Quotes (Page 4)!

  1. �I assure you that the typewriting machine, when played with expression, is not more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relative.� ~Oscar Wilde
  2. �But that doesn�t mean I know everything.� ~The Great God Om in response to �But you�you�re omnicognisant.�
  3. �Blasphemy? How can I blaspheme? I�m a god!� ~The Great God Om
  4. �Gym. The bane of my existence.� ~Icarus
  5. �I thought �wimp.� (Laughs)� ~Terence Corrigan about his character in Horatio Hornblower in an interview with A&E
  6. �Poor Terrence is a fabulous actor. He�s only 21, and he has a terrible giggle when he�s trying to be serious.� ~Philip Glenister
  7. �Hobbs is like that school bully kind, really nasty sort of streak, picking on the small guy. I can�t defend Hobbs there, he�s just an out-and-out bully, and he should be shot. (Laughs)� ~Philip Glenister
  8. ��the result has been far more positive in America. I mean, the amount of women in America�they love the uniforms! (Laughs.)� ~Robert Lindsay
  9. �Human nature is weird.� ~Bruce
  10. �We don�t want to hurt you; we just want your organs!� ~Doctor in Monkeybone
  11. �Wow! Brendan Fraser�s Canadian! I wanna go to Canadia! Wait�� ~Duckie
  12. �It�s not like they�re enclosed in a�bubble. They�re not off in a little Amish bubble.� ~Karen
  13. �I had a little trouble with the fireplace.� ~Judge Claude Frollo
  14. "I learned, you know, FRY first, gloat later." ~Hades
  15. �If God is all things, how can you put Him in a little box?� ~Tameika on tabernacles
  16. �They say God is great and powerful because He can walk on water. What if I don�t think that�s all that great and powerful?� ~Tameika
  17. �Tortoises are cynics. They always expect the worst�Because it often happens to them, I suppose.� ~The Great God Om
  18. �We are, therefore we am.� ~Xeno
  19. �Life�s a beach�And then you die.� ~The Sea Queen
  20. �There�s no point in believing in things that exist.� ~Didactylos
  21. �That was the trouble with last nights. They were always followed by this mornings.� ~Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
  22. �It didn�t matter if you fooled yourself provided you didn�t let yourself know it, and did it well.� ~Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
  23. �He looked nervous, like an atheist in a thunderstorm.� ~Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
  24. �Killing the creator was a traditional method of patent-protection.� ~Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
  25. �This doesn�t change anything, you know! Don�t think you can get round me by existing!� ~Simony, a devout atheist, when confronted by the Great God Om
  26. �It seemed to me that any civilization that had so far lost its head as to need to include a set of detailed instructions for use in a package of toothpicks, was no longer a civilization I could live in and stay sane.� ~Wonko the Sane
  27. �The problem is, or rather one of the problems, for there are many, a sizeable number of which are continuously clogging up the civil, commercial, and criminal courts in all areas of the Galaxy, and especially, where possible, the more corrupt ones, this. The previous sentence makes sense. That is not the problem. This is: Change.� ~Douglas Adams, So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
  28. ��Los Angeles, which is described in the new edition of The Hitchhiker�s Guide to the Galaxy� as �being like several thousand square miles of American Express junk mail, but without the same sense of moral depth. Plus the air is, for some reason, yellow.�� ~Douglas Adams, So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
  29. ��San Francisco, which the Guide describes as a �good place to go. It is very easy to believe that everyone you meet there is also a space traveler. Starting a new religion for you is just their way of saying �hi.� Until you�ve settled in and got the hang of the place it�s best to say �no� to three questions out of any given four that anyone may ask you, because there are some very strange things going on there, some of which an unsuspecting alien could die of�.� ~ Douglas Adams, So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
  30. �I wish people spoke in subtitles. Then I could just close my eyes.� ~Daria Morgendorffer
  31. �Isn�t �ointment� a cool word?� ~Daria Morgendorffer
  32. �I�m always open to new experiences. Just so I don�t have to leave my room.� ~Daria Morgendorffer
  33. �I love learning. I just wish school weren�t always in the way.� ~Daria Morgendorffer
  34. �School activities are for people who haven�t discovered the thrill of counting ceiling cracks.� ~Daria Morgendorffer
  35. �The biggest advantage to prison is getting out and telling your parents� friends you weren�t really studying abroad.� ~Daria Morgendorffer
  36. �On other shows when they get to the end of the scene, they yell �Cut!� On Whose Line, we yell �That�s Enough!�� ~Drew Carey
  37. �I perceived that I was hungry and prepared to clamber out of the hammock which, very politely anticipating my intention, twisted round and deposited me upon all-fours on the floor.� ~Edward Prendick
  38. �SHUT UP AND TOUCH THE MONKEY!� ~Colin Mochrie and Ryan Stiles
  39. �I am smitten. I am in deep smit.� ~Charlie McKenzie
  40. �The only good zine is a barely read zine.� ~Milo Kamilani
  41. �You rode a horse once. Could you build one from spare parts?� ~Lexington
  42. �Last time we met, you just wanted to blow me away with a bazooka.� ~Brooklyn in response to Demona�s �I just want to talk to you.�
  43. �I respect you, Darth.� ~Wayne Brady when approached by Darth Vader
  44. �Where am I going and why am I in this hand basket?� ~A t-shirt I saw
  45. �Would you like me to pronounciate [sic] things better when I�m around you?� ~Brandon
  46. �He said, �Well, yeah, we cast you because you�ve got weird eyes, David, but would you mind wearing these contact lenses?�� ~David Dixon
  47. �The head also, I think�cost more than I got paid for the entire series�. That�s not a grudge that I bear it, it�s just an interesting fact.� ~Mark Wing-Davie about his �best friend�
  48. �You�ve got to be original, because if you�re like someone else, what do they need you for?� ~Bernadette Peters
  49. �My grandfather was a general in the Salvation Army. Until he went crazy and led an attack against a Good Will store.� ~Oswald
  50. "Angry teachers, when kept in proper perspective, can be quite entertaining." ~Milo Kamilani
  51. �A shortage of tea bags? Welcome to England, Mr. Proops. This is what counts as a crisis over here.� ~Clive Anderson
  52. �I�d love to chat, but I�m kind of in the middle of an improv show.� ~Greg Proops to �Mr. A�
  53. �The infinite exists. It is there. If the infinite had no me, the me would be its limit; it would not be the infinite; in other words, it would not be. But it is. Then it has a me. This me of the infinite is God.� ~G--- (what is his name?!) of Victor Hugo�s Les Miserables
  54. �There�s some magical creature called, �overtime,� only no one�s even seen its footprints.� ~Commander Samuel Vimes
  55. �We work as a team and we�re pretty much making it up as we go along, and half the time we�re not even certain what the law is, so it can get interesting.� ~Commander Samuel Vimes
  56. �It was easy to be a vegetarian by day. It was preventing yourself becoming a humanitarian at night that took the real effort.� ~Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay
  57. �But Vimes was a policeman. No one lived a completely blameless life. It might be just possible, by lying very still in a cellar somewhere, to get through a day without committing a crime. But only just. And, even then, you were probably guilty of loitering.� ~Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay
  58. �You�re one hundred percent positive that the ship which is crashed on the bottom of this ocean is the ship which you said you were one hundred percent positive could one hundred percent positively never crash?� ~Zaphod Beeblebrox
  59. �Santa Zarquana Voostra! .�OK, so the guy is cool, but�I mean, own up, this is barking time, this is major lunch, this is stool approaching critical mass, this is�this is�total vocabulary failure!� ~Zaphod Beeblebrox
  60. �If you are reading this on planet Earth then: A. Good luck to you. There is an awful lot of stuff you don�t know anything about, but you are not alone in this. It�s just that in your case, the consequences of not knowing any of this stuff are particularly terrible, but then, hey, that�s just the way the cookie gets completely stomped on and obliterated. B. Don�t imagine you know what a computer terminal is.� ~Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless
  61. �You cannot see what I see because you see what you see. You cannot not know what I know because you know what you know. What I see and what I know cannot be added to what you see and what you know because they are not of the same kind. Neither can it replace what you see and what you know, because that would be to replace you yourself.� ~A Hawalius sage
  62. �What the [heck], he thought, you�re only young once, and threw himself out the window. That would at least keep the element of surprise on his side.� ~Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless
  63. ��anything that�s to do with Ford Prefect is bound to be worse and more worrying than something that isn�t.� ~Arthur Dent
  64. �What do you mean?� ~Arthur Dent in response to Random�s �You don�t know what anyone means by anything!�
  65. �Oh, yes. Beer and sailors go well together�for about two minutes.� ~Duckie
  66. �I told you to stop wearing my eye shadow.� ~Duckie as Pocahontas in response to Powhatan�s �I told you to stay in the village.�
  67. �I laugh at me.� ~Duckie
  68. �Where? Does it suck?� ~Gesture in response to Maggie�s �The A-Teens have an original song!�
  69. �Jaws 3: People 0� ~Proposed title for third Jaws movie, planned to be a cross-over with National Lampoons, thought up by producers Richard Zanuck and David Brown
  70. �You can just forget it, missy; Jake Morgendorffer doesn�t repeat himself! Doesn�t. Repeat. Him. Self!� ~Jake Morgendorffer
  71. �They say �All you need is love,� but would brains be so much to ask for?� ~Daria Morgendorffer
  72. �EVOLVE, Effie, EVOLVE!� ~Pepper Ann Pearson
  73. �Why is it no one takes me seriously unless I�m joking?� ~Cassandra
  74. �You want to be worshipped? Go to India and moo.� ~Herbert Stemple
  75. �Cheating on a quiz show? That's sort of like plagiarizing a comic strip.� ~Mark Van Doren
  76. �We can't all be Bozo the Clown.� ~Charles Van Doren
  77. �If you look around the table and you can't tell who the sucker is, it's you.� ~Mark Van Doren
  78. �A woman should never learn to sew, and if she does know how she shouldn't admit to it.� ~Katharine Clifton
  79. �Heaven does not interest mankind; it is too much like a never ending Sunday afternoon. It is [Tartarus] that captivates us.� ~John Talbot
  80. �A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.� ~Willy Wonka
  81. �C minus! My grade matches my blood type!� ~Milo Kamilani
  82. �You know, in the 1970s when I was in high school, I was a member of a band called the �Happy Funk Band,� until an unfortunate typo got us expelled from school.� ~Colin Mochrie
  83. �You tolerate me! You really, really tolerate me!� ~Colin Mochrie
  84. �Good villains aren't born. They're _made_.� ~Captain Chaotica!!
  85. �At least you got to keep your hair! I lost mine in the settlement!� ~Colin Mochrie aka Bitter Divorced Kid
  86. "Do I believe in ghosts?...I am prepared to consider evidence and accept it if it satisfies me." ~M.R. James
  87. "...tea was taken to the accompaniment of a discussion which golfing persons can imagine for themselves, about which the conscientious writer has no right to inflict upon any non-golfing persons." ~M.R. James, The Mezzotint
  88. "You don't understand at all. I'm so scared of you my spine has turned to jelly, it's just that I'm suffering from an overdose of terror right now. I mean, when I've got over that then I'll have time to be decently frightened of you." ~Rincewind
  89. "The Disc gods themselves, despite the splendor of the world below them, are seldom satisfied. It is embarrassing to know that one is a god of a world that only exists because every improbability curve must have its far end; especially when one can peer into other dimensions at worlds whose Creators had more mechanical aptitude than imagination. No wonder, then, that the Disc gods spend more time in bickering than in omnicognizance." ~Terry Pratchett, The Colour of Magic
  90. "'D*mn!' said Carrot, a difficult linguistic feat." ~Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay
  91. "Someone has to be very complex indeed to be as simple as Carrot." ~Constable Angua von �berwald
  92. "You're being reasonable again! You're deliberately seeing everyone's point of view! Can't you try to be unfair even once?" ~Constable Angua von �berwald to Captain Carrot Ironfounderson
  93. "Fred Colon hadn't reached Vimes's level of sophisticated despair. Vimes took the view that life was so full of things happening erratically in all directions that the chances of any of them making some kind of relevant sense were remote in the extreme. Colon, being by nature more optimistic and by intellect a good deal slower, was still at the Clues are Important stage." ~Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay
  94. "I was talking about policing, not alcohol. There's lots of people willing to help you with the alcohol business, but there's no one out there arranging little meetings where you can stand up and say, 'My name is Sam and I'm a really suspicious [jerk].'" ~Commander Samuel Vimes
  95. "It is not a good idea to spray finest brandy across the room, especially when your lighted cigar is in the way." ~Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay
  96. "Because of the huge obtrusive mass of his forehead, Rogers the bulls' view of the universe was from two eyes each with their own non-overlapping hemispherical view of the world. Since there were two separate visions, Rogers had reasoned, that meant there must be two bulls (bulls having not been bred for much deductive reasoning). Most bulls believe this, which is why they always keep turning their head this way and that when they look at you. They do this because both of them want to see." ~Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay
  97. "The Watchman's helmet isn't like a crown. Even when you take it off, you're still wearing it." ~Commander Samuel Vimes
  98. "Indeed, A True Atheist Thinks Of The Gods Constantly, Albeit In Terms Of Denial. Therefore, Atheism Is A Form Of Belief. If The Atheist Truly Did Not Believe, He Or She Would Not Bother To Deny." ~Lance Constable Dorfl
  99. "What Better Work For One Who Loves Freedom Than The Job Of Watchman? Law Is The Servant Of Freedom. Freedom Without Limits Is Just A Word." ~Lance Constable Dorfl
  100. "It was the kind of voice that the ear follows up and down as if each speech is an arrangement of notes that will never be played again." ~Nick Carraway about Daisy Buchanan

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