to the President.
22 CLOSE UP 22
Businessman winks at Dexter.
23 INT. BALLROOM 23
Everyone is standing up applauding and flash bulbs go off one
after another as the music starts again.
24 INT. DANCE FLOOR - LATER 24
Dexter and Sharon are dancing as are the others and as they
pass Rose and Arthur Dexter taps her on the shoulder and has
something in his hand to give to Arthur.
Thanks for getting me out of trouble
Don’t mention it young man.
Oh, I almost forgot, I got you a little
something for later.
A knowing look from ARTHUR.
I certainly did.
Hands over the package to Arthur whose eyes light up at the
sight of it. He shows it to Rose and the camera sees it’s a
huge packet of Viagra.
25 MEDIUM CLOSE UP 25
Rose and Arthur both grinning in gleeful surprise and other
old couples in the background notice it too and show their
excited anticipation. The song we play out with is ‘Some