The Sweetest Thing
Grade: C-
Actors: Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate, Selma Blair, and Thomas Jane
Director: Roger Kumble
Rated R for language and gross-out humor


How ironic that a film so nasty and raunchy is titled anything with "sweet" in it. And please, remind me, when was the last time you saw a mainstream Cameron Diaz film this bad? Oops, I forgot she was in Very Bad Things...but she was good! The same can be said for her newest film, The Sweetest Thing. She was good.

The plot (Pfffft! If we could be so lucky!) is really quite raggedy. Cameron stars as Christina, one of those Sex and the City, successful, wealthy, San Fran kinda gals who doesn't have any type of apparent job, but can go to all of the best department stores and buy all kinds of cool clothes, and have one of those super rad apartments that only exists in either, a) San Francisco, or b) the filmmaker's imagination.

She also has two best lovable gal pals named Courtney (Christina Applegate) and Jane (Selma Blair) who are with her through all of her various romantic queries, trials, and tribulations. One night while these three cool, grrrl power chicks are out on the prowl, Christina tries to pawn Jane off on some guy who doesn't even look like he's worth the time of day or have the personality for it either. Well, he doesn't take the bait and Christina calls him a "dick". He gets mad and the two tell each other off only to meet again when a bunch of envious women are feeling up Courtney's fake breasts in the bathroom. Are you following me? I know you're thinking, 'This could only happen in the movie.' But no! You're wrong, Christina is a down-to-earth everywomen, this type of thing could happen to anyone...

So, she starts talking to this guy, who's name happens to be Peter (played blandly by Thomas Jane) and within the five minutes of the conversation she sees that special SOMETHING that the audience definitely can't be seeing, because the character of Peter is just a little too ordinary to be interesting.

So after she lets this wonderful catch slip away, Christina turns into a bumbling moron (okay, even MORE of a bumbling moron than she was before) and is just totally enamored with this fella. So, gal pal to the rescue. There had been talk of Peter's brother getting married, so Courtney comes us with the bright idea to go to the wedding and snag this guy. Well, of course there must be the obligatory road trip mishaps. Along the way the two girls encounter a maggot-infested Chinese food container, find out what a glory hole is, and buy hideous, hooker-esqe outfits because the shop where they buy them conveniently turns out to be the only dress shop in a twenty mile radius.

Well, anyway, you know the rest: the wedding turns out to be Peter's own. He and bride both have reservations about getting married, blah, blah, blah...cue happy ending. I'm sorry, did I just ruin the film for you?! No use in going to see it because the film doesn't even bother making Peter interesting in the least, and Christina's only attracted to him because she thinks he's hot.

That's another thing about this film, it really makes it seem like all women don't want anything serious. They just want some guy to orally please them on the hour, every hour, while she just eats ice cream in some wonderful hotel room bed that no one without her fairy tale life could ever afford (no, I'm not making this up, this is a real fantasy from the film). The women in this movie are reduced to no more than sexual predators. Personally though, I wouldn't mind being Diaz's prey.

Amongst all of the awfulness, the film does have some good stuff to offer. Diaz and Applegate make for a potent comic duo, especially when they have an admittedly funny, but admittedly pointless movie montage at the aforementioned dress shop. Diaz is charming (the only thing in this film that is) and Applegate seems to be channeling Jennifer Aniston with the same vocal inflections and mannerisms.

Selma Blair seems to be the butt of every joke. The classically beautiful gals only have to endure faulty plumbing and a glory hold incident. The offbeat, yet still attractive one has to have a nasty spot on her dress rivaling ol' Lewinksy, getting her mouth stuck on some guy's, um, member while trying to orally please him (it's okay, he has a piercing that's gets stuck behind her tonsils), and then she has to endure the really, really stupid subplot of dating a man who dresses up like a elephant for a living. Give this girl some better material!

The problem with The Sweetest Thing is all about build up (they build up the romance) but no follow through (the follow through is very sloppy and quick). I didn't mind that they made the film raunchy, it was rather refreshing to see the women playing in the men's turf, but you at least have to infuse a little bit of plot in there.


--Brian Jones, 2002
--If you would like to comment on this review or any others, please e-mail me at SilentCynic15@cs.com.