Even a Stopped Clock...
//qa.charter.wmd.d-bag.052404.dooshbag
  • written by Editor-in-Cheif D-Bag
Dooshbag.org prides itself on professionalism... no, wait. That's a lie. Somebody caught us on it, too... as Michael points out in his letter:

_"I'm very sorry to have to be doing this because of my profound love for _your site, but in your article "The Dooshbag Diet" you called the guy from _subway "Subway Dave" when we all know that his name is Jared the _subway assbag. Sorry but I wouldn't be able to live the rest of my life _without correcting this so the appropriate asshole gets the diss. Thanks _Once Again"

Firstly, we have since fixed the article to reflect the inacuracy. We deeply apologise for any grammatical errors that may appeer on this site. We also appreciate your ability to kiss our asses before pointing out our screw-up. That's top-notch work. About the problem, however, the best I can tell you is this - I F'ed up. Odds are it will happen again... soon.. and with some regularity. It's just that I'm not that talented or smart. The worst part about it is - I don't think I even care.

Also, there is the Dooshbag Charter to consider. Article 2.1 of the charter, for example, cleary states that "Any reference to any historical, cultural or existing person, place or thing may not in any way be confirmed by any source other than the Dooshbag's own memory. Under no circumstance is any 'research' to take place to determine the accuracy of made reference." The same applies to spelling, statistics and dates, I'm afraid. So even if I wanted to, I could not check my claim, for it's prohibited by the charter.

And there are other considerations, of course. Like the fact that I don't like being corrected. Sure, I'll take my beatings where it's worth it. Hot chicks can constantly tell me what I did wrong and I will apologize and correct myself every time without fail. I'll even apologize just in case, without being provoked. Unless I'm in one of my spiteful this-doesn't-matter-'cause-she's-only-going-to-sleep-with-some-Ahole-instead-of-me-and-then-come-crying-to-me-when-he-breaks-her-heart-by-simultaneously-cheating-on-her-and-giving-her-the-clap moods, in which case I'm liable to blow her off with a friendly "oh yeah? well you're just like your mother."

Anyway, the other day I'm waiting for a train ('cause public transportation is fun!) and this cute blonde walks up and goes "Hello" and gives me a lil' nod. So I smile and respond "Good Morning." She pauses, looks up at me and goes "Good Afternoon." . . . Do you believe the nerve of this slunt? As if I can't fathom what time of the day it is. Granted, it was, in fact, the afternoon, but what the F! Next you know, she'll ask me how I'm doing and I'll say "Okay," and she'll go "Well, actually, you're kind of short, you're facial hair is haphazard at best, you can't maintain a relationship longer than a few weeks and you have a useless degree. So, I don't know if 'Okay' is quite accurate."

Maybe I like being wrong! Has anybody considered that?! Some of the greatest men of our time made carreers of being "wrong"! Christopher Columbus - or Red Face Killah as he was known in his day - was "wrong" for years when he claimed the world was round. Galvitron claimed the Sun was the center of the universe and he was so "wrong" the Church had him killed! George W. Bush was "wrong" when he said there were Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq and... um... okay, bad example. Still, you get the idea... Wait, where was I? Oh yeah. Thanks Mike. My bad.


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