Quotes (Page 17)!

  1. "But wherever [other people] are, no matter how mightily they try, no matter how magnificent the effort, they surely can"t be as godawfully stupid as us. I mean, we work at it. We were given a spark of it to start with, but over hundreds of thousands of years we"ve really improved on it." ~Pteppicymon XXVIII
  2. "It was a strange feeling, to be creeping across the roof of your own palace, trying to avoid your own guards, engaged in a mission in direct contravention of your own decree and knowing that if you were caught you would have yourself thrown to the sacred crocodiles. After all, he"d apparently already instructed that he was to be shown no mercy if he was captured." ~Terry Pratchett, Pyramids
  3. "The camel looked along its nose at Teppic. Its expression made it clear that of all the riders in all the world it would least like to ride it, he was right at the top of the list. However, camels look like that at everyone. Camels have a very democratic approach to the human race. They hate every member of it, without making any distinctions for rank or creed." ~Terry Pratchett, Pyramids
  4. "[Dios"] eyes fixed on Teppic"s face, and Teppic realised that the high priest was, indeed, truly mad. It was the rare kind of madness caused by being yourself for so long that habits of sanity have etched themselves into the brain." ~Terry Pratchett, Pyramids
  5. "Dil was realising that there are few things that so shake belief as seeing, clearly and precisely, the object of that belief. Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn"t believing. It"s where belief stops, because it isn"t needed anymore." ~Terry Pratchett, Pyramids
  6. "Ptraci"s literal-mindedness meant that innocent sentences had to be carefully examined before being sent out into the world." ~Terry Pratchett, Pyramids
  7. "The conversation of human beings seldom interested him, but it crossed his mind that the males and females always got along best when neither actually listened fully to what the other one was saying. It was much simpler with camels." ~Terry Pratchett, Pyramids
  8. "It is astonishingly difficult to walk with legs full of straw when the brain doing the directing is in a pot ten feet away." ~Terry Pratchett, Pyramids
  9. "The Ephebians made wine out of anything they could put in a bucket, and ate anything that couldn"t climb out of one." ~Terry Pratchett, Pyramids
  10. "The diameter divides into the circumference, you know. It ought to be three times. You"d think so, wouldn"t you? But does it? No. Three point one four one and lots of other figures. There"s no end to the [things]. Do you know how [mad] that makes me?" ~Pthagonal
  11. "The trouble with life was that you didn"t get a chance to practice before doing it for real." ~Terry Pratchett, Pyramids
  12. "It is known to science that there are many more dimensions than the classical four. Scientists say that these don"t normally impinge on the world because he extra dimensions are very small and curve in on themselves, and that since reality is fractal most of it is tucked inside itself. This means either that the universe is more full of wonders than we can hope to understand or, more probably, that scientists make things up as they go along." ~Terry Pratchett, Pyramids
  13. ""I knew the two of you would get along like a house on fire." Screams, flames, people running for safety..." ~Teppicymon XXVIII
  14. "Don"t be sorry, stop being stupid." ~Mr. Boyer chastising a class of noisy students
  15. "[Quackerjack] always appears to be having fun, as if he's blissfully unaware of the weight of his being." ~Wakka
  16. "The universe requires everything to be observed, lest it cease to exist." ~Terry Pratchett, The Truth
  17. "It was a puzzle why things were always dragged kicking and screaming. No one ever seemed to want to, for example, lead them gently by the hand." ~Terry Pratchett, The Truth
  18. "An engraved page was an engraved page, complete and unique. But if you took the leaden letters that had previously been used to set the words of a god, and then used them to set a cookery book, what did that do to the holy wisdom? For that matter, what would it do to the pie?" ~Terry Pratchett, The Truth
  19. "Be careful. People like to be told what they already know. Remember that. They get uncomfortable when you tell them new thing. New things...well, new things aren"t what they expect." ~Lord Havelock Vetinari
  20. "Words resemble fish in that some specialized ones can survive only in a kind of reef, where their curious shapes and usages are protected from the hurly-burly of the open sea. "Rumpus" and "fracas" are found only in certain newspapers (in much the same way that "beverages" are only found in certain menus). They are never used in normal conversation." ~Terry Pratchett, The Truth
  21. "The brain works fast when it thinks it"s about to be cut in half." ~Terry Pratchett, The Truth
  22. "William wondered why he always disliked people who said "no offense meant." Maybe it was because they found it easier to say "no offense meant" than actually refrain from giving offense." ~Terry Pratchett, The Truth
  23. "William vaguely remembered something someone had once said: the only thing more dangerous than a vampire crazed with blood lust was a vampire crazed with anything else. All the meticulous single-mindedness that went into finding young women who slept with their bedroom window open got channeled into some other interest, with merciless and painstaking efficiency." ~Terry Pratchett, The Truth
  24. "[Detritus]"s a policeman. The truth usually confuses them. They don"t often hear it." ~William de Worde
  25. "The way of the truthful-by-nature is as a bicycle race in a pair of sandpaper underpants." ~Terry Pratchett, The Truth
  26. "Hold on, hold on, there must be a law against killing lawyers...They"re still some around, aren"t there? Besides, [Slant]"s a zombie. If you cut him in half, both bits will sue you." ~William de Worde
  27. "Aha, that"s a wallpaper word. When people say clearly something, that means there"s a huge crack in their argument and they know things aren"t clear at all." ~William de Worde
  28. "No te amo. NO TE AMO!" ~Preston
  29. "Otto told the man from the Guild that he"d break his pledge if he saw him here again." ~Sacharissa Cripslock (Otto is a vampire who practices teetotalism)
  30. "That "ing zombie is going to end up on the end of a couple of "ing handy and versatile kebab skewers. An" then I"m gonna put an edge on this "ing spatula. An" then...then I"m gonna get medieval on his [tail feathers]...I thought maybe a maypole. An" then a display of country dancing, land tillage under the three-field system, several plagues, and, if my "ing hand ain"t to tired, the invention of the "ing horse collar." ~Mr. Tulip
  31. "He wasn"t just out on a limb here, he was dangerously out of the tree." ~Terry Pratchett, The Truth
  32. "Just for a moment, there was an unusual feeling of bliss. Strange word, [William] thought. It"s one of those words that describe something that does not make a noise, but if it did make a noise, would sound just like that. Bliss. It"s like the sound of a soft meringue melting gently on a warm plate." ~Terry Pratchett, The Truth
  33. "Several of the dwarves slapped their thighs, half turned away, and did the usual little pantomime that people do to indicate that they just can"t believe someone else could be so [darn] stupid." ~Terry Pratchett, The Truth
  34. "Mister Vimes is going to go round the twist. He"s going to go totally Librarian-poo. He"s going to invent new ways of being angry just so"s he can try them out on you"" ~"Deep Bone"
  35. "Sacharissa looked a little disappointed. She"d been a respectable young woman for some time. In certain people, that means there"s a lot of dammed-up disreputability just waiting to burst out." ~Terry Pratchett, The Truth
  36. "A potato can be a great help in times of trial." ~Terry Pratchett, The Truth
  37. "I reckon...to be that sorry, you got to take a "ing good run at it." ~Mr. Tulip
  38. "The mountains of madness have many plateaus of sanity." ~Terry Pratchett, The Truth
  39. DO NOT PUT YOUR TRUST IN ROOT VEGETABLES. ~Death
  40. "Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions. It"s the only way to make progress." ~Lord Havelock Vetinari
  41. "Some people are heroes. And some people jot down notes. Sometimes they"re the same person." ~Sacharissa Cripslock
  42. "This is a newspaper, isn"t it? It just has to be true until tomorrow." ~Sacharissa Cripslock
  43. "People who live in silent consonant houses..." ~Jon Stewart to Rebecca Romijn-Stamos
  44. "Cases are so much easier when the bad guy offs himself like that..." ~Darkwing Duck
  45. "If being a gangster were a prerequisite to being a musician, there"d be a lot less cello music, for example." ~Greg Giraldo
  46. "Our mind [takes breaks] to keep us from exploding." ~Ms. Gisbon
  47. "Chapters giveth, ACCs taketh away." ~Mr. Keech
  48. "I lie to everyone. What makes you so special?" ~Jonathan Carnahan
  49. "Why would you do that? You"re just setting yourself up for world domination." ~Duckie
  50. "I only gamble with my life, never with my money." ~Rick O"Connell
  51. "And I"m gonna shoot it." ~Duckie, adding to Rick O"Connell"s "Lady, there"s something out there."
  52. "Marge, I know I hurt you, but I"ve done WAY worse stuff since then!" ~Homer Simpson
  53. "Everyone"s happy, everyone has a cow. Moo moo moo, see ya later." ~Jason of Corinth
  54. "People, if you can"t get through the puns, I can"t give you the good stuff." ~Jon Stewart
  55. "Oh, Fox, why can"t your animals attack when we need them?" ~Lewis Black
  56. "Each night I lie awake and stare up at the stars and wonder...what the [Tartarus] happened to my ceiling." ~Robert Paul
  57. "I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer." ~Douglas Adams
  58. "I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons." ~Douglas Adams
  59. "The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." ~Albert Einstein
  60. "The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not Eureka! but 'That's funny..."" ~Isaac Asimov
  61. "The way to become famous fast is to throw a brick at someone who is famous." ~Walter Winchell
  62. "Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill." ~Johnny Carson
  63. "Heaven is where the Police are British, the Chefs are French, the Mechanics are German, the Lovers Italian and it's all organised by the Swiss. Hell is where the Chefs are British, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, the Police are German and it's all organised by the Italians." ~Anonymous
  64. "English humor resembles the Loch Ness Monster in that both are famous but there is a strong suspicion that neither exists. Here the similarity ends: the Loch Ness Monster seems to be a gentle beast and harms no one; English humour is cruel." ~George Mikes
  65. "When was the last time you saw an Iraqi in a [bloody] helicopter?" ~UK pilot after US marines fired on his helicopter
  66. "Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple, learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen." ~John Steinbeck
  67. "In a mad world, only the mad are sane." ~Akira Kurosawa
  68. "A pessimist is a man who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street." ~Lawrence J. Peter
  69. "Colin is the sort of name you give your goldfish for a joke." ~Colin Firth
  70. "Black holes are where God divided by zero." ~Steven Wright
  71. "The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit." ~Somerset Maugham
  72. "Every generalization is dangerous, especially this one." ~Mark Twain
  73. "The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug." ~Mark Twain
  74. "The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense." ~Tom Clancy
  75. "The free-lance writer is the person who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps." ~Robert Benchley
  76. "If you've got Mystique as your girlfriend, the fun you could have in bed. I've just imagined X-Men 3 might open with me in bed with Patrick Stewart." ~Sir Ian McKellan
  77. "There are no monsters in [Van Helsing]. There"re just people with VERY bad problems." ~Stephen Sommers
  78. "That is the bright side " things can always get worse." ~Ben Harper
  79. "If the good lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn"t have invented roller skates." ~Willy Wonka
  80. "Of course there's a brighter side to death...you just have to look harder to find it." ~Anna Valerias
  81. "I rather like Gigawatt's pose, especially the flung-out arm and falling bag of light-bulbs--it really DOES look like she was suddenly thrown off balance. (Well, PHYSICALLY off-balance. Mentally, Elmyra Sputterspark hasn't been ON balance since the day of the prom...)" ~Captain Chaotica!! on her Switchverse version of Megavolt
  82. "You'll be alright my son, provided they don't attack you with sticks." ~Prospector Kim Jay Darling
  83. "Use it in peace, not war." ~ Prospector Kim Jay Darling giving a chainsaw to Dudley Do-Right
  84. "But you"re not wearing black, Snidely. That"s blue." ~Dudley Do-Right (sorry... I suppose it was really the _delivery_)
  85. "To be so easily seen through I am afraid is pitiful." ~Elizabeth Bennett
  86. "When I am in the country, I never wish to leave it; and when I am in town it is pretty much the same. They have each their advantages, and I can be equally happy in either." ~Charles Bingley
  87. "I wonder who first discovered the efficacy of poetry in driving away love! Of a fine, stout, healthy love it may [be the food of love]. Everything nourishes what is strong already. But if it be only a slight, thin sort of inclination, I am convinced that one good sonnet will starve it away entirely." ~Elizabeth Bennett
  88. "[My compliments] arise chiefly from what is passing at the time, and though I sometimes amuse myself with suggesting and arranging such little elegant compliments as may be adapted to ordinary occasions, I always wish to give them as unstudied an air as possible." ~Mr. Collins
  89. "Heaven forbid!"That would be the greatest misfortune of all!"To find a man agreeable whom one is determined to hate!"Do not wish me such an evil!" ~Elizabeth Bennett
  90. "Next to being married, a girl likes to be crossed in love a little now and then. It is something to think of, and gives her a sort of distinction among her companions. When is your turn to come? You will hardly bear to be long outdone by Jane. Now is your time. Here are officers enough at Meryton to disappoint all the young ladies in the country. Let Wickham be your man. He is a pleasant fellow, and would jilt you creditably." ~Mr. Bennett
  91. "I am going tomorrow where I shall find a man who has not one agreeable quality, who has neither manner nor sense to recommend him. Stupid men are the only ones worth knowing, after all." ~Elizabeth Bennett
  92. "But it is fortunate that I have something to wish for. Were the whole arrangement complete, my disappointment would be certain. But here, by carrying with me one ceaseless source of regret in my sister"s absence, I may reasonably hope to have all my expectations of pleasure realized. A scheme of which every part promises delight, can never be successful; and general disappointment is only warded off by the defence of some little particular vexation." ~Elizabeth Bennett
  93. "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." ~Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
  94. "If guns kill people, I can blame misspelled words on my pencil." ~Larry the Cableguy
  95. "Sometimes you"ve gotta be cruel to be kind. And sometimes it"s just for fun." ~Lor McQuarrie
  96. "One wrong doesn"t make a right, either. At least TWO wrongs will make me feel better." ~Carver DesCartes
  97. "Alcohol causes conflicts, firearms resolve conflicts." ~Ed Helms
  98. "Try. Just TRY to suffocate yourself with that." ~Mom
  99. "There"s something not good going on here." ~Ms. Gibson on Hamlet
  100. "Who wants to be burned at the stake?" ~Ms. Gibson

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