Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
Grade: C
Cast: Sandra Bullock, Ellen Burstyn, Maggie Smith, Fionnula Flanagan, Shirley Knight, Angus McFadyen, Cherry Jones, James Garner, and Ashley Judd
Director: Callie Khouri
Screenplay: Callie Khouri and Mark Andrus
Rated PG-13 for thematic elements, language, and bad southern accents


"Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya- Sisterhood" is the kind of movie that mothers and daughters should see together. You know, if you have that I-can't-talk-to-you-on-the-phone-without-banging-it into-the-counter-because-you-gave-me-a-terrible-childhood-and-I-live-thousands-of-miles-away-and have-a-successful-career-and-you're-just-an-old-bag-of-a-drama-queen-married-to-someone-you-didn't-even-want-to-marry-and-then-went-crazy-so-I'm-supposed-to-forgive-you-when-your-friends-come-and-kidnap-me-and-take-me-to-the-south-and-explain-your-whole-entire-menial-life-to-me mother-daughter relationships.

So much for the plot summary. Siddalee Walker (Sandra Bullock) is a burgeoning New York playwright. She has a comfy life with her live-in fiancee Connor (Angus McFadyen). In an interview with TIME magazine, Sidda says some unflattering words about her mother, Vivianne Abbott Walker (Ellen Burstyn). So, Sidda and Vivi get mad at each other and eventually, Vivi's hench(wo)men are knockin' at Sidda's door. They are Caro (Dame Maggie Smith), Teensy ("The Others"' creepy housekeeper Fionnula Flanagan), and Necie (Shirley Knight). (I live in the South, and believe me, no one really has names like this.)

So Caro, Teensy, and Necie (who call themselves the Ya-Ya's because of some childish ceremony they had when they were kids) drug and kidnap Sidda and take her to a cabin by the lake somewhere in the South where they force her to read from a scrapbook that is the film's namesake. After this point in the story the film turns into an amalgamation of random and confusing flashbacks starring Ashley Judd as Young Vivi.

The reason why the flashbacks don't really work is because they are not connected to any specific event in the film's linear narrative. They just show up and expect us to understand. This "technique" allows the audience to become thoroughly bewildered and restless. These flashbacks are even more maddening because the young Ya-Yas are interchangable. All of the actresses look so much alike that the film's director, Callie Khouri (who won an Oscar for writing "Thelma & Louise") doesn't even try to make them individuals. They end up blending into the background.

Critics have attacked such film like "Tumbleweeds" for not correctly representing the South. Most recently they have attacked Halle Berry's forced performance in "Monster's Ball" for trying to hard to be Southern. No one has said anything thus far about this film. The accents in "Ya-Ya" are so terrible and off the mark (excepting Ashley Judd because she, at least, IS from the South) that it makes Halle Berry look like an Academy Award winner (oh, wait...).

Well, the cast certainly has pedigree (just look at the cast list), but they don't have much else to work with. The script is terrible and has narrative holes out of it's you-know-where. The direction is graceless, and the whole affair is just disgraceful.

The film does have some high points: the music by T Bone Burnett is fabulous and it adds an authentic feel to such synthetic proceedings. Ashley Judd lights up the screen in all of her scenes and is award worthy.

But the thing that irks me most about "Ya-Ya" is that there is no big secret. Vivi was a terrible mother who went crazy. Sidda, or any child, would have realized that after being whipped with a belt in the middle of a huge rainstorm. But instead, we are treated to 2 hours and 10 minutes of Khouri's babbling. The themes of forgiveness are forced, and the reasons why Vivi went crazy (absent husband, deranged mother) are glossed over. I wouldn't mind if the movie had been this long if it had had more substance. Too bad, instead this is just a "Blah-Blah" affair.


Brian Jones, 2002