Coyote Ugly
Grade: C
Starring: Piper Perabo, Adam Garcia, Maria Bello, John Goodman, Tyra Banks, Izabella Miko, Bridget Moynahan, Melanie Lynsky
Director: David McNally
Rated PG-13 for sexuality and scantily-clad women


A lot has been made about Jerry Bruckheimer having produced this film, and many have cited that that fact alone is one of the reasons why so many critics have panned this film. Right off the bat, I'm going to tell you that I have no problem with Bruckheimer. Sure, his films have the I.Q. of sliced bread (and this film is no exception), but you have to view each film with an open mind, and coming into this one, I held no grudges. I still don't, and I'd like people to know that I did not give a mediocre rating for the 'Bruckheimer Factor'. I gave this film a mediocre rating because, well, it's pretty mediocre if you ask me.

Violet Sanford (Perabo) is a budding songwriter. She wants to fulfill her life-long dream and leave her quaint town for a shot in New York. Her father (Goodman) is totally against it, and tells her not to go, but she can be held down no more. She says goodbye to her father and her best friend Gloria (Lynsky), and heads off to the Big Apple to live out her dream.

One minor problem, the girl has stage fright like I've never seen before. So, what does she do? She goes to the showiest, performance-important bar in New York, which just happens to be the film's namesake. After a little bit of pleading with the owner Lil (Bello), Violet gets an audition. So, the next night, she comes to the bar wearing a shirt that she has recently got on sale and looks around the place. She sees scantily clad girls dancing on the bar. Those girls are: a fiesty foriegn named Cammie (Miko), "the New York Bitch" Rachel (Moynahan), and law student Zoe (Banks).

Also that night, she meets a nice, young, attractive Aussie guy named Kevin (Garcia), and they spark a romance. They begin to see more of each other, until he begins to have a problem with her dancing on the bar every night (and after seeing a scene where the girls dump pitchers of water all over themselves, I might not want my girlfriend doing this either). They have their first spat, and things go awry. Uh-oh, things aren't going so well for Violet in Fantasyland are they?

What bugged me about the film is that the characters have no personality whatsoever. I could care less about Violet and her dead mother who didn't succeed in the music industry as Violet has set out to do. I couldn't care less if John Goodman gets hit by a car midway through the movie. Why does Rachel feel the need to be a bitch? Why does Cammie need to act like a slut? None of the character's motivations are unearthed, and therefore, I could care less about this film. But then again, there are the girls, who are nice to look at.

I just hate it when films try to manipulate your feelings. This one does it in aces, and I about gagged when the time came. Here's the scenario. Dad walks in the bar one night when the girls are dumping water on each other, and is disappointed in Violet. He won't talk to her, or return her phone calls. Violet's best friend gets married, and even Violet's dad won't talk to her at the wedding. Then she gets the phone call. Dad has been hit by a car. She rushes to the hospital, in which we are subjected to an impassioned five minute (it seems like) monologue in which Dad lets us know about Violet's mother AND manages to get Violet to get over her stage fright! Both at the same time! Anyway, as Goodman is rambling on and on about this dead mother of Violet's, I wanted to scream "Who cares?!" Luckily, my friend did it before I did.

All of this might be okay if the storyline wasn't half as cliche as it is. But it's not, and neither is the script. I mean, they actuall USE lines like "It's payback time." I truly think that Maria Bello and Piper Perabo tried their best with the material. And it shows. There's were the only performances that I actually liked. The others were lackluster at best. Although, all you need is looks to be a pretty girl dancing on a bar. How much talent is actually required for that? Judging by these performances, not much. John Goodman is just like the film in his role: mediocre.

But above all else, this film is utterly, painfully, and totally predictable. I knew the outcome of this film right when it started, and that's not a good sign. Yes, the scenes are the bar are rowdy, fun, and entertaining, but who really cares when the rest is just recycled garbage that we've seen over and over again. Not one to rush out and see.

-Brian Jones, July 2002