| BJI - Jennifer Love Box | |||||||||
| //education.bji.jennifer.lovebox.d-bag.051604.dooshbag | |||||||||
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| The Black Jack Index, a revolutionary new method for reducing women to a simple number. The BJI consists of seven unique categories, each category with an appropriate score between 0 and 3, 3 being the best. Each category must be ranked seperately and then the total score is tallied only at the end, to give an overall score - the maximum of which is 21.
Today we take a look at Jennifer Love Hewitt, actress and hottie. Face: J-Love is pretty but not beautiful, so she'll score a 2 here. Body: A perfect 3 here because a recent study indicated that Jennifer Love weighs only 27 pounds, and 26 of it is found in her chest. Humor: She starred on Party of Five, where the parents of a large family die in a horrible car accident and the kids have to band together to keep the family intact. Hilarity insues. Okay, aside from that, she's worked with Jackie Chan and Bill Murray.. so she can at least put up with people who THINK they are funny. She thinks that she can sing, too. We find that hysterical. We'll give her a 2. Compatibility: She claims she was a tomboy and refers to herself as a "dork" often in interviews. Hell, you consider yourself a dork! Sure, she's a superstar with a smoking body and millions of dollars. You play playstation, put together model TIE fighters and secretly watch reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on FX when you think nobody is watching. Maybe her defintion of "dork" and yours are very, very different. Only a 1 here. Availability: Unless kidnapping her improves your chances, you got no shot here. 1 at best.. only because we don't think you've completely ruled out the kidnapping thing. Baggage: Two words: Carson Daly. Zero. Intelligence: Two words: Carson Daly. Zero. So Jennifer Love Box pulls in [insert drumroll]... a dissapointing 9. That's right, boys and girls. Sure, at first glance she may seem pretty desirable, but long term - this just ain't gonna work out. She didn't even hit double digits. Sorry, Love Box. |
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