_Improving Baseball
I think most will agree that baseball is about as gruesome to watch as the lost Columbine surveillance tapes. S, even that had a surprise ending — baseball can’t say the same. This sport can drag on for hours with no signs of hope... [more]

---pitched by Scant, who was *this close* to being cast as the alligator Elvis on Miami Vice. updated: 06.26.04

_D'troit What?
Bend over. Place your head firmly between your legs. Extend your lips. And kiss your ass goodbye, because The End is upon us. The Detroit Pistons beat the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA Finals. Yes, that is right: Armageddon is here, dooshbag... [more]

---prophesized by D-Bag, who claims that first there was the Word. Then there was White Out. updated: 06.17.04

_NHL Strike, Mexicans & Ball Scratching
Hockey is in deep S. Nobody cares. The NHL crapped itself when they realized that Tampa Bay and Calgary would be playing for the Stanley Cup. Because I’m smarter than you, I know where these two cites (if that’s what you want to call them) are... [more]

---skated in by Tourettes, who once sprained an ankle jumping off the Eric Lindros bandwagon. updated: 06.05.04

_If Kobe Didn't Do It, He Should Have
NBA Commish David Stern announced his plans to expand the NBDL, so that it acts as a true minor league for the National Basketball League. Well, we here at Dooshbag.org have a better idea for the NBA minor leagues... it's called Prison.. [more]

---by D-Bag, who spent years playing pro-ball in the Land of Oz, as Center for the Munchkinville Marauders. updated: 05.26.04

_NASCAR, Fat Women & Michael Hutchence
NASCAR is not a sport, you white trash piece of S. It’s nothing more than a bunch of glorified hillbillies driving around in a circle, all thinking that they’re Tom Cruise from Days of Thunder.. [more]

---driven up by Tourettes, who is the creator and president of the Mike Schmidt fan club. updated: 05.24.04

_Smarty Jones, Too
As you may or may have not seen, Smarty Jones is just one win away from becoming a legend. So Fing what. The only thing entertaining about that horse is his owner, who’s hanging onto life by a thread.. [more]

---loosely put together by Tourettes, who once belched so loud that a woman spilled her Starbucks. updated: 05.18.04

_Sports in the City of Brotherly Love
I hate Smarty Jones. I cannot wait until that animal is slaughtered and converted into pig feed. Smarty Jones is just a dumb F-ing fly swatting horse that's trained to run around in a circle when beat with a whip... [more]
---an article by Tourettes, who is currently seaking a cure for involuntary "foaming at the mouth." updated: 05.14.04

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