Quotes (Page 2)!
- "No, he's *not* a male!" ~Duckie
- "Love isn't blind, it's totally out to lunch!" ~Nosedive
- "Human thought is so primitive it's looked upon as an infectious disease in some galaxies. Kinda makes you proud, doesn't it?" ~Agent Kay
- "This definitely rates about a 9.0 on my Weird-[Stuff]-O-Meter." ~Agent Jay
- "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something." ~Dread Pirate Roberts (aka Westley)
- "Talent just defines what you do. It doesn't define who you are. Deep down, I mean. When you know what you are, you can do anything." ~Rincewind
- "Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages." ~Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters
- "I think they've just become more lovable as the years have gone on. They're really like Winnie the Pooh and his friends in a lot of ways. Except for the bouncing and stuff." ~Glen Eichler about the Daria cast
- "If we get lucky, we might catch Dragaunus...as a bonus! Hey. That didn't rhyme." ~Duke L'Orange
- "Remember - if you've enjoyed watching the show half as much as we've enjoyed doing it, we've enjoyed it twice as much as you have!" ~Announcer guy at the end of a Flying Circus episode
- "Idiots! There will *be* a band room! *I* will be band room! Stick with me, and you'll never go without music again!" ~Gwendolyn Lockwood
- "The grass is always greener when you're wearing yellow glasses." ~Gwendolyn Lockwood
- "I run--away from people." ~Christian Bale when asked if he played any sports
- "Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot." ~Charlie Chaplain
- "Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide." ~Erma Bombeck
- "All tragedies are finish'd by a death, All comedies are ended by a marriage." ~Lord Byron
- "It's hard for people to realize that famous people are often shy. They are hiding on stage. Ridiculous? Think about it. Makeup. Disguise. Costumes. 'Shy' does not mean 'lack of ego'." ~Eric Idle's The Road to Mars
- "Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true/You'll see it's all a show, keep 'em laughing as you go/Just remember that the last laugh is on you." ~Mr. Frisbee III, "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life"
- "For me, bologna is like breathing." ~Luc Teyssier
- "This is very similar to the suggestion put forward by the Quirmian philosopher Ventre, who said, 'Possibly the gods exist, and possibly they do not. So why not believe in them in any case? If it's all true you'll go to a lovely place when you die, and if it isn't then you've lost nothing, right?' When he died he woke up in a circle of gods holding nasty-looking sticks and one of them said, "We're going to show you what we think of Mr. Clever [Guy] in these parts...'" ~Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
- "I'm laughing like [Tartarus] deep down, sir." ~Albert to Death
- "And someone landed abruptly in a snow drift and said, '[Darn]!' which is a terrible thing to say as your first word ever." ~Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
- "Computer, if you don't open that exit hatch pretty [darn] pronto, I shall go straight to your major data banks with a very large axe and give you a reprogramming you will never forget, capisco? [Pause] Okay. Get the axe." ~Zaphod Beeblebrox
- "Zaphod, old mate, I trust you about as far as I could comfortably spit out a rat." ~Ford Prefect
- "You know, this explains a lot. Because all my life, I've had this unaccountable feeling in my bones that something sinister was happening in the universe and that no one would tell me what it was." ~Arthur Dent
- "Either you all give yourselves up and let us beat you up a little - though not too much, because we are firmly opposed to needless violence - or we blow up this entire planet... and one or two others that we noticed on the way over." ~Shooty the cop from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
- "The truth is out there, but lies are inside your head." ~Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
- "Don't worry, I'm on your side. A violent death is the last thing that'll happen to you." ~Mr. Teatime
- "We all have. It's called 'living'." ~Archchancellor Mustrum Ridcully regarding near-death experiences
- �There may be a lot of things I�m not good at, but at least I don�t treat the punctuation of a sentence like a game of Pin the Tail on the Donkey�� ~Commander Samuel Vimes
- �One of the advantages of horses that people often point out is that they very seldom explode. Almost never, in my experience, apart from that unfortunate occurrence in the hot summer months a few years ago.� ~Lord Havelock Vetinari
- �And, finally, he kept Leonard around because the man was easy to talk to. He never understood what Lord Vetinari was talking about, he had a world view about as complex as a concussed duckling, and, above all, never really paid attention. This made him an excellent confidant. After all, when you seek advice from some one it�s certainly not because you want them to give it. You just want them to be there while you talk to yourself.� ~Terry Pratchett, Jingo
- "Jugglers will tell you that juggling with items that are identical is always easier than a mixture of all shapes and sizes. This is even the case with chainsaws, although of course when the juggler misses the first chainsaw it is only the start of his problems. Some more will be along very shortly." ~Terry Pratchett, Jingo
- "I've only been a woman ten minutes and already I hate you male [jerks]." ~Corporal "Nobby" Nobbs
- "You're not wrong, Hal, you're just, maybe, less...than right." ~Ron Garner
- "We're all unhappy. That's the thing about life." ~Lindsay Weir
- "The dance is tomorrow. She's a cheerleader, you've seen Star Wars 47 times. You do the math." ~Neal Schweiber
- "The reward for toil had been more toil. If you dug the best ditches, they gave you a bigger shovel." ~Terry Pratchett about Granny Weatherwax
- "The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it." ~Terry Pratchett, The Bromeliad
- "Izzy, you were right... You're going to get shot." ~Rick O'Connel
- "My friend, there is a fine line between coincidence and fate." ~Ardeth Bay
- "He can't stop us. We're on a mission from Glod." ~Cliff, or The Artist Formerly Known as Lias
- "I seem to meet more crazy people than sheer coincidence would allow." ~Rincewind
- "A length of rope. Sort of like...string on steroids." ~Rincewind
- "They've got less meat on them than a Chicken McNugget." ~Arnold Rimmer about a group of skeletons
- "Folks, knowing my brother-in-law, he probably deserves whatever you're about to do to him, but this is MY house and I have certain rules about snakes and dismemberment." ~Rick O'Connel
- "No. Dig down a little farther into time, and skew off a little farther to the side..." ~Teriyaki, describing where to find the Thompson Twins' "The Gap" and the B-52s' "Mesopotamia"
- "The universe was bad enough without people poking it." ~Terry Pratchett, Soul Music
- "Love is a device invented by bank managers to make us overdrawn." ~Arnold Rimmer
- "You didn't get the best gigs if you were a murderer. You probably had to play the viola." ~Terry Pratchett, Soul Music
- "Is this a piece of your brain?" ~Basil Fawlty brandishing a piece of rubbish
- "In the hours until dawn, he'd had all sorts of opinions, starting with a conviction that it had been a big mistake to be born." ~Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!
- "Sorry for not jumping for joy. Bad back, you know." ~Scar
- "I'm going in. I'm going in to rescue him... It's my duty. My duty as a complete and utter [jerk]." ~Arnold Rimmer
- "I am ali--!" ~Arnold Rimmer - famous last words of a fool
- "And now! At Last! Another film completely different from some of the other films which aren't quite the same as this one is." ~Holy Grail Tagline
- "I'm too old to die young and too young to grow up." ~Marty Feldman
- "Why is my make failing?" ~a guy in my C++ class
- "They felt, in fact, tremendously bucked-up, which was how Lady Ramkin would almost certainly have put it and which was several letters of the alphabet away from how they normally felt." ~Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!
- "Don't head toward the light; there's a mortician waiting on the other end!" ~Lily after playing the second act of Discworld II: Missing, Presumed...?!
- �You taught me that people will do anything for a potato." ~James Graham
- "It was clearly the room of a woman, but one who had cheerfully and without any silly moping been getting on with her life while all that soppy romance stuff had been happening to other people somewhere else, and been jolly grateful that she had her health." ~Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!
- "He couldn't help remembering how much he'd wanted a puppy when he was a little boy. Mind you, they'd been starving - anything with meat on it would have done." ~Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!
- "I think so, Brain, but if 42 is the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything, why isn't it the answer to every math problem?" ~Pinky
- �One up everybody. Get your brain pierced.� ~A Newcity.com ad
- "I ain't cynical, Miss Alexandra. Tellin' the truth's not cynical, is it?" ~Charles Baker Harris (aka Dill)
- "I have as much desire to save myself as a chronically depressed lemming." ~Kryten
- "...from early youth, we are accustomed to hearing falsified reports, and our minds have been saturated with prejudice for centuries, to the extent that we guard the fantastic lies like a treasure, so that in the end the truth becomes unbelievable and the lie appears to be true." ~Sanchuniathon
- "Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go 'Ah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre.' They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone." ~Shrek
- "Liar, liar, thou pants are ablaze." ~Pluto's angel guy
- �You believe that the gene pool could use a little chlorine.� ~From my results in the Hitchhiker�s Guide Purity Test on www.sadgeezer.com
- "It's not panic, it's a full blown, hysterical fit." ~Arnold Rimmer
- "Mr. Tulip lived his life on that thin line most people occupy just before they haul off and hit someone repeatedly with a wrench." ~Terry Pratchett, The Truth
- "'Are you...all right, Otto?' said William, realizing that this was a winning entrant in the Really Stupid Things to Say contest." ~Terry Pratchett, The Truth, after Otto Chriek has been decapitated
- "Another fifty dollars? That'll make it fifteen dollars!" ~Arnold Sideways
- "...the whole business could be sorted out if only they could find a formula that caused him to hallucinate that he was completely sane. *[This is a very common hallucination, shared by most people.]" ~Terry Pratchett, The Truth
- "No, this is great! I always knew Christmas sucked; now I have proof!" ~Dr. John Becker
- "Uh- Sometimes, my pants, ...they talk." ~Arnold
- "Buy Space Ghost cereal, but don't eat the prizes." ~Matt Groening
- ��Ahku mashete� is a command. In Arabic it means �It�s hot as [Tartarus]�.� ~The Rock
- �If cats looked like frogs we�d realize what nasty, cruel little [jerks] they are.� ~Granny Weatherwax explaining the importance of style
- �The typical Internet user receives an average of 17,000 e-mail messages per year. Of this total, an average of one message actually contains useful information (it says: �Disregard previous e-mail�). The rest are porno ads, investment opportunities for morons (�Make Big Money Petting Kittens at Home!�), and jokes that were originally set in moveable type by Johann Gutenberg.� ~Dave Barry
- �I�m sorry. I tend to forget that I�m not the only one in the universe.� ~Gesture
- �I�ve got soggy thighs. It must be dinner time.� ~Eric Idle
- �Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.� ~a t-shirt in a catalogue
- �5 out of 4 people have a problem with fractions.� ~another t-shirt from the same catalogue
- �People like you are the reason people like me need medication.� ~yet another t-shirt from the same catalogue
- �If you have something to say please raise your hand and place it over your mouth.� ~a t-shirt
- �It�s only funny until someone gets hurt...then it�s hilarious!� ~a shirt
- �You need someone listening to you for it to be an actual conversation.� ~a t-shirt
- "I live in my own little world, but it�s okay...they know me here.� ~a t-shirt
- "Blessed are the cheese makers." ~some guy in �Life of Brian�
- "When you break rules, break 'em good and hard." ~Nanny Ogg
- "Can you imagine a story this stupid being on television?" ~Dave Gorman about his own show
- "[John Cleese]'s kind of...DISTINCTIVE...(being literally about the size and shape of a telephone pole will do that...)" ~Captain Chaotica!!
- "When in doubt, resort to animation." ~Michael Palin
- "We don't look at people like that because it only encourages them." ~John Cleese
- "Now, what sort of person would write a scene where a young man stumbles upon a castle full only of beautiful young women? Answer: ME!" ~Michael Palin
- "The best bar-b-que you will ever eat in a building that's not already condemned." ~Red Hot and Blue slogan
- "I've never cruised with either one of them except John." ~My dad
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