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Soph Year Quotes!
Last updated- 6/03/03

Well another school year has ended....another quotes page starts tomorrow for Junior year! Thanks everyone for your stupid/funny quotes!

7/23/02

  • Jessie:"When we were at UNO's, who said they were getting the FRIENDS seasons 1 and 2? you or her?"

    • Mel:"No i asked you if you had them"
    Jessie:"Do u?"
    Mel:"No does she?"
    Jessie:"No. Now i know what to get her"
    Mel:"the question is: does she have them? cause if she doesnt- this is all a moo-point"

  • Mr.Sincora:"So this prostitute in England got pregnant with twins, and when she gave birth- one of them was black and the other one was white. Honest to g-d"

    • Some girl:"Were they identical?"

    7/29/02

  • Jackie:"The world just seems so much better when you don't have any shoes" (note- jackie was walking around school for the whole 4 1/2 hrs w/ no shoes on...even during breaks and stuff. ouy!)

    • 8/9/02

  • Steph:"Dont kick me! I'm a sad panda!"

    • 8/10/02

  • Alyssa:"Wheres your tatoo?"

    • Lizzie:"On my shoulder"
    Alyssa:"its not there"
    Lizzie:"well it is"
    Steph:"its on her butt"
    Lizzie:"yea wanna see it?"
    Alyssa(sheilds eyes) EW NO!"

9/20/02

  • Sarah:"I can run faster than you can walk! Oops. I said that wrong. "

    • 10/24/02

  • (Lena is trying on Addisons vest for the play)

    • Lena:"It's a little small"
    Ms.Barry:Well Addison doesnt have breasts.None of the drawves have especially large ones either"
    Katie:"Another awkward moment with Katie and Jessie"

    10/25/02

  • (Lena,Jessie,Sarah,Katie and Syd are painting the set in very small space)

    • Katie:"You'll have to take us out of here if the paint fumes get to us and we start saying weird things"
    {later)
    Katie:"pink elephants lick grape soup angrily"

    10/26/02

  • Katie: Sarah, why does Mike look like a disco ball?

    • Mike: I'm the magic spirit of the mirror! Not a disco ball!
    Chris: But a disco ball is made up of a bunch of mirrors.

    11/??/02

  • Katie:"Orlando Blooms hot"

    • Jessie:"Whos Orlando Bloom?"
    Katie:"The hot elf guy from Lord Of The Rings"
    Jessie:(a few sec. later)"ohh I dont know why but I thought you said the hot elf guy from The Kid. And I was gonna say, that kids like 10 years old. And hes fat."

    11/21/02

  • Val:"Whats GAT?"

    • Jessie:"Give a thon"
    Val:Give a thong!?!?"
    Jessie:"ew no!"

  • Jessie:"Go Away Teachers"

    • Ritu:"George Ate Tim"
    Jessie:"Great American Theatre"
    Later)
    Jessie spits whilst talking)
    Ritu:"Ew don't spit"
    Jessie:"Well Good Actors Spit! Omg! (looks at sign ...realizes it ends with T not S)
    Jessie:"Darnet!"

    11/22/02

  • (Jessie spits whilst talking)

    • Ritu:"Ew don't spit"
    Jessie:"Well Good Actors Spit! (once again looks at sign ...realizes it ends with T not S)
    Jessie:"Darnet! oh! De Ja VU!"

    12/20/02

  • Jessie:"....yea i have an aversion to breakfast. If I eat breakfast too early, I might throw up."


    • Rachel:" a what?!?!?!?"
    Jessie:"an aversion to breakfast!"
    Rachel:"Your a virgin to breakfast?"
    Jessie:"What? Noo!"

  • Casey:"Do you think cold doritos taste like ice?"

    • 1/3/03

  • [online]

    • Lauren:"Ack!"
    Jessie:"LoL! You sound like Danny!"

    1/14/03

  • Jessie: "when do u have lunch? 4th?"

    • Mackie: "yah"
    Jessie: "oh"
    Mackie: "yah"
    Jessie: "are you from germany?"
    Mackie: "yah... actually i am"

  • Sarah R.:"It smells like peppermint here"

    • Jessie:"It smells like government here?!?!?"

    1/15/03

  • Jen:"dont sit here i was here first."

    • Alla:"no i got here first. my stuff is here"(they argue)
    Jessie:"i have an idea. You (jen) call the table, and then, and then... YOU call the table....and we'll see who it comes to!"

  • Sarah: "Yay! I'm smart!"

    • Janell: "What happened while I was away?"
    Katie:"Sarah said she was smart. I laughed."
    Janell: "Oh. Tell her I laugh too."

  • Sarah: "Have you lost your nuggets?!"

    • 1/8/03

  • Stephanie:"I had a dream your legs got amputated"

    • Jessie:"Ewwww"
    Stephanie:"And you know most of my dreams come true"
    Jessie:"Ahhh. Well I had a dream that you got run over by a car"
    Stephanie:"Really?Thats how YOUR legs got amputated. Quit laying on the street waiting for cars to run over you!"
    Jessie:"I dont!!!!!"

  • Stephanie: (singing)"You cant be friends with a salad! You cant be friends with a salad!"

    • Jessie:"Yes you can! Oh and what, you can be friends with a pig?"

  • Stephanie:(singing) "You can't be friends with a thespian!"

  • Stephanie:"Jessie, you're like the type of kids Lizzie used to work with last summer"

    • Jessie:"What type of kids?"
    Liz and steph laugh)
    Jessie:"What type!"
    Stephanie:"Disabeled kids"
    a few seconds later)
    Jessie:"Are you saying i have a disability?"
    Stephanie:"Yea...like a half hour ago!"

  • [online]
  • Casey: "ok then i'll ask someone from my own land."
    Jessie: "sorry!"
    Casey:"no it's not your fault , your just and alien trying to make your own way in the world."
    Jessie: "....ok"
    Casey:"i love it when we connect. mentally that is."

    1/18/03

  • Ellen:"You need a better 'tude"

    • Jessie:"oh my g-d mom. Never say that again!" (It sounded so weird when she said "attitude" like that lol..you had to be there)

    1/20/03

  • Jessie:"Does my hair smell like ketchup to you? I dont remember eating ketchup"

    • Alyssa:"You ate ketchup with lunch"
    Jessie:"Oh yea. But I didnt like put my hair in the ketchup....did I?"

  • (Jessie and Alyssa are watchign some stupid show where these little kids scream every time the phone rings)

    • Jessie:"When the phone rings im going to scream"
    Alyssa:"ok"
    (Ten minutes later)
    Jessie:"the ONE time i want the phone to ring!"
    (30 minutes later..phone rings)
    Alyssa:(second ring) Jessie! Its the phone"
    Jessie:"So? ohhh. AHHHHHH.. its not so funny now"

    1/21/03

  • (5th hour lunch. Jessie sits in a spot that appears to be empty...then comes the weird people of 5th hour lunch)

    • Debbie:"You can't sit there. Thats my seat"
    Jessie:"I was here first"
    Debbie:"We have assigned seats here"
    Jessie:"Thats so stupid!"
    Debbie:"ITs my seat!"
    (Jessie moves over)
    Debbie:"Now your in Caseys seat"
    Jessie:"This is ridiculous. I have no seat"
    Toni:"Yea we have assigned seats. It's Me,Debbie,Syd,Casey..."
    Jessie:"But i have 5th lunch now! I Need a seat"
    Toni:"Sit over there!"
    Mel:"Lanes gone you can have her seat"
    (Jessie sits there..)
    Jamie:"Your in my seat!"

    1/22/03

  • (Improv class... were doing this whole Item thing where we put our item in the middle and talk in first person from teh view of the object...the object in the middle is a game magazine)

    • Some kid:"I'm full of secrets"
    Another kid:"I mean a lot to some people and I'm worthless to others"
    Mike:I'm what Mike reads when he's in the bathroom"
    Ms.J:"Ok we dont have to get that personal"

  • (same object thing..Jessie puts her Ice Skate in the middle)

    • Stacey:"I can kill people easily!"
    Ms.J:"Let Jessie say her list first"
    Jessie:"I am white with silver at the bottem. I can jump,dance and spin....."
    Stacey:"I can kill people easily"

    1/24/03

  • Jessie:"What was the song Ross said he was going to play for Rachel?"

    • Irina:"Baracuda"
    Jessie:"Nope. Emotional Knapsack....Baracuda?(laughs)"
    Britta:"(sings)Kookabera sits on an old gum tree"
    Jessie:"BARACUDA!"

    1/25/03

  • Robin:(puts salt and pepper on her plate and licks it)"tastes like chicken"

    • Lizzie:"No no no! You did NOT get CHICKEN from salt and pepper!"

  • Robin:(sneezes and says ACHOO really loud)

    • Jessie:"AHHHHHHHHH"
    Robin:"Your afraid of people sneezing?"
    Jessie:"Apparently"

    1/27/03

  • Toni:"Im not cheating on my boyfriend...either of them!"

  • Toni:"Do you like anti-social bugs?"

  • Toni:(mentions something about Diana)

    • Jessie:"Ugh diana! She replaced me with Diana! Shes like Toni's sidekick now! I feel so replaced!"
  • Toni:"HIGHLIGHT!"

    • 1/31/03

  • Jessie:"you went to school with Megan Mullally? You're so lucky!"

    • Stacey:"Well maybe Megan is lucky that she went to school with Ms.Jacobs!"
    Ms.Jacobs:"Yea. Maybe Megan Mullallys lucky to have gone to school with me damnit!"

  • (were talking about funny voices...)

    • Ms.Jacobs:".... like Mike Tyson. I mean have you heard his voice?"
    Mike:"Does he just DO that voice?"
    Ms.Jacobs:"Who would want THAT voice?"

  • Ms.Jacobs:"Crazy..Cucko..words like that are hard sounding words. Not like S's...like Cucko For Cocoa Puffs (laughs) (off to the side) I dont know why thats funny"

  • Girl from play:""Bull COOKIE"

  • Jessie:"What are words that start with 'k'?"

    • Steph:"Cake!"

  • (Steph and Jessie find a table at the restaurant-type-place)

    • Jessie:"Ok finally"
    Steph:"Wait this is in the smoking section. Mom and dad won't sit here!"
    Jessie:"But theres no other tables! Ohh! Move the ashtry on a different table. Then it won't seem like were in a smoking section"
    (Steph moves ashtry to somewehre else..lizzie comes over)
    Lizzie:"Hey were in the smoking section!"
    Steph:You can't say that! Theres no ashtry on the table!"

  • (Steph and Ellen are talking about something... i missed the first part of the conversation due to my CD player...being on)

    • Ellen:"I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it!"
    Steph:"I don't think the courts will go for that"

  • Jessie:"So how'd you break up with Josh?"

    • Toni:"Over the phone. I said:'somethings wrong with our relationship- I don't like you"
    Jessie:"....Well thats nice!"

    2/6/03

  • (Improv Class- we were playing Party Quirks.. its where the host goes in the hallway and the party guests come up with "quirks" and the host comes back in and guesses...well bascially we were starting the game and people were "coming over" to the hosts' house)

    • Vicky:"Ding Ding!" (as the doorball)
    Mike:"Hey come in"
    (vicky acts weird..then next guest comes)
    Marina:"Ding Ding!"
    Mike:"I guess the DONG is broken!"

    2/7/03

  • Ms.Jacobs:"OK anyone know what Blue Humor is? And no- its not smurf humor"

  • (We were reading a greek play, Antigone, about how this guy was destined to kill his father and marry his mother...ew..so Ms.J is reading)

    • Ms.Jacobs:"He married (his mothers name) and they had two girls and two boys. (stops reading) Insert groan here. Ewwww!"

  • Britney:"Look! Gordo has a lunch room chair!"

    • Andrew:"I have a what?"
    Another Girl:"A lunch chair. The ones in the commons"
    Mrs.Merkin:"Tiene Hambre Andres?" (Are you hungry?)
    Andrew:"........what?"

  • Danielle:"Theres a machine in the wall making a noise at me"

    2/10/03

  • Jamie S:"Where do you live?"

    • Ms.Pfaffinger:"I'm not telling you!"
    Jamie S:"Fine. I'll just look it up where you live in the yellow pages!"
    Ms.Pfaffinger:"Yellow pages? What are you gonna do, look under Teachers Homes?"

  • Ms.Pfaffinger:"Wheres the protase?"

    • Elvin:"In Jaimaica"

  • (This is an older quote from like a week ago. i dont know what day)
    • Ms.Jacobs: (talking about our monologues) "If your all finished with your monologues you and a friend can go into the hall..and you know you can say 'ill show you mine if you show me yours' ...of course the clean version."

  • Ritu:"LAUREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

    • Jessie:"Ritu!!!!! I'd like to keep my ears, thank you!"

    2/11/03

  • Mr.Foley:"Mary, I had this dream that you and me were in Chicago and we were walking outside going to breakfast and you wanted pancakes and I was like, 'well I don't like pancakes!' Then these people came out in Halloween costumes"

    • Mary:"....why were you dreaming about me?"

  • Stessie:"OLIVIA!!!!!" (runs up to her..they hug) "Ow that was my ass!"

  • (This really dumb kid put a chair on the risers and it looked weird! Then he sat on the chair)

    • Jessie:(to weird kid)"Is there a reason theres a chair on the risers? It's not suppose to be there!" (The kid leaves quickly) "That was weird!"

  • Hilary:"Shut up Shari! Oh that rhymes!"

    • Danielle:"No it doesn't you idiot!"

  • Ms.Jacobs:"Now what doesn't make sense with Pinky and The Brain? What's the simple incongruity? Like one's small and fat, the others tall and skinny. One's dumb, the others smart. Oh and the fact that theyre talking mice!"

    • (Later)
    Ms.Jacobs:(singing) "One is a genius, the other's insane!"
    Jessie:"I know that!"
    Ms.Jacobs:"Yea. See, you have FRIENDS, I have Pinky And The Brain!"

    2/12/03

  • (IMPROV class! Were doing these simple incongruitys...ok an example is a health freak/gym freak eating a krispy kreme or something. So heres some of the funnier ones!)

    • Ali:"FUR IS MURDER! FUR IS MURDER!" (While walking around in a fur coat)


    Irina:(acting like an old lady reading Arthritus Weekly...suddenly drops that magazine to show shes really reading Seventeen!)
    Jessie:"They make a magazine Arthritus Weekly?!"
    Stacey:"On every page it probably says 'It Hurts! It Hurts!"

    Marina: (as a little girl) "Mommy can I have some more ice for my vodka?"

  • Mr.Johnson:"Are there any questions? Or anything else?"

    • Jill:"David bit me"
    Mr.Johnson:"Thats ok. You'll have to get used to it."

  • Idiot from my science class:"Biology? More like BORology?"

    • Ms.Pfaffinger:"You've said that every day since school started its old!"
    Idiot:"Chlorophyll? More like BOROphyll!"

  • 2/13/03

  • (Jessie L. goes up to Ms.Jacobs and talks to her while looking over her head..to try to freak her out..hey it worked on me!!!!)
    Jessie L.:"Hey Ms. Jacobs! Whats up!"
    Ms.Jacobs:"Your eyes!"

    2/14/03

  • Ali: (sneezes...loudly)

    • Ms.Jacobs:"That was a very dramatical sneeze."

  • Ms.Jacobs:"Were going to watch TV today"

    • Jessie:"Oh! Are we watching FRIENDS!?"
    Ms.Jacobs:"No"
    (later)
    Jessie:"Ew its Seinfeld! You choose Seinfeld over FRIENDS??!??!!?"

  • (Play Practice- Jessies taking notes for Mr.Johnson)

    • Mr.Johnson:"Write- Charley.. enunciate more on your speech on page 49."
    (Jessie starts writing but can't figure out how to spell enunciate)
    Mr.Johnson:"Write Stacey...good job on being stronger"
    Jessie:"Wait! I'm still trying to figure out how to spell "enunciate"
    Mr.Johnson:"A-N. no. E-N-U-N-C-I-A-T-E. I can never figure it out either"
    (Later Mr Johnsons reading the notes to the cast)
    Mr.Johnson:"Charley...Enunciate."
    Jessie:(basically to herself..and Sarah)"Oh i forgot to finish writing the end of the sentence...ah well. Stupid Enunciate! Its barely even a word. It's kinda like announc...iate but its NOT!"

    2/16/03

  • Jessie:"Alright I'm taking my glasses off."

    • Stephanie:"So you DON'T want the gift of sight?"

    2/21/03

  • Jessie:"Why is it called Les Miserables?"

    • Stephanie:"Because they're all les..miserable"

    2/22/03

  • Casey:"I wish my house had doors"

  • Stessie:"Lets play with fire!"

  • Casey:"Meagan called me and told me the reason why she never calls you or talks to you is because she hates you. It's true."

    • Jessie:"Oh My G-d! Are you serious? That's so mean...wait a second. You're lying!"
    Casey:"No I'm not!.......you're right I am! I'm a compulsive liar and I can't stop lying!"
    Jessie:"You can never stop lying!"
    Casey:"Yes I can..I can stop whenever I want to!"

  • Stessie:"I'm really wondering if Casey was babied and her parents used to like put stuff in the corners so she couldnt hurt herself and like around the edges of tables"

    • Casey:"No.My parents probably put pins on the sides of tables hoping I would run into them!"

  • Casey:"I just came home one day, and my phone was branded!"

  • Jessie:"Those tic tacs were in Casey's sweaty hands!"

    • Casey:"No they werent!"

  • Casey:"I have the hiccys!" (Meaning to say HICCUPS!)

    • 2/23/03

  • Jessie:"Why are they called chicken fingers?..Soon they'll make something else stupid like chicken wings"

    • Stephanie:"They already make those!"

    2/24/03

  • Happy Birthday To ME! hehe

  • Jaimee:"What day is today?"

    • Jessie:"I don't know..... oh its the 24th. duh its my birthday"

  • Ellen:"Well I know what I was doing 16 years ago from today"

    • Jessie:"What?"
    Ellen:"....giving birth to you!?!?"
    Jessie:"OH I so didnt get that"

    2/25/03

  • Happy Birthday Ritu! No quotes on your bday!

    • 2/26/03

  • Ms.Jacobs:"So if you know your going to have to apoligize for saying a swear word in your title...well dont swear.

    • Nina:"What swear did they say?"
    Ms.Jacobs:"The 's' word"
    Nina:"Shoes?"
    Ms.Jacobs:"Yes shoes...or Sugar Honey Iced Tea"
    (litearlly 10 seconds later)
    Nina:"ohhh i get it!"

  • (Play practice. Mike K. is taking notes for Mr.J and he gets bored so he writes "Micheal - good job taking notes today" on the notes page... and he hands the paper to Mr. J to read)

    • Mr.Johnson:"Okay... so page 40, everyone whos there work on your timing. Micheal - (stops..laughs)"
    (Jessie,Sarah and Mike are cracking up and everyones like "what? WHAT?!")
    Mr.Johnson:"Micheal- Good job taking notes today!"
    Mike:"Thank you!"

    2/27/03

  • (improv scene)

  • Stacey:"I think you should pay me in advance"
    Marina:"I dont have any money.. oh i have a quarter"
    Stacey:"I'll take it"
    Marina:"I cant find it" (actually looking for money)
    Stacey:(impacient) "We'll pantomine it!"

    3/1/03

  • (Lizzie and Jessie are driving home and they pass a church)li>
    Lizzie:"Is that a funural?
    Jessie:"No its a wedding."
    Lizzie:"But they're all wearing black"
    Jessie:"If it was a funeral..why are they holding white and red balloons?"

  • Rick:"We're on top of the food chain. If you don't eat chickens, they're going to eat you"

    • Jessie:"Yea dad I don't think that'll be happening unless I go to farm, lay on the ground and have chicken feed thrown all over me"

  • (My parents are listening to the beatles..the stupid hello/goodbye song)

    • Rick:"You know how this song would go if it was in Hebrew? You say Shalom, I say Shalom. Shalom Shalom. I don't know why you say Shalom, I say Shalom"
    Jessie:"This is so sad"

    3/4/03

  • Ms.Pfaffinger:"Yea at three o' clock in the morning all the trees come up, shake up their roots and say "hey baby!"

  • Ms.Pfaffinger:"So then he puts his down and she puts her there and it sits in the sun for awhile to bake"

    • Justin:"Like an ez bake oven?"

  • Laura:"Ms.P! Stop! Virgin ears!"

    • Matt:"yea....right.."

    3/6/03

  • (eric and jessie are having a staring contest.. jessie blinks..)

    • Jessie:"AHHH I can never win!"
    Eric:"Thats three games in a row! No one can beat me"
    Jessie:"I will find someone who can beat you. Is anyone good at staring contests?"
    Jake:"How about smiling contests?"
    Jessie:"Ok lets have a laughing contest..you can blink but no laughing"
    (The laughing contest starts...it gets boring)
    Jessie:"This is stupid" (looks away and laughs)
    Eric:"I won"
    Jessie:"We stopped playing!"
    Eric:"No we didn't. You said 'this is stupid' then laughed!"

  • Mr.J:"Ok write Kim.."( gets up and leaves)

    • Micheal:"Did he finish his sentence?"
    Jessie:"I don't know"

    3/7/03

  • (while deciding what dessert to buy..)

    • Jessie:"I only want something fruity... no chocolate.. ooohhh chocolate chip cookie dough"

  • Jessie:" I want something fruity"

    • Stephanie:"You're fruity" (this happened like 40 times in the store...)

  • Jessie:"I want something fruity!"

    • Stephanie:"You're fruity!"
    Jessie:"I know I am but what am I? Wait..."

  • Irina:"I thought of an insurace(acting thing...)Janice's laugh on FRIENDS!"

    • Ms.Jacobs:"Yea.. that can be yours. Naming friends quotes at the top of your head."
    Irina:"I told you to do that!"
    Ms.Jacobs:"Episode 97!"
    Jessie:"No such episode"
    Ms.Jacobs:"How's it work?"
    Jessie:"It goes 101 to 124, 201 to 224..."
    Ms.Jacobs:"304!"
    Jessie:"The one with the metaphorical tunnel!"
    Irina:"419"
    Jessie:"The one with all the haste"
    Ms.Jacobs:"17"
    Jessie:"Which season?"
    Ms.Jacobs:"4"
    Jessie:"417 The one with the embryos..the one we're doing next week"
    Mike:"115"
    Ms.Jacobs:"Ok enough, don't give it all away!"

    3/14/03

  • Rachel:"Whens the play?"

    • Jessie:"Next Friday and Saturday"
    Rachel:"Are you the student director for both of them?"

    3/18/03

  • (all these quotes are from like a few days ago or today...im too lazy tho to seperate em)
  • Eric:"You haven't updated any of your webpages"

    • Jessie:"Which ones?"
    Eric:"...either of them"
    Jessie:"Oh Xanga and the quotes? I know im never home. I have like two pages worth of quotes to put up"
    Eric:"Do I have any quotes?"
    Jessie:"You don't say anything stupid enough to be on the quotes"
    Eric:"oh... only I would be sad by that"
    Jessie:"Ok now you're on the quotes!"

  • Casey:"(looks at her hand...jessie sees it.. theres a lot of marks on it..casey adds another one) There"

    • Jessie:"What are you writing on your hand?"
    Casey:"I'm keeping track of every time i lie"
    Jessie:"What dat is this from?"
    Casey:"A while ago.. i mean today. I lied again" (adds a mark)I have like 70 marks on my hands!"
    Stessie:"Whats going on?"
    Mel:"Casey keeps tally marks of every time she lies!" (Stessie starts lauhging hystarically)
    Casey:"No i dont..."

  • (Play practice... jeff and jessie are taking notes for mr.j)

    • Jessie:"You spelled Charleys name wrong. It's with a "Y" not an "IE"
    Jeff:"You're wrong! Its "IE"
    Jessie:" No its "Y"!
    Mr.J:"Jessie write at note to Jessie and Jeff- SHUT UP!"

  • Jessie:"Mr.J! I wrote you a note! (she hands it to him)

    • Mr.J:"I'm not reading this!"
    Jessie:"Why?"
    Mr.J:"You spelled my name wrong!" (Jessie looks and sees she spelled his name JHONSON)
    Jessie:"Aw man!" ( rewrites it and hands him the note back)
    Mr.J:(reads the note outloud) "i'm not insane mr. j! I swear!" (laughs)

  • (After childrens play... characters normally hug the kids but jessie sees brett hugging some older lady)

    • Jessie:"Brett...please tell me thats your mom!"

  • Addison:"Jessie, if you had a gun in your hand, you would kill me, wouldn't you?"

    • Jessie:"Of course not!"
    Addison:"Yes you would! You were singing that song about how to murder people!"
    Jessie:"It's a SONG!"
    Addison:"Well if Roxy had a gun she'd kill me. Slowly and painfully. She'd like shoot me twice in the ankle and in my arm to make sure its slow and painful"
    Roxy:"Probably"

  • Jessie:"Ohh can i see that?(Roxy's plaque)

    • Roxy:(hisses!)

  • Katie:"Theres a store called Hookers' Hook!"

    • Jessie:"I realllly don't wanna know what they sell!"

  • Jessie:"Can I sit here?"

    • Roxy:My plaques here!" (on the seat)
    Jessie:"Theres not enough seats for everyone!"
    Roxy:"My plaques here!"
    Jessie:"Wait- didn't you steal that?"
    Roxy:(Moves the plaque over)

  • (After play practice... all 4 student directors took notes for individual people and we all have a certain amount with us...while everyones doing curtain call we're trading them around like they're trading cards...)

    • Mike:"I'll give you a Shari, for a Scott"
    Jessie:"No. My Scott cards worth more"
    Sarah:"Ok who wants 2 Megan cards?"
    Mike:"Ohh I'll give you 2 Jason K. cards for your Megan cards!"
    Jessie:(Steals the Mr.J card)
    Jeff:"No fair!"
    Jessie:"OK who wants my Kirill card?"
    Mike:"Oh thats more valuble
    Jessie:"So the Senior's cards are more valuble?"
    Mike:"Yes"
    Sarah:"Ok I have 2 Megan cards!"
    Jessie:"I'll trade you for my Kirill card!"
    Mike:"I want the Kirill card. I'll give you 2 Jason cards!"
    Sarah:"I want your Charlie cards. I'll trade you for my Megan cards"
    Mike:"Hmm ok"
    Sarah:"Wait these are Charley P! Not the other Charlie! No trade!"
    Jessie:"Does anyone realize that we're trading people? This is so sad!"

  • Jessie:"Wanna hear somethin funny?"

    • Stacy:"...ok"
    Jessie:"We were trading around peoples cards like they were trading cards...(laughs)"
    Stacy:"Do you have my card?"
    Jessie:"I think I traded it!"
    Stacy:"You TRADED ME!?"

    3/25/03

  • Jessie:"The computer MOOed at me!"

  • Jessie:"I'm so bored that I'm considering doing my homework"

  • Ms.Jacobs:"Ok Jessie...and Jessie... you know it would be intresting to see a scene with Mike, Mike, Jessie and Jessie"

  • Jessie:"Oh my g-d! Ahhhhhhhhh! I can't belive i did that! AHHHHH! (syd stares at her) I am NOT overdramatic"

  • (this happened like a month ago- ok if u know syd..she walks really fast in the hallways..so me and syd were walking to 6th hour and jen was walking by us)

    • Jen:"(says something dumb.. i dont remember)"
    Syd:(Walks faster way ahead of Jen and Jessie...jessie finally catches up to syd"
    Jessie:"Omg! You left me back there with Jen! What were you thinking!?"

  • Jessie:"LOOK! I'm being smart! And i dont even have my glasses on!"
  • Jessie:( goes to classical drama class..sees that eryn is wearing a shirt that looks like hers!) "AHhh!"

    • Eryn:"Whoa we're wearing like the same thing!"
    Ms.Jacobs:"Now did you guys plan this?"
    Jessie:"G-d no!"
    Eryn:"Yea but i'm cold. I'm wearing a tank top and it's freezing!"
    Jessie:"It's spring! I wear tank tops all winter long!"
    Ms.Jacobs:"I noticed that, why do you do that?"
    Jessie:"...thats a good question."

  • Jessie:"Wanna hear something creepy?"

    • Stessie:"Ok"
    Jessie:"Eryn's wearing a shirt that looks like mine!"
    Stessie:"AHHH!"

  • Phillipa:"Ok now just go in the vestibule. It'll be a few more minutes before you can go in the theatre"

    • Jessie:"The vestibule? This reminds me of a friends quote!"
    Mike:"Don't say it!"
    Jessie:"TOW The Blackout... i'm stuck in an ATM vestibule-"
    Irina and Jessie:"With Jill Goodacre!"

  • (like a few weeks ago)

  • Mike:"Chapster! Chaperonie!"
    Jessie:"You can add that to the list of names I no longer answer to"
    Mr.Johnson:"Chaperonie?"

    3/28/03

  • Jessie:"Are your eyes still squishy?"

    • Katie:"A little bit!" (They laugh)
    Mel:"What? I don't get it. Are your eyes squishy?" (Jessie and Katie start cracking up)
    Jessie:"It's even funnier when someone else says it!"

  • Sydney:"I'll probably end up substituting for English. I like drama but I don't know how to use computers."

  • Stacy:"Does this like inflamed to you?"

  • Stacy:"Do ducks float?"

  • Sydney:"My birthday's April 7th. His is too."

    • Jessie:"When's his?"

    3/29/03

  • Stephanie:"Don't change the radio. It's the Fugees!"

    • Jessie:"Whats a fugee?"

    3/31/03

  • Casey:(online) "Why must i suffer the pain of constant unconscious funniness?"

    • 4/01/03

  • Happy Birthday Stessie!

  • (this is from a few weeks ago)

    • (We're in Bio watching a movie)
    Bobby:"Hahaha it looks like a naked mole rat!"
    Video:"This is a naked mole rat"
    Bobby:"Oh"

    4/07/03

  • Happy Birthday Syd!

  • Lizzie:"I think i'll go straight today. That seems like the brighter thing to do."

    • Jessie:"By brighter do you mean stupider?" (It was stupider, we like crashed lol)

  • "Were there any sloths there?"

    • "No"
    Stacy:"Oh so Mike wasn't there?"

  • Jessie:"Clown, your hairs on fire!"

    • Melissa:"Oh it's okay little girl..because uh..we're in a pool."

  • Toni:"My hair sings!"

  • Mrs.Merkin:(Is showing us a pointless picture book with spanish words) " This is a training toilet for a little kid. It's called a [insert word here]"

    • Jessie:"Because we're really going to be using these words!"
    Mrs.MErkin: (Serious) "No were not!"
    Jessie: What? Sarcasm! (No one notices her ) Augh!"

    4/08/03

  • Jamie:"It smells like science"

  • Mrs.Merkin:"You have a big boca."

    • Andrew:"My dentist says that too."

  • Mr.Johnson:"Okey dokey pokey!" (Jessie and Steph laugh histarically...steph falls to the ground laughing!)

  • Mr.Johnson:"You're whispering. I'm getting paranoid!"

    • 4/11/03

  • (Improv class...everyone's listening to our convestaion)

    • Mike:"Oh I got one. Chapstick! Did anyone ever call you that before?"
    Jessie: (sarcasticlly) "No! You're the first one to ever think of that!"
    Mike:"Chapster. Chaperonie"
    Jessie:"Chaperonie? That sounds like a noodle. Maccaroni."
    Sydeny:"Chappayyy... Oh! Chapp."
    Mike W:"Hello Chapp. Or little Chapp. Chapp!"
    Mike:"Chapasarous!
    Jessie:" Oh g-d!"
    Mike:"Chapasarous Rex!"

    4/12/03

  • Stephanie:"You can't spell UMASS without dumbass!"

  • (This ones litearlly from November or December...)

    • Mr.Johnson:"I like this suit because it's the same color as my hair. I match."

    4/14/03

  • Erin:"My sister has that shirt!"

    • Jason:(to jessie) "Burn it!"

  • Jessie:"If we ran into padded walls and hit our heads we'd turn into Sarah. Is that what happened to you?"

    • Katie:"No, they weren't padded."

  • Jessie:"She passes bread around at the passover...sedar table!"

    • Sarah:"She does?"
    Jessie:"No. But it's something she WOULD do!"

  • Stessie:"Can we eat lunch with you one day this week?"

    • Mr.Johnson:"Sure!"
    Jessie:"Tomorrow?"
    Mr.Johnson:"No"
    Stessie:"Wednesday?"
    Mr.Johnson:"No."
    Stessie:"Thursday?"
    Mr.Johnson:"No."

  • Ms.Jacobs:"Okay give me a location."

    • "Victoria's Secret"
    Mike M:"Scene. So do you really think we can get a catalouge?"
    Mike W:"Yeah...look she's like wearing nothing. Manicans are hot!"
    Mike M:"Let's go stand by the dressing rooms!"

  • Britta:" Greg and I both want to be drum majors."

    • Jessie: (Panotimines playing the drums)
    Britta:"No. Drum majors don't play the drums."

  • Katie:"Brett in tighty whities was not one the things on my list of stuff I wanted to see before I die."

  • Jessie:"You're in my bubble!

  • (These are all from Britta's disney world trip!)

  • Paul:"Pirates of the Caribbean is just like the Small World ride, except without the scary puppets."

  • Britta:"The sun! My dad has a strange fascination with the sun. I'd better take a picture."

  • "They consider the Small World ride a horror ride."

  • Justin:"I'd hate to rain on your parrade Britta, but it's raining on our parade."

  • Pang:"That son of a band director!"

  • David:"For such an overachiever Britta, you sure are an underachiever."

  • Daniel:"All things considered, the Small World ride has an awful lot of Caucasians."

  • Justin:"All we need to keep a pigeon alive is a box with holes and a lot of French fries."

  • Justin:"Does your brother know he's not here?"

  • Justin:"He's the one you need a lease for. When I wander off, at least i wander with the intention of coming back."

  • Paul:"If I were old enough, I'd get a Corona, they're good. Not like i know from experience."

  • Pang:"It's like one of those Chinese New Year parade dragon things, except with a poncho."

  • Jessica K:"My fingers won't grow like they used to."

  • Justin:"It's hard to find chew plate steel."

  • Britta:"Slime tastes good."

  • Pang:"Curious George is just a very hairy boy forced to do tricks."

  • Pang:"My survival instict is currently switched off. It will return as soon as we get on the ride."

  • Daniel:"I wonder what will happen if I sit on this." (The vibrater things for your feet)

  • Hannah:"I love killing myself."

  • "Would you like an ornage juice bath?"

    • "I wanna help!"

  • "Come Amanda! Pull up a patch of pavement!"

  • "I drink, but no liquids come out. The cup must be broken."

  • "You know whoppers are an aphrodisiac."

    • 4/16/03

  • Ellen:"The reason there's an orange on the sedar plate is because a rabbi once said :'the day there's a woman rabbi will be the day there's an orange on the sedar plate'"

    • Jessie:"If this rabbi was smart he would have said, the day there's PORK on the sedar plate is the day..."

  • Jessie:"Pork on the sedar plate! That's never going to happen!"

    • Lizzie:"You should have said BREAD!"
    Jessie:"Oh that is better."

    4/19/03

  • Grandma:"I cant wait to eat the turkey off the bones"

    • Jessie:(Obviously sarcastic) "Ohh let's all eat a birds carcass!"

    4/21/03

  • Ellen:"My birthdays tomorrow."

    • Jessie:"So can i give u a peice of matza wrapped up in wrapping paper? or can i intrest you in some.... passover candy?"

    4/22/03

  • Spanish Class- alex starts laughing during class

    • Mrs.Merkin:"Whats so funny?"
    Alex:"This comic!" (Its the wrapper from Bazooka bubblegum)
    Jessie:"Bazooka?"
    Mrs.Merkin:"Isn't that in like, Hebrew?"
    Alex:"Yea."
    Mrs.Merkin:"Do you read Hebrew?"
    Alex:"No. It looks Chinese."
    Mrs.Merkin:"Maybe David could read it if it was Korean"
    David:"I can't read Chinese"
    Mrs.Merkin:"I said Korean.... why are you laughing at a comic you can't even read?"
    Alex:"The pictures are funny."

  • Jessie:"I haven't called Quiggle "Jessica" since like the first day of school."

    • Mel:"I haven't called Quiggle jessica since the first day of school."
    Jessie:"I JUST said that!"
    Casey:"You two are like an old couple."
    Mel:"I can't hear out of this ear."
    Jessie:"Apparently!"

  • Jessie:"The wheels are turning!"

    • Mel:"Eureka!"
    Sydeny:" [i forgot what she said. lol. it was funny though i can tell you that.]

  • The next few are older quotes

    • Jessie: (quoting Friends) "'The only thing more annoying than watching your modern dance is-"
    Mackie: "Hearing you recite Friends episodes!"

  • Jessie: "Everyone keeps pointing out my stupidness"

    • Mackie: "Your stupidity?"
    Jessie: "Yeah whatever"

  • Jessie: "What the hell's an entrepreneurship? That's one word that's not in the dictionary... of Jessie"

  • Jessie: "People in Texas say 'yip'. ...I don't know why I said that"

  • Jessie:"MOM! I'm freezing! Turn the heat up!"

    • Ellen:"Well maybe its cause its cold outside and you're wearing a tank top and shorts."
    Jessie:"Whats your point?"

    4/23/03

  • Katie: "The pancreas is gone!"

    • Val: "What?!"
    Katie:"THE PANCREAS IS GONE!"
    Val: "What pancreas?"
    Sarah: "In the pig!"
    Val: " In the pig?"
    Katie: "IN THE PIG!"
    Val: W"here'd it go?"
    Katie:" I DON'T KNOW! ( a second later) AAAH! WE'RE RHYMING!!"

  • Mr.Stacy:"Do your papers smell like corn? They ARE from Iowa."

  • Mr.Stacy:(Reading instructions) "Pause one minute to allow students to read sample problems. (Stops reading) Is everyone in Iowa this stupid?"

  • Mr.Stacy:"I think anyone should be able to go to Harvard. Anyone should be able to get in but you're stupid, you'll just flunk out. You can be stupid and get in but never graduate. It's all by your name and who you know. I think you can be stupid to get in, but you need to be smart to get out. What do you think?"

    • Jessie:"I think you think too much."

  • Mr.Stacy:"Why do they put pictures on the cover?"

    • Jessie:"I dont know."
    Mr.Stacy:"THey should put scratch n' sniff on the cover."
    Jessie:"That'd be weird."
    Mr.Stacy:"Scratch n' sniff....they'd have questions like 'Can you identitify this smell?'"

    5/01/03

  • (English class...we're doing this poem graded type thing. Our group is in front of the class.. if we can't answer their questions they get a point, if we do we get a point)

    • Mr.Foley:"Does anyone have questions for this group?"
    Kid:"In the third paragraph...what does it mean when it says 'following only her wet nose'"
    Mr.Foley:"No that's a stupid question. You only get three questions and that counted so they get a point."
    Kid:"It wasn't stupid."
    Mr.Foley:"Following only her wet nose! It's a dog! She follows her wet nose because it's attached to her face!"

  • Jessie:"Name a weird place."

    • Katie:"A bathroom."
    Jessie:"That's not weird."
    Katie:"On a submarine!"

  • (This ones literally from like January)

    • Erin:"Does anyone have floss?"
    Matt:"Yeah." (Hands her floss.) What- it's not like I normally carry it around. I just HAPPENED to have it today!"

  • Jessie:"She's the nicest people I know."

  • Jessie:(Knocks on door) "Mr. Johnson? Are you ignoring us?

    • Stessie:"The lights on."
    Jessie:"Okay Mr.J, we're going back in the theatre. Well we're in the theatre. And I'm talking to a door."

  • Katie:" Haha! I gotta write that down!"

    • Sarah: "NNOOOOOOOOOO! NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO! NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ow, I just hurt my tooth! NOOOOOOO!"

  • Sarah: "Lord of the Rings cures all!"

    • Katie:"We should take LotR to the hospital and show it to aaaalllll the patients."
    Sarah: "I wonder why they won't let us be doctors..."
    Katie: "Just 'cause I dropped my watch in the fetal pig doesn't mean I would do that with a human..."
    Sarah: "You did that?!"
    Katie: "No... I just made that up."

  • Sarah:*makes a bunch of mumbling growling sounds*

    • Katie: "Sarah.. whatever you just said made no sense whatsoever."
    Sarah: "That's because it was just too scientific for you."

  • Sarah: "OOh! Glasses! Now I'm gonna be all worldly and smart... If I can get them on..."

  • Katie: "I will cross breed THIS plastic houseplant and THIS plastic houseplant and get RADISH SEEDS!!"

    • Sarah: "You can do that?!"

  • Sarah:"Why do I open my big mouth? All that comes out is quotes."

  • Sarah:"Talking is hard. In general."

    • 5/04/03

  • Britta:"Argg!"

    • Jessie:"Are you trying to be a pirate?"
    Britta:"No pirates say Arrrrrrr."

  • Katie:"This guy used to put the thing from the cream cheese over his eye and say Arrrrg!"

    • Jessie:(Thinking)"What's with the pirates?"

  • Jessie:"What?"

    • Sydney:"What?"
    Jessie:"What?"
    Sydney:"What?"
    Jessie:"What?"
    Sydney:"What?"
    Jessie:"Damnit!"

    5/05/03

  • Jessie:"Stop petting me!"

  • Jessie:"Katie, did I say anything stupid today yet?"

  • Sarah:"I don't have a quote tree. I just pull the quotes out of nowhere."

  • Jessie:"Your stupidity could never be measured...with a knife."

  • Person from math:"Hey it's snowing!"

    • Another person from math:"Dude...that's petals falling from the tree."
    Person from math:"Oh."

    5/06/03

  • Mackie:"His wife just had a baby."

    • Jessie:"What kind? I mean boy or girl?"

  • Leila:"Most of my conversations take place looking at cans of condensed tomato soup."

    • 5/07/03

  • Katie:(Sneezes)

    • Jessie:"Ew! I hate it when people sneeze!"
    Katie:"You played SNEEZY in the play!" You had to sneeze every 10 seconds!"

    5/08/03

  • Jeff:"I lost the raft but I can't find my shoes."

  • Jessie: (Hits her arm on the table) What were you talking about- and OW!"

  • Mrs.Merkin:"Daniel...tuva."

    • Daniel:"Tendra."
    Mrs.Merkin:"How'd you know that?"
    Daniel:"Is it right?"
    Mrs.Merkin:"Yes!"

    5/09/03

  • Lizzie:"Welcome to reality. Population 1. Me."

  • Lizzie:"Gross me out and call me Jessie!"

    • Jessie:"Hi Jessie!"
    Lizzie:"No. It's a saying!"
    Jessie:"I know! I created it!"

  • Lizzie:"Ouy cafiltafish."

    • 5/12/03

  • Mel:"I speak British."

    • Jessie:"It's not a language."

  • Jessie:"I have this friend whose seen Xmen 3 times and is obsessed with Alan Cumming."

    • ::10 seconds later::
    Sarah:"Oh you're talking about Katie!"

    5/13/03

  • Mel:"Casey, you're a loner!"

    • Stessie:"And stupid."
    Casey:"I'm not a loner."

  • Jessie:"She looks like a sad panda."

    • Mel:"She looks like a little panda."
    Jessie:" I JUST said that!"
    Mel:"We're like an old couple!"
    Casey:"Hey I said THAT first."
    Mel:"I'm going deaf in this ear."
    Jessie:"Wait- last time it was the other ear."
    Mel:"I'm going deaf in both ears!"

  • Paul:"What does she do- water the cat?"

    • 5/14/03

  • Justin:"She keeps telling me what to do. Justin, sit down. Justin, stop talking. Justin, stop killing yourself."

    • 5/18/03

  • Michelle:"This floor sucks the big fat."

    • Jill:"The big fat what?"
    Michelle:"No, just the big fat."

  • Luke:"There was this girl with a huge crush on me- and at first I was like ok that's cool, but then she started ripping down posters at school that had my name on it and like putting them on the wall. And this one time I was on my friends driveway and I had like something in my mouth so I spit. Then the next day her friend told me that that girl went to the ground and licked my spit. She licked my spit off the driveway! That's just f*cking messed up!"

    • 5/19/03

  • Jessie:"Smell my hair!"

  • Pfaff:"The hawk watches the bird and then swoops down and grabs him."

    • Keegan:"Ok Justin, get your video camera, we're going to the forest preserve."
    Justin:"To the forest preserve!"
    Keegan and Elvin:"To the forest preserve!"

  • Justin:"I'm going to staple this like I've never stapled anything before!"

    • Keegan:"Oh no."
    Bobby:"You've never stapled anything before?"

  • Jessie:"I saw this Americas Most Wanted episode about this murderer who stays in like northern IL. It scared me to my death!"

    • Mel:"You should watch CSI. It scares you to your death."
    Jessie:"Why do you keep doing that? I JUST said that!!!!!"

    5/31/03

  • These are all from stratford or last weekish

  • Jessie:"Why are we all hanging out by the trashcans?"

  • Katie:"Woo! Watch out gym here I come! Shit!"

    • Jessie:"Woo! Watch out Bio here I come! Shit- I didn't do my homework!" (This is only funny if u watched romy and michelles high school reunion. otherwise its just plain stupid.)

  • Eugene:"That's an interesting sign to put on an Immigration door: Do not enter."

  • Ms.Jacobs:"So you guys can go upstairs and play card games or boggling games or tounging games."

  • Eugene: (after the play) "So how was the movie?"

  • David:"Is this a quotes society?"

  • David:"Whatever you say, Mrs. Floor."

  • Jessie:"I'm the daughter of a computer geek!"

    • David:"Well I'm the daughter of- wait."

  • David: (After seeing Niagra falls) "I'm glad I went to the bathroom befire we came here."

  • David:"There's a turkey in my straw."

  • Mr.Foley: (At customs)"If anybody asks...my name is Raoul."

  • Mel:"I wish my name was Berry so I could call myself Strawberry."

  • James:"That's Craptacular!"

    • Jessie:"Craptacular! Here try this peanut butter- it's Craptacular!"

  • Sydney:"It lost the funny."

    • Jessie:"Like it's a thing? Like- look, there goes the funny!"

  • Ms.Jacobs:( After finding out the Jessie writes down Ms.Jacobs' funny quotes thats she says) "It's weird. When I was in college I had this actually insane professor and when I was taking notes...on one side I would take class notes then on the other side it would be strange things he said. Like once he said 'If I had Shakepeare's laundry list, I'd be rich.'

  • Luke:"This guy told me in a meeting today- if you quit, good f***ing riddance."

    • (10 minutes later) Luke:"I don't like swearing. I never swear."
    Jessie:"What???? All you DO is swear!"

  • Ms.Jacobs:"Don't ask the customs people questions unless they ask you a quesiton."

    • *10 minutes later*
    Customs Guy:"Okay now since you were in a SARS infected area...im going to give your leaders packets on symptoms. If you think you have symptoms tell someone. Thank you. Bye!"
    Mike:"Wait! I have a question. I think I have Sars!"

    6/03/03

  • Rick:"Jessie! Wake up."

    • Jessie:"What? What time is it?"
    Rick:"7"
    Jessie:"Oh."
    Rick:"Have you been sleeping all day?"
    Jessie:"Um I guess"
    Rick:"Whatd you do all day today?"
    Jessie:"I guess I just slept."
    Rick:"I thought you went to school."
    Jessie:"Today's Thursday."
    Rick:"No you had a final today. It's Wednesday."
    Jessie:"Oh. I fell asleep an hour ago. I thought I slept through Thursday! I'm so confused."
    Rick:"Ah"
    Jessie:"I'm still not convinced it's not Thursday."

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