Max Keeble's Big Move (2001)
Grade: D
Cast: Alex D. Linz, Larry Miller, Jamie Kennedy, Zena Grey, Josh Peck
Director: Tim Hill
Rated PG for plausible deniability of any hints of civilized 7th grade humor


Appallingly unfunny and staggeringly inept, "Max Keeble’s Big Move" manages to be the worst kid’s comedy of the past year (well, its only rival is "Scooby-Doo", anyway). When, by enormously lucky chance, it throws us a good joke, it is soon erased by a scene featuring a food fight, or a scene featuring antagonists being covered in melted ice cream, or a scene involving Larry Miller and the squirrel in his shirt, and then in his pants. Ha. Ha.

Which reminds me, Larry Miller is in this movie. He’s a funny man. In 2001, he appeared in this film, along with the flat second grade girl wish-fulfillment flick "The Princess Diaries" and the much-hated "What’s the Worst That Could Happen?", unseen by me. Alas, the days have come when one can say Mr. Miller should go back to being raped by a hamster.

"Max Keeble’s Big Move" has the kind of plot where the kid does some really terrible, disrespectful things because of The Plot Setup, and then The Plot Setup is canceled, and so we’re meant to believe he’s screwed, but the worst he gets is…well, hell, the boy doesn’t get in trouble at all. He punishes and possibly reforms the school bully, and gets the terrible principal (Miller) fired. His excuse for his friends when he convinces them to help him with these pranks is that they will have “plausible deniability”. The fact that I still have faith in cinema gives me plausible deniability if I want to convince you I never saw "Max Keeble’s Big Move".

Max Keeble finds out he is moving out of town this coming Friday. He decides to set things straight with his enemies (including the evil Ice Cream Man, who is played by Jamie Kennedy—more on him later), and do whatever he wants because…well, how much trouble can he get into if he’s moving at the end of the week? A lot, since he isn’t moving at the end of the week—Max convinced his dad to quit his job. The next day, he starts his spree of rule breaking, not knowing that his dad decided to listen to Max. The screenwriters have plausibly denied him of any intelligence. What kid decides to do that stuff when there’s a chance he won’t be moving? But no matter...it's a happy ending for Max. Of course it is.

These pranks play like a "Home Alone" more interested in inflicting messes than pain, and indeed Alex D. Linz starred in "Home Alone 3", which I don’t feel the need to comment on. Linz’s problem is that, while he has initial charm, he in no way possesses the presence to carry a movie. We don’t really believe his character’s transition. And don’t try to tell me I could possibly love a movie without a main character with believable emotions. He pines after a really beautiful girl a couple years older than him through the whole movie. She finally becomes attached to him, and they are dancing on top of a table, a few grinds away from officially dirty dancing. His two betrayed and, let’s face it, geeky friends, who are throwing him a goodbye party he didn’t show up to because of said almost-dirty dancing, show up at the doorway, and the one that is a girl runs away nearly in tears. He leaves the beautiful girl and follows his friends. I can plausibly deny knowing anyone who would do such a thing.

There are a few jokes that work. I liked a few of the sight gags surrounding Larry Miller’s character, and every once in a while we get a good one-liner. The subplot about a bully being terrified of a giant costumed frog (a la Barney) is a stupid concept to begin with, but I’ll admit to cracking a smile a few times. Lil’ rapper Lil’ Romeo has a semi-amusing cameo as well. But even that is stretched to the point where I wanted to punch poor Romeo in the face, whose only crime was signing on to this movie.

Earlier I mentioned Jamie Kennedy, who played the second best character in the "Scream" trilogy—Randy. Earlier I also mentioned that the only recent family film as bad as this one is "Scooby-Doo", starring Matthew Lillard, who was the best character in the "Scream" trilogy. Let’s not forget that Dewey—David Arquette—was in last year’s "See Spot Run", which I avoided. What’s next—Henry Winkler in "The Flintstones 3"??

Am I being too hard on it, because it’s a kid’s movie and isn’t aimed at me? I don’t think so. This is dreary, unfunny stuff. Every good kid movie has at least something for older viewers to enjoy. Look at how good "Shrek" was. Instead, "Max Keeble’s Big Move" leaves older viewers picturing the producers laughing. Laughing at the embarrassed adults or teenagers trapped watching the crap their kids are watching. Well, I’ve got the last laugh. To the producers: I’ve already forgotten your piece of crap. But I’m sure you haven’t—"Max Keeble" cost $13 million and made only $17 million. I *knew* there had to be something hilarious about this movie.

Mwahahahahaha…


-Alex, July 2002