| _Come & Get Me | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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If one more person tells me to shred and then burn the tatters of a receipt or bank statement again I’m going to go postal. Does anyone else think it’s a little pretentious for a person to think someone wants to steal their identity?... [more] | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ---identified by Trickle, who for years claimed to be the long lost body of Jimmy Hoffa. updated: 06.26.04 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| _The Barnes & Noble Cellphone Scam | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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I was browsing the racks at Barnes and Noble the other day when my cell phone goes off. Now my ring tone isn’t some obnoxious S like that Nokia default ring or a trendy Eminem song, it’s a simple MIDI version of one of the greatest songs ever recorded: Debaser by the Pixies. It rang for maybe 2 seconds tops yet... [more] | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
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---phoned in by Trickle, who once used a Barry White ringtone to seduce a young venomous cobra. updated: 06.26.04 |
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| _The Bottom Feeder | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Have you ever been out and seen one guy with a group of four or five girls? It pisses you off doesn’t it, especially if you’re single and that guy is flaunting five of them in your face. You envy him... [more] | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
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---delivered gracefully by Trickle, who valiantly wrote this article on a sprained ankle following a tough dismount. updated: 06.17.04 |
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| _Calls from Traffic | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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I have this love hate relationship with cell phones. Specifically, I hate that there are idiots who decide to call me only when they are stuck in traffic. It’s these tools that I hope get ear cancer or a brain tumor or Herpes Simplex A from cell phone use... [more] | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ---text messaged in by Trickle, who was ironically stuck in traffic while writing this article. updated: 06.17.04 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| _To the Board of Education | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Dear Board of Education, Discipline in our school systems is out of control, which is leading to attitude problems in America’s youth. We need to take immediate action to save these poor misguided kids before it’s too late... [more] | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
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---lettered by Scant who used to believe that Pig Latin was an actual language... spoken by Pigs. updated: 06.13.04 |
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| _Dear God: Show Me The Money | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Dear God, I am writing you today because as I sit here in front of a computer at work, I realize, you owe me child support for the last 25 years. How is that possible you ask? Obviously, I’ve gotten through the last quarter century on my own, and you’ve done absolutely dick to help me... [more] | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
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---prayed for by Scant, who will also use this article as an entrance essay for Hell University. updated: 06.03.04 |
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| _Making Uncle Ben Proud | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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If you drive in any sort of urban area you’ve probably been rudely passed by some pimply-faced little prick in a “modded-out” obnoxious little Japanese car. The derogatory term for these cars is ricer or rice burner Uncle Ben should be pissed ... [more] | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
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---modded by Trickle, who starred in the prequel to The Fast & The Furious, titled "The Slow and Mildly Agitated" updated: 06.01.04 |
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| _To the Class of 2004 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Congratulations, Dooshbag, on making it through 4 years of skipping classes, wasting your parents’ money, getting high and making mistakes with drunk slunts. I hope you had fun…because the time for enjoying yourself is over... [more] | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
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---commenced by 20Piece, who graduated Manga Cum To Class Not Very Often. updated: 05.29.04 |
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| _Starvation: The New Atkins | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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We here at Dooshbag.org are always looking for ways to improve your health and lifestyle. To that end, we'd like to introduce the Dooshbag Diet... a revolutionary way to lose weight. A simple four-step process will have you shrinking down in no time... [more] | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
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---developed by D-Bag, who's currently seeking a publisher for his epic fast food novel "Lord of the Onion Rings". updated: 05.22.04 |
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| _Thumbs Up!: The New Middle Finger | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Oh middle finger, how I love thee. At age seven, I gave you to a traffic cop…who promptly pulled my mother over. At age 12, I introduced you to a basketball referee…who then threw me out of the game. 15 years and thousands of altercations later, I feel it is time to set you free..... [more] | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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---theorized by 20Piece, who adamently denies there ever being room for Jello. updated: 05.21.04 |
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| _North Korea from Behind | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Oh my God I wanna go into epileptic shock. I recently had a political discussion with three people, and I wanted to replace their brains with that of a garden slug's... [more] | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
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---jotted down by Tourettes while parachuting into Occupied France. updated: 05.18.04 |
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| _Online Dating | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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The online dating scene caters to the biggest bunch of failed abortions I've ever seen. These online sites are meat markets but they pretend to be about love and companionship... [more] | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ---a piece by Trickle, who did so much research that he can now effectively type one handed. updated: 05.14.04 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Dooshbag.org is for entertainment purposes only and should not be viewed in a serious manner by anyone; in fact, even admitted dooshbags avoid taking this site seriously. If anyone is offended by this material, they are clearly an idiot and should consider starting their own website. Perhaps www.idiot.org is still available. Questions, concerns, hints and allegations may all be sent to mail@dooshbag.org for review and deletion. If any good ideas improbably develop on this site, they are the sole property of Dooshbag.org. Feel free to steal our crappy ideas, though. Those are free to all.
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