ALAN ALDA
(World's Greatest Actor)
Proudly Presents:
JUNGLE FUN!
Adventure, death, and bizarre karma in the jungle of mystery! Huzzah!
You have found your way to--or lost yourself in--the labyrinthine jungle of mystery. Vines and branches slap across your face with every trembling step you take...you are worm food waiting to happen, another head to be shrunken by the native tribes. But before you are eaten by the locals, please check out our handsome line of khaki slacks. We also sell enticing volumes of amateur Beat poetry, fruit drinks, and toothpaste.
All of our merchandise is third-rate, made in Indonesian sweatshops by skeletal boys and girls, and we pass our savings on to you capitalist pigs! All the while we watch our profits soar to record heights. Hey, that's great!
Don't worry about the time zone, get your glide on!
Khakis coming apart at the seams--greatly reduced prices!
Pungent fruit drinks made from all-artificial ingredients!
Beat poetry that belongs on the walls of a men's room!
Bright pink toothpaste guaranteed to encourage gingivitis!
Meet our team! Aren't they a handsome bunch?
Swimsuits! Swimsuits!
Buy our products now under penalty of death! Hawkeye says so!
In case you are retarded and don't realize it, this Web site is simply a satire on e-commerce sites! If Alan Alda or Senator Joe Tynan or anybody else has a problem with it, I'll happily change it.
