Smarty Jones, Too
//sports.40percent.selig.tourettes.051804.dooshbag
  • written by Sports Staff Editor Tourettes
As you may or may have not seen, Smarty Jones is just one win away from becoming a legend. So fucking what. The only thing entertaining about that horse is his owner, who’s hanging onto life by a thread. The poor bastard has emphysema. If Smarty Jones wins the Triple Crown, I’d gladly donate a victory cigarette to him. But since I don’t advocate euthanasia, I say that we get in touch with Tonya Harding, and give her a lead pipe so she can whack it across Smarty Jones’s legs. She better not get caught though, all the lowlifes at Philadelphia Park will lynch that thunder thigh bitch. Ah well, she won’t be missed, she’s a piece of shit anyway.

Personally though, I hope she doesn’t get caught because I’d have a few more jobs for her, starting with Allen Iverson. What a fuckstick, an overrated piece of hip hop dogshit that’s content with shooting 40%, rather than to do the work that’s involved with being a part of a team. In his mind, he’s still the MVP, but maybe his entourage should get their mouths off his sac long enough to tell him that was 3 years ago. The same goes for all you motherfuckers that say “He’s got heart”. Ah fuck it, I’m not going into it with you, just kill yourselves. He won’t practice, he wont play unless he’s the starter, so fuck him, I hope Shaq falls on his fuckin’ knee in the Olympics. I want ligaments. Hey, for all your Iverson sympathizers, not all will be lost. He’s got that stellar rap career to fall back on.

Ok, after Tonya gets Smarty Jones and Allen Iverson, we need her to go for the trifecta by going after Bud Selig. He’s the commissioner of baseball, and has a big gaping vagina from being fucked so many times by the player’s union. Now baseball sucks, and it bothers the shit out of me to see some of these pansies piss and moan about not making enough money. If Tonya lent Bud Selig her cock during the next round of negotiations, maybe the owners will stick it to the players for once. It’s almost criminal to see the owners get raped as much as they do.


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