Women & the Glass Ceiling
//brauds.apprentice.flush.dbag.060604.dooshbag
  • written by Editor-in-Cheif D-Bag
A recent study indicated that woman make 74% as much as men at the exact same positions. This phenomena is commonly referred to as "The Glass Ceiling," implying that women can achieve career success, but only to a certain degree. So why does this persist? I believe I have found the answer.

Urinals.

That's right, Urinals. Invented during the First Century AD by the Roman Emporer Vespasian, urinals originally were utilized as a money-making scheme. Placed conviently in public areas, the urinals would collect urine, which was a valuable commidity for those who used it to dye cloth. Vespasian would sell the urine to those dye makers... who would in turn sell clothes to everyday citizens... who then would use the urinals while shopping in the markets. Vespasian was selling them back their own urine. Brilliant! In fact, the French - ever behind the times - still call their public urinals "vespasiennes" in honor of the Emperor.

So, how does this cause the glass ceiling? Hypothetical time! Let's use The Apprentice as a base example. Donald Trump is trying to figure out his newest CEO by giving 5 men and 5 women various business assignments. Now assume that every morning, the 10 employees perform a task, then set out for lunch and return for a meeting with The Donald. After lunch and before the meeting, each person has to relieve themselves in the cafeteria bathroom. Simple enough, right? 

Well, let's throw out the argument over whether men or women take longer in the bathroom. Assume for a moment that all 10 candidates take exactly one minute to do their business. And also assume that both men's and women's bathrooms are located the same distance from The Donald's office. Also, each bathroom has the exact same dimensions. All fair so far, right? Well, here's the hitch. 

Everyone knows that urinals take up less space that toilets. So let's assume that for every 2 toilets you can fit 3 urinals, which is a more than fair estimation. So for the women's room, we have 4 toilets, but for the men's we have 2 toilets and 3 urinals. Assuming everyone is doing a number 1, we can fit 5 men to 4 women just in the first set. That means that one woman is left out, having to wait her turn. One minute goes by, all five men are on their way back to the Board room, while one young lady is just going in... trailing the rest of the pack by one full minute.

Now, imagine you're Donald Trump. You're trying to pick your next CEO, so you need to utter "You're Fired" to one of these hopefuls. Now, all other things being equal.. all the candidates have the exact same backrounds, exact same intelligence, exact same degrees. You need to find a reason to pick one to fire. Who are you going to whack? How about that person who is always last coming back from the bathroom? Sounds like a good as reason as any to me.

So, you see, the urinal allows men the oppurtunity to come back for meetings early, make lunches shorter, etc.. while it can delay women up to several minutes. In the high stakes world of corporate businesses, don't you think coming back from lunch a few minutes later than your competition makes a difference? It does - and it may just end up getting your career flushed down the drain.


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