Quotes (Page 3)!

  1. "I hate losing laughs; they're rare things." ~Terry Gilliam
  2. "This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays." ~Arthur Dent
  3. "Did I do something wrong today, or has the world always been like this and I've been too wrapped up in myself to notice?" ~Arthur Dent
  4. "I wish I could end every rap song I didn't like with a buzzer." ~Drew Carey
  5. "It was funny how people were people everywhere you went, even if the people concerned weren't the people the people who made up the phrase 'people are people everywhere' had traditionally thought of as people." ~Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant
  6. "Sometimes it would be nice to be wrong about people." ~Commander Samuel Vimes
  7. "Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't. I've been a people watcher. I like to go to malls and just sit, and I can't do that very easily anymore." ~Drew Carey on being famous
  8. "Sometimes he doesn't have to say anything, he just looks funny." ~Laura Hall about Colin Mochrie
  9. "The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail." ~Steven Fry
  10. "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a Spam." ~Jeff Davis
  11. "It's also a big continent, if you're a Geographer." ~Greg Proops, correcting Drew Carey when he erroneously referred to Africa as a "big country"
  12. "Psychic convention cancelled because of unforeseen circumstances." ~Greg Proops
  13. "What if hamsters fought in the American Revolution?" ~Colin Mochrie
  14. "THE CAT!!!!!!" ~Colin Mochrie
  15. "Let me play a man in a scene." ~Colin Mochrie
  16. "If Sting retires, would he have to change his name to Stung?" ~Colin Mochrie
  17. "This courtroom is a Mochrie..." ~Colin Mochrie
  18. "It all started with a badly timed bald joke." ~Colin Mochrie
  19. "If you call now, we'll send you one of Ryan Stiles' shoes, which comfortably seats 4." ~Colin Mochrie
  20. "Help! They're making me do hats. I want to go home." ~Colin Mochrie
  21. "Well, it looks like this game is neck and neck, which leaves me out of the running." ~Clive Anderson
  22. "I'm not bald. I'm just taller than my hair." ~Clive Anderson
  23. "I'll take 'Things No One Knows' for 500." ~Chip Eston
  24. "The geeks shall inherit the earth." ~Renier Wolfcastle
  25. "Quiet! I'm expressing myself!" ~Ryan Stiles
  26. "We're expecting a lot of rain in the state of Oregon, so let's just get rid of Oregon." ~Ryan Stiles as Negaduck the Weatherman
  27. "Have you quite finished being strange?" ~Arnold J. Rimmer
  28. �Arthur, just accept it. We may as well. We�re all dead, Zaphod�s out of his skulls; why not have a s�ance? Why not go mad?� ~Ford Prefect
  29. "I wear glasses. That�s how you�ll know me. I am the speccy one.... And I am proud." ~Greg Proops
  30. "Contact lenses are for vain, weak-willed piglets who swan around showing off: 'Look everybody, I can see without spectacles. No one at first glance will ever assume I know how to surf the net.'" ~Greg Proops (Yes, in fact, I do wear contacts a good deal of the time. Hey, you've got to be able to laugh at yourself before you poke fun of others.)
  31. "Glasses are for the brave. I do not need to pretend that I am sighted. People who need glasses and don�t wear them are slightly less treacherous than people who don�t need them and do�like every shallow Hollywood star who wants to be taken seriously." ~Greg Proops
  32. "Where's the kaboom? There's supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!!" ~Marvin the Martian
  33. �Trust me, kids � your homework can wait. Don�t need to be doing homework while Whose Line is on; skip it!� ~Drew Carey
  34. �And if that isn�t the truth, it would be a lie.� ~Colin Mochrie
  35. �It is often said that a disproportionate obsession with purely academic or abstract matter indicates a retreat from the problems of real life. However, most of the people engaged in such matters say that this attitude is based on three things: ignorance, stupidity, and nothing else.� ~The Hitchhiker�s Guide to the Galaxy
  36. "I don't want to know about the lives of other actors and I don't want people to know too much about me. If we don't know about the private lives of other actors, that leaves us as clean slates when it comes to playing characters. That's the point, they can create these other characters and I can believe them. I think if you're a good enough actor, that's the way to longevity in the film business. Keep everybody guessing." ~Christian Bale
  37. �Eat�oh, good grief...Eat��a delicious fondant sugar cr�me infused with delightfully rich and creamy raspberry filling wrapped in mysterious dark chocolate��you grey [jerks]!� ~Susan Sto Helit
  38. �Insanity depended on your point of view, he always said, and if it was the view through your own underpants then everything looked fine.� ~Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time
  39. "It's like buying a car without a driver's license." ~Cole, referring to Hemmingway's use of "phosphorescence" in The Old Man and the Sea
  40. "We're going to have to amputate Ryan Stile's legs because he's too tall." ~Colin Mochrie (I'm fairly sure this is misquoted, but it's a fairly close approximation)
  41. "Tourists are the ones in shorts with sandals on their feet/When I drive around, I run them over in the street." ~Brad Sherwood
  42. "I hate it at the movies when all the kids scream/I have to admit that is really not my scene/But one thing's for sure, an usher I will not call/I just sit in front of them; I'm over six feet tall!" ~Ryan Stiles
  43. "He tended to smile a lot, in a faintly puzzled way. This gave people the impression that he was slightly more intelligent than they were. In fact, he was usually trying to work out what they had just said." ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
  44. "...inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened." ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
  45. "If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now." ~Zaphod Beeblebrox
  46. "Look, would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?" ~Arthur Dent
  47. "I think it's because I've got an active imagination." ~Ponder Stibbons when asked why he lacked in the "stuff of heroes" department
  48. "The evil in this world comes in many forms." ~Gnikt about a tree
  49. "You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it." ~Robin Williams
  50. "If you would all stand in front of the flag and smile, please...that means the corners of your mouth go up, Rincewind..." ~Ponder Stibbons
  51. "Ponder nodded. He had a quick mind when it came to mechanical detail, and he'd already formed a mental picture. Now a mental eraser would be useful." ~Terry Pratchett, The Last Hero
  52. "It takes a very special and strong minded kind of atheist to jump up and down...and shout, 'Oh, random fluctuations-in-the-space-time-continuum!' or 'Aaargh, primitive-and-outmoded-concept on a crutch!'" ~Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms
  53. "Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness." ~Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms
  54. "I'm starting a war for peace." ~'John Lennon' in 'Crackpot Religions Ltd.'
  55. �Oddly enough, that show closed three hours before it opened.� ~Colin Mochrie
  56. �I�d like to ask you another question, but I�m afraid if I open my mouth I might vomit.� ~Ryan Stiles
  57. �At least we brought them all together for the first time.� ~Eric Idle about the diversity in religious denominations protesting �The Life of Brian�
  58. �It�s just stupid. I mean, there�s no reason for any of it. Why are the Vikings there? Why are they dressed as Vikings? Why are they singing love songs to pressed meat?� ~Eric Idle about... If you need to be told what it�s about, you wouldn�t find the humor in it, anyway.
  59. �I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.� ~Jack Handey
  60. �One�s never alone with a rubber duck.� ~Golgafrincham captain
  61. �You can never have too many rubber duckies.� ~Quackerjack
  62. �Madellaine: But�I don�t see anything! Quasimodo: No, wait� Madellaine: Ah! I see dead people!!� ~Duckie
  63. �I think they�re very clever. They�re trying to confuse us to death.� ~Ford Prefect
  64. �On the Kite, the situation was being �workshopped�. This is the means by which people who don�t know anything get together to pool their ignorance.� ~Terry Pratchett, The Last Hero
  65. �It takes guts to run away, you know. Lots of people would be as cowardly as me if they were brave enough.� ~Rincewind
  66. "So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure, how amazingly unlikely is your birth. And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space because there's b*gger all down here on Earth." ~Eric Idle, "The Galaxy Song"
  67. "His mouth started to speak, but his brain decided it hadn't got anything to say yet and shut it again. His brain then started to contend with the problem of what his eyes told it they were looking at, but in doing so relinquished control of the mouth which promptly fell open again. Once more gathering up the jaw, his brain lost control of his left hand which then wandered around in an aimless fashion. For a second or so the brain tried to catch the left hand without letting go of the mouth and simultaneously tried to think about what was buried in the ice, which is probably why the legs went and Arthur dropped restfully to the ground." ~Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
  68. "Totally mad, utter nonsense. But we'll do it because it's brilliant nonsense." ~Ford Prefect
  69. "No, I'm very ordinary, but some very strange things have happened to me. You could say I'm more differed from than differing." ~Arthur Dent
  70. "I would consider it my duty to help speed your release from this world, sir." ~Acting Lieutenant Horatio Hornblower in response to Tapling's desperate "You would withhold rations from a dying man?"
  71. "If I have to go, I wanna go watching cartoons!" ~Nosedive
  72. "...any people you may meet from time to time are the products of a deranged imagination." ~The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
  73. "If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, their brains start working." ~A theory set forth by Ford Prefect
  74. "...a grin that would have sent a sane man scampering into trees..." ~Douglas Adams describing Ford Prefect in Life, The Universe, and Everything
  75. "Ford was humming something. It was just one note repeated at intervals. He was hoping that someone would ask him what he was humming, but nobody did. If anybody had asked him he would have said he was humming the first line of a N�el Coward song called 'Mad About the Boy' over and over again. It would then have been pointed out to him that he was only singing one note, to which he would have replied that for reasons that he hoped would be apparent, he was omitting the 'about the boy' bit. He was annoyed that nobody asked." ~Douglas Adams, Life, The Universe and Everything
  76. "Arthur experienced a dull throbbing sensation just behind the temples that was a hallmark of so many of his conversations with Ford." ~Douglas Adams, Life, The Universe and Everything
  77. �Isn't it a sad thing when bad things happen to good sentences?� ~Captain Chaotica!!
  78. �Oh Death, Oh Death/Thou art so unfair/To take away Sonny/And still leave us Cher.� ~Eric Idle
  79. "Point gun in safe direction or something equivalent." ~Warning label on a pressure washer
  80. "It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes." ~Douglas Adams, Life, The Universe and Everything
  81. ��Just about to fall to my death, but otherwise extremely well, thank you very much,� Tom managed to mutter through clenched teeth. �No cough. No fever. No broken limbs. A hint of impending doom, perhaps, but nothing to��� ~Terry Jones, The Knight and the Squire
  82. �Well, I�d imagine [the bridge]�s a bit bigger than the river, Matthews.� ~Lieutenant Horatio Hornblower
  83. �You made me giggle.� ~Ryan Stiles
  84. �Is God a FIREman?!� ~Colin Mochrie in response to �Will God save us?�
  85. "If I ever get married, I'd like to pick a place so hard to reach that only a few people would turn up--like the North Pole. A destination wedding weeds out all the people who might potentially get their noses out of joint, so only the troupers would be there." ~Billy Campbell
  86. �Wherever you come near the human race, there�s layers and layers of nonsense�� ~Stage Manager in �Our Town�
  87. �I need to see the penguin, please.� ~Cole
  88. �He hoped and prayed that there wasn�t an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn�t an afterlife.� ~Douglas Adams Life, The Universe and Everything
  89. ��it seems that the Question and the Answer would just cancel each other out, and take the Universe with them, which would then be replaced by something even more bizarrely inexplicable. It is possible that this has already happened, but there is a certain amount of uncertainty about it.� ~Prak
  90. "Goosnargh.� ~Ford Prefect
  91. �He lay still and quiet. He absorbed the enveloping darkness, slowly relaxed his limbs from end to end, eased and regulated his breathing, gradually cleared his mind of all thought, closed his eyes, and was completely incapable of getting to sleep.� ~Douglas Adams, So Long and Thanks for All the Fish
  92. �I wouldn�t worry, Mr. Kennedy. We�ll drown long before we burn.� ~Horatio Hornblower
  93. "He didn't like to think of himself as the sort of person who giggled or sniggered, but he had to admit that he had been giggling and sniggering almost continuously for well over half an hour now." ~Douglas Adams, So Long and Thanks for All the Fish
  94. �Of all the races in the Galaxy, only the English could possibly revive the memory of the most horrific wars to sunder the Universe and transform it into what I�m afraid is generally regarded as an incomprehensibly dull and pointless game.� ~Slartibartfast
  95. �I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.� ~Douglas Adams
  96. �I'd write a spin-off series for Wellard's hat. (Laughs) I've thrown it away so many times it's probably gone on its own little journey. I'd have to do a little flashback to when I first got my hat. So I'd obviously, be in the first ten minutes of it.� ~Terence Corrigan in an interview with A&E
  97. �All the fun�s in how you say a thing.� ~Robert Frost
  98. �When you take a bull by the horns�what happens is a toss-up.� ~William Pett Ridge
  99. �Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom.� ~Anonymous (sounds a bit like Rincewind to me)
  100. �I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes all sports hates common sense.� ~H.L. Mencken

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