ROCKY VS. PAULIE (VERSION 2.0) OPEN ON: A shitty ass bar. Paulie is there drinking and shit, drinking quadruples of rye and coke. Some dude in a nerdy labcoat turns on "Eye of the Tiger" on the jukebox. Paulie grabs an axe from under his barstool and runs at the geek like mad. PAULIE YA RAT FUCK I'LL FUCKIN CUT YA TO SHIT YA SONOFABITCH PLAYIN DAT FUCKIN SHITTY SONG Paulie chops the dude up with the axe and looks at everyone in the bar. PAULIE YA BASTARDS WANT ANY?! HUH!?! Paulie pounds back his liquor, nails a cheap skank in the bathroom, then fucks off. INT - PAULIE'S MANSION Paulie is drinking some Peppermint Schnapps. PAULIE ADRIAN YA FUCKIN CUNT BITCH GET DA FUCK OVA HERE FORE I SLAP YA Adrian comes running. ADRIAN What do you need, Paulie? PAULIE NOT FAST ENOUGH YA FUCKIN STOOPID BITCH Paulie backhands her one upside the head. Rocky comes running out. ROCKY Ehhhyooo Paaawwwwlieeee wuhhh awwwe ewwwyeoou dewwwin mann daz Ajreean mann whhyyy yoouuu doo datt taaa ya sissttaaa Pawwliee? heyyy Pawwwliee leeets settle diss one riiight noww, ewwwe know, I challengge yyaa to a awm-wrestlin' match PAULIE THAT WAS OVA THE TOP YA FUCKIN STOOPID BRAIN-DAMAGED FUCKIN PIECE OF FUCKIN RETARDED ITALIAN SLIME Paulie slugs Rocky, knocking his ass onto the ground, Rocky spits out a few teeth, then gets up. PAULIE NOW SHUT DA FUCK UP! ROCKY eheyooooo Pawwliee man whyyy donntttt wee seetttt up a booxxin' matchh man ill fite youuu 444444 Agreeean mannn PAULIE WHAT DA FUCK DID I JUST TELL YA ABOUT SHUTTIN DA FUCK UP Paulie bitchslaps Rocky with his Schnapps bottle PAULIE I DONT NEED DIS PUSSY FIGHTIN IN THE RING SHIT IM A FUCKIN STREET BRAWLER YA JIZZ-PLATTER ILL FUCKIN STAB YA IN THE EYE Paulie romps to the door, knocks some shit over and then waves Rocky to come outside to fight him. PAULIE GET DA FUCK OUT HERE MAGGOT DICK YA BITCH FIGHT LIKE A FUCKIN MAN ON THE STREETS ILL TEACH YA FOR NEVER GETTIN ME A JOB WITH GAZZO YA FUCKIN PIECE OF FUCK Rocky walks out to the street in Creed's old boxing shorts with boxing gloves on. PAULIE GET THOSE FUCKIN THINGS THE FUCK OFF YER FUCKIN BRAIN-DEAD FROM THE FUCKIN ASSHOLE UP ROCKY Ehhhhhhhyoooo Paawwwwwlie mayyyybeeee wee shoooodentttt fiiiighhhhtttt maaaaaan eyye gottt daat bliindness in meye onneee eyee eweee knowwwww PAULIE STOP BACKING DOWN YA FUCKIN PUSSY ASSDICK SONOFABITCH TAKE DA FUCKIN GLOVES OFF YA [insert gay-basher of choice] Junior comes running out of the house, helps tard Rocky take off his gloves and slips him some brass knuckles. PAULIE I FUCKIN SAW DAT YA LITTLE PRICK YA DEAD TOO YA FUCK Paulie grabs Junior by the head and starts bouncing it off a near-by dumpster, then throws his mangled corpse in it. Rocky stumbles towards Paulie. PAULIE NOW YOUR GONNA GET IT YA FUCKIN HOG ANUS YA DIRTY COCKSUCKA Paulie starts laying the lefts to Rocky's face, then comes at him with the rights, then catches him with a big uppercut, knocking Rocky down to the asphalt. PAULIE YA WANT SOME MORE YA FUCKIN STOOPID FUCK YA He gives Rock a shot right between the eyes. Rocky gazes at Paulie. ROCKY WHOA! I CAN TALK NOW! PAULIE, YOU'RE THE GREATES- - Paulie gives Rocky the pimphand, knocking his ass out again. PAULIE YA CUM DRINKIN FUCKIN HU-ER Paulie grabs Rocky, kicking him in the ass up to the steps of his mansion, then knocks him a good kick in the chops, laying Rocky out on the porch. He grabs some booze and starts swillin'. Rocky fights to get up, pushing himself up on Paulie's chair, standing on his feet, but falls back down into the chair. PAULIE HOW MANY TIMES I GOTTA FUCKIN TELL YA STAY THE FUCK OUTTA MY CHAIR Paulie lays a few shots into Rock while he's in the chair, hurting him badly, then sees Adrian crawling towards him and lays a boot to her chin as well. He lifts Rocky off his chair, throwing him down the steps of his mansion, Rocky's momentum bangs through a fence. Paulie heads to the backyard. ROCKY EHHHYOOOO AGRIAN I DIIIIIIIID ITTTTTTTTT!!!! Suddenly Paulie emerges from the darkness, wielding a chainsaw. PAULIE DID WHAT YA FUCKIN SLURRY BRAIN-DEAD SHIT-STICK Paulie brings the chainsaw down, cutting off Rock's left leg. He sees a homeless guy and tosses it to him PAULIE HERES A FUCKIN DRUMSTICK FOR YA FUCKIN TWERP The homeless dude eats the leg while Paulie massacres Rock's body, intestines, blood, feces and piss flying everywhere. PAULIE I SEE YA WASNT CIRCUMSIZED YA FUCKIN FLOPPY SKINNED DICK FUCK YA WELL PAULIE'LL TAKE CARE A DAT Paulie cuts off the cock and feeds it to Butkas. Butkas takes off. PAULIE YA BETTER GET DA FUCK OUTTA HERE YA FUCKIN MUTT YA Paulie gives Rocky's mangled head a boot down the street, then goes and fucks a 3 dollar hooker. THE END.