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Robin Askwith .... Timothy Lea
Anthony Booth .... Sidney Noggett
Sheila White .... Rosie Noggett
Dandy Nichols .... Mrs. Lea
Bill Maynard .... Mr. Lea
Linda Hayden .... Elizabeth Radlett
John Le Mesurier .... Inspector Radlett
Joan Hickson .... Mrs. Radlett
Katya Wyeth .... Carole
Richard Wattis .... Carole's Father
Melissa Stribling .... Mrs. Villiers
Anita Graham .... Ingrid
Confessions of a Window Cleaner (1974)

In all my 29 years, I have to admit to never viewing a single one of the 'Confessions' films. When at school, they were the mythical 'adult' films that only the select few got to see. Some how after that they passed my attention by (maybe the discovery of things a bit harder had something to do with it, if you know what I mean, eh hem). So, while settling down many years later, I wondered if there would be anything for this English tradition, to offer me?

Well first off, Robin Askwith certainly can ride a bike. In the films opening credits we see him cycling about town, whilst carry a ladder, and balancing a bucket on his handle bars. That guy is one mean cyclist. These skills are showcased to the sounds of a very 70's style, ode to his characters love life. This free and easy opening sequence basically sum's up the mood of the remaining film. It is very much of it's time, but just as with Hammer's horror, or the Carry On films, you can't help but enjoy it. As with most British Farces, the film starts with the premise, that everyone seems to be getting 'it' except our Hero.

Our Timmy has been asked to help out with the window cleaning duties, for his Brother in law. It soon becomes clear that Sid has been a 'randy bugger', and has been indulging in some extra special cleaning duties. All the customers seem to want some interesting window service's. Poor Timmy doesn't have much luck on his first day. He ends up causing havoc, and not satisfying any of the customers. Sid decides he needs to give him a helping hand, before he looses all their custom. A brief encounter with a stripper friend, and her suspender belt, provide Tim with a good starting point, for the family business. After this he realises it's not just bike riding he's good at. Unlike the Carry On films, all references to sexual activities here, are not so much innuendo, but blatant.

The use of his, newly found skills continues until he meets police woman, Elizabeth Radlet. Which makes him rethink his promiscuous ways!! Does it funk, He just continues to shag his way through the job, while pining for Liz. Well it was the 70's. Anyway, many 'fuzz' jokes, and attempts by Tim to slide his hands between the poor girls legs, later, they decide to get married. Obviously, this doesn't go to plan. Lets just say the groom ends up taking a trip to Bristol, while the bride is left eating a sausage (no it's not that saucy), and is consoled by the gigolo Sid (who seems to have forgotten all about his new born son, and wife). Not to worry though, the film ends with Tim already on to the next 'bird', and Liz long forgotten about. So much for the 'bond of holy matrimony'. Ah well As I said before, it was the 70's.

aka: None

Directed: Val Guest

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