Thirteen Ghosts (2001)
Grade: C
Cast: Tony Shaloub, Matthew Lillard, Shannon Elizabeth, Rah Digga, Embeth Davidtz, F. Murray Abraham
Director: Steve Beck
Rated R for terror violence/gore, nudity and some language

At least it wasn’t as bad as “House On Haunted Hill”.

That’s the biggest compliment you can pay to “Thirteen Ghosts”, the new remake from the producing team behind the horrific 1999 “movie” I mentioned above (which would’ve been the worst film of 1999 had “Runaway Bride“ and “Baby Geniuses” not been released). Not that “Thirteen Ghosts” is a good movie, or even an okay one, really. It’s more like…not as bad as ”House On Haunted Hill”.

There are indeed so many things wrong with this film that the most snobbish of film buffs may need an instruction manual to find redeeming factors. I still have problems grasping the fact that I myself found things in it to enjoy. I was never scared, but I was sometimes involved and there were times when I laughed. Admittedly, I don’t think the filmmakers would have been happy with some of my laughter, but at least they can get me to give it a very minor recommendation, so they shouldn’t be complaining.

Shannon Elizabeth proves that her part in the “American Pie” films is forgivable only for the genre and for her chest, while Tony Shaloub proves that his “Man Who Wasn’t There” performance is probably only great because of the Coens. Matthew Lillard, though, made me laugh. There were occasions when he had self-referential one-liners that for once didn’t remind me how annoying the influence of “Scream” (another film with a really good Lillard performance) on pop culture was. After this and “Scooby-Doo”, I’m starting to like the guy.

This is the kind of movie that you sort of enjoy, and decide to review because it will set up fluent verbal explanations as to why it’s so good and simultaneously so bad. Then you review it and immediately stop remembering what you liked about it. There are times when “Thirteen Ghosts” is far too visually complex and overly elaborate to be interesting, and other times when it’s too simple to be of any value. So why did I not hate it? Well, Matthew Lillard. And I think there may have been something there in the direction that saved it from being awful. Overall, though, this review is only making me realize I was a moron for not hating it. So I’ll stop there.

Note: The best thing about the entire movie is not even in the movie, but a special feature on the DVD. It goes into the history of the thirteen ghosts with grisly, gruesome detail and a luring fascination that none of the actual film possesses.


-Alex, August 2002