Amanda Marie



*ALOHA* ~Your Smokin Hott Babycakes, Shake It Like A Salt Shaka, That's Hott, For Reals Hunni, Loves Yous, Miss Yous, Love Always & Forever Ciao Baby Muah Lata Amanda Marie oxoxo Have You Seen My Donkey?~

* Gucci, Louis V, and Sparklin' Tiffany, represents the corperate whores and corrupt society, Money can't buy you happiness or love, I dedicate to charities and the lord above, I'm real and I have style, No bullshit or a police file, I'm outspoken, sometimes shy, I love my family and faithful to the right guy, This is me, If you can't see, Heavan help thee, and Let me be. Peace *

A little about myself I'm a Capricorn, I was born on Jan 2nd 1984, I'm an Only Child, I'm currently 20. I'm about 5'1,(Yes, I'm short I know) I have reddish brown hair with blonde streaks that goes down to my shoulder blades,straight white teeth, hazel eyes,I have Two holes in Each Ear and a Nose Ring, sometimes I have a tan.

I know I'm a smart beautiful young lady with so many attributes I just need to be discovered. I'm not being conceited but I know I have some really pretty features and no, I'm not Britney Spears or Jennifer Lopez (though man some days it would be so much easier) but I think I'm fairly pretty, but to me it's not what's on the outside, it's what's on the inside that counts and I would rather be known for a heart of gold and a beautiful soul then just a pretty face.

I'm getting a really awesome angel tattoo with butterflies on my tail bone.

I have an awesome personality,Cute and Sweet, Funny, Outgoing and Lots of Fun!!!! I had braces in Grade 9 and I act like your mother even though I'm either younger or shorter then you. (Reason Number 1: I'm an only child there for I think all should be mature and responsible, as I have gotten older I have realized life is too short and being bossy don't get you friends but I'll still tell you the things that a good friend as well as a mom would say. Reason Number 2: HABIT I'm sorry and besides I know more than the average person about basic and advanced stuff so trust me and I just want you all to look and act your best but you are only human and so am I, And 99.9% of the time I'm rarely wrong but when I am at least I admit it.):*)

I want to be a film director in the near future. My other future plans include to own a beagle and have 2-3 kids, a wonderful husband, own a bmw z4, dodge ram, celica, mazda rx6, a nice classy house and actually be happy in everything I do and well of course, travel.

There's alot about me, and believe me if you knew me, you would know this would take up more time to explain, so if you have any questions just ask, if not hopefully you know me a little better now.

~~Nothing will eva break me, and I live at least 5 lives at any given moment, I also try my hardest with everything that matters to me, if you can't handle me or my honesty, don't pretend to get to know me, seriously just don't waste my time. I'm always going to do what I seriously want to do and feel is right, I also forgive and start fresh, as long as you mean it from your heart. Things happen for a reason and Time will tell all. I'm just bein more mature for bein honest and not calling you an as*hole. Take it Easy and All the Best Peace~~

Some of the many Lyrics I love at any given moment:

Dare You to Move~ Switchfoot Welcome to the planet Welcome to existence Everyone's here Everyone's here Everybody's watching you now Everybody waits for you now What happens next What happens next I dare you to move I dare you to move I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor I dare you to move I dare you to move Like today never happened Today never happened before Welcome to the far out Welcome to resistance Attention is here Attention is here Between who you are and who you could be Between how it is and how it should be I dare you to move I dare you to move I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor I dare you to move I dare you to move Like today never happened Today never happened Maybe redemption has stories to tell Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell Where can you run to escape from yourself? Where you gonna go? Where you gonna go? Salvation is here I dare you to move I dare you to move I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor I dare you to move I dare you to move Like today never happened Today never happened Today never happened Today never happened before

I Don't Want To Be~Gavin Degraw I don't need to be anything other than a prison guard's son I don't need to be anything other than a specialist's son I don't have to be anyone other than a birth of two souls in one Part of where I'm going is knowing where I'm coming from I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do Or who I'm supposed to be I don't want to be anything other than me I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn I'm surrounded by a deadly crisis everywhere I turn Am I the only one to notice? I can't be the only one who's learned I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately All I have to do is think about me and I have peace of mind I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do Or who I'm supposed to be I don't want to be anything other than me Can I have everyone's attention please See, not like this and that You're gonna have to leave I came from the mountain, the crust of creation My whole situation made from clay, dust, stone And now I'm telling everybody I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I'm trying to do Or who I'm supposed to be I don't want to be anything other than me I don't want to be I don't want to be I don't want to be I don't want to be

Broken~Seether and Amy Lee I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well I wanna hold you high and steal your pain Cause I'm broken when I'm open And I don't feel like I am strong enough Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome And I dont feel light when you're gone away The worst is over now and we can breathe again I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away Theres so much left to learn, and no one left to fight I wanna hold you high and steal your pain Cause I'm broken when I'm open And I dont feel like I am strong enough Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome And I dont feel right when you're gone away Cause I'm broken when I'm open And I don't feel like I am strong enough Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome And I don't feel light when you're gone away

Beautiful~Christina Aguliera Don't look at me Every day is so wonderful And suddenly, it's hard to breathe Now and then, I get insecure From all the fame, I'm so ashamed I am beautiful no matter what they say Words can't bring me down I am beautiful in every single way Yes, words can't bring me down So don't you bring me down today To all your friends, you're delirious So consumed in all your doom Trying hard to fill the emptiness The piece is gone and the puzzle undone That's the way it is You are beautiful no matter what they say Words won't bring you down You are beautiful in every single way Yes, words won't bring you down Don't you bring me down today... No matter what we do (no matter what we do) No matter what they say (no matter what they say) When the sun is shining through Then the clouds won't stay And everywhere we go (everywhere we go) The sun won't always shine (sun won't always shine) But tomorrow will find a way All the other times We are beautiful no matter what they say Yes, words won't bring us down We are beautiful no matter what they say Yes, words can't bring us down Don't you bring me down today


Restin & Relaxin everyday at 4pm, it's Tannin & Walkin for an hour, having my Alone time, doing what I love everyday, I highly recommend doin your own thing daily.

Spending time with My Cousin Chelsea every Sun Going Shoppin, and doin Girl Crap.

Hanging out with my friends and family lately, makin me see what's really important, and havin lots of fun.

Chillin at Holt Renfrew with the Corperate Whores, Money can't buy you happiness, just a crap load of Louis V, Gucci and Sparklin Tiffanys.

The OC, and a few other really mindless shows.

Photography, Writing, Painting, Designing My Web Page, Babysitting, Cooking (When I'm not burnin it), Film Making, Watching Independant Films, Baking, Shopping, Dancing, Singing, Acting, Working, Sleeping, TALKING, Reading, Partying, Being with my friends, Doing Pilates, Tanning, Listening to Music and Cooking.

Favorite Quotes: (Original Don't Steal)

"Dream of your Future, Don't Forget Your Past, Believe In Others, Make Your Memories Last." ~ Amanda Marie

"It is not in the Stars to Hold our Destiny, but in Ourselves." ~ William Shakesphere

"Do It For Love" ~Unknown

"We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us, how we take it, what we do with it and that is what really counts in the end." ~Unknown

"Within your heart, keep one still, secret spot where dreams may go." ~Unknown

I lived in Manitoba for a year, and I still talk to my ex's. (Whom most are all fathers now, not mine I'm not at that point in my life, so I have no intentions of ever going back)

Graduated from High School, I'm going to be a Film Director one day and currently am a Film Production Assistant.

I never forget a birthday, I write letters, emails and christmas cards and call everyone on a regular basis.

I like purses and shoes. (Holt Renfrew)

I'm neat and I don't mind cleaning. I'm highly organized and a member of the world health club.

I want to travel be highly culturalized and experience everything life has to offer.

I love chinese culture, and bamboo.

I like frogs, angels, butterflies, my friends, and family

I have 2 Dwarf Frogs named Huey and Dewy, a Siamese Fighting Fish named BoLo, a 13 year old Kitty named Niki, and 2 Black Labs named Jazmin and Jasper.

I drink Coffee, and Ice Caps, and I talk alot.

I like Getting My nails and hair done, and going to the spa.

I'm a sucka for pedicures, and massages.

I listen to all types of music, and I'm not judgemental of anyones tastes.

I play guitar, and have played the drums, clarinet, piccolo, flute, piano and saxophone.

My Fav color is baby blue, I love astrology, and Kurt Cobain.

I shop @ IKEA, I keep all my old love letters, and cards from friends.

I read, and yes I don't mind Harry Potter.

I smell like the Body Shops Vanilla Perfume.

I like sleeping, and I enjoy saunas, hehe and Hot Tubs.

I do drink, don't smoke, and I don't do drugs.

I'm fully in support for legalizing marijiuana, and I don't mind at all bein around drugs.

I have planned my wedding, and have talked to a celebrity, and have come up with names for my kids.

I do pilates, I usually get along with everyone I know or met.

I love bein in love, I'm a movie junkie, and I have a huge collection of books.

I'm open about religion, and never push it upon anyone else.

I like green tea, and do my vitamins everyday.

I'm loyal, honest, and real.

I like Sopranos, Oz, Sex and the City,That 70's show, Simpsons.

I like Pretty much whatever else comes on TV of interest.

I'm allergic to bee stings, and dust mites.

My parents are pretty frickin cool, I don't have a car, and I'm a little bit in debt.

I am part of Green Peace Canada, World Wildlife Foundation, World Vision Canada, Canadian Cancer Society, Aids Calgary, Amnesty International, Unicef, Red Cross, War Amps, and Save the Rainforests.

I donate to the Salvation Army, and the Mustard Seed. I volunteer at the Humane Society.

Best Advice: Please Everyone go get checked out, if your Sexually Active. I'm a Big Activist for Men and Women Getting Checked for STD's. Your partner, society, and your body, will Thank You.


Men who can't take jokes or dish but can't take it back












AssHoles + Bitches

Rudeness of Any Sort



How Society Judges

My Phone Ringing All the Time

People that Just Don't Deal with Life

People that are 2 Faced, Judgemental and Critical

Tiptoeing around Speaking Freely and Being Myself (Just Cause You Can't Handle Conflict)

Spiders I Can't Catch (Cause that's when you wonder if they'll get you when your sleeping)

Lightning and Wearing any Metal or Being near a TV that's on or the Phone when this is happening!!!!

Your Smokin Hott BabyCakes!!!!

*Float On By: Modest Mouse* I backed my car into a cop car the other day Well he just drove off sometimes life's ok I ran my mouth off a bit too much oh what can i say Well you just laughed it off it was all ok And we'll all float on ok And we'll all float on ok And we'll all float on ok And we'll all float on any way well Well, a fake Jamaican took every last dime with a scam It was worth it just to learn from sleight-of-hand Bad news comes don't you worry even when it lands Good news will work its way to all them plans We both got fired on the exactly the same day Well we'll float on good news is on the way And we'll all float on ok And we'll all float on ok And we'll all float on ok And we'll all float on alright Already we'll all float on Now don't worry we'll all float on Alright already we'll all float on Alright don't worry we'll all float on And we'll all float on alright Already we'll all float on Aliright don't worry even if things end up a bit to heavy we'll all float on alright Already we'll all float on Alright already we'll all float on Ok don't worry we'll all float on Even if things get heavy we'll all float on Alright already we'll all float on Don't you worry we'll all float on All float on


You say we've drifted well maybe you have but I know for a fact since I became your friend I have always stayed put and have never left your side.

You have changed too much, it's scary but I can't help you, I can't be your dependant anymore, I can't give you anything you want or need anymore, because nothing I do makes you smile.

Who knows what will make you happy, I thought I use to but I should have known, we were just a phase nothing more, wish I never told you just how much I love you because it only brings more pain, to who? who knows, who cares.

I'm lost in a wave of confusion, knowing I should do something to fix it but scared of doing the wrong thing, crazy that I've already tried every tactic to change the situation and no matter what the knot just gets bigger.

Sometimes I can't sleep, or eat or even handle anything without being fucked up, maybe my phase is just as scary but yours seems worse.

I know your debating the butterflies you get when you kiss someone new but just like the old ones they do disappear, try sleeping with someone it changes everything sometimes you can't even explain it, I wish I was still a virgin, fuck I wish you still were.

I actually get sick to my stomach, when I think about this it's a headache waiting to happen I don't want a headache anymore, I don't want to think, I don't even want to be in love ever again, because it is so not worth the heartache and tears.

The only thing I miss is having a best friend, one that use to be happy, use to smile, use to laugh, but who needs friends, who needs anything.

At least, I got myself, what a waste of time, money + effort why was I so stupid to seduce a 16 year old, you guys are fucked, you don't know a good thing unless it bites you in the ass and even then it's too late, we're gone like we never existed, try being a girl, who wants you to have it all, wants you to experience everything all the finer things in life, it sucks, I hate it, all of it and never will I be used again.

I miss being happy, but nothing is stopping me but myself, I know you don't care, fuck I don't even care myself.

Why can I communicate and show emotions but you can't? I should cut myself and show you just what pain is, but I'm not a head case and neither are you, so let's just keep running it's funner that way anyways right? NO MORE PROBLEMS, NO MORE HEADACHES, NO MORE ANYTHING Life is too short, to kill ants, clean rooms, pay off debts, to ever even care, I hope you dream about me and miss me I hope you lay awake at night and can't sleep because your too busy missing me and thinking of me, the day that happens I'll be gone so far away you may never see me again.

Think you can handle that? I know I'll try it may hurt but pain goes away eventually. Maybe if I don't talk, you'll lose it, maybe then we'll be set free, your bed is getting uncomfortable and I made the fucking thing.

But it's yours it always is cause my choices are not important, my thoughts and feelings mean nothing, and I really don't care if I die or better yet, why don't I just fall off the face of the earth? Could be better on everyone because they wouldn't have to attend a funeral.

I think I'm not in love, I don't think I ever really was, just another lover to pass the time, but Hey peace your not in love anymore so it shouldn't matter. I'm not going to be here anymore anyways, so have a good life and I hope you never forget because we were suppose to meet for a reason, I just haven't figured that reason out yet.

Good Bye .... I'm gone..................July 4th 2002 *AMP*


When did it all change? When did our paths in life come to a fork? Not only are we growing up but why are we becoming someone new? What happened to living spontaniously? Living as if there were no cares in the world, and tommorrow was a continuous of today? Maybe it's me, maybe it's all of you! I met you all for a reason, did I change you or did you change me? I sometimes look in the mirror and don't even recognize who I really am, I'm sorry I care, I'm sorry I come across like I'm brushing you off, I hate to see you hurt and cry, to see you struggle when all I want is for you to have an awesome life, Why must you act as if your the only one alive and somedays wish you weren't? I worry, cause I love, I turn away because I tried but in the end who's the one still holding your hand when everyone has left your side. I hope I've helped you or at least made you smile, I hope you succeed in everything you do, I'm sorry I don't call when you need me, I'm sorry I stay, when you want me to go. I want to live life and be independant, I want to be loved for who I am, I want to be remembered and looked at as one hell of a friend, I want you to have all you've ever dreamed of, I want you to know you are truly not alone, Follow your heart, Follow your soul, Follow your path where ever it may go, Just don't change to much cause I like the way you are, and I don't want to get to know you all over again. May our paths cross again and again, don't change to much my dear sweet friends.

Oct 14th 2002 Amanda Marie

I'm at a point in my life where i'm confused on so many different levels first being work/ career , life , relationships my past its nuts and on top of that doctors are over rated they can't even diagonoise a pain i have on my right side cause i'm a girl they think i'm pregnant funny thing u think every pain a female gets is baby related fuck that i ain't a slut also i'm a little pissed about all the 3 am phone calls i have been receiving from my close guy friends whats wrong with u guys go jerk off or call one of the sluts u hang out with don't call me at 3am when i'm eating a sandwich wanting to know if u can come over there are reasons why i dont give out my address to many people i work to much and its a total love/hate relationship i need to work it grounds me keeps me going but its so not my dream job i gotta get over the fact where i do work i might have the odd day where I will see an ex walk past cause it is a popular area i need a full weekend off schools starting just more steppin stones and things to add to my resume I'm grateful though there's people out there who would love to be where i'm at I'm tossed with a 10 year ago relationship funny how people show up in your life at weird times i feel tested cause I also think i'm fallin for someone i hardly know and that still takes up alot of my time and energy sigh i want to fall in love but i'm scared to even hang out with this person weird for me pickin up complete strangers like strays and take them home cause they need help i start up random conversations with assorted strangers yet when it comes to one outta 6 billion people on this earth I feel like such a chicken with this guy and deep down i have nothing to hide from him i just have no idea how far this attraction thing is going to go between us wonder if it will work if not plan b like i really need or want or have one no life flows and i go with it maybe my past will be more beneficial then i expected or this new beginning is a slow but productive process for which I found a supa funky mang haha y am i so scared oh and i have to move i have never moved so much in my life these last few years i need to get established right quick and vacation time as well for now I work go to school sip my neo citran be happy i'm alive and see what happens with da doctors and the 2 men in my life no offense to my past but I want the newer one to work out more than anything but still I'm scared and unsure where things stand and that's not comfortable i will find that awesome guy one day in my life right now it's all about me haha peace i feel better now

HaHa You so right Gar I really shouldn't have went out with my ex I had alot of fun though and it seriously was well worth it the fun factor alone. I hate the fact he still has feelings for me but like I said I'm not even treading in that water at all. We went out for dinner and a movie and got just wasted at a house party I finally got my money from him and he was really mature tonight it was like goin out with a Best Guy Bud he made sure I got home safe and called to tell me he had a great night. Man I am working like a dog these next 3 weeks if it wasn't for havin Weds Off now to go to my course at Mount Royal which is alot of Frickin Fun I don't think I could really handle working this much. Glad I went out this weekend!!!! Oh and B-Rad we'll find a place Dawg don't you worry, and we'll play pool at the peelers regularly maybe every Sunday Night I think that's against our religion though. I'm so happy I get to move AGAIN and I really wanna be by myself for the first time in my life but I get so lonely I hate bein an only child sometimes it sure affects me now. So with work, school and movin I stopped worrying about Boys!!!!! I see Gar rollin his eyes. Though when I am settled into my house it would be awesome if I had a certain Irish Hooligan named Aar to come tuck me in maybe even stay with me regularly we'll see right now it's all about me HAHA Cuz' I'm #1!!!!! (Your still my LUCKY STAR) Chels make sure to call me I think I work all weekend next one comin up so we will get things done soon. I think I will officially be workin full-time soon with Weds/Fri Off Weds only till Nov 10th after that i hope my weekend will be clear or Thurs/Fri. Well People Your Hott Loves Yous Miss A

Ok so first why when you wanna be single there's always members of the oppisite sex around and then when your lonely and want someone no ones around then when you least expect it and are interested in someone that's interested in you it's not just that person another one or everyone comes around so you now have 2 or more people to deal with. Ok second you persue people for years the minute you don't wanna persue they come around or call u at 3am for a lovely little booty call don't get me wrong I love the attention I have alot of healthy non sexual friendships with members of the opposite sex but it is getting a little crazy i really like one particular person in my life right now and he likes me i have been around for years and have been friends with alot of these people who all of a sudden have a HUGE interest in me lets clear somethin up where were you before when i was lonely and single true I was rarely single but there is a reason we are and still are friends I will never be your 3am girl, girlfriend or wife I may be the girl u have looked at in a different light recently but seriously it's not going no where let's not cross that line and for all the new guys don't just dissappear when I say i'm not interested in a relationship or dating you at the moment maybe if you stick around in the future i may be single or willing then on the other hand I'm always there whether u wanna chill anytime or let me help you pick up chicks or deal with your female situations I have always been the Best Girl Friend and there's reasons for that so please don't change that I loves Yous Plus too when I'm mad at the one I love I still have all of you to run too or have help kick his ass so lets not cross that sexual boundary I am a Lady and your Friend and You would never treat your Sister with Disrespect So I'll still talk dirty to u and make u feel like your number 1 I'm just not some flavor of the week ok and don't worry i'll never tell your woman what your really up to at any given moment peace boyz Lata

I'm fallin so hard and one day when we're together i 'll tell u why you mean more then I ever thought and i pray to god I'll never lose you cause your in my thoughts more and more each day i never felt this way and without you i'd be lost i hope we're as perfect as we have become i miss u i wanna feel u u'll know when we see each other that moment will be the beginning to everything we ever imagined i stopped lookin cause the moment i found u i knew and thats why we're waiting patience will never break us i'll forever be here for u even when we're miles apart i hate u always but i love you more thank you for bein mine

Somethings are good and bad from internet dating. I joined Nexo Aug 26 2004, Searched through pics and found a guy, who looked like someone I knew in High School, so I said Hey thinking it was him. No it wasn't, but we continued to talk. Since Aug 27th- Oct 18th 2004 we talked online through msn or nexo and on the phone. We became close in so many ways, exchanged pics, talked all hours of the night, our friendship/relationship began to grow. From the beginning my initial idea, was being alone for the next 6 months, and just getting my life in order, with out getting close to anyone, until my life was sorted out. Then I would have loved, to include someone to get to know, and start a relationship. Well nope didn't happen, but I managed for almost 2 months, not seeing this guy, who was and still is perfect to me in everyway. He finally told me, Oct 18th, that when I had space in my life for him, to give him a call. Because he couldn't bare to get close to me like that, with out being able to physically see me. Well ya I caved, cause of guilt, and out we ran Oct 19th at 9:30pm to meet at Calgary Zoo for a walk. Now seriously thinking back, I should have just went with what I wanted, and only went to see him when I was ready. Because the walk was good, I barely could look at him, time was ok, but we spend to much time together, rushed everything and anything, and yeah fucked up a good thing. So I gave us 4 days, as breathing room, hoping for the best in the end, nothing more and that helped alot. When we finally talked, we realised everything had to go way slower, we're still friends, but thank goodness we met to slow shit down. Now tonight Oct 26th, I called him urgently, because I had to see him, for I am leaving for T.O. on the 30th, and in my heart had to say Good-Bye. Our lives are both going through, so many transitions. Tonight's meeting was back to me bein a little shy, and yeah, last week did not help at all, to the current situation, but we got to see each other, and now we know how to fix the problem. I'll be in T.O for about a month, he may be in B.C. soon too. We'll continue to get close, and talk on msn, we've slowly become best friends, and we care to much to let each other go. But only time will tell, and space, has become our biggest concern to heal. So if you met someone, especially after a crazy internet dating situation, take it all slow beginning to end, and don't expect anything is right. You may or may not, click right away like you do online. I'm hoping for the best, because this person means the world to me, and our friendship/relationship depends on it. But do have fun, who knows what the future holds internet or not. My situation will be continued, once I'm back, for now I go with my original intentions. But had I not met him, I would have never known. THE END

If 2 strangers decide to meet and they both leave at the same time, what are the chances they'll be getting off at the same ctrain station at the exactly same time? I may have found this out all the hard way or easy way and for that matter i seriously am so neutral at this point my thoughts and feelings are so mixed up I have never felt this way in my life but i know what i'm doing I'm being myself cause what more can i do I thought bein alone would be the best thing for me but sometimes I think theres reasons why i haven't been alone yet i can't believe i can't even look u in the face why, I don't know sometimes when your 4years old u get shy cause u like someone maybe i'm regressing to a familar territory i once knew 16 years ago maybe I just want you to like me for me or i'm scared of rejection really though I know for next time whan I see your face if that ever happens I'll look you in the eyes cause then you'll know I have confidence to see you and I may appriciate looking at your handsome face in the daylight as well as the night time i loved they way you made me laugh and u grabbed my hand that took guts not cause we expected it but because it was innocent and it meant something ya i'll forgive you for grabbing my "shoulder" and givin it a squeeze 5 mins after I finally seen your face and even for makin me feel incredibly self concious when u just had to be a typical male and grab my ass like what the hell but its you so I deep down laugh and forgive you for just trying to "feel things out" I never meant to make us cold or walk clear from the zoo thru china town all through Prince's Island Park and ending up in Kensington it was comfortable laughing with you and bein ourselves it took me a while but i did open up if i could go back the original hello should have been just that and on our interesting night would have went maybe u should have got in the bum cart I might have relaxed a lil don't understand the tension I put up but with all my walls down I caught myself of guard and just hoped to hell you geniunely liked me for me it was not natural and carefree but it was a side of me only you have ever seen scary really sorry hun i still don't understand it myself to go back would be crazy but i just wish i let those walls back down and let you see me for me you made me feel like a lady when you weren't doin manly things and just sayin the stuff you said and the actions you portrayed thats what made me wanna spend more time with you u finally got to see where i use to work and yeah we looked at what movies might be of interest to us or just ourselves one day glad u got warm that was a huge walk but it was something i always wanted to do though on a summer night instead of a winter one glad i really got to share it with you and i mean that i know it was late when we got all spontanious and ran out the door like crazy people hearts racing anticipation and a massive whirlwind of emotions had yet to catch up with us so when we waited reading some gay horoscopes and waiting for the train I always wanted you to come home with me i just was confused of all the events and the fact i could barely look at u in the face something i will and have officially got over take it as a compliment sorry it seemed rude so we sat beside each other talkin about random things comfortable at ease just chillaxin till we got closer to my place maybe we should have called a cab but yet again we walk cause thats what we do and yeah i showed you my life for a moment well a slice of it nothing bug and almost brought mister bunny home too glad u found your way in the morning sometimes its confusing but really it turned out ok u made it home at least sorry i had no food and nothing really to drink i wasn't expecting company and u finally got to see my crappy lil room i hope my bed was comfy and you truly felt comfortable cause i want you to be happy no matter what and really it wasn't that bad well most of it told u clothes would hit the floor maybe all for good reason really don't dwell things happen for a reason and it never went against our wills things may have been a lil awkward maybe not overly u made me feel safe and comfortable rather quick and theres things that put a smile on both our faces may have not been the proper things to do considering the fact of barely knowing someone and knowing them more then normal but they happened maybe next time if it ever happens it will be more comfortable and natural at least we found out and got a feel for things I highly believe things happen for a reason but i'm never going to look at this as a bad thing or what to look forward to at all i truly believe there's more to it and there wil be a day with better things to come that might not let us leave each others minds for life oh well don't worry about your dad and work at least you know they care and the whole 14 hrs was as spontanious as it came and thank goodness for my mom cause yeah i suck with no phone wish you got to meet her hope u enjoyed your sleep i liked bein in your arms though i wasn't really tired trust me if theres another time your arms are the first place i'd love to pass out if not don't feel guilty i'm bein honest nothing is ever expected to come from this just letting you know I'd be willing to really try again an innocent thing died with us sometime between 9:30am and 11:30am but really after havin sometime to think yes everything happens for a reason we got a taste of things not properly but still it's you I did it for both u and I not exactly as i wanted or may want in the future but it was for u cause i cared alot and wanted to give u something i seriously well only wanted for u and i to share now well things may change they might not oh well it happened and now we take it day by day just dont regret it so much it really wasn't perfect but it was u and me....Reality Hit and it hit hard i have no idea where it came from or what the hell happened and I seriously think u have no idea either yea alot to take in with so little time seperating point a to point b but calmly think relax it wasn't that bad really i know now it really wasn't things happen for a reason and now its done maybe next time lessons are learned and yeah what the hell is the rush really mind u don't feel weird get confused or freaked out we are ok and now its day by day i accept it either way i just hope one day there will be more cause I seriously would like to walk down that road with you again if not i'm really ok just bein straight up you know your life and mine are a lil hectic but it ain't nothing we can't conquer or handle either seperate or together there is a rainbow to everything usually and if not well u know as well as i we just gotta keep goin friends or more or nothing at all we'll see this is important and i don't regret a second really in my heart naw not at all now we know for next time take that how ever u want i seriously feel in my heart things will be good and this isn't the end ut if it is I am bein fair and hey at least your heard my side i hope your not an asshole but if you tun your back don't toy just walk away much easier on me thank u if its more and our friendship is gold we'll laugh about this one day and if still this means what we have deep down really wanted things will be good we'll work on things u mean alot and always will and I'd share many more awesome spontanius awkward moments with you your just one of those people no pressure again or guilt i just feel u should really know i had time to think our moment is filed away i won't look back i'll only look forward and still thank God for allowing me to at least meet you u came into my life at a crazy time but u are important and as much as your all indecisive and crazy now i'm letting you know there's always a reason and if u do leave i wish you nothing more then the best if with each day and a much slower honest natural progression this grows my heart will be completely in it friends or more I've always been honest with you and i will continue remember i still have meant every word i have ever said to you and really with out those 14 hrs the tension and headache this had begin to cause wouldn't have been broken and things would have finally gotten alot more clearer just dont lie be honest straight up and open with me about verything theres no more secrets anymore and i'm lookin at that positive if its a negative u really are an ass but i look at you and i feel in my heart your better then that but if not be honest its the least u could do just letting you know either way ok? ok!!! your still more then just a buddy to me and my heart has a space that is totally reserved for you now lets just take baby steps one day at a time and do what we originally planned on doing back to normal mista i feel better u now know i am finally ready to fit u in for real lets just flow one moment at a time relax i truly do hate you baby for real just letting u know now enuff back to normal everything and as confused as u get take this as it is my heart bein honest and true this is the real amanda ok? ok!!!! tension finally breaks and I finally will look into your handsome face and let nature take its course just be straight and real and dont hide nothing. I can take the worst or the best for now what's done is done. (our ctrains will stop at the same time again you know.) till next time we met again goodnight sweet dreams I love you my dearest best friend.