How does Dix feel right now? Listen. March 2, 2003: Things Fall Apart OK, this weekend has been the worst weekend of my life. But before I tell you of my weekend you are going to need some background on the situation. I asked someone to go to snowcoming with me, yes, I actually asked her face to face. And she told me that she would go with me. This was Wednesday night. So I was happy because it is so hard for me to ask girls out. Then the nightmare started. Jordan and I were in the debate office before school Thursday just hanging out and then she came in. And I could tell by her face that she wasn't going with me anymore. So she asked Jordan to leave and the only thing that she could say was "I can't". And I didn't understand why she couldn't which was tearing me up inside. So I thought that whole day about what had changed in the twelve hours between the "yes" and the "I can't". So after school on Thursday I asked her to explain why she couldn't go with me. She said that one of her friend's boyfriend had broken up with her friend. I still didn't understand, but she had to take a test and I knew her as a good person so I believed that she knew what and why she was doing this, so I let it go. I wanted to ask her about it again Friday, but decided not to because it would seem like I was just trying to get her to go with me again. So I just let it be. Now we come to Saturday night. The night that I was supposed to go with her to the dance. Well I ended up going with Jordan and Morgain (Jordan and I had planned to wear really bad looking suits before I had asked the person) and we basically kidnapped Bemis, making him go too. Well we get to the dance and what just happens to be the first thing that I see...her with another guy that looked like he belonged in the seventh grade. So from that moment on I knew that my whole night would be ruined. So as I went in she came up to me and said "Save me a dance." So I went through the night, fighting off tears and trying to have a good time, but not being able to I just began to not care about anything. Well during every single slow dance I looked for her. I really looked all around that room, but I could never find her. So I got my ride home and then the real sulking began. When I got home I instantly went into my room and started to cry. Looking for someone to talk to about this I signed on to GAIM. Noticing that no one that I would like to talk to about it, I changed my user info to this: Things fall apart. Here's a list of many things that you may not know about me. 1) I am a very emotional person. I am not just the "big hairy guy" at ERHS. 2) I have feelings and they are hurt very easily. 3) If you ever care to decide to go out with me and then less then twelve hours later decide not to. Just don't tell me yes to begin with. 4) And when #3 happens, don't show up at the same place I am with a different date. 5) It is very hard for me to ask anyone out, so when I ask you out you should feel very special. 6) If you say no when I ask you out, I can understand. Do not just say yes because you don't want to hurt my feelings because if you say yes and then don't go with me, I get hurt even more. 7) If you do ever decide to change your mind from "yes" to "no", give me a reason as to why? Do not just say "I can't". 8) When I am hurt I like to write poetry. This poetry is shared with almost no one. Well after I did that Gordon, who I had been talking to about this since Thursday, signed on. So I got talking to him about it and he suggested that I call her to ask what was going on. Now I'm not comfortable talking to people over the phone, so that wasn't an idea I was very fond of, but then Jordan signed on and said the same thing. So it comes to Sunday, where it just gets worse. Sunday morning I had to serve mass at my church, but when I woke up I had absolutely no voice at all. Now I've been having problems with my voice for months, but not like this. I literally could not talk. So when I got home from church, I wrote on a piece of paper to my mom that I should get checked out by a doctor. She called the doctor and he said to just not use my voice for a day or two. So now my plan of calling her is not going to work at all. So I'm probably going to wait until tomorrow and talk to her about it after school. When I talk to her tomorrow, I don't know what I'm going to say. I feel so hurt that she could do this to me, but I'm not really that mad at her. This has just lowered my self-esteem a little and that's not a good thing for me. So that's where I stand as of now. I hope that we can work this out because I really like her and I don't want this to break apart our friendship.