Honestly, I can't help the way I feel; I wasn't looking for "it." Again, "it" happened unexpectedly. I'm sure it's perfectly natural. Not like I have a crush on the damn guy, just admire and find him to be unique in an interesting way.

When I first discovered Bailey seemed a little playful, I thought, "Well, at least he's alive and speaking." To me, seeing another side of that man was funny, but SPECIAL FOR ME AT THE SAME TIME. It was great. Hell, it showed that nerd boy was somewhat coming around compared to what he used to be. That is, he was so god damn uptight in the beginning when I first encountered him. Afterwards, I told myself, "Bailey's a cool, flirty, down to earth man. Still a nerd though."

Personally I feel there's a big difference between a "kiddy crush" and being naturally attracted to the opposite sex. Especially at my age, 25. For one, I'm not a child. Hell, I know he's fucking married. Plus my dumb ass is with Michael. So not like anything bizarre is going to happen. Furthermore, I think it's healthy for people to flirt. Additionally, it'd be different if I forced my weird self onto the nerd. That's a big ass difference.

:-)

Sometimes I think Bailey took me too literally, regardless if it were my body language, facial expressions, or my silliness with him through e-mails. As a result, he made the scene more dramatic between us two. When in fact, he should know it's all sweet and innocent. Well, that's my opinion. Really, I think the man had PMS, like he couldn't have a sense of humor. Or even appreciate the fact that a young girl, namely at my age enjoys being silly with him compared to his age. BUT NOT LIKE AGE MATTERS ANYHOW. Hell, I know he's older than me - but not like I give a shit. Despite everything, I can't help the way I act. I'm flirtatious around all my guy friends. So that's a portion of where my personality comes from. Am I supposed to feel ashamed? Moreover, I was looking for FRIENDSHIP FROM THE GUY.

A perfect example of Bailey's annoyance . . .

I walked into his class one morning. Apparently, the little nerd beat me, which I thought was rather odd. Anyhow, I observed that my regular seat that I normally sit in (front row, first seat) was placed right against the chalkboard sides ways. I thought to myself, "Well, that man's definitely got a stick shoved way up his ass today." I didn't breathe a word to him about the tiny ordeal. Just noticed his jacket and all his belongs were spread out every where, mainly on my desk. I assumed it was another one of his PMS days, where he didn't want to deal with me because he felt "it" (flirting) was wrong. I swear, if you're going to play an innocent flirtatious game adult to adult wise, (PREDOMINANTLY FROM THE START) you can't be crying over spilled milk LIKE A BABY IN THE END. It's uncool. And let's just say it made Bailey appear even more unattractive when it came to stupid unnecessary situations.

When I walked into Bailey's class, I plopped myself into the third seat near the door. That day, we had homework due. Seconds later, I saw the nerd's smiling face. I always liked it when he was happy. So I was happy.

Once I glanced at the page, it turned out to be my English essay on Hemingway. I just started to giggle. Told the nerd I was sorry, said it was an accident, and that I was up late studying. Bailey joked around and said he'd love to grade it, but he can't. Although our conversation was short, I actually felt comfortable talking to him. For awhile, I totally forgot the room existed. Still, I was embarrassed because he read a shitty rough draft, but that's okay. Not like I'm an expert at creative writing.

After that, I handed Bailey my homework on key terms. I watched him as he placed my paper on the counter where he always kept his belongings. Seconds later, he looked down at my homework. I thought, "Cool, I hope the little weirdo reads my special note just for him." I could see he was reading it from where I sat. I think I made it obvious that there was something else attached to my homework. Hell, I wrote his name big, like 3 times in order for him to see it. After he was done, he walked over to me, smiled, and said in a low apologetic voice, "I'm sorry." Once he did, I laughed like a little girl and said, "It's okay." Basically, my note was just a small correction. I realized the nerd had been pronouncing my middle name, Kitty, wrong. It drove me nuts. It didn't blend right. Originally, I never wanted to be called by my first name, Milla, because it just sounded like it was some type of medicine. But if someone did refer to me in that name, I'd tell whomever to call me, "Mila" for short.

After class, I went outside with Eve to smoke. Minutes later, Bailey showed up to join us. We got dismissed early which I thought was really fucking cool. The nerd was always awesome about releasing us students in advance. While I sat there, I observed him. I guess I had nothing better to do. He wore blue jeans, always kept one of his hands in his pocket as he paced back and forth while puffing on his cigarette.

As I vividly recall, Bailey stood directly in front of us with both hands in his pockets. The nerd kept looking down at the ground, and then directly over at us. Acted like he was a sad little boy who was revealing a secret - - but did so in a cute, slick way. Hey, I actually admire the little nerd for putting on an act like that. For a minute there, he had me going! Still, I could tell Bailey wanted the attention. It was so damn obvious !! I mean c' mon . . . who are we kidding here ? God but Bailey was soooo fucking hilarious.

NERD!

:-)