Women and Vagina School
//brauds.vagina.school.scant.052104.dooshbag
  • written by Brauds Staff Editor Scant
Along with alien encounters, crop circles and the Bermuda Triangle, PMS will go down as one of life's great mysteries. The best way for a guy to describe the words PMS is…..bottled-up fuck. When you react to PMS, you're breaking the bottle open, and like a new guy in prison — you're gonna be fucked no matter what.

The biggest problem about PMS behavior is the fact that it is regarded by women as natural, and an acceptable way of life. While nice gentleman like Mike Tyson, Tommy Lee or Hannibal Lecter constantly get hounded for their anger management problems, it is totally acceptable for a woman to hurl a set of plates at your head or threaten to scrape your balls up with a nail file... as long as she's PMS-ing.

How the hell is this happening? How did we let this get this far? At what point in time did PMS become a suitable defense for everything a woman does wrong?

Because we still don't understand how the god damn cycle works or what exactly a yeast infection is — we're allowing women to use it as an excuse. Women know we don’t understand that shit and use it to their advantage. Do you know what a cramp is? How do we know if Midol isn’t just mints?

My solution to this is simple... when a man becomes 16 years old, he should go to Vagina School. At Vagina School, they teach you everything you need to know about the vagina, the buttons, the spots, the pressure points, leakage areas and a full tour of the menstrual cycle with tips on how to battle PMS.

In Philadelphia, at the Franklin Institute, we have a giant heart in which people can walk through and learn about how the valves work and the heart pumps. I suggest the same for Vagina School. Young men, with miner’s hats on of course, will be able to walk through the giant vagina with sticks in their hand and poke at all of the different parts. Perhaps we could have strippers (in rain coats only) as giant vagina tour guides, and they lead people through it with laser pens and glow sticks shaped like tampons (if they aren’t already).

As far as teachers for the classes, we should use recently washed up Hollywood whores who cannot find work like Sharon Stone and Madonna to be live subjects in class. The front of the classroom can be set up like a gynecological office, complete with stirrups, clear plastic gloves, and face masks (in case of splashing).

Also, like we had in kindergarten, we can have something like the Letter People. For those of you dipshits who forget the letter people, they were “Mrs. T” had big ass teeth, and “Mr. X” was a xylophone and the premise was to get kids to remember what sounds these piece of shit objects made. We do the same, only, all of the letter people are derogatory terms for vagina, and there names are like “Mr. B” who’s a beaver, “Mr. P” is a cat and “Mr. C” is a coin slot.

Finally, the location should be somewhere in the South, for two reasons: 1.) there’s nothing in the South and 2.) if we go near either coast and get stuck next to a fish market this project will fail and no one will go down....


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