Honey
What It's About: A young girl who has All the Right Moves works nights in a dance club and spends her days teaching young kids how to dance in a broken-down back alley gym that has heart.
Meanwhile, Michael Ellis is the hot-shot producer who sees a hand-held camcorder video of Honey struttin' her stuff at the club she works at. Of course Michael Ellis is impressed with what she (or her dance-double) has to offer, so he hires her for his latest music video.
This, of course, makes the current hot-shot high-level dancer (who - you won't believe it - is a bitch and can't dance as well as Honey) under Ellis' direction to get fired and pissed off.
Can Honey handle the pressure of The Big Time?
Cliches and Alba's beautiful midriff ensue.
Somehow the lack of a real soundtrack that is instead sporadically adorned with the latest hip-hop highlights makes the dialogue and drama fall flat on its face harder than if it was spoken on its' own.
The story is nothing special, and there’s a lot of false posturing and posing, interspersed with an even spread of uneven and unconvincing use of ebonics (shit, black people are saying their lines – don’t they know it’s not RIGHT?). On top of that there are a lot of “ooooh”s and “Oh snaps”, that aren’t really that ‘oooh’able and lack enough strength in their rankage to warrant a ‘snap’.
Most of the ‘yo mommas’ and ‘shit I better dan you’... yadda yadda lines are weaker than my jolly roger with that $3.00 hooker on a Friday night after 6 Cosmopolitans, if you know what I mean.
Somehow every cliché that comes out of these characters’ mouths lack a crisp delivery. I don’t know; maybe it’s just me.
Most of the dance routines in this 'movie' are rather uninspiring. I almost laugh at the insanely ridiculous use of a body double for the more difficult counts that Jessica Alba (my wife) is supposed to accomplish.
It gets better near the halfway point, when, in a stroke of pure moviemaking genius, Honey finds inspiration in her dance choreography from ‘The Streets’. Through basketball, and jump-rope. Wow.
What's even more amazing is that the music video she choreographs after this scene is the only dance sequence that I found to be impressive. And it wasn't even all that good!
The one minute dance routine is the only part of the movie that I raised my eyebrows in - I was impressed.
The movie rambles on, much like this review. Don't forget about the cute kid! He's gotta be in this movie, too. Oh yeah, since it's on the streets, you also need the obligatory drug dealer; who is completely superfluous. And not as intimidating as he should be, either.
The final dance sequence was a nice amalgamation of old-school Breakin’ B-Boys, ballet, tap-dancing, hop-hop routines and a cheery 7th Heaven disposition all mixed up into one nice, big, uneven after-school special styled finale. Everyone is all smiles and happy faces. Isn’t life wonderful?
I'm sure that the reason for all the smiles and happy faces in this film is because in the world that Honey lives in, there is no movie called Honey to ruin their lives.
Remember, kids: Stay off the streets, be true to yourself, and you’ll succeed! YAY!
So, you may be wondering – does Honey find happiness with her new job in show business? Does she find love in the heart of her music-video director? Does she find a way to clean up the streets and show the viewers that life is wonderful no matter where you’re from?
You have to see the movie to find out!
But let me tell ya; ‘their flavor is HOT’!
… and most of all, Jessica Alba is one fine-ass hottie, and I loved this movie for the sole purpose of seeing Alba’s beautiful body, and spectacular visage. I love her. I give high ratings to the art that is what God created in Jessica Alba. Hooray for Dixie!! (I don’t know what I’m saying now. I will go.)
All joking aside, this is an ok movie for the kids. It's not too offensive, not smart enough for an adult to watch and enjoy, and Jessica Alba doesn't get naked (damnit!) to freak the parents out as the kids watch it.
A- – (My perverted rating. Oh, Dark Angel!)
D+ – How I actually felt about it.