Quotes (Page 2)!

  1. "No, he's *not* a male!" ~Duckie
  2. "Love isn't blind, it's totally out to lunch!" ~Nosedive
  3. "Human thought is so primitive it's looked upon as an infectious disease in some galaxies. Kinda makes you proud, doesn't it?" ~Agent Kay
  4. "This definitely rates about a 9.0 on my Weird-[Stuff]-O-Meter." ~Agent Jay
  5. "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something." ~Dread Pirate Roberts (aka Westley)
  6. "Talent just defines what you do. It doesn't define who you are. Deep down, I mean. When you know what you are, you can do anything." ~Rincewind
  7. "Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages." ~Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters
  8. "I think they've just become more lovable as the years have gone on. They're really like Winnie the Pooh and his friends in a lot of ways. Except for the bouncing and stuff." ~Glen Eichler about the Daria cast
  9. "If we get lucky, we might catch Dragaunus...as a bonus! Hey. That didn't rhyme." ~Duke L'Orange
  10. "Remember - if you've enjoyed watching the show half as much as we've enjoyed doing it, we've enjoyed it twice as much as you have!" ~Announcer guy at the end of a Flying Circus episode
  11. "Idiots! There will *be* a band room! *I* will be band room! Stick with me, and you'll never go without music again!" ~Gwendolyn Lockwood
  12. "The grass is always greener when you're wearing yellow glasses." ~Gwendolyn Lockwood
  13. "I run--away from people." ~Christian Bale when asked if he played any sports
  14. "Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot." ~Charlie Chaplain
  15. "Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide." ~Erma Bombeck
  16. "All tragedies are finish'd by a death, All comedies are ended by a marriage." ~Lord Byron
  17. "It's hard for people to realize that famous people are often shy. They are hiding on stage. Ridiculous? Think about it. Makeup. Disguise. Costumes. 'Shy' does not mean 'lack of ego'." ~Eric Idle's The Road to Mars
  18. "Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true/You'll see it's all a show, keep 'em laughing as you go/Just remember that the last laugh is on you." ~Mr. Frisbee III, "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life"
  19. "For me, bologna is like breathing." ~Luc Teyssier
  20. "This is very similar to the suggestion put forward by the Quirmian philosopher Ventre, who said, 'Possibly the gods exist, and possibly they do not. So why not believe in them in any case? If it's all true you'll go to a lovely place when you die, and if it isn't then you've lost nothing, right?' When he died he woke up in a circle of gods holding nasty-looking sticks and one of them said, "We're going to show you what we think of Mr. Clever [Guy] in these parts...'" ~Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
  21. "I'm laughing like [Tartarus] deep down, sir." ~Albert to Death
  22. "And someone landed abruptly in a snow drift and said, '[Darn]!' which is a terrible thing to say as your first word ever." ~Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
  23. "Computer, if you don't open that exit hatch pretty [darn] pronto, I shall go straight to your major data banks with a very large axe and give you a reprogramming you will never forget, capisco? [Pause] Okay. Get the axe." ~Zaphod Beeblebrox
  24. "Zaphod, old mate, I trust you about as far as I could comfortably spit out a rat." ~Ford Prefect
  25. "You know, this explains a lot. Because all my life, I've had this unaccountable feeling in my bones that something sinister was happening in the universe and that no one would tell me what it was." ~Arthur Dent
  26. "Either you all give yourselves up and let us beat you up a little - though not too much, because we are firmly opposed to needless violence - or we blow up this entire planet... and one or two others that we noticed on the way over." ~Shooty the cop from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
  27. "The truth is out there, but lies are inside your head." ~Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
  28. "Don't worry, I'm on your side. A violent death is the last thing that'll happen to you." ~Mr. Teatime
  29. "We all have. It's called 'living'." ~Archchancellor Mustrum Ridcully regarding near-death experiences
  30. �There may be a lot of things I�m not good at, but at least I don�t treat the punctuation of a sentence like a game of Pin the Tail on the Donkey�� ~Commander Samuel Vimes
  31. �One of the advantages of horses that people often point out is that they very seldom explode. Almost never, in my experience, apart from that unfortunate occurrence in the hot summer months a few years ago.� ~Lord Havelock Vetinari
  32. �And, finally, he kept Leonard around because the man was easy to talk to. He never understood what Lord Vetinari was talking about, he had a world view about as complex as a concussed duckling, and, above all, never really paid attention. This made him an excellent confidant. After all, when you seek advice from some one it�s certainly not because you want them to give it. You just want them to be there while you talk to yourself.� ~Terry Pratchett, Jingo
  33. "Jugglers will tell you that juggling with items that are identical is always easier than a mixture of all shapes and sizes. This is even the case with chainsaws, although of course when the juggler misses the first chainsaw it is only the start of his problems. Some more will be along very shortly." ~Terry Pratchett, Jingo
  34. "I've only been a woman ten minutes and already I hate you male [jerks]." ~Corporal "Nobby" Nobbs
  35. "You're not wrong, Hal, you're just, maybe, less...than right." ~Ron Garner
  36. "We're all unhappy. That's the thing about life." ~Lindsay Weir
  37. "The dance is tomorrow. She's a cheerleader, you've seen Star Wars 47 times. You do the math." ~Neal Schweiber
  38. "The reward for toil had been more toil. If you dug the best ditches, they gave you a bigger shovel." ~Terry Pratchett about Granny Weatherwax
  39. "The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it." ~Terry Pratchett, The Bromeliad
  40. "Izzy, you were right... You're going to get shot." ~Rick O'Connel
  41. "My friend, there is a fine line between coincidence and fate." ~Ardeth Bay
  42. "He can't stop us. We're on a mission from Glod." ~Cliff, or The Artist Formerly Known as Lias
  43. "I seem to meet more crazy people than sheer coincidence would allow." ~Rincewind
  44. "A length of rope. Sort of like...string on steroids." ~Rincewind
  45. "They've got less meat on them than a Chicken McNugget." ~Arnold Rimmer about a group of skeletons
  46. "Folks, knowing my brother-in-law, he probably deserves whatever you're about to do to him, but this is MY house and I have certain rules about snakes and dismemberment." ~Rick O'Connel
  47. "No. Dig down a little farther into time, and skew off a little farther to the side..." ~Teriyaki, describing where to find the Thompson Twins' "The Gap" and the B-52s' "Mesopotamia"
  48. "The universe was bad enough without people poking it." ~Terry Pratchett, Soul Music
  49. "Love is a device invented by bank managers to make us overdrawn." ~Arnold Rimmer
  50. "You didn't get the best gigs if you were a murderer. You probably had to play the viola." ~Terry Pratchett, Soul Music
  51. "Is this a piece of your brain?" ~Basil Fawlty brandishing a piece of rubbish
  52. "In the hours until dawn, he'd had all sorts of opinions, starting with a conviction that it had been a big mistake to be born." ~Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!
  53. "Sorry for not jumping for joy. Bad back, you know." ~Scar
  54. "I'm going in. I'm going in to rescue him... It's my duty. My duty as a complete and utter [jerk]." ~Arnold Rimmer
  55. "I am ali--!" ~Arnold Rimmer - famous last words of a fool
  56. "And now! At Last! Another film completely different from some of the other films which aren't quite the same as this one is." ~Holy Grail Tagline
  57. "I'm too old to die young and too young to grow up." ~Marty Feldman
  58. "Why is my make failing?" ~a guy in my C++ class
  59. "They felt, in fact, tremendously bucked-up, which was how Lady Ramkin would almost certainly have put it and which was several letters of the alphabet away from how they normally felt." ~Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!
  60. "Don't head toward the light; there's a mortician waiting on the other end!" ~Lily after playing the second act of Discworld II: Missing, Presumed...?!
  61. �You taught me that people will do anything for a potato." ~James Graham
  62. "It was clearly the room of a woman, but one who had cheerfully and without any silly moping been getting on with her life while all that soppy romance stuff had been happening to other people somewhere else, and been jolly grateful that she had her health." ~Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!
  63. "He couldn't help remembering how much he'd wanted a puppy when he was a little boy. Mind you, they'd been starving - anything with meat on it would have done." ~Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!
  64. "I think so, Brain, but if 42 is the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything, why isn't it the answer to every math problem?" ~Pinky
  65. �One up everybody. Get your brain pierced.� ~A Newcity.com ad
  66. "I ain't cynical, Miss Alexandra. Tellin' the truth's not cynical, is it?" ~Charles Baker Harris (aka Dill)
  67. "I have as much desire to save myself as a chronically depressed lemming." ~Kryten
  68. "...from early youth, we are accustomed to hearing falsified reports, and our minds have been saturated with prejudice for centuries, to the extent that we guard the fantastic lies like a treasure, so that in the end the truth becomes unbelievable and the lie appears to be true." ~Sanchuniathon
  69. "Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go 'Ah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre.' They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone." ~Shrek
  70. "Liar, liar, thou pants are ablaze." ~Pluto's angel guy
  71. �You believe that the gene pool could use a little chlorine.� ~From my results in the Hitchhiker�s Guide Purity Test on www.sadgeezer.com
  72. "It's not panic, it's a full blown, hysterical fit." ~Arnold Rimmer
  73. "Mr. Tulip lived his life on that thin line most people occupy just before they haul off and hit someone repeatedly with a wrench." ~Terry Pratchett, The Truth
  74. "'Are you...all right, Otto?' said William, realizing that this was a winning entrant in the Really Stupid Things to Say contest." ~Terry Pratchett, The Truth, after Otto Chriek has been decapitated
  75. "Another fifty dollars? That'll make it fifteen dollars!" ~Arnold Sideways
  76. "...the whole business could be sorted out if only they could find a formula that caused him to hallucinate that he was completely sane. *[This is a very common hallucination, shared by most people.]" ~Terry Pratchett, The Truth
  77. "No, this is great! I always knew Christmas sucked; now I have proof!" ~Dr. John Becker
  78. "Uh- Sometimes, my pants, ...they talk." ~Arnold
  79. "Buy Space Ghost cereal, but don't eat the prizes." ~Matt Groening
  80. ��Ahku mashete� is a command. In Arabic it means �It�s hot as [Tartarus]�.� ~The Rock
  81. �If cats looked like frogs we�d realize what nasty, cruel little [jerks] they are.� ~Granny Weatherwax explaining the importance of style
  82. �The typical Internet user receives an average of 17,000 e-mail messages per year. Of this total, an average of one message actually contains useful information (it says: �Disregard previous e-mail�). The rest are porno ads, investment opportunities for morons (�Make Big Money Petting Kittens at Home!�), and jokes that were originally set in moveable type by Johann Gutenberg.� ~Dave Barry
  83. �I�m sorry. I tend to forget that I�m not the only one in the universe.� ~Gesture
  84. �I�ve got soggy thighs. It must be dinner time.� ~Eric Idle
  85. �Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.� ~a t-shirt in a catalogue
  86. �5 out of 4 people have a problem with fractions.� ~another t-shirt from the same catalogue
  87. �People like you are the reason people like me need medication.� ~yet another t-shirt from the same catalogue
  88. �If you have something to say please raise your hand and place it over your mouth.� ~a t-shirt
  89. �It�s only funny until someone gets hurt...then it�s hilarious!� ~a shirt
  90. �You need someone listening to you for it to be an actual conversation.� ~a t-shirt
  91. "I live in my own little world, but it�s okay...they know me here.� ~a t-shirt
  92. "Blessed are the cheese makers." ~some guy in �Life of Brian�
  93. "When you break rules, break 'em good and hard." ~Nanny Ogg
  94. "Can you imagine a story this stupid being on television?" ~Dave Gorman about his own show
  95. "[John Cleese]'s kind of...DISTINCTIVE...(being literally about the size and shape of a telephone pole will do that...)" ~Captain Chaotica!!
  96. "When in doubt, resort to animation." ~Michael Palin
  97. "We don't look at people like that because it only encourages them." ~John Cleese
  98. "Now, what sort of person would write a scene where a young man stumbles upon a castle full only of beautiful young women? Answer: ME!" ~Michael Palin
  99. "The best bar-b-que you will ever eat in a building that's not already condemned." ~Red Hot and Blue slogan
  100. "I've never cruised with either one of them except John." ~My dad

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