Quotes (Page 26)!

  1. "The mind is the only thing about human beings that"s worth anything. Why does it have to be tied to a bag of skin, blood, hair, meat, bones, and tubes? No wonder people can"t get anything done, stuck for life with a parasite that has to be stuffed with food and protected from weather and germs all the time. And the fool thing wears out anyway"no matter how much you stuff and protect it!" ~Dr. Ellis Konigswasser
  2. "Nature...I"ve got nature on my hands." ~Adrian Monk
  3. "You hit me with a death pillow!" ~Adrian Monk
  4. "Okay, so he was a doofus beyond all measurements of doofushood for signing away all their money to the shark lawyer, but otherwise..." ~Captain Chaotica!! on Se"or Senior Junior
  5. "Being attractive, it's not something that I do consciously. It's something that people project on to you. It's incredibly flattering that people think that I appeal to women. But that was a gift from my parents. My acting and my personality - that's what it's about." "Ioan Gruffudd
  6. "The Ron needs to let the people know he is a man of wealth. And _taste_." ~Ron Stoppable
  7. "They"re just like Democrats, except they might actually do something." ~Jon Stewart on the Sunis
  8. "[If President Bush is right about democracy in Iraq] I may, and I don"t know if I can physically do this, implode." ~Jon Stewart
  9. "For those of you not [familiar] with such a technical term as "prop," allow me to explain. It's short for: 'thing which someone has spent hours making which breaks as soon as Mr. Lister touches it"." ~Kryten narrating the Smeg Ups dealie for Red Dwarf
  10. "Boy, when you take a souvenir, you don"t screw around." ~Captian Lee Adama
  11. "[Disher]"s the one who ought to be in protective custody." ~Captain Leeland Stottlemyer
  12. "You"re the Prince of Darkness." ~Natalie Teeger to Adrian Monk
  13. "Look at me " I"m afraid of a cookie." ~Lt. Randy Disher
  14. "I"ll tell you what I fear: That it"s chaos after you die, that it"s a dream from which you can"t wake. Imagine drifting half in and out of consciousness, trying vainly to remember who you are or what you were. Imagine straining forever for the lost clarity of the living..." ~Armand
  15. "Know? Know? What does it matter if you don"t understand, if you cannot proceed from one perception to another?" ~Armand
  16. "I"ve always been my own teacher. And I must confess I"ve always been my favorite pupil as well. Maybe it was a little conspiracy of pupil and teacher." ~Lestat de Lioncourt
  17. "Finally those you love are simply...those you love." ~Lestat de Lioncourt
  18. "It was haunted; but real hauntings have nothing to do with ghosts finally; they have to do with the menace of memory..." ~Lestat de Lioncourt
  19. "Eh, I thought it was good. No drawn out, "[Protagonist"s name censored for spoiler protection]...kill...[antagonist"s name censored for spoiler protection]...*chokes on blood*...*cryptic message*...*heartwrenching last breath*..."" ~Duckie on the death of a character
  20. "Bah. He's a git. A ruddy git." ~Duckie on Percy Weasley
  21. "Oh man, you need to watch smallville, like, yesterday." ~Lily
  22. "Brothers beat each other up. Sisters give each other lifelong complexes." ~Duckie
  23. "You will make errors, but let"s go for high-quality errors." ~My Physics prof
  24. "He must have been busy playing dead somewhere else - practicing at home maybe." ~Kenny on Sean Bean while discussing how Sean Astin"s role from Slipstream seemed more like a Bean role, given the number of times he"s killed
  25. "How old are you?" ~Jeff Foxworthy to Larry the Cable Guy
  26. "Sometimes you"ve gotta wreck the truck to get the insurance money to make the payment on the truck." ~Larry the Cable Guy
  27. "You've perforated my pancreas..." ~Duck Dodgers
  28. "Well you know. It"s Microsoft. It"s gonna do what it wants to." ~My Bio prof
  29. "Oh, that"s why they call it "Recent." Because it"s probably going to end with the extinction of the human race. That"s okay, then. Just a little levity for your Wednesday afternoon." ~My Bio prof on the Geologic time scale
  30. "Italicizing is great when you"re typing, but don"t try to write in italics." ~My Bio prof
  31. "Go out and deep-fry a turkey and eat it for breakfast, but don"t eat an orange. You might just get fat." ~My Bio prof on Atkins
  32. "[writing "nukulous on the board] I"ve got to get with the times, agree with the Bush Administration... I don"t just make fun of him. Kerry was a corpse." ~My Bio prof
  33. "Parasites are just the coolest things..." ~My Bio prof
  34. "Oh, they"re everywhere. They"ll get in your house." ~My Bio prof, very threateningly about slime molds
  35. "These things are incapably of giving a rat"s [tail feathers] as to the listener standing in the snow." ~My Poetry prof
  36. "I am indifferent to your suffering. I give not a whit about you." ~My Poetry prof
  37. "Clearly, April comes out and everything is green. Summer comes and everything burns up." ~My Poetry prof
  38. "It"s November. I"m waiting for something to happen." ~My Poetry prof on Florida"s seasons
  39. "You"re doing very well so far; [Wallace] Stevens is a pain." ~My Poetry prof
  40. "You can"t imagine something more banal than [pigeons]." ~My Poetry prof
  41. "Now, a milk truck. I can"t imagine that would be an especially easy way to die." ~My Poetry prof on Roland Barthes
  42. "Now, how do you segue from that?" ~A student in my Poetry class to my professor following another student"s explanation of the rumours about Catherine the Great"s manner of death
  43. "That would give a whole new colouration to the term "extermination"." ~My Poetry prof in response to a student"s story about an exterminator knocking on his door one morning and being greeted by "If you open my door, I will shoot you in the face."
  44. "There is a smarty-pants side to [Roland] Barthes." ~My Poetry prof
  45. "Thanks for coming." ~My Poetry prof at the end of class one day
  46. "When you think of pool halls... That"s not the upper echelon of society." ~A student in my Poetry class
  47. "Again?! Will you please stop shooting me?!" ~Stuart Conway after being told that he had been killed yet again
  48. "No more Mr. Nice Gaius!" ~Dr. Gaius Baltar ranting in the restroom
  49. "You"ll forgive me, Madame President, if I don"t wish to be executed based solely on your gut feeling." ~Dr. Gaius Baltar
  50. "I don"t care, because your pain is my entertainment. Your Crutches of Death, sir. Use them wisely." ~Captain Lee Adama
  51. "No pain no gain. No clich" left unturned as Kara Thrace returns to the World of the Walking. Can she do it, or will she fall on her [tail feathers]?" ~Captain Lee Adama
  52. "Also, I'm not sure if any one page could _take_ that much cool British sexy-voiced bad-guy-ness in one location without catching on fire. ;)" ~Captain Chaotica!! on a hypothetical story featuring Monkey Fist and Valmont
  53. "Wow you really ARE the bitter queen of cynicism." ~John to me
  54. "That's the beauty of fake people " you don't have to be loyal to them." ~Duckie on why fictional characters are better than real people
  55. "Becca told me the other day, "Guess what, [Duckie]! We have 4,444% error. That means we were 4,444% WRONG." I assured her that we could only be 100% wrong - our data just happened to be 4,444% screwed up." ~Duckie on Chem labs
  56. "Never let it be said that your anal retentive attention to details never yielded positive results." ~Loki to Bartleby in Dogma
  57. "Tell someone you're the Metatron and they stare at you blankly, mention something out of a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everyone's a theology scholar." ~The Metatron in Dogma
  58. "Quit killing people; that"s high-profile." ~Azrael in Dogma
  59. "One of the drawbacks to being a martyr is that you have to die." ~The Metatron in Dogma
  60. "I dig Baltar's story. Partially because of the hot tub scenes with No. 6, but also because he's such a weasilly [jerk]. He gets himself in and out of the most whack situations." ~Paul Campbell
  61. "Baltar is to No.6 as Clinton is to Lewinski (and I have the dress to prove it)." ~Paul Campbell (I"m still trying to figure out this analogy...)
  62. "There's nothing quite as dissatisfying as dedicating five months of your precious life to a steaming dung heap." ~Paul Campbell
  63. "What is a fairy ring (fungally speaking...if fungally is a word...which it's not)?" ~My Bio prof
  64. "If I"m a cylon, you"re really screwed." ~Commander Adama to President Roslin
  65. "Nothin" much in Maryland." ~Hitchhiker in The Centaur
  66. "Things never fail to fail." ~John Updike, The Centaur
  67. "So much of Peter"s energy is spent in wishing he could take back things he has said." ~John Updike, The Centaur
  68. "Humanity, which has so long entranced him, disgusts him packed and tangled like germs in this overheated auditorium." ~John Updike, The Centaur
  69. "I"ve been trying to catch up on sleep since I was four years old." ~George Caldwell
  70. "Monsters are most vulnerable in their transitions." ~John Updike, The Centaur
  71. "His understated elegance is the perfect juxtaposition to my overstated vulgarity." ~Jon Stewart
  72. "Tell the biscotti to stand down! I repeat, tell the biscotti to stand down!" ~Jon Stewart
  73. "...according to a Daily Show report... That's an oxymoron!" ~Brian Williams
  74. "Tomorrow night, we will have Bruce Willis on the program. I will get through a very pleasant interview with him, and then...find out that he is dead. Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert!" ~Jon Stewart
  75. "Martha Stewart, public enemy number...752." ~Jon Stewart
  76. "While it is rather nifty to be Lupin-poor for awhile, as you throw yourself into your role as the struggling grad student just trying to make ends meet ... the charm of this quickly wears off." ~Draca Darkwingette
  77. "Well that's what we do, we fight. You tell me when I am being an arrogant [jerk] and I tell you when you are a pain in the [tail feathers]. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-[tail-feathers] thing." ~Noah Calhoun
  78. "I really think [the Bush Administration]"s foreign policy agenda is to spread irony through the world." ~Jon Stewart
  79. "No, Kool-Aid guy! Leave our third branch of government alone!" ~Stephen Colbert
  80. "I roll...I always roll. Can I bring my asthma medicine?" ~Jon Stewart
  81. "Every time I come across a '90s Song That Actually Didn't Suck, I almost feel obligated to include [in my playlist]." ~Captain Chaotica!!
  82. "A cheerful children"s chorus just adds the perfect maraschino cherry of weirdness to this already bizarre little dark-humour/social commentary." ~Captain Chaotica!! on The Smiths' "Panic"
  83. "Out of the Box is where I live." ~Lieutenant Kara Thrace
  84. "All across the world, people going mad." ~"Everything Old is New Again," Stephen Duffy and Steven Page
  85. "I"m NOT mad! I"m yelling because I"m in a GREAT mood! I"m storming out because I"m SO HAPPY!" ~Tino Tonitini
  86. "She"s [bloody] old. She"s younger than me, but she"s [bloody] old." ~My dad on my mom
  87. "I"m glad it was a silent auction. That way we were only subjected to silent mockery." ~Tino Tonitini
  88. "I have voices in my head, but they speak in Spanish. I have no idea what they"re saying." ~Daniel Tosh
  89. "I believe there are unidentified flying objects, I"m just not sure who"s driving." ~Peter Jennings
  90. "How could your husband ever effectively argue with you knowing that you have, let"s say, a poison-tipped umbrella?" ~Jon Stewart to Melissa Boyle Mehle, a former CIA agent
  91. "Assimilate this." ~Lieutenant Worf
  92. "Words are flying out like endless rain into a paper cup." ~"Across the Universe," The Beatles
  93. "I could get a job, I could pay the phone bills, I could cut the lawn, cut my hair, cut out my cholesterol, I could work overtime, I could work in a mine, I could do it all for you. But I don"t want to." ~"Enid," Ed Robertson and Steven Page
  94. "Thinks he's a loverboy, super joy, tough toy, thinks he's kinda sexy but the ladies say he ain't." ~"Every Time I See Him," Charlie Daniels Band
  95. "Where does the time go when it"s not around here?" ~"Great Provider," Ed Robertson and Steven Page
  96. "I know they say that you are very vain, and short and fat and pushy, but at least you"re not insane." ~"Henry Kissenger," Eric Idle
  97. "[I was tempted by the Borg queen for] 0.68 seconds, sir. For an android, that is nearly an eternity." ~Lieutenant Commander Data
  98. "If you don"t like the way I"m livin", just leave this long-haired country boy alone." ~"Long Haired Country Boy," Charlie Daniels Band
  99. "Save some face, you know you"ve only got one. Change your ways while you"re young " boy, one day you"ll be a man." ~"Smile Like You Mean It," The Killers
  100. "Of the billions who"ve died, no one came back to complain." ~"That"s Death," Eric Idle

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