Quotes (Page 14)!

  1. "The theater worried [Granny]. It had a magic of its own, one that didn"t belong to her, one that wasn"t in her control. It changed the world, and said things were otherwise than they were. And it was worse than that. It was magic that didn"t belong to magical people. It was commanded by ordinary people, who didn"t know the rules. They altered the world because it sounded better." ~Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters
  2. "Granny had never had much time for words. They were so insubstantial. Now she wished that she had found the time. Words were indeed substantial. They were as soft as water, but they were also as powerful as water and now they were rushing over the audience, eroding the levees of veracity, and carrying away the past." ~Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters
  3. "Witches aren"t like that. We live in harmony with the great cycles of Nature, and do no harm to anyone, and it"s wicked of them to say we don"t. We ought to fill their bones with hot lead." ~Magrat Garlick
  4. "Royalty goes eccentric far better than the likes of you and me." ~Gytha "Nanny" Ogg
  5. LIVING PEOPLE AREN"T ALLOWED TO BE GHOSTS. I"M SORRY. ~Death
  6. "If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." ~Henry David Thoreau
  7. "If I was a bad person, everyone in the world would die. Thank God I"m not a bad person." ~Katie
  8. "I'm shamed into admitting that I'm way behind with requests for autographed photos at the moment, but they WILL get done. I frequently answer letters several years late, so if you have asked for one, try not to give up hope until one of us dies." ~Samuel West
  9. "I was on Valium at the time to stop the seasickness, so I can't remember much. [favourite thing:] Ioan and myself playing a lot of Nintendo." ~Andrew Tiernan on playing Seaman Bunting
  10. "I know kids who should be left behind." ~Jon Stewart
  11. "A push-and-go wooden duck on wheels can cause quite a lot of damage if wielded with enough force." ~Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum
  12. "I believe it was the great William Shakespeare who said, "All the world"s a stage, and you are [crud]."" ~Colin Mochrie
  13. "Senior year is supposed to be about being mentally done." ~Jon Stewart
  14. "Is it not strange that sheeps guts should hale souls out of men's bodies?" ~Benedick
  15. "Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably." ~Benedick
  16. "I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me." ~Beatrice
  17. "O lord, he will hang upon him like a disease. He is sooner caught than the pestilence and the taker runs presently mad. God help the noble Claudio! If he have caught the Benedick, 'twill cost him a thousand pound ere he be cured." ~Beatrice
  18. "Granny really couldn"t be having at all with Nanny Ogg, who was her best friend." ~Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
  19. "You can be as self-assertive as you like, just so long as you do what you"re told." ~Granny Weatherwax
  20. "I don"t see how it can be thieving if you don"t pay anyway." ~Magrat Garlick on inflated prices
  21. "I knows all about folk songs. Hah! You think you"re listenin" to a nice song about"about cuckoos and fiddlers and nightingales and whatnot, and then it turns out to be about"about something else entirely. You can"t trust folk songs. They always sneak up on you." ~Granny Weatherwax
  22. "All anyone gets in a mirror is themselves. But what you gets in a good gumbo is everything." ~Mrs. Gogol
  23. "Vampires have risen from the dead, the grave, and the crypt, but have never managed it from the cat." ~Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
  24. "It"s far too early in the morning for it to be early in the morning." ~Nanny Ogg
  25. "Not for the first time in the history of the universe, someone for whom communication normally came as effortlessly as a dream was stuck for inspiration when faced with a few lines on the back of a card." ~Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
  26. "It"s [Granny Weatherwax"s] eggo. Everyone"s got one o" them. A eggo. And she"s got a great big one. Of course, that"s all part of bein" a witch, having a big eggo." ~Nanny Ogg
  27. "No point in imagining anything. Things are bad enough as they are." ~Granny Weatherwax
  28. "I ain"t against adventure, in moderation, but not when I"m eatin"." ~Granny Weatherwax
  29. "If that"s what bein" bad does to you, I could of done with some of that years ago. The wages of sin is death, but so is the salary of virtue, and at least the evil get to go home early on Fridays." ~Nanny Ogg
  30. ""happiness is not the natural state of mankind, and is never achieved from the outside in." ~Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
  31. "Cats gravitate to kitchens like rocks gravitate to gravity." ~Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
  32. "You don"t build a better world by choppin" heads off and giving decent girls away to frogs." ~Nanny Ogg
  33. "I reckon after you"ve had a busy life, you ort to be able to relax a bit when you"re dead." ~Granny Weatherwax
  34. "Humanity"s a nice place to visit, but you wouldn"t want to live there" ~Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
  35. "There"s a billion places like home. But only one of "em"s where you live." ~Granny Weatherwax
  36. "People will eat cotton in a supermarket if it has a toothpick in it." ~Roseanne Conner
  37. "Dale, get behind the Line of Shame." ~Hank Hill
  38. "No one wants to hear any more Michael Jackson jokes, but he keeps doing things." ~Colin Quinn
  39. "You"ve got a point, but you"re loud." ~Deputy James Garcia
  40. "She"s still got that lump of whatever the [heck] it is between her ears." ~Mother
  41. "I"ve died and gone to England." ~Dan Conner
  42. "It ain"t lyin", it"s just improvin" the truth a little." ~Jack Kelly
  43. "No, we"re just a bunch of angry kids with no money." ~David Jacobs to Jack Kelly"s "If we go on strike, we are a union."
  44. "There is a Branagh back side [in Much Ado About Nothing]... Mom came in and was like, "What the [Tartarus] are you watching," and I said "Shakespeare," and she just shook her head." ~Kat
  45. "You dense, irritating miniature beast of burden." ~Shrek
  46. "Every government building should have its own Maze of Infinite Peril." ~Nosedive
  47. "Do not float above me when I"m dying in the abyss!" ~Dane Cook
  48. "...like many successful business people, they tended to treat academics as if they were slightly retarded, unable to function in the real world, to play the real games. Or perhaps they just found it inexplicable that anyone would choose an occupation that wouldn"t make them a millionaire by age twenty-four." ~Michael Crichton, Timeline
  49. "[Chris] had a term for people like this: temporal provincials"people who were ignorant of the past and proud of it." ~Michael Crichton, Timeline
  50. "In other centuries, human beings wanted to be saved, or improved, or freed, or educated. But in our century, they want to be entertained. The great fear is not of disease or death, but of boredom. A sense of time on our hands, a sense of nothing to do. A sense that we are not amused." ~Robert Doniger
  51. "[The NRA is] not pro-gun, they"re anti-varmint." ~Greg Giraldo
  52. "They"ve put me in a cage with a koala. This is the height of my career." ~Lewis Black
  53. "Okay, long johns look good on some people. Okay, anything looks good on some people." ~Duckie while watching Newsies
  54. "Does that really work, converting someone with a bumper sticker? How weak of a mind do you have to have?" ~Greg Rogell
  55. "Are all girls like this or just the ones I know?" ~Ron Stoppable
  56. "No! Don"t tell him! He"s the enemy!" ~Paul Matthews
  57. "That was the most violent food experience I"ve had in my life." ~Paul Gilmartin after a hot dog exploded on him
  58. "I never wanted to be in a band because I love music too much to mess it up." ~Elijah Wood
  59. "I tell you, when you"re running down the street and you"re on fire, people will get out of your way." ~Richard Pryor
  60. "The people of Lancre thought that marriage was a very serious step that ought to be done properly, so they practiced quite a lot." ~Terry Pratchett, Maskerade
  61. "Granny Weatherwas was not a jouster in the lists of love, but, as an intelligent onlooker, she knew how the game was played." ~Terry Pratchett, Maskerade
  62. "What sort of person sits down and writes a maniacal laugh? And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head. Opera can do that to a man." ~Salzella
  63. "Granny Weatherwax was firmly against fiction. Life was hard enough without lies floating around and changing the way people thought." ~Terry Pratchett, Maskerade
  64. "There are few things in the world more expensive than ballet shoes. Violins happen to be among them." ~Salzella
  65. "His progress through life was hampered by his tremendous sense of his own ignorance, a disability which affects all too few people." ~Terry Pratchett, Maskerade
  66. "Oh, them as makes the endings don"t get them." ~Granny Weatherwax
  67. "It's 'Why Has God Forsaken Us?' cold." ~Jon Stewart
  68. "I know you want it to stay pleasant around here, but there are so many things that are so much better. Like silly or sexy...or dangerous or brief. And everyone of those things is in you all the time, if you just had the guts to look for them." ~David Wagner
  69. "All the people throughout my life who were naysayers [ticked] me off. But they've all given me a fervor; an angry ambition that cannot be stopped - and I look forward to finding a therapist and working on that." ~Tobey Maguire
  70. "Don"t hold with schools. They gets in the way of education." ~Granny Weatherwax
  71. "The point was that Granny Weatherwax had a feeling she was going to die. This was beginning to get on her nerves." ~Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies
  72. "You ain"t supposed to understand the jokes, this is a play." ~Jason Ogg
  73. "You can"t say "if this didn"t happen then that would have happened" because you don"t know everything that might have happened. You might think something"d be good, but for all you know it could have turned out horrible. You can"t say "If only I"d..." because you could be wishing for anything. The point is you"ll never know. You"ve gone past. So there"s no use thinking about it. So I don"t." ~Granny Weatherwax
  74. "Personal"s not the same as important. People just think it is." ~Granny Weatherwax
  75. "She seemed to have spent her whole life trying to make herself small, trying to be polite, apologizing when people walked over her, trying to be good-mannered. And what had happened? People had treated her as if she was small and polite and good-mannered." ~Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies
  76. "That"s the thing about being alive. You"re alive to enjoy it." ~Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies
  77. "The graveyards are full of people who rushed in bravely but unwisely." ~Ponder Stibbons
  78. "It must be hard for humans, forever floundering through inconvenient geography. Humans are always lost. It"s a basic characteristic. It explains a lot about them." ~Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies
  79. "They call me...Tater Salad." ~Ron White
  80. "You caught me. You caught the Tater." ~Ron White
  81. "With this guy, you never know if you"re gonna get Smeagol Dean or Gollum Dean." ~Jon Stewart
  82. "God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh." ~Voltaire
  83. "There was something creepy about that boy. It was the way he looked at you when you were talking, as if he was listening." ~Brother Nhumrod
  84. "The trouble with being a god is that you"ve got no one to pray to." ~Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
  85. "This was the definition of eternity; it was the space of time devised by the Great God Om to ensure that everyone got the punishment that was due to them." ~Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
  86. "Gods don"t like people not doing much. People who aren"t busy all the time might start to think." ~Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
  87. "Words are the litmus paper of the mind. If you find yourself in the power of someone who will use the word "commence" in cold blood, go somewhere else very quickly. But if they say "Enter," don"t stop to pack." ~Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
  88. "That"s a funny thing. Winners never talk about glorious victories. That"s because they"re the ones who see what the battlefield looks like afterward. It"s only the losers who have glorious victories." ~The Great God Om
  89. "[A philosopher is] someone who"s bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting." ~The Great God Om
  90. "Anyone stupid enough to expect us to trust him in these circumstances must be trustworthy. He"d be too stupid to be deceitful." ~Didactylos
  91. "The Ephebian garrison had declared somewhat nervously that slavery would henceforth be abolished, which infuriated the slaves. What would be the point of saving up to become free if you couldn"t own slaves afterwards." ~Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
  92. "Here people were about to roast someone to death, but they"d left his loin-cloth on, out of respectability. You had to laugh. Otherwise you"d go mad." ~Urn
  93. "As St. Ungulant preached to any who would listen, there were plus points in being a madman. People hesitated to stop you, in case it made things worse." ~Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
  94. "Well, the way I see it, logic is only a way of being ignorant by numbers." ~Didactylos
  95. "I always wanted to entertain. When I was 6, a scrawny, scrawny kid, I'd get in my red speedo and do muscle moves. I actually thought I was muscular. I didn't know everyone was laughing at me." ~Ryan Gosling
  96. "I can be completely indulgent and spend as many hours and days or weeks as I like on one thing. Writing music and sitting in my studio, just pottering with ideas, it's a lot more personal and creative for me, I don't feel restricted." ~Guy Pearce
  97. "Catastrophic destruction is the desired outcome of most Mythbusters experiments." ~The Mythbusters narrator
  98. "But I was young and foolish, and now am full of tears" ~W.B. Yeats, "The Salley Gardens
  99. "Come away, O human child! To the waters and the wild With a faery hand in hand, For the world"s more full of weeping than you can understand." ~W.B. Yeats, "The Stolen Child"
  100. "Dreams are for rookies. A guy can only take so much disappointment." ~Philoctetes

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