Quotes (Page 30)!

  1. "I feel the inner kid in me (granted I have a bigger one than most... I still kinda hope there is a tooth fairy... I mean how [awesome] would that be if you lose one when you're 40? A 5 dollar bill to a 7 year old is like sooo much money. So if you're 40 and lose a tooth, can you get like a down payment on a car?) is back. And he wants 2 things: stuff to do and ice cream." ~Steven
  2. "No, seriously, 'out-depress [Robin] with a song' is not _really_ on my list of priorities." ~Captain Chaotica!!
  3. "If you want to make a list of television shows about law enforcement that are inaccurate...where do we begin?" ~Lt. Jim Dangle
  4. "Wake up and smell the psychosis." ~Number Six
  5. "There is a law of friendship: friendship energy can not be created or destroyed, and it's conserved. Now, for the other friendship to begin, a large input of energy, it had to be siphoned, b/c energy is so [darn] expensive right now." ~Kenny
  6. "Truer words have not been typed in an IM conversation." ~Lily
  7. "The English wing is no place for Mr. Jaffurs. It can't contain him." ~Duckie
  8. "If they didn't pee and poop anywhere it struck their fancy to do so, I think I would have a hamster." ~Kenny
  9. "I like my leg. I"ve had it as long as I can remember." ~Dr. Gregory House
  10. "I make my own [gun] permits. Sometimes you need to shoot someone before the ten days are up." ~Suspect on Reno 911!
  11. "That's me. I'm in that grave." ~Church
  12. "What would Mick Jagger do?" ~Jimmy Wagner
  13. "The best part is [Steven Spielberg's people] keep saying, '[The filming of Munich] is the biggest thing ever to happen to Budapest,' which is true if you discount the whole Roman and Ottoman Empires, World Wars I and II, the fall of communism and the European Union's accession." ~Anonymous PageSix.com source
  14. "I need a volunteer with light fluffy hair who doesn"t have a pacemaker." ~My Physics II prof
  15. "If you get something on the line of a milliamp flowing through you, that"s enough to...turn you off." ~My Physics II prof
  16. "The reason that it"s important is not that it"s important." ~My Digital Logic prof
  17. "I could almost memorize [hexadecimal]. You guys should be able to. Good thing I"m not the one taking the test." ~My Digital Logic prof
  18. "Usually you have some kind of "real" world, whatever that is." ~My Digital Logic prof
  19. "That"s all I"m doing on number systems. If you"re still confused...it"s not my fault!" ~My Digital Logic prof
  20. "I don"t mean to make this a...despotic regime." ~My C++ prof
  21. "Initially, you look at the error message and go "What the [Tartarus]?!" They"re very cryptic." ~My C++ prof
  22. "You look at the screen; the screen looks at you. You live happily ever after." ~My C++ prof explaining what happens if you don"t input anything when a program prompts you to
  23. "It"s like putting [neonates] inside the piano." ~My Music & Health prof
  24. "She didn"t want to go home to her wealthy powerful husband. She wanted to stay with the edgy young criminal who had broken into her home and abducted her pet dog. Well, of course she did. Wouldn"t any normal, settled, well-adjusted wife feel the same way?" ~Carl Hiaasen, Sick Puppy
  25. "They were jumping the wakes of yachts, buzzing the sailboats, spraying the bait netters and otherwise announcing their drunken idiocy to the world. Such brain-dead antics were so commonplace among water bikers that it was hardly noteworthy, and Twilly Spree would have paid no further attention except that the drawbridge was still up and he was stuck for entertainment. Besides, there was a better-than-average chance that the bozos would crash their noisy toys head-on into the seawall at fifty miles per hour"and Twilly was always eager to see Darwin vindicated in such cinematic style." ~Carl Hiaasen, Sick Puppy
  26. "Vengeance ought never to be ambiguous." ~Twilly Spree
  27. "Dr. Brinkman deliberately slowed his pace, laboring to clear the buzz from his head, straining to gauge the proximity of the killer"s footsteps, knowing the timing of this grand move had to be absolutely flawless...flawless timing, unfortunately, not being a typical side effect of massive vodka consumption." ~Carl Hiaasen, Sick Puppy
  28. "She made me laugh, Jim. I"ve gotten to where that counts more than...well, that other stuff. Which means I"m either getting real old or real smart." ~Clinton "Skink" Tyree
  29. "A sad sight, but also a beautiful one. Because you and I and the six billion other selfish members of our species didn"t interfere." ~Clinton "Skink" Tyree after a crocodile devoured a heron
  30. "Don"t you have to disembowel somebody to lose your real estate license in California?" ~Twilly Spree
  31. "Oh, what a lovely day to have a slice of humble pie." ~"Sleep All Day," Jason Mraz
  32. "Still I"ve got cobblestone joints and plate-glass points, as I"m all by myself tonight. Not again, not again." ~"Tonight, Not Again," Jason Mraz
  33. "Broadway is a very special place, filled with people who can sing and dance...often at the same time!" ~Sir Robin, the Not _Quite_ So Brave as Sir Launcelot
  34. "This probably isn"t the bus to campus. Usually, scary people don"t go to campus." ~Hilary
  35. "If you can "t get a handicapped sticker, what"s the point?" ~Hilary on Alopecia
  36. "It would be lonely if you were the only star in the night." ~"What Happens Tomorrow," Simon Le Bon
  37. "You can be the moon and still be jealous of the stars." ~"Learning to Live with Me," Gary Burr and Harley Allen
  38. "I wonder if a ghost can have an aneurysm." ~Tucker
  39. "Trust the toad!" ~Wilhelm Grimm
  40. "These people are much better funded than we are." ~Wilhelm Grimm
  41. "If you put a burger in the toaster, it says "Happy birthday!"" ~Suspect on Reno 911!
  42. "What?! Facebook is down?! What am I gonna do?! I can"t stalk people now! I pay good money to keep Facebook online! Good money!" ~Hilary
  43. "Every morning I just hit the ground yawning." ~"Intermittently," Steve Page
  44. "Maybe it had crack on it, and he was just like, "Oh! This is awesome!"" ~Hillary, theorizing why my hamster might have tried to eat a $20 bill
  45. "I noted at once the air of settled melancholy about him. I paid that little attention, for writers, I have long noticed, are prone to melancholy. It is something about the profession, I believe. The constant contact with editors, perhaps." ~George from Azazel
  46. "One can be outraged at injustice, but how can one be outraged at everyone"s being too kind and thoughtful to you"the insensitive louts?" ~Mordecai Sims
  47. "Well really, old fellow, how can I tell you this story in reasoned manner if you feel called upon to insert your own views continually? You don"t seem to realize that the art of the true conversationalist consists of being completely attentive, and refraining from interruption on such specious excuses as that of having heard it all before." ~George from Azazel
  48. "Dale...are you posting our conversations on the internet again?" ~Hank Hill
  49. "[Brandon Flowers] was the only person to reply to my ad who wasn"t a complete freak..." ~David Kuening
  50. "I think that the public hear their pop radio or whatever and they just get sick of bad music. They want to hear songs again." ~Ronnie Vannucci
  51. "As if I didn"t have homework to be doing, I"m on Facebook, because it"s my crack. [whimper] It is. It"s my crack." ~Hillary
  52. "The answer, of course, is "c," though "d" would have been awesome." ~Jon Stewart on "giraffe mutations"
  53. "What good is democracy if you can't get what you want?" ~Drew Carey
  54. "Chivalry is dead. Women killed it." ~Dave Chappelle
  55. "I [want to marry the Hamburgler], too. What a fine piece of meat." ~Hillary
  56. "[Severus Snape is] the most beautiful man alive." ~Hillary
  57. "When you 'make good,' you find out who your real friends are. You find out pretty quick. And it's a very ambivalent feeling, because you're, like, happy you found out that people are [jerkfaces], but you're kinda sad because you think, 'Wow, I wasted so much time being this person's friend.'" ~Greg Camp
  58. "I need to find a republican Bill Clinton." ~Hillary, expanding on her assertion that First Lady is the best job ever
  59. "Congrats - you made Kenny's "Disprove Robbie Coltrane" profile." ~Kenny
  60. "There"s a colour code [on resistors] telling you the resistance, much like the Homeland Security colour code. Only much more useful." ~My Physics II prof
  61. "[The customer] will never know that it displays junk." ~My Digital Logic prof, illustrating the basic relationship between engineers and consumers
  62. "It"s kind of fun to do. But after you leave this class, you"ll never see it again. And why"s that? Because Quartus will do it for you!" ~My Digital Logic prof on five and six variable KMAP problems
  63. "Wow. Only in an engineering class." ~A guy in my Digital Logic class after someone"s "Imperial March" ringtone sounded
  64. "Because they would fight." ~Another guy in my Digital Logic class explaining why he doesn"t believe there can be more than one god
  65. "That"s what we do at night when we have nothing else to do " think of [ways to trick students on exam questions.]" ~My Digital Logic prof
  66. "Let me back up. Let me do an undo...You can"t do an undo in real life." ~My Digital Logic prof
  67. "Dirk, however, was having a great deal of difficulty in taking it all in. He was much more aware of taking a succession of huge swimmy whacks to the head, which were the assaults of guilt. It was not the normal background-noise type of guilt that comes from just being alive this far into the twentieth century, and which Dirk was usually fairly adept at dealing with. It was an actual stunning sense of "this specific terrible thing is specifically and terribly my fault."" ~Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
  68. "[Toe Rag] grinned, and allowed a stray shaft of sunlight to glitter on one of his teeth. These things don"t happen by accident. Toe Rag had spent some time while Thor was unconscious working out how long it would take him to recover, then industriously moving the pile of rubble to exactly this spot, checking the height and then calculating the exact angle at which to lean. As a provocateur he regarded himself as a professional." ~Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
  69. "It was the chance carelessness of it which particularly appealed to Dirk because words used carelessly, as if they did not matter in any serious way, often allowed otherwise well-guarded truths to seep through." ~Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
  70. "The lyrics were, well, straightforward. They provided a basic repetitive bit of funk rhythm and a simple sense of menace and cheerful callousness which had caught the mood of last summer." ~Douglas Adams describing a pop hit in The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
  71. "Things had certainly come down a long way since the great days of Faust and Mephistopheles, when a man could gain all the knowledge of the universe, achieve all the ambitions of his mind and all the pleasures of the flesh for the price of his soul. Now it was a few record royalties, a few pieces of trendy furniture, a trinket to stick on your bathroom wall and, whap, your head comes off." ~Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
  72. "Dennis Hutch had stepped up into the top seat when [The Aries Rising Record Group"s] founder had died of a lethal overdose of brick wall, taken while under the influence of a Ferrari and a bottle of tequila." ~Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
  73. "Only the Republicans would drive to a rally in a stretch Hummer." ~Hillary
  74. "Now the dream"s a nightmare, and the truth, to be fair, is that dreaming was the first mistake." ~Steve Page and Ed Robertson, "Have You Seen My Love?"
  75. "Everybody"s got parents, Jean. Even hookers." ~Harold Weir
  76. "This is why I suck at being an adult." ~Hillary flouncing around the apartment in a pink flowered skirt and whining about all of her food going off
  77. "That's how cleavage works. It's not a smart bomb." ~Greg Giraldo
  78. "I can"t talk and think at the same time." ~Hillary
  79. ""Wherewithal" is everything under the umbrella not covered by "smarts"." ~Jeff Davis
  80. "Writing is flying in dreams. When you remember. When you can. When it works. It"s that easy." ~Neil Gaiman
  81. "Stories are, in one way or another, mirrors. We use them to explain to ourselves how the world works or how it doesn"t work. Like mirrors, stories prepare us for the day to come. They distract us from the things in the darkness." ~Neil Gaiman
  82. "I wondered about where stories came from. This is the kind of thing you wonder about when you make things up for a living. I remain unconvinced that it is a fit occupation for an adult, but it"s too late now: I seem to have a career that I enjoy with doesn"t involve getting up too early in the morning. (When I was a child, adults would tell me not to make things up, warning me of what would happen if I did. As far as I can tell so far it seems to involve lots of foreign travel and not having to get up too early in the morning.)" ~Neil Gaiman
  83. "It happened that I had just finished co-writing a screen adaptation of Beowulf, the old English narrative poem, and was mildly surprised by the number of people who, mishearing me, seemed to think I had just written an episode of "Baywatch." So I began retelling Beowulf< as a futuristic episode of "Baywatch" for an anthology of detective stories. It seemed to be the only sensible thing to do. Look, I don"t give you grief over where you get your ideas from." ~Neil Gaiman
  84. "(I cross two fingers,/a binary precaution against hex,/effective as a superconductor or simple superstition.)" ~Neil Gaiman, "Cold Colors"
  85. "You can"t beat "em up cause they"re bigger than you. You can"t live with "em and you just can"t shoot "em." ~"Men"
  86. "Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF..." ~A shirt I saw on a guy outside the Physics building
  87. "Because the easiest thing to find in your office will always be your wall." ~VisiBone Chart Suite slogan
  88. "If you want something done properly, kill Baldrick before you start." ~Edmond Blackadder
  89. "I don"t have to express my emotions to have them." ~Hillary
  90. "Tucker, there is a very fine line between not listening and not caring. I like to think I walk that line every day of my life." ~Church
  91. "There's nothing intellectual about wandering around Italy in a big shirt trying to get laid." ~Blackadder on Shelley, Coleridge, and Byron
  92. "Seriously, I would have ice cream"s babies if it were possible...And then I would eat my babies. I"d be like a hamster." ~Hillary
  93. "I'm starting to like this culture, though. Anyone who trips is a hero. I'm pretty sure that makes Caboose God." ~Tucker
  94. "You know, I feel like I'm gonna regret this, but I feel even more like I just don't care." ~Church
  95. "How can I defend a man like that? Oh my god...I can't even listen. I have to go back to my room." ~Hillary during the Daily Show coverage of a Bush speech
  96. "Cartman and I could get married." ~Hillary
  97. "I don"t have enough fingers to point at everything in the house." ~Hillary
  98. "That's it. I give up. The world might as well implode, it's worthless to me." ~John
  99. "I"m slapping myself like that"s going to make the show come back on... It doesn"t seem to be working." ~Hillary
  100. "I"m always nervous about singing"always. It may be one of the only things I sweat about." ~Ed Robertson

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