Calls from Traffic
//society.jerk.olsens.trickle.061704.dooshbag
  • written by Society Staff Editor Trickle
I have this love hate relationship with cell phones. Specifically, I hate that there are idiots who decide to call me only when they are stuck in traffic. It’s these tools that I hope get ear cancer or a brain tumor or Herpes Simplex A from cell phone use. You know the assholes that do this: They call you once every 5 months because they’re too “busy” with their everyday boring lives to give a fuck about yours. Yet the second they’re stuck in traffic and crawling along at 2 miles per hour they want to know how you’re doing.

The worst is that they preface the conversation by actually telling you they’re stuck in traffic. Hey asshole, why not cut to the chase and just say that you’re bored out of your skull and since you have nothing better to do you decided to call me? Maybe they should just tell me how far down the list I was too. Was everybody else smart enough not to answer your call, jerk off? The second I hear someone say they’re in traffic, I either call myself from a different line or make up an excuse to get off the phone.

That’s why I think cell phones should be smart enough to give me a warning when someone is calling from a stationary vehicle that is surrounded by other stationary vehicles. If we can evolve caller I.D. systems why not get those dooshbags at NASA to stop building idiot Mars rovers and come up with some kind of Asshole Satellite Surveillance System. Dubbed A.S.S.S. for the people it will screen us from, this useful gadget can prevent 40 minutes of mind-numbingly boring conversation. It would finally put those satellites to good use. If that’s too complex maybe they could teach the satellites to snap pictures of Lindsay Lohan or the Olsen Twins getting changed. Now that’s getting the most bang for your taxpayer buck.


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