Women and Technology
//brauds.atm.whores.scant.051404.dooshbag
  • written by Brauds Staff Editor Scant
I guarantee any guy reading this article saw the title and slowly began to nod. They understand that women and technology go together as well as a Palestinian at a bar mitzvah — and the best part is, it's by their own friggen’ choosing. A reasonable man would say “slunts are just not that bright.” I’m not reasonable. They can learn — they just choose not to.

Picture this scenario: your woman (girlfriend, fiancée, or the My-Pet-Monster that didn't go home from last night) is sitting nicely on the couch when she decides she wants to watch yet another rerun of Will and Grace, but, alas, there's a DVD on! "Oh, how do I do this again?" And, before you can answer you're hit with "Can you just do it for me?"

Jesus…… Christ……

Hold up, you mean to tell me this gender figured out how to create life from a drop of our otherwise useless ball-juice, harness it in a cavern that doesn't disrupt us from still having sex with them (if that's your thing), and can mold a mini-human being a mere 9 months later — but can't switch from video to TV on the remote? I don't buy it.

And I swear on my reserved copy of Madden 2005 this is the god's honest truth. They know how to switch video back and forth from TV to video. They know how to work the fucking universal remote. They even know how to select and order a Pay Per View movie on cable... and satellite.

Want some evidence? Look at god damn ATM’s. The other day I saw some poor jerkoff knocking on the glass waving into the camera for someone to let his dumb ass inside the ATM. The fucker had no idea how to use it. But, throw a girl in front of that thing and she can navigate through it quicker than an Iraqi through a cave after a missile hits Baghdad.

You know how they know this? They understand how to use it because they want to. They choose to learn how to access money your money — cause if they didn’t they couldn’t afford to cart their asses back and forth to the mall. Believe me, they’re not dumb. They’re actually a smarter breed than us. They've been smarter than us since the dawn of time. Who invented breasts? Who invented the vagina and all of its wonderful accessories? Women did. Even during Creation101 when we looked over on their test and saw they had "ass" written down, we F’ed ours up and it looks nothing like theirs.

I want you to do me a favor. The next time they ask you to fix something on the TV, ask them how we can grow a breast in our palm and a fully-functional vagina in our forearm and we'll gladly open up the information trade lines. Make sure you stipulate the fully-functional part or we're going to have to divulge how to wire stereo speakers.

And change your ATM password.


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