Angel

• "Seriously, I wasn't hitting on you." ~Angel to random guy in a bar
• "I'm not good at this...talking." ~Angel
• "I think my esophagus is melting." ~Angel
• "I've always got pensive face." ~Angel
• "Gosh. What our folks do to us, huh?" ~Angel after "therapy"
• "You both withdraw when I go vamp. I feel you judge me." ~Angel after "therapy"
• "I don't believe 'ugh' is the magic word, if one would call it a word, and even then, certainly not a magic one." ~Angel after "therapy"
• "You know, Anthony, you can be a rainbow, not a 'pain'bow." ~Angel after "therapy"
• "I love chocolate! Oh, ugh. But not, as it turns out, yogurt." ~Angel
• "...I'm the Dark Avenger?" ~Angel
• "Pre-natal exam, Wesley." ~Angel
• "I don't think I've ever realized just how disgusting that was." ~Angel on drinking blood from a mug
• "I've got two modes with people: Bite and avoid. Hard to shift." ~Angel
• "Here's the plan: We go in, I start hitting people hard in the face. See where it takes us." ~Angel
• "Cordelia, just put down the very sharp knife." ~Angel
• "Ever since she ran me through with a two-by-four, things have been different." ~Angel
• "We might try shouting 'fire.' It's not technically a crowded theater." ~Angel
• "I hate savin' the wrong guy." ~Angel
• "If it's any consolation, it does look like you were tortured by a much larger woman." ~Angel to Wesley
• "It's because I trust you. Well, more than three gun-toting maniacs, at any rate." ~Angel to Faith
• "For a taciturn, shadowy guy, I've got a big mouth." ~Angel
• "Three things I don't do: tan, date, and sing in public." ~Angel
• "If you are, y'know, crazy, I think things will go smoother if I know up front." ~Angel
• "I'm either comin' back with a cure, or you're about to see something kinda funny." ~Angel
• "What I hear - and maybe, hopefully, I'm still dreamin' - is 'The Star Spangled Banner' bein' belted out by a loud, green demon." ~Angel
• "Seventeen karaoke bars. I need to lie down and scrub out the inside of my head." ~Angel
• "You know, I, well, really couldn't help but notice the goats." ~Angel
• "If there is no great glorious end to all this, if nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do. 'Cause that's all there is. What we do, now, today." ~Angel
• "Atonement's a bitch." ~Angel
• "Wow. You could see your reflection in that glass. I mean, I couldn't because of the vampire situation, but a normal person? ::whistles::" ~Angel
• "Do you want me to rip that guy's head off for you? Because, you know, I can. I can actually just rip his head right off his body. I can do that." ~Angel
• "Lawyers. Don't you people sleep during the day?" ~Angel
• "Can everyone just notice how much fire I'm not on?" ~Angel
• "Prophecy? Great. Those always go well." ~Angel
• "Alright. What part of me being all noble didn't get through?" ~Angel
• "Flame thrower?! No, no. There will be no throwing of flames." ~Angel
• "We'll get through this, I promise. The vampire/demon/biker posse, that's the easy part. The part that scares me is all the questions. Why is the sky blue? Why do people get sick? Why is there always pigs' blood in the fridge? I don't have all the answers. Well, I do to that last one." ~Angel
• "Chipmunk Robots on Ice?" ~Angel
• "Stop calling me pastries." ~Angel to Lorne
• "I think I'll just have to go with my patented sudden burst of violence." ~Angel
• "I'm marveling at the wrongness of that." ~Angel
• "Just to reiterate, NOT the princess." ~Angel
• "Yeah, and you look like hell. Not the fun one, where they burn you with hot pokers for all eternity, but the hardcore one, you know, Nixon and Brittany Spears?" ~Angel
• "It's alright. It's your Uncle Wes. Yeah, he loves you bunches! He's just...English." ~Angel
• "Sworn enemy? Really? Have we met? Because I don't remember swearing." ~Angel
• "My track record with the whole man/woman thing isn't, you know... I don't wanna use the words 'tragic farce' but..." ~Angel
• "We can go out... I'd have to wear a burka or somethin'..." ~Angel
• "You're a vampire; you're not in Cats." ~Angel to Fred
• "What you did to me was unbelievable, Connor. But then, I got stuck in a hell dimension by my girlfriend one time for a hundred years, so three months under the ocean actually gave me perspective. Kind of a M. C. Escher perspective, but I did get time to think." ~Angel
• "This place was so much friendlier when the mob ran it." ~Angel about Vegas
• "Yeah, vampire, strangling, not gonna happen." ~Angel
• "That's cool. The top just comes right off." ~Angel about Lilah's non-convertible car
• [demon gets up] "Come on! I'm holding your head!" ~Angel
• "Easy Bake, flopapalooza, woosh, pop. I don't skulk." ~Angel
• "The beast's belly. Doesn't that usually mean you've been eaten?" ~Angel
• "And your hair. What colour do they call that? Radioactive?" ~Angel to Spike
• "If these guys are on our side, then somebody should tell them before they try to kill us again." ~Angel
• "Sorry, he's-- Is 'pathological idiot' an actual condition?" ~Angel about Spike
• "There were special circumstances. Lorne told us to, but mystically." ~Angel
• "Did you call me a tit?" ~Angel to Spike
• "All I did was beat up a tiny Texan. It's not like I helped anyone." ~Angel
• "Spike's not in the SS, he just likes wearin' the jacket." ~Angel
• "Check the torpedoes before I stuff you in a tube and send you for a swim, Captain." ~Angel to Spike
• "I'm not that guy. That guy is charming and funny and... emotionally useful. I'm the guy in a dark corner with the blood habit and the 200 years of psychic baggage." ~Angel
• "I do NOT have PUPPET CANCER!" ~Angel
• "Stupid, limey piece of crap!" ~Angel to Spike
• "Well. I'll be damned all over again." ~Angel
• "I don't remember seeing 'Stab Gunn' on the agenda this morning." ~Angel
• "This isn't a meeting, this is you being annoying." ~Angel to Spike
• "Which apocalypse? The one last year, or the year before that?" ~Angel
• "[Buffy]'d never fall for a centuries-old guy with a dark past who may or may not be evil." ~Angel
• "Grazie, prego, ka-boom." ~Angel
• "But she's not finished baking yet! I gotta wait till she's done baking, you know, till she finds herself, 'cause that's the drill. Fine. I'm waitin' patiently, and meanwhile, The Immortal's eatin' cookie dough!" ~Angel
• "If the next words out of your mouth are 'Kill Spike,' we just might have to kiss." ~Angel
• "I want you, Lindsey. [beat] I'm thinkin' about rephrasin' that." ~Angel
• "Personally? I kinda wanna slay the dragon." ~Angel
• "Shouldn't you be out on the streets protecting the city from, well, people like you?" ~Angel to Spike
• "Life's boring. You're full of surprises." ~Angelus to Darla
• "I'm a demon. Sure, I'm evil, but I'm not, y'know, evil." ~Barney
• "'Make love'? What are you, from the 18th century?" ~Bethany to Angel
• "You guys must be so excited...in that really dry, suicidal way." ~Virginia Bryce
• "Somebody here isn't real and I suspect it's you. So if you're not real, that means that my head came off back there and that I'm dead now. Dead. And with me being dead and you not being real I can hardly be expected to have some big conversation with you at the moment, because it's just a little too much pressure, alright?!" ~Winifred Burkle
• "I'm a big believer in rules, and theorems, and formulas... Aphorisms leave me a little dry." ~Fred Burkle
• "Why would girls want to look like that? I spent years in a cave starving, what's their excuse?" ~Fred Burkle about models
• "I have this theory that the more you are aware of time the more slowly it moves, which could make light speed travel possible, but only if you were to concentrate really..." ~Fred Burkle
• "But shouldn't we call Wesley first and maybe, you know, the army?" ~Fred Burkle
• "I'm just being a big nerd again, aren't I?" ~Fred Burkle
• "I was just calculating pi to relax. I'm not dangerous." ~Fred Burkle
• "Can I say something about destiny? Screw destiny! If this evil thing comes we'll fight it, and we'll keep fighting it until we whoop it. 'Cause 'destiny' is just another word for 'inevitable,' and nothing's inevitable as long as you stand up, look it in the eye, and say 'you're evitable!' [beat] Well, you...you catch my drift." ~Fred Burkle
• "It's not like I'm suggesting it's an evil two-headed thing..." ~Fred Burkle
• "You gave us quite a scare. But I guess you're used to that, being a scary thing and all." ~Fred Burkle to Darla
• "[Darla's] immortal, so that's in her favour, you know, health-wise." ~Fred Burkle
• "You've been working so hard staring at all these books...and, as a book-starer myself, I know how crazy-making that can be." ~Fred Burkle to Wesley
• "Pancakes AND waffles? I'm in starch heaven." ~Fred Burkle
• "It's just we've been having so much... fun today. Don't you think we should save some, before we use it up and all the other people get sad 'cause we took all the happy?" ~Fred Burkle
• "What if it's some vengency else-thing?" ~Fred Burkle
• "[Angel's] really happy. [pokes him with a stake] But not _perfectly_ happy, I hope!" ~Fred Burkle
• "You should have seen the size of the dust bunnies under Cordie's bed. More like dust sperm whales!" ~Fred Burkle
• "We're still working on a plan, but so far, it involves being sent to prison and becoming somebody's bitch." ~Fred Burkle
• "I'm just gonna go lay down. For a few days." ~Fred Burkle
• "I thought your saliva was suspect, what with it being green and all. No offense, Lorne." ~Fred Burkle
• "Are you still evilish? 'Cause...I'm confused." ~Fred Burkle
• "We ended a nefarious global domination scheme! Not world peace. Right?" ~Fred Burkle
• "If I can defy most of the laws of nature, there's a good chance I'll be able to anchor you to this plane and make you corporeal!" ~Fred Burkle
• "Wow. Turned on by a woman holding an enourmous gun. What a surprise." ~Fred Burkle
• "It's like an MC Escher picture, but with wires and flesh instead of geese." ~Fred Burkle
• "I'm a vision of hotliness." ~Fred Burkle
• "I am not the damsel in distress. I am not some case. I have to work this." ~Fred Burkle
• "That is so high school. 'Cordelia wears bras! Oooh, she has girl parts!'" ~Cordelia Chase mocking Doyle
• "Am I wrong in thinking a 'Please,' and 'Thank you' is generally considered good form when requesting a dismemberment?" ~Cordelia Chase
• "Mr. and Mrs. Spock need to mind meld, now." ~Cordelia Chase about Angel and Kate
• "You've got pensive face." ~Cordelia Chase to Angel
• "All I could think about was, if this wimp ever saw a monster he'd probably throw a shoe at it and run like a weasel. Turns out the shoe part was giving him too much credit." ~Cordelia Chase
• "Grade third taught Doy-- Doyle taught third grade? The kind with children?...You sure he wasn't held back and used that as a cover story?" ~Cordelia Chase
• "Hi, Doyle. Are you gonna become loser piney guy, like, full time, now? 'Cause, you know, we already have one of those around the office." ~Cordelia Chase
• "I think it, I say it. That's my way." ~Cordelia Chase
• "You have so much to learn, little Irish man." ~Cordelia Chase to Francis Allen Doyle
• "They'll be into this for a while. We've got time for a cappuccino and probably the director's cut of Titanic." ~Cordelia Chase about Angel/Buffy interaction
• "What do you think I am, superficial?! So you're half demon. That is SO far down the list. WAY under 'short' and 'poor'." ~Cordelia Chase to Doyle
• "That's one spooky talent you've got there. You can just look at me grinding my teeth, sighing, grunting, and just sense that I'm frustrated? Amazing." ~Cordelia Chase
• "I hope you like your coffee black, because the only lightener the boss has in his refrigerator is O-positive." ~Cordelia Chase
• "I'm so glad you came! You know how parties are; you're always worried that nobody's gonna suck the energy out of the room like a giant black cloud of boring despair, but there you were in the clinch!" ~Cordelia Chase to Angel
• "Wow, groveling isn't just a way of life for you; it's an art." ~Cordelia Chase to Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "Every night it’s Jeopardy, followed by Wheel of Fortune and a cup of hot cocoa. Look out, ladies, this one can't be tamed." ~Cordelia Chase about Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "Angel's the Dark Revenger. Only not too dark. Happy dark." ~Cordelia Chase
• "Sorry. I didn't mean to squeal like that in public." ~Cordelia Chase
• "Are you still evil?" ~Cordelia Chase's version of "Good morning"
• "You don't change a guy like that. In fact, generally speaking, you don't change a guy. What you see is what you get. Scratch the surface and what do you find? More surface." ~Cordelia Chase
• "You can always tell when he's happy - his scowl is slightly less scowly." ~Cordelia Chase about Angel
• "Angel faces death all the time, just like a normal guy faces waffles and French fries." ~Cordelia Chase
• "You can't see everything. You're just a vampire like everyone else. That didn't come out right." ~Cordelia Chase
• "It's kind of like a puzzle. The Who-Died-Horribly- Because-Angel-Screwed-Up-50-Years-Ago? game." ~Cordelia Chase
• "This isn't mere dust. This is Son of Dust. This is the kind of dust that spawns countless generations of little baby dust." ~Cordelia Chase
• "There's not enough yuck in the world." ~Cordelia Chase
• "According to my figures, if we're frugal and garner some paying customers soon, we're financially sound through last Wednesday." ~Cordelia Chase
• "This is Angel. [Picks up a book, opens it and pretends to read it, leaning her head in one hand.] 'Oh, no. I can't do anything fun tonight. I have to count my past sins, then alphabetize them. Oh, by the way, I'm thinking of snapping on Friday.'" ~Cordelia Chase
• "People, you've gotta leave your tombs earthed." ~Cordelia Chase
• "One thing you can say about Angel - he's consistent. It's always some little blonde driving him over the edge." ~Cordelia Chase
• "My nose skin is hurt." ~Cordelia Chase
• "You just let these facts kind of...dribble out, don't you?" ~Cordelia Chase to Virginia Bryce
• "Hey, Gunn graduated with a major in dumb planning from Angel University. He sat at the feet of the master and learned well how to plan dumbly." ~Cordelia Chase
• "It's LA. The evil's probably just tied up in traffic or something." ~Cordelia Chase
• "If you were out of line? If? You're comfortable with your use of the word 'if' here, are you?" ~Cordelia Chase to Angel
• "Good one, Cor. Scream very loudly so the hell beasts come to you." ~Cordelia Chase
• "Wow. Next to you, I'm downright linear." ~Cordelia Chase to Fred
• "[Fred]...seems to be laughing at something that shrub just said." ~Cordelia Chase
• "I could soothe your ass off, pal." ~Cordelia Chase
• "I'm starting to get used to being creeped out and comforted at the same time." ~Cordelia Chase
• "Has someone been putting vodka in your blood?" ~Cordelia Chase
• "God! I hate it when you say that word! 'Actually' means that your over-sized ginormous brain thought of something that the rest of us failed to consider, right?" ~Cordelia Chase to Wesley
• "As much as I'm enjoying this forced death march down memory lane..." ~Cordelia Chase
• "Hey, when did we get the statue for the lobby? Oh, it's just you." ~Cordelia Chase to Angel
• "Well, gee, forgive me for saving my own life." ~Cordelia Chase
• "The sky should not be made of fire." ~Cordelia Chase
• "Oh my god, Gunn? You have hair." ~Cordelia Chase
• "What fricken bizarro world did I wake up in?!" ~Cordelia Chase
• "Spike! Heard you weren't evil anymore, which kinda makes the hair silly." ~Cordelia Chase
• "That Hugh Grant thing is really starting to work for me." ~Cordelia's friend about Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "Weird? It's mythic." ~Darla
• "Can't a woman wreak a little havock without a man being involved?" ~Darla
• "Doesn't anyone want to sit back here with me?...I promise I won't throw anyone out of the car. Not while it's moving." ~Darla
• "I always meant to do that [bungee jumping], but I intensely don't want to, so I haven't gotten around to it." ~Francis Allen Doyle
• "It's like wrestlin' a tiger just to get to know her." ~Francis Allen Doyle about Cordelia
• "I'm just closin' these so our boss doesn't burst into flames. If that's all right with you." ~Francis Allen Doyle shutting a few curtains
• "Oh, man, LATIN! One of those dead languages you always mean to learn!" ~Francis Allen Doyle
• "The past, she don't let go, does she?" ~Francis Allen Doyle
• "Look, Richard, as much as I like your family - and they're great, honest - I'd really prefer if they didn't cannibalise me." ~Francis Allen Doyle
• "Quite the masculine fella, aren't ya?" ~Francis Allen Doyle about Angel
• "I don't see Angel puttin' on tights. [beat] Oh, now I do, and it's really disturbing." ~Francis Allen Doyle
• "Well, if it's a fight they want, can't someone else give it to them?" ~Francis Allen Doyle
• "I think I hated that plan." ~Francis Allen Doyle
• "These people are going to need more than their 'promised one'. 'Contractually obligated 500' might be a start." ~Francis Allen Doyle
• "Snake in the woodshed! Snake in the woodshed!" ~Druscilla
• "The king of cups expects a picnic...but this is not his birthday." ~Druscilla
• "He shall be very cross if he finds we had a mass slaughter without him." ~Druscilla
• "He's got cow eyes, big and black. Moooo." ~Druscilla about Lindsay
• "Dead already? Bad soldiers!" ~Druscilla
• "Hail to you, potential client!" ~The Groosalug
• "Evil white folks really do have a Mecca." ~Charles Gunn
• "Okay, it's traditional in the human world to humour people who have done favours for you in the past." ~Charles Gunn
• "If I come back here on the end of a spatula, I'm expecting some serious workman's comp." ~Charles Gunn
• "You're a very graceful man, have I ever mentioned that?" ~Charles Gunn to Angel
• "What? That's the plan? Walkin' real quick was the plan?" ~Charles Gunn
• "I am so glad I met you guys. It's entertaining, really." ~Charles Gunn
• "Damn, somebody have an Apocalypse and forget to invite us?" ~Charles Gunn
• "Okay, try not to say the word 'gestating' anymore." ~Charles Gunn
• "Now we're saving the vampire from vampires? I've got two words - 'Nuh' and 'uh'." ~Charles Gunn
• "Oh, yeah, that public thing. It happens when you go where the people are." ~Charles Gunn
• "You think we should get a flamethrower?" ~Charles Gunn
• "Hmm. Angel and a bunch of monks in the middle of nowhere. There's a party! He should have got hammered and went to Vegas just like I told him." ~Charles Gunn
• "We tried to stop her by hitting her fists and feet with our faces, but..." ~Charles Gunn
• "You got ballet on my Mata Hari tickets." ~Charles Gunn
• "You know, I was cool before I met y'all." ~Charles Gunn
• "Okay, that was a thing." ~Charles Gunn
• "I think my lungs have coffee." ~Charles Gunn
• "That's my girl. Large and in charge. OK, teensy-weensy and in charge." ~Charles Gunn
• "This is so much harder than it looks on Batman." ~Charles Gunn on grappling up a wall
• "Kinda looks like art, doesn't it? I call it 'Takes more than that to kill me, punk.' 'Punk' is what makes it art." ~Charles Gunn looking at his EKG readout
• "Strings need...to compactify." ~Charles Gunn
• "Oh, good. Symbols on the floor. That always goes well." ~Charles Gunn
• "Oh, your ass better _pray_ I don't look that word up." ~Charles Gunn
• "Well, congratulations. You're gonna have a grandspawn." ~Charles Gunn
• "Look, monochrome can yap all he wants about no-name's cosmic plan, but here's a little something I picked up rubbing mojos these past couple of years. The final score can't be rigged. I don't care how many players you grease, that last shot always comes up a question mark. But here's the thing—you never know when you're taking it. It could be when you're duking it out with the Legion of Doom, or just crossing the street deciding where to have brunch. So you just treat it all like it was up to you—the world in the balance—'cause you never know when it is." ~Charles Gunn
• "Stop the mocking. We get enough of that from Blondie Bear." ~Charles Gunn
• "Notice no matter how up-town we go, we always wind up at some stanky hole in the middle of the night?" ~Charles Gunn
• "As meat goes, your heart's a dried-up hunk of gnarly-ass beef jerky." ~Charles Gunn to Angel
• "Think someone won't notice us firing a sci-fi death ray from outer space?" ~Charles Gunn
• "I'm only going to ask you this once, Richard, and I expect a straight answer: were you or were you not intending to eat my ex-husband's brains?" ~Harriet
• "One word, Francis, just one, and I'll eat your brains." ~Harriet
• "I'm tellin' ya, he's some sort of super-soldier, like Steve Rogers or Captain America." ~Hodge
• "I'd like to keep Spike as my pet." ~Illyria
• "I play this game. It's pointless and annoys me, and yet I am compelled to play on." ~Illyria playing Crash Bandicoot
• "Try not to die. You are not unpleasant to my eyes." ~Illyria to Gunn
• "I'm feeling grief for him. I wish to do more violence." ~Illyria
• "'Cacophony.' That's pretty. What's it mean?" ~Harmony Kendall trying out new names
• "Is this okay? I AM evil, technically. I don't mind torturing her for the team." ~Harmony Kendall
• "I'm from Florida. 65 degrees is like the Arctic Circle." ~Kenny
• "We all need a reason to live, even if we're already dead." ~Lawson
• "I'm a self-flagellating hypocrite slut." ~Kate Lockley
• "There are not-evil evil things?" ~Kate Lockley
• "You're a big hunk of hero sandwich." ~Lorne to Angel
• "You just get darker and darker. And the weird thing is, your aura? Beige." ~Lorne to Angel
• "I like to think of him as our little mad man." ~Lorne
• "So, there's another gear after that number two thingie?" ~Lorne
• "If it had taken you much longer to hit your bottom, I'd have kicked it." ~Lorne to Angel
• "Isn't this just the sort of 'tude that got you where you are now? I think I'm speaking for everyone when I say if all you're gonna do is switch back to brood mode, we'd rather have you evil. Then at least - leather pants." ~Lorne to Angel
• "Two enemies, one case, all come together in a beautiful buddy-movie kind of way." ~Lorne
• "I'm tempted to just show up tomorrow with Harry Potter." ~Lorne
• "How are you supposed to joust someone when you partially agree with their point of view?" ~Lorne
• "Remember when I said I love this dimension and I'm never never NEVER gonna leave? Which 'never' did you not get?" ~Lorne
• "Wow. You're just a regular Hans Christian Tarantino, aren't ya?" ~Lorne to Angel
• "Bye, Mom. Thanks for storing my body on top of the lice pile instead of the maggot heap." ~Lorne
• "My psychic friend told me I had to come back here. I didn't believe her. Then I realized I did have to come back here, because - I really always thought I had to come back here, deep down inside, you know? I had to come back here to find out I didn't have to come back here. I don't belong here. I hate it here. You know where I belong? LA. You know why? Nobody belongs there. It's the perfect place for guys like us." ~Lorne
• "It turns out massacres are a lot like sitting through Godfather 3 - once is enough." ~Lorne
• "This is way beyond my ken. And my Barbie, and all my action figures." ~Lorne
• "Jumpin' Judas on a unicycle, what happened?!" ~Lorne
• "Go to sleep, lullaby, you've been fed and you're sleepy. You'll be with uncle Lorne, who in no way resents not being asked to go to the ballet. And is certainly not thinking of selling you to the first vampire cult that makes him a decent offer..." ~Lorne
• "You know, not speaking would be a really good look for you." ~Lorne
• "Okay, unless anyone else has something, let me be the first to say, What the HELL was that?!" ~Lorne
• "What I wouldn't do for a lasso and some crazy glue." ~Lorne
• "Even if you've got no flight plan, bucko, you're still a stealth bomber. You were fighting for your friends' futures. The people you love are your destiny." ~Lorne
• "I wasn't running, I was fleeing." ~Lorne
• "Hey, here's a funny sidebar - I'm tied to a chair. Again! What the hell's going on here?" ~Lorne
• "No, that certainly doesn't sound normal for a boy his age. We'll send someone out as soon as we can, just don't...just don't poke him." ~Lorne
• "I don't think that much mucous is ever a good sign. Oh, yes, please. Describe it in detail. [takes the phone away from his ear]" ~Lorne
• "Oh, ffffudgicle."~Lorne
• "Kid Vicious did the heavy liftin'. Cordie just mwa-ha- haed at us." ~Lorne
• "You shifted gender pronouns, sweetheart. Not that I'm judging." ~Lorne
• "Tonight, the role of Judas Iscariot will be played by Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok Clan." ~Lorne
• "Yeah, I'm movin', Angelcakes. Might not look like it, but, inside, I'm runnin. Full speed ahead." ~Lorne
• "I really hate today." ~Lorne
• "Dude, this is your night ON! Now mingle! Mingle, mingle, mingle, MINGLE!" ~Lorne
• "He's doin' great! He's already NOT killed, like, a hundred guests." ~Lorne about Angel
• "Fred, sweetie, you're sorta...like a woman." ~Lorne
• "Look at you. It's like Winston Churchill and a young Richard Harris had a beautiful lovechild." ~Lorne
• "So, I am covered in cherries, the police are just pounding on the door, and Judi Dench starts screaming, 'Oh, that's WAY too much to pay for a pair of pants!'" ~Lorne
• "Why don't they ever need the urine of an unclean? I've got plenty of unclean urine. Look. Uh... I think I'm making some right now." ~Lorne
• "Here's the thing, Eve: You're going to sing for me, and I'm going to read you right now. And here's one more thing: Winifred Burkle once told me after a sinful amount of Chinese food, and in lieu of absolutely nothing, 'I think a lot of people would choose to be green. Your shade, if they had the choice.' If I hear one note—one quarter-note—that tells me you had any involvement, these two won't even have time to kill you. Oh, and anything by Diana Warren will also result in your death—well, except 'Rhythm of the Night.'" ~Lorne
• "Well, nothin's written in stone—lately—but, uh, if I was about to face your future, I'd make like Carmen Miranda...and die." ~Lorne
• "What the daisy?!" ~Lorne
• "Oh, GOD, don't go in [Wesley's office]! That's where he keeps his full-strength crazy." ~Lorne
• "Whoa! Let's put a kibosh on that sentence before it turns into an ass-kickin'." ~Lorne
• "Whoa. Hey, hey, hey, can I not be the poster child for your nervous breakdown, here?" ~Lorne
• "Uh, do you want me to point my crossbow at him? 'Cause I think he's gonna start talkin' about ants again." ~Lorne
• "Are you going to help me, or do I have to break out my champion Rolodex?" ~Lorne to Angel
• "Numfar, do the dance of joy!" ~Lorne's mum
• "Vampire living in a city known for its sun, driving a convertible. Why do you hate yourself?" ~Magev
• "You are really gross, you know that?" ~Lindsey McDonald to Angel
• "Stop it, evil hand; stop it. I just can't control my evil hand." ~Lindsey McDonald
• "Me? I'm unreliable. I've got these evil hand issues, and I'm bored with this crap. And besides, I'm leaving, so, if you wanna chase me, be my guest. And remember evil." ~Lindsey McDonald
• "Heroes don't accept the world the way it is, they fight it." ~Lindsey McDonald
• "I know you've been out of loop for a while, but I'm still evil. I don't do errands unless they're...evil errands." ~Lilah Morgan
• "Come on, Charlie. Let me show you around the chocolate factory." ~Lilah Morgan
• "Flames wouldn't be eternal if they actually consumed anything." ~Lilah Morgan
• "You are one strange man, Senor Angel." ~Numero Cinco
• "Hermanos! The devil has built a robot!" ~Numero Cinco
• "Oh, this is a Yee-Haw moment. I definitely think this is a Yee-Haw moment." ~Gene Rainey
• "You're a good half-man." ~Richard to Doyle
• "Now I'm not so sure I even want to eat your brains." ~Richard
• "Yeah. I flitted back and forth in time.... Flitted in a manly way. Just so we're clear." ~Sahjhan
• "Not a huge demand for photo books of serial killer autopsies when you're living in a utopian wonderland...know what I mean?" ~Shopkeeper
• "I've always wondered how many chunks you've gotta hack off a vampire before it goes all dustbunny." ~Skip
• "Oh, I'm sorry, did I sully our good name? We're _vampires_." ~Spike to Angelus
• "I'm not here to back him up, I just haunt the bastard." ~Spike
• "Never a fetching mad scientist about when you need one." ~Spike
• "Right. Vampire ghost here, you sod. Bloody well invented 'afraid of the dark'." ~Spike
• "You pissed in the big man's chair? That's fanTAStic!...What, the Lorne thing? Wore off. I just think that's bloody fabulous." ~Spike
• "Isn't that special. We all have special powers. Anyone wanna trade? I'll swap ya two for one." ~Spike
• "A ha. So you're not ruling out that a human being could have boffed a robot. [beat] Sex with robots is more common than most people think." ~Spike
• "Daddy, eh? I always thought Wesley was grown in some sort of greenhouse for dandies." ~Spike
• "Apparently, when Percy here was younger, he used to be known as 'Head Boy'." ~Spike
• "I know what this is. You'll never take me to hell, Pavayne! [beat] Oh. Well, that's just something I say...when...it gets dark." ~Spike
• "It's...Mountain Dew." ~Spike
• "Life's an ever-lovin' bitch, iddn't it?" ~Spike
• "No offence, Mr. Vader, but I've got no itch to join the Evil Empire." ~Spike
• "I just thought I'd see what it was like to bounce off the pavement. Pretty much what I expected." ~Spike
• "Feel my wrath, gorilla throwin' barrels!" ~Spike
• "Sneaky bastards, the SS. Don't ever go to a free virgin blood party. Turns out, it's probably a trap." ~Spike
• "You're a wee little puppet man!" ~Spike to Angel
• "If cavemen and astronauts got into a fight, who would win?" ~Spike
• "Are you saying we should start annoying other people?" ~Spike to Angel
• "I've fought plenty of mummies, and none of 'em were as pretty as you. Almost none." ~Spike to Fred
• "Trust me, half way through the first act [of Les Miserables], you'll be drinking humans again." ~Spike to Angel
• "This goes all the way through to the other side. So, I figure, there's a bloke somewhere around New Zealand standing on a bridge like this one, looking back down at us. All the way down. There's a hole in the world. Feels like we ought to have known." ~Spike
• "It's like a bloody tease. It's like, 'Here's what a bottle of Jack would look like, if you actually had one.' Or, 'Here's a drink, but it's very far away.'" ~Spike playing with an airline-sized bottle of Jack Daniels
• "Wot? I'm listening. With beer." ~Spike
• "Why am I always recognizance? I should get a decently flash gig, like 'Rescue the girl,' or 'Steal the emerald with the girl'." ~Spike
• "Hate to break it to you, mate, but bad things always happen everywhere." ~Spike
• "Welcome to the planet. We all paint on our happy faces every day, when all we really wanted is to pound the neighbor's missus, steal his Ben Franklins, and while we're at it, not think about the third of the world that's starving to death." ~Spike
• "I'M ON FIRE! [beat] Oh. Never mind." ~Spike
• "Oh, old broody-pants got you wound up, eh? Keep in mind, he can't get laid without maybe going crazy. Makes it funny." ~Spike
• "It's not murder if you say 'yes'!" ~Spike
• "How do you say 'Wank off,' in Italian?" ~Spike
• "Hey! Wanna go find somethin' to hit?" ~Spike to Illyria
• "Thank you! That was for Cecily. This one's called, 'The Wonton Folly of Me Mum'!" ~Spike
• "Oh...! Can I deny you three times?" ~Spike to Angel
• "First off, I'm not wearing any amulets. No bracelets, broaches, beads, pendants, pins, or rings." ~Spike
• "Supposed to wear that red stuff on the inside, Charlie- boy." ~Spike
• "Wishes just happen to be horses today." ~Spike
• "Hey, Fred, didja hear? Angel attacked the old mail guy!" ~Spike
• "So...you could look up that, uh... sans shoes thingamabob. You know, the prophecy that says that Angel gets to be a real boy again." ~Spike
• "I got a demon needs reposessing." ~Spike
• "Your manservant has become tangled in my bodily fluids again!" ~Cyvus Vail
• "Check the viewscreen, Uhura. I've got twelve vampyr slayers behind me, and not one of them has ever dated you." ~Andrew Wells to Angel
• "Uh, Spike? Is Angel crying?" ~Andrew Wells
• "Yes, I'm an ugly, grey, blobby-- What?" ~Wesley Wyndam- Pryce
• "As a point of courtesy, I like to get to know my opponents before I engage them in mortal combat. Do you, uh, do you have any hobbies?" ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "I don't grovel. Please don't fire me. What happened yesterday was just an anomaly. I'm very rarely taken hostage." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "That is not appropriate! It's for killing extinct demons! Angel, make her stop!" ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce as Cordie uses a ritual knife to slice brownies
• "I asked for a coffee. I know it must be in here some place." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce investigating his frothy mug of froth
• "I've been accused of a great many things, but 'paranoid' has never been one of them....Unless people have been saying it behind my back." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "Our discussions tend to go about three minutes, then it's strictly name calling and hair pulling." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "Dear GOD. That's...nummy." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "Didn't we learn anything from the tea?" ~Wesley Wyndam- Pryce
• "My arse is not pansy!" ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "I need to be dead, now." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "We came, we sang, we fought the urge to regurgitate." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "I'm fine, it's just...we should go before I pass out. Or possibly during." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "Sometimes you need to wallow. Just let the depression settle in." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "We should be able to de-occulate her. Uh...just the one in the back." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "What in god's name is Angphlel?" ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "You'd have known that if you hadn't had your head firmly up your...place that isn't your neck." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce to Angel
• "Be sensitive to their feelings, their opinions, especially before you take some action one might construe as - oh, let's just call it insane." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce to Angel
• "Guess what I found! More nothing than usual." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "Angel's informant will lead us to the demon's feeding grounds, where we manly men will gather round and kill it to death." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "Yes, we're all heartily aware that you're not on fire." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "Now that we've had this lovely reintroduction, I suggest you piss off." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "I love you so much I almost forgot to brood." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce imitating Angel
• "Everyone seems to be going mad these days; Faith has a head start." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "We don't know that he's a zombie, and besides, the flesh eating is a myth. Zombies merely mangle, mutilate and occasionally wear human flesh. So there is no reason to be frightened." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "An earthquake? That's the first portent? We live in California!" ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "Life. Life is funny. Listening to stupid people talking to hamburgers is funny. Worrying about things that will never happen is.... It's all so incredibly funny. And beautiful." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "As far as evil plans go, it doesn't suck." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "Oh, yes. That was awkward. You decapitate a loved one, you don't expect them to come visiting." ~Wesley Wyndham-Pryce
• "Corbin Fries. The lowest piece of pond scum I've met in, oh, hours. He's about to get 20 years for kidnapping, pimping....Personally, I think he deserves to be eaten by weasels." ~Wesley Wyndham-Pryce
• "I got that knowing feeling you get when you know something." ~Wesley Wyndham-Pryce
• "Really. I beat out 'Everybody dying in an explosion' as 'Most Embarrassing Failure'." ~Wesley Wyndham-Pryce
• "What about-- I almost said the words 'Molasses Factory' outloud." ~Wesley Wyndham-Pryce
• "I think I sort of missed this. You and me and the books, kicking it old school, as they say. And I never will again. " ~Wesley Wyndham-Pryce
• "She did leave swearing vengeance. That doesn't usually go well for us." ~Wesley Wyndham-Pryce
• "99.999...ad infinitum percent of the best relationships in the recorded history of the world have had to make do with Acceptable Happiness. I defy your gypsy curse when there's a beautiful, engaging...alright, occasionally hirsuite young woman who actually wants you." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce to Angel
• "Never a witch around when you need one." ~Wesley Wyndam- Pryce
• "I'm probably the last man in the world to teach you what's right." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "There's hope...for some. There's hope that you'll find something worthy, that your life will lead you to some joy...that after everything, you can still be surprised." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "She's either counting oxygen molecules, or analyzing the petrie dish she just put into her mouth. Or sleeping. I can never quite tell." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce about Illyria
• "I stabbed you. I should apologize for that. But I'm honestly not sure how. I think it'll just be awkward." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pryce to Gunn

Angel: After the Fall by Brian Lynch

• "We'll think of something. We're the kings of last-minute saves. Except for that one time. When I sent everyone to hell." ~Angel
• "Let's vent our feelings, because we both love that." ~Angel to Wesley
• "Nobody's coming back right." ~Angel
• "I want to get up, I want to fight, but even if I could--I don't know what I'd hit. Gunn has a right to be angry, even if he's currently not expressing it in a healthy manner. People follow my lead and it always WITHOUT FAIL ends the same way." ~Angel
• "Can't ONE GOOD GUY be corporeal in this room?" ~Angel
• "Heaven without your loved ones isn't heaven." ~Aqua-haired demon woman
• "I'd be disappointed if I came back and you had a boring story for me. 'Hey Cordelia, guess what I've been up to. Lots and lots of Sudoku.' 'Hey, Cordelia, guess who started a movie review blog.' Angel, you're human and you're tortured and you have a pet dragon that you accidentally named after me and I wouldn't have it any other way." ~Cordelia Chase
• "White hats don't have a plant in the black hat offices. If we were that sneaky, we'd be, you know, grey hats." ~Cordelia Chase
• "Fantastic. My first time was with my surrogate mother. I'm not only an immaculate vampire baby...I'm also Oedipus." ~Connor
• "She will come again to judge the living and the fashion-impaired...and her kingdom will have no pleather." ~Cordelia Cult (that never actually made it to the comics)
• "I told them to go screw. It came out 'No, thank you, sir, please leave my little safe haven alone,' but the tone was 100% 'Go screw.'" ~Lorne
• "I anticipated people being all sorts of up in arms as we cut away from a battle royale featuring THE RETURN OF FRED and over to something resembling a fish taking a cat-nap." ~Brian Lynch
• "As soon as I wrote the panel featuring 'Screw you, Dawn,' I knew it would be made into many-an-avatar. For those of you without action figures on your desk, an avatar is a little picture that appears directly below people's names on webboards. For instance, on my webboard at angrynakedpat.com, I have a little picture of Spike Puppet from Spike: Shadow Puppets under my name. Other people have pictures of themselves, a Transformer, or a photo of Angel and Spike photoshopped so they're doing something gay. These are literally the only three avatars you are allowed to use by law." ~Brian Lynch
• "Another difference between Angel and Spike. Angel saw someone in need of help and he LEAPT from the top of the building to get to them (which he soon realized was a mistake). Spike sees someone in need of help, and he takes the elevator. Spike just survived his SECOND certain-death series finale, you can't expect him to go along risking his neck immediately." ~Brian Lynch
• "Spike tries to retire, he makes a real attempt to stop rescuing humans, but it lasts all of five seconds. Oh Spike, you tried!" ~Brian Lynch
• "If someone told me that Connor would be among my favorite characters to write in an Angel book, I would've called them crazy, and then maybe apologized for jumping to conclusions about their sanity but then I'd mutter 'but you are crazy' under my breath as I walked away." ~Brian Lynch
• "I like the demon army. I mean, sure they're awful and evil and want to kill our heroes, but at the same time, they're not really that organized and missed the big alleyway fight. I can identify. Many a battle to the death has been avoided accidentally because I lost track of time." ~Brian Lynch
• "The old 'telepathic fish tricks a vampire into thinking he's a punching bag' trick. Sometimes comic writing can be fun." ~Brian Lynch
• "Here's why Wesley is a cool character. He gets a moment of perfect bliss. He's lying in bed with his true love...he could very easily stay in this moment, but he doesn't want to. It's not real, and he won't accept it." ~Brian Lynch
• "Look at [Nick] Runge's drawing of Amy Acker. Can he and I do a series called The Further Adventures of Amy Acker? Acker the Fall? Something? Hello? People?" ~Brian Lynch
• "Kate is quoting Angel while making a bomb out of car parts. I can do that first part ('Personally, I kinda want to slay the Dragon!'...see?) but not the other. Maybe that's why I don't have a logo. I do have an avatar though." ~Brian Lynch
• "I hope [Connor] didn't take Kate's two favorite weapons in that last panel. That would suck for her. We should've cut back to her later, being attacked by a monster, reaching for those weapons because they're enchanted or some nonsense, only to see Connor has taken them. she would die cursing the little moppet." ~Brian Lynch
• "I liked giving Betta George such a huge reveal. 'Oh you didn't bother reading the fish page? Nah, you didn't miss anything, just SLAYERS!' And then that fish-avoider cries and cries. And then reaches for enchanted weapons but Connor has stolen those as well." ~Brian Lynch
• "Angel gets beat up, Angel loses, Angel gets everything taken away from him, but he keeps on fighting. And he'll do what he thinks is the right thing even if it means he has to suffer for it. Plus he kicks ass and is funny and charming. Great, now it sounds like I want to date Angel. A new 'ship' for people to write slash fiction about! Don't you dare." ~Brian Lynch
• "Even his emails are more creative than my scripts. Damn him." ~Brian Lynch about Joss Whedon
• "Seriously, whose guy is the t-rex? Who brings a t-rex to a vamp battle?" ~Shark-ish demon
• "Listen, mate. I didn't rise from the ranks of prisoner to prisoner with benefits to protector back to prisoner with benefits to lord, just to have you come and muck it up." ~Spike to Angel
• "It's so much easier if you just tell yourself you're strategically heading in the opposite direction of those that wish to do you harm so that you may mock them at a later time." ~Spike
• "I'm staring right at the dawn and I'm not smoking! You hear that? SCREW YOU, DAWN! Hope that's not taken outta context." ~Spike
• "There once was a vampire named Gunn/Who nearly destroyed everyone/When he tried to undo/All the shit he'd been through/So his life would be like Season One. Your babbling was good babbling. But the limerick is ass." ~Joss Whedon
• "On a schedule here, so I'll make it quick. This is not a bluff. This is a little thing we call bad cop/bad cop/bad cop/crazy primordial seriously bad cop." ~Wesley Wyndam-Pyce

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

• "A hundred years of just hanging out feeling guilty really honed my brooding skills." ~Angel
• "That's great. Everyone's got a soul now. I started it, the whole having a soul. Before it was all the cool new thing." ~Angel
• "I wear the cheese; it does not wear me." ~Bald Guy
• "Was that guy bothering you? Should I offer to get inappropriately violent or something?" ~Ben
• "Angel's lame. His hair goes straight up, and he's bloody stupid." ~The BuffyBot
• "That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, bingo!" ~The BuffyBot
• "It's a wedding, honey. We're all bored." ~Cousin Carol
• "I was kind of hoping you were in a gang." ~Cordelia Chase to Buffy Summers
• "Oh, Buffy, it's like we're sisters! With really different hair!" ~Cordelia Chase
• "You guys...I hate you guys. The weirdest things always happen when you're around." ~Cordelia Chase
• "I'll date whoever the hell I want to date. No matter how lame he is." ~Cordelia Chase
• "Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass." ~Cordelia Chase
• "How about because you're a tiny, impotent Nazi with a bug up his but the size of an emu?" ~Cordelia Chase about Principal Snyder
• "He kinda grows on you like...a Chia Pet." ~Cordelia Chase about Xander Harris
• "How many times have you been knocked out, anyway?" ~Cordelia Chase to Rupert Giles
• "I swear, one of these times, you're gonna wake up in a coma." ~Cordelia Chase
• "There was no part of that that wasn't fun." ~Cordelia Chase
• "Your sister's the Slayer. I'm a demon. That's real good incentive to get along with her." ~Clem
• "Just because the lights are dim doesn't mean the juice is all gone." ~Doc
• "You are strange and off-putting. Go now." ~Dracula to Xander Harris
• "Psst! We're going to destroy the world. Want to come?" ~Druscilla
• "This is so...disappointing." ~Druscilla
• "Not nice to change the game in mid-play, Spike. You've taken my chair and the music hasn't stopped." ~Druscilla
• "I think I shall be very cross with you when I'm free again." ~Druscilla
• "Oh, we can, you know. We can love quite well. If not wisely." ~Druscilla
• "I worked long and hard to get this pompous." ~Riley Finn
• "So, tell me about your dream. As a Psych major, I'm qualified to go, 'Hm...'" ~Riley Finn
• "I find myself needing to know the plural of 'apocalypse'." ~Riley Finn
• "Did anyone else feel way too tall? I felt way too tall." ~Riley Finn
• "You didn't by any chance go and lose that pesky soul again, did you?" ~Riley Finn to Angel
• "Seriously? That's a good day? Well, there you go. Even when he's good, he's all billowy-coat, king-of-pain, and girls really like that." ~Riley Finn about Angel
• "I showed up on time, so I got to be cowboy guy!" ~Riley Finn
• "We're drawing up a plan for world domination. The key element? Coffeemakers that think." ~Riley Finn
• "No, no, NO, sir! No more chick pit for you. Come on." ~Riley Finn to Giles
• "'I'm here to violate your first born' never goes over well with parents. I'm not sure why." ~Riley Finn
• "I'm plotting your death, but in a happy way." ~Riley Finn
• "Back to what I was saying before we were rudely attacked by nothing..." ~Riley Finn
• "Psychologically, this is fascinating. Doesn't everyone want to lock them in separate rooms and do experiments on them?" ~Riley Finn
• "Very convincing. Makes me completely want to put myself under government control. Please take me to where they can make me unconscious and naked." ~Riley Finn
• "A lot of young people nowadays are experimenting with shortness. Gotta nip THAT in the bud." ~Riley Finn
• "What's a little sweater sniffing between sworn enemies?" ~Riley Finn
• "I want to say, we almost never-- we very seldom have dead kids stuffed in a locker. I have a very strict policy." ~Principal Flutie
• "It may be that you can wrest some information from that dread machine. [beat] That was a bit, uh, British, wasn't it?" ~Rupert Giles
• "The earth is doomed." ~Rupert Giles
• "This computer invasion that Willow is performing on the coroner's office... One assumes it is entirely legal." ~Rupert Giles
• "Recording bat sonar is something soothingly akin to having one's teeth drilled." ~Rupert Giles
• "[Emily Dickinson]'s quite a good poet for...um... For, uh...an American." ~Rupert Giles
• "All right, well, I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the 12th century, and ask the vampires to postpone their prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show." ~Rupert Giles
• "Those boys aren't sparklingly normal as it is." ~Rupert Giles
• "Things involved with a computer fill me with a child-like terror. Now, if it were a nice ogre or some such, I'd be more in my element." ~Rupert Giles
• "Form the circle? But there are only two of us. That's really more of a line." ~Rupert Giles
• "Oh, you three." ~Rupert Giles
• "[Principle Snyder] thought it would behoove me to have more contact with the students. I did try to explain that my vocational choice of librarian was a deliberate attempt to minimize said contact, but, uh, he would have none of it." ~Rupert Giles
• "Willow, do shut up." ~Rupert Giles
• "A vampire in love with a slayer. It's rather poetic...in a maudlin sort of way." ~Rupert Giles
• "Yes. Trout...is a fish." ~Rupert Giles
• "You know, I am suddenly deciding this is none of your business." ~Rupert Giles
• "Wonderful. You work on your muscle tone while my brain dribbles out of my ears." ~Rupert Giles
• "It's staking time, really, don't you think?" ~Rupert Giles
• "The advantages of layers of tweed. Better than kevlar." ~Rupert Giles
• "...Why do you all have eggs?" ~Rupert Giles
• "You two, sit. Be quiet. We have to catch the Buffy rat." ~Rupert Giles
• "It's traditional among, um...people." ~Rupert Giles
• "Well, despite the Xander-Speak, that's a fairly accurate definition of a poltergeist." ~Rupert Giles
• "If anything should happen to you and you should be killed, I should take it somewhat amiss." ~Rupert Giles to Willow Rosenberg
• "Unbelievable. 'Do you like my mask? Isn't it pretty? It raises the dead.' Americans..." ~Rupert Giles
• "Let's do somethin'. Let's find the demon and...kick the crap out of it." ~Rupert "Ripper" Giles
• "You filthy little poncer, are you afraid of a little demon?" ~Rupert "Ripper" Giles to Principal Snyder
• "Actually, she's quite a pain in the ass." ~Rupert Giles about Buffy Summers
• "'For they are the Harbingers of death. Nothing shall grow above or below them. No seed shall flower, neither in man nor...' [waves hands to indicate summation] They're rebels and they'll never ever be any good." ~Rupert Giles
• "'Session interrupted'?! Who said you could interrupt, you stupid, USELESS FAD?! No, I said 'fad.' And I'll say it again." ~Rupert Giles
• "If you want to criticise my methods, fine. But you can keep your snide remarks to yourself. And, while you're at it, don't criticise my methods." ~Rupert Giles
• "Demons wanting money... Whatever happened to the still-beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore." ~Rupert Giles
• "[I've found] a six-course banquet of nothing with a scoop of sod-all as a palette cleanser." ~Rupert Giles
• "See? No standards. Any self-respecting demon should be living in a pit of filth or a nice crypt." ~Rupert Giles
• "And I shall be wearing pink taffeta, as chenille will not go with my complexion." ~Rupert Giles' prom plans
• "For god's sake, man, she's 18, and you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone. Just...have at it, would you, and stop fluttering about." ~Rupert Giles to Wesley Wyndam- Pryce
• "Tea is soothing, and I wish to be tense." ~Rupert Giles
• "I'm going to go and attend to Wesley; see if he's...is still, um [suppressed laugh]...whimpering." ~Rupert Giles
• "You moron! Dinette set should be _mine_." ~Rupert Giles, playing along at home
• "This is in no way an elaborate scheme to stick me with the clean up?" ~Rupert Giles
• "Oh, I'll try to restrain myself from eating the uncooked potatoes and cranberries." ~Rupert Giles
• "Right. Always behind on the terms. Still trying not to refer to you lot as 'bloody colonials'." ~Rupert Giles
• "No, I think perhaps we won't help the angry spirit with his rape and pillage and murder." ~Rupert Giles
• "[Sarcasm is] sort of an end in itself." ~Rupert Giles
• "If those two don't kill each other, I might lend a hand." ~Rupert Giles about Buffy and Spike
• "'S all right. I have more scotch." ~Rupert Giles
• "So, the plan is to cure my total, incapacitating blindness _tomorrow_, is it?" ~Rupert Giles
• "Stop. Whatever you're doing. You smell like Fruit Roll- Ups." ~Rupert Giles
• "Yes, that's exactly the most appalling thing you could have said." ~Rupert Giles
• "I'm so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the impending apocalypse." ~Rupert Giles
• "Oh, as usual, dear." ~Rupert Giles
• "Of course. How wrong of me to choose my own words." ~Rupert Giles
• "Ethan Rayne. You have no idea how much thrashing you is going to improve my day." ~Rupert Giles
• "What am I? I'm an unemployed librarian with a tendency to get knocked on the head." ~Rupert Giles
• "You have to help me find him. He must undo this, and then he needs a good being killed." ~Rupert Giles
• "I refuse to become a monster because I look like a monster. I have a soul. I have a conscience. I am a human being. Oh, stop the car!" ~Rupert Giles
• "Actually, I feel quite well...except for the rage." ~Rupert Giles
• "Oh, yes. Careless of me. Tracking mud all over your, um, mud." ~Rupert Giles to Spike
• "Xander, don't speak Latin in front of the books." ~Rupert Giles
• "Much as I uh...LONG for a good kegger, I have other plans." ~Rupert Giles
• "Yes, thank you, Willow. I didn't attend university in the Mesozoic Era. I do remember what it's like." ~Rupert Giles
• "Whatever happened to Latin? At least when that made no sense, the church approved." ~Drunk Rupert Giles
• "Sorry, was that a bit honest? Terribly sorry." ~Drunk Rupert Giles
• "Uh, Spike can be very c-c-convincing when, when... I'm very stupid." ~Rupert Giles
• "Xander, just because this is never going to work is no reason to be negative." ~Rupert Giles
• "Acting is not about behaving, it's about hiding. The audience wants to find you, strip you naked, and eat you alive, so hide!" ~Rupert Giles
• "Come on, put your back into it. A Watcher scoffs at gravity." ~Rupert Giles
• "Honestly, you meet the most appalling sort of people." ~Rupert Giles
• "Good show, Giles. At least you didn't get knocked out for a change." ~Rupert Giles
• "I swear, this time I KNOW I had that locked." ~Rupert Giles
• "Uh, we just, uh, need to arrange the candles. Also, we should continue to pretend we heard none of the disturbing sex talk." ~Rupert Giles
• "He's clearly a bad influence on himself." ~Rupert Giles
• "I think I liked it better when demons would just crash in here and tear the place apart. Just seemed so much simpler." ~Rupert Giles
• "People help each other out, Anya. It's one of our strange customs." ~Rupert Giles
• "And you are talking about what on earth?" ~Rupert Giles
• "You're in a magic shop and you can't think what Tara might like. I believe you're both profoundly stupid." ~Rupert Giles
• "It's a killer snot monster from outer space. [beat] I did not say that." ~Rupert Giles
• "You all stand around and look somber. Good job." ~Rupert Giles to assembled Watchers
• "Yes, thank you for the little backpedal." ~Rupert Giles
• "Um, well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance...then we ate cookie dough and talked about boys." ~Rupert Giles after babysitting
• "Oh, yes, [I have] dozens [of books on robots]. There's an enormous amount of research we should do before...no, I'm lying. I haven't got squat; I just like to see Xander squirm." ~Rupert Giles
• "'Guyles'? Spike didn't even bother to program my name properly!" ~Rupert Giles
• "It's appalling. Almost as if they no longer think money can buy happiness." ~Rupert Giles
• "I hope this isn't a return. Everyone wants petrified hamsters, and they're never happy with them." ~Rupert Giles
• "As soon as Buffy arrives...we'll feel oddly worse." ~Rupert Giles
• "It only hurts when I answer pointless questions." ~Rupert Giles
• "I suspect the finger foods contain actual fingers." ~Rupert Giles
• "Well, I know I'm back in America, now; I've been knocked unconscious." ~Rupert Giles
• "Uh, hello, Ahab, a little help, please." ~Rupert Giles to Xander
• "[Xander] kept poking me with his hook. I sent him over to charmed objects. With any luck he'll poke the wrong one and end up in an alternative dimension inhabited by a 50-foot Giles that squishes annoying teeny pirates." ~Rupert Giles
• "If anything calamitous should happen, history suggests it'll happen to one of us." ~Rupert Giles
• "You've got the rest of your lives to plan the rest of your lives." ~Rupert Giles
• "Mist, cemetery, Halloween. Should end well. [falls over] Bloody brilliant." ~Rupert Giles
• "Well, I sang, but I had my guitar at the hotel...That would explain the huge backing orchestra I couldn't see and the synchronized dancing from the room service chaps." ~Rupert Giles
• "Well, I'm a hair's breadth from investigating bunnies at the moment, so I'm open to anything." ~Rupert Giles
• "If we hear any inspirational power chords, we'll just lie down until they go away." ~Rupert Giles
• "If I want your opinion, Spike, I'll... I never want your opinion." ~Rupert Giles
• "Well, now we've recovered from Spike's sartorial humour..." ~Rupert Giles
• "Magic? Magic's all b-balderdash and chicanery. I'm afraid we don't know a bloody thing. Except I seem to be British, don't I? And a man. With glasses. Well, that narrows it down considerably." ~Rupert Giles
• "I know you're all stupid. I should never have abandoned you." ~Rupert Giles
• "In the end, we all are who we are, no matter how much we may appear to have changed." ~Rupert Giles
• "I used to be a highly-respected Watcher. Now I'm a wounded dwarf with the mystical strength of a doily." ~Rupert Giles
• "What the hell is that, and why is its hair that colour?" ~Glory about Spike
• "Did anybody order an apocalypse?" ~Glory
• "It's funny how the earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to." ~Xander Harris
• "I don't like vampires. I'm gonna take a stand and say they're not good." ~Xander Harris
• "I laugh in the face of danger. And then I hide until it goes away." ~Xander Harris
• "For I am Xander, king of cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me." ~Xander Harris
• "Oh, right, give her your jacket. It's a balmy night; nobody needs to be trading clothing out there." ~Xander Harris
• "So that's a martini, huh?" ~Xander Harris
• "Your hands are really...serrated." ~Xander Harris
• "I have my pride. Okay, I don't have a lot of my pride, but I have enough so that I can't do this." ~Xander Harris
• "Did I mention that I hate this school?" ~Xander Harris
• "I'm sorry I'm unruffled by spiders. Now, if a bunch of Nazis crawled all over my face..." ~Xander Harris
• "It's funny if you're me." ~Xander Harris
• "Can we just revel in your fabulous lack of priorities?" ~Xander Harris to Cordelia Chase
• "It could be worse - I could have gangrene on my face." ~Xander Harris
• "I'm sorry, calm may work for Locutus of the Borg here [indicates Giles], but I'm freaked out, and I intend to stay that way." ~Xander Harris
• "If you come across the army of zombies, can you page us before they eat your flesh?" ~Xander Harris to Cordelia Chase
• "Okay, that's it. I'm putting a collar with a little bell on that guy." ~Xander Harris about Angel
• "And the exciting thing is that they have no ingredients that a human can pronounce, so it doesn't leave you with that heavy 'food' feeling in your stomach." ~Xander Harris on Twinkies
• "You're not a praying mantis, are you?" ~Xander Harris
• "One day, I'll have money...prestige...power... And on that day, they'll still have more." ~Xander Harris
• "Do you mind, Buffy? I'm trying to repress." ~Xander Harris
• "It's strange, but beating up that pirate gave me a weird sense of closure." ~Xander Harris
• "You have too many thoughts." ~Xander Harris to Willow Rosenberg
• "You really are a people person." ~Xander Harris to Angel
• "You know, you don't see enough abaci." ~Xander Harris
• "With Spike and Druscilla out of the way, we have really been ridin' the mellow...and I am jinxing the hell out of us by saying that." ~Xander Harris
• "Hey, Angel's our friend! Except I don't like him." ~Xander Harris
• "Willow, you are the best human ever. I adore you. Well, that's the cookies talkin', but you rock." ~Xander Harris
• "That's creepy on a level I hardly knew existed." ~Xander Harris
• "Mmm. Cardboardy." ~Xander Harris
• "You know what? Forget it. It must have been my multiple personality guy talking. I call him Idiot Jed. Glutton for punishment." ~Xander Harris
• "I knew it! I knew it! Well, not 'knew it' in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know!" ~Xander Harris
• "I do not babble. I occasionally run on. Every now and then, I yammer." ~Xander Harris
• "My Valentines are usually met with heart-felt restraining orders." ~Xander Harris
• "I mean, what? Were you running low on dramatic irony?" ~Xander Harris
• "Chop me into little pieces and stick me on hooks for fish to nibble at, because it would be more fun than my life." ~Xander Harris
• "This is good, how close we are now. I feel very comfortable with this amount of closeness. In fact, I can even back up a few paces and still be happy." ~Xander Harris
• "It's time for me to act like a man...and hide." ~Xander Harris
• "Hey, how come Buffy doesn't get a snotty 'Once again, you boil it down to the simplest form' thing? Watcher's pet..." ~Xander Harris
• "'Something weird is going on.' Isn't that our school motto?" ~Xander Harris
• "Increased ooginess - that's a dangerous signal." ~Xander Harris
• "Almost 65% of that was actual compliment. Is that a personal best?" ~Xander Harris to Cordelia Chase
• "Hi. For those of you who have just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person." ~Xander Harris
• "You know, I wish for once you would support me, and I realize right now that you were and I'm embarrassed, so I'm going to get back to the point." ~Xander Harris
• "Cavalry's here. Cavalry's a frightened guy with a rock, but it's here." ~Xander Harris
• "Generally speaking, when scary things get scared, not good." ~Xander Harris
• "They say young people don't learn anything anymore in high school, but I've learned to be afraid." ~Xander Harris
• "We're doing crime here. You don't sneak up during crime." ~Xander Harris
• "It's a clothes fluke, and there will be no more fluking." ~Xander Harris
• "Your brain isn't even connected to your mouth, is it?" ~Xander Harris to Cordelia Chase
• "I like chocolate. There is no bad here." ~Xander Harris
• "I don't like to hit girls that...I'm afraid of." ~Xander Harris
• "What's classier than bowling?" ~Xander Harris
• "Smells like church in here. No, wait - evil church." ~Xander Harris
• "If anyone sees my spine layin' around, just try not to step on it." ~Xander Harris
• "Cordelia! Feel free to drop dead of a wasting disease in the next twenty seconds." ~Xander Harris
• "Oh, gee, I'm really sorry my life and death situation isn't exciting enough for you." ~Xander Harris
• "This time of night, I'm pretty sure nothing's open....But they're always open for crime." ~Xander Harris
• "Did I mention that I'm having a very strange night?" ~Xander Harris
• "Who hasn't just idly thought about takin' out the place with a semi-automatic? [beat] I said 'idly.'" ~Xander Harris
• "I need a volunteer to hit Wesley." ~Xander Harris
• "One of us is very confused, and I honestly don't know which." ~Xander Harris to Anya Jenkins
• "Well, I'm sorry I give you barfy feelings." ~Xander Harris to Anya Jenkins
• "Here is your cup of coffee. Brewed from the finest Colombian lighter fluid." ~Xander Harris
• "You're destroying a perfectly good cultural stereotype, here." ~Xander Harris to Rupert Giles
• "That's the funny thing about me - I tend to hear the words people say and accept them at face-value." ~Xander Harris
• "There are definitely date-like qualities at work, here." ~Xander Harris
• "Hey, everyone, it's Giles! With a chainsaw!" ~Xander Harris
• "Some of your patrons are turning into cavemen." ~Xander Harris
• "This will give them time to ponder the geo-political ramifications of BEING MEAN TO ME." ~Xander Harris
• "If you're doin' it, I think you should be able to say it." ~Xander Harris to Willow Rosenberg
• "You're a strange girlfriend..." ~Xander Harris to Anya Jenkins
• "I sometimes like things that are not good for me." ~Xander Harris
• "Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but some of [what Spike said] made sense." ~Xander Harris
• "Just think of my lips as the Fruit Roll-Ups of love. [beat] Okay, that was gross. I'm a little distracted." ~Xander Harris
• "Can I be blind, too?" ~Xander Harris
• "Okay, remember how we talked about private conversations and how they're less private in front of my friends?" ~Xander Harris
• "Okay, that's a giant vulture. I'd have mentioned if it was a giant vulture." ~Xander Harris
• "He'd be great right now. He'd find himself in a second. Nobody is cooler in a crisis." ~Xander Harris about Giles
• "Spike, you may want to give up these morning jogs." ~Xander Harris
• "Why am I not entirely comforted by the arrival of the man-sized microwave?" ~Xander Harris
• "I'd hate to see the pursuit of a homicidal lunatic get in the way of the pursuit of a homicidal lunatic." ~Xander Harris
• "Been there, done that. Not unlike smothering a forest fire with napalm, as I recall." ~Xander Harris
• "We're dumb." ~Xander Harris to Rupert Giles
• "It was kind of embarrassing. Which, welcome to the life with Anya." ~Xander Harris
• "Anya, this is crazy. We had a little fight. That just means we have to work through stuff; it doesn't mean we rebound with the evil undead." ~Xander Harris
• "Is every frat on this campus haunted? And, if so, why do people keep comin' to these parties? 'Cause it's not the snacks." ~Xander Harris
• "Y'know, for a god of acoustic rock, you're...kind of naive." ~Xander Harris
• "This totally adds to my 'All people are crazy' theorem." ~Xander Harris
• "My girlfriend - Mistress of the Learning Plateau." ~Xander Harris
• "It's not like I hate the guy...just, y'know, the guts part of him." ~Xander Harris about Angel
• "Do you mind? I'm talking to my demon." ~Xander Harris
• "I'm a comfortador." ~Xander Harris
• "It's comforting to know that I lack the culinary finesse of a caveman." ~Xander Harris
• "Look who's got a bad case of Dark Prince envy." ~Xander Harris to Dracula
• "I'm sort of having this _aggressively_ bad day..." ~Xander Harris
• "It's a robot! It's a robot constructed of evil parts to look like me designed to do Evil!" ~Xander Harris
• "He called me a bad name!...I think it was bad. It might have been Latin." ~Xander Harris
• "I don't necessarily get her, but she's real nice." ~Xander Harris about Tara
• "With Willow, she's got this whole new thing in her life, but she's still Willow, which means I can figure her out. But Tara... All I know is she likes Willow, and she's already got one of those." ~Xander Harris
• "Yeah, we're building a race of frog people. It's a good time." ~Xander Harris
• "Our circles are going around in circles. We've got dizzy circles here, Giles." ~Xander Harris
• "Oh, yeah touching it was my first impulse. Luckily, I've moved on to my second, which involves dry heaving and running like hell." ~Xander Harris
• "Look at how teeny Mercury is compared to, like, Saturn. Whereas, in contrast, the cars of the same name—" ~Xander Harris
• "A _crazy_ hell god?! And the fun just keeps on leavin'." ~Xander Harris
• "And you should never hurt the feelings of a brutal killer. Uh...that's actually some pretty good advice." ~Xander Harris
• "Water poses no challenge for Payday Man." ~Xander Harris
• "Spike, you diabolical fiend..." ~Xander Harris
• "I'm alive. I can tell 'cause of the pain." ~Xander Harris
• "Oh, dear god, I'm the grown-up who sees the world through my job. I'm like my Uncle Dave, the plumber, and I must be shot." ~Xander Harris
• "Too many girls. I miss Oz. He'd get it. He wouldn't say anything, but he'd get it." ~Xander Harris
• "I think I've actually turned into someone you want around after a crazed robot attack." ~Xander Harris
• "Were you running low on dramatic irony?" ~Xander Harris
• "The guys that work for Glory, you said they're kind of like Hobbits with leprosy? Well this was a whole flock of Hobbits." ~Xander Harris
• "Ahn? How's about we try being a bit less prejudiced, and a bit more inclusive. Not us, just you." ~Xander Harris to Anya
• "Whatever you choose, you've got my support. Just think of me as ... as your ... You know, I'm searching for supportive things, and I'm comin' up all bras, so... something slightly more manly, think of me as that. Seriously. Whatever you need." ~Xander Harris
• "We've got company! And they brought a crusade." ~Xander Harris
• "I am so large with not knowing..." ~Xander Harris
• "I think I'm gonna live a long and silly life, and I'm not interested in doing that without you around." ~Xander Harris
• "Shpadoinkle." ~Xander Harris
• "I don't need an excuse. I think lots of dead people constitutes a reason." ~Xander Harris
• "Great googly moogly, Willow, would you quit doing that?" ~Xander Harris
• "Okay, when I'm marveling at the immaturity, be scared." ~Xander Harris
• "Demons. There's something you don't see every day. Unless you're us." ~Xander Harris
• "This place is NORAD when we're at Defcon One. [beat] Okay, I SO need male friends." ~Xander Harris
• "Ahn, honey, we're nearing your point, right?" ~Xander Harris
• "I'm supportive. I'm totally supportive. I'm a flying buttress of support." ~Xander Harris
• "Store go boom. Arrr." ~Xander Harris
• "Work with me, British man. Give me an axe and show me where to point it." ~Xander Harris
• "Good Godfrey Cambridge, Spike!" ~Xander Harris
• "Why did we ever agree to let your friends, who are demons, and my family, who are monsters, stay at our place?" ~Xander Harris
• "What if I can't wear my cummerbund, and then the whole world can see the place where my pants meet my shirt? Buffy, that can NOT happen. I must wear das cummerbund!" ~Xander Harris
• "Oh, from the future! For a minute, I thought you were a nutball, but now that you're from the future..." ~Xander Harris
• "Oh, come on, that's ridiculous! What? You think this isn't real just because of all the vampires and demons and ex-vengeance demons and the sister that used to be a big ball of universe-destroying energy?" ~Xander Harris
• "See, now, I think it's the 'Daddy' thing that's throwin' her. 'Cause incest? Not that sexy." ~Xander Harris
• "You've gotta stop doing this. This dying thing's funny once, maybe twice." ~Xander Harris to Buffy
• "Well, I was gonna walk you off a cliff and hand you an anvil, but...seemed kinda cartoony." ~Xander Harris
• "Whoa. Contracty goodness." ~Xander Harris
• "I saved the world with talking. From my mouth. My mouth saved the world." ~Xander Harris
• "Well, I've avoided Giles tons of times. Just meant I was lazy, not evil." ~Xander Harris
• "Is [Giles] throwing a tasteful British wiggins?" ~Xander Harris
• "Boy, he's extra useful today." ~Xander Harris about Spike
• "We didn't find any strips of skin. Which, by the way, [shudders] gghhhh!" ~Xander Harris
• "Hey! You're posable!" ~Xander Harris to Dawn
• "I think you underestimate your familiarity with the world of weird and tricky." ~Xander Harris to Buffy
• "Poems. Always a sign of pretentious inner turmoil." ~Xander Harris
• "Ah, yes. There is little that can distract the Willow when she's on the hunt for the mighty syllabi." ~Xander Harris
• "Did everybody have their Crazy Flakes today?" ~Xander Harris
• "Are you keepin' up, or do you need some English-to- Constant Pain in My Ass translation?" ~Xander Harris
• "True, you fell for a mystical, ancient curse. Who hasn't made that mistake seven, eight times?" ~Xander Harris
• "Oh, an out of CONTROL serial killer. You're right, that IS a great house guest." ~Xander Harris
• "She's killed more men than smallpox." ~Xander Harris about Anya
• "Hey, I know this! They're both Buffy!" ~Xander Harris
• "Wait. I'm not to the 'got it' place, yet. I'm still in the neighbourhood of 'you've got to be kidding'." ~Xander Harris
• "Hey, I never said you were gonna die. I _implied_ that you were gonna die; that's totally different." ~Xander Harris
• "Don't look at me, this is a Summers thing. It's all very violent." ~Xander Harris
• "Hey, party in my eye socket, and everyone's invited! [beat] Sometimes I shouldn't say words." ~Xander Harris
• "So this is Angel. He's large and...glowery." ~Anya Jenkins
• "You know, you really should get yourself a boring boyfriend. Like Xander! You...can't have Xander." ~Anya Jenkins
• "I'm beginning to understand why you're so friendless." ~Anya Jenkins to Spike
• "I'm out of money. I've never had to afford things before, and it's making me bitter." ~Anya Jenkins
• "I for one didn't want to start my day with a slaughter. Which really just goes to show how much I've grown!" ~Anya Jenkins
• "Yup. Space lamb got him." ~Anya Jenkins
• "That's very humourous - make fun of the ex-demon. I can just hear you in private: 'I dislike that Anya. She's newly human and strangely literal.'" ~Anya Jenkins
• "At first, the whole idea of computers was like, 'Whoa. I'm eleven hundred years old! I had trouble adjusting to the idea of Lutherans.'" ~Anya Jenkins
• "I'm thinking of buying something expensive. Maybe an antelope." ~Anya Jenkins
• "She speaks with a strange evenness and selects her words a shade too precisely." ~Anya Jenkins
• "I breathed in, like, a quart of vampire dust. That can't be good." ~Anya Jenkins
• "You can sleep with me! [beat] Well, that came out a lot more lesbian than it sounded in my head." ~Anya Jenkins to Willow
• "We should drop a piano on her. It always works for that creepy cartoon rabbit when he's running from that nice man with the speech impediment." ~Anya Jenkins
• "You know, I used to punish people like this when I was a demon. I made them double-check spreadsheets for all eternity." ~Anya Jenkins
• "Fire's rarely a sign of imminent safety." ~Anya Jenkins
• "I found one of those 24-hour places for coffee. Remember that bookstore? Well, they became one of those books-and-coffee places, and now they're just coffee. It's like evolution, only without the getting-better part." ~Anya Jenkins
• "Oh, bugger off, you brolly." ~Anya Jenkins to Giles
• "I think we died in this car on the way to the airport, and now we're stuck in hell." ~Anya Jenkins
• "'I, Anya, promise to...love you, to cherish you...to honor you, uh, but not to obey you, of course, because that's anachronistic and misogynistic and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something?'" ~Anya Jenkins
• "I care if you live or die, Xander. I just don't know which one I want." ~Anya Jenkins
• "Here's something you should know about vengeance demons: We don't group with the 'sorry.' We prefer 'Oh, God, please stop hitting me with my own rib bones.'" ~Anya Jenkins
• "Wouldn't it be tragic if you were here being silly with your comically paralyzed sister while Willow was dying?" ~Anya Jenkins
• "Willow's not really good with the practical strategizing...except when she's evil." ~Anya Jenkins
• "I was being patient, but it took too long." ~Anya Jenkins
• "We're all on Death's door, repeatedly ringing the bell like maniacal Girl Scouts trying to make a quota." ~Anya Jenkins
• "Giles knows his single-malt antiseptics." ~Anya Jenkins
• "Well, I guess I was kinda new to bein' around humans before. But now I've seen a lot more, gotten to know people, seen what the're capable of, and I guess I just realized how amazingly screwed-up they all are. I mean really, really screwed-up in a monumental fashion. And they have no purpose that unites them, so they just drift around, blundering through life until they die, which they know is coming, yet every single one of them is surprised when it happens to them. They're incapable of thinking about what they want beyond the moment. They kill each other, which is clearly insane. And yet, here's the thing: when it's something that really matters, they fight. I mean, they're lame morons for fighting, but they do. They never, never quit. So I guess I will keep fighting, too." ~Anya Jenkins
• "Oh god. I'm terrified. I didn't think. I mean, I figured you'd be terrified, and I'd be sarcastic about it." ~Anya Jenkins
• "Oh, snacks! The secret to any successful migration." ~Anya Jenkins
• "Someone's Blondie Bear is a Twenty-Questions genius!" ~Harmony Kendall
• "If we can focus, keep discipline, and not have as many mysterious deaths, Sunnydale is gonna rule!" ~Larry
• "Yeah, it was real sexy the way she touched me with her fists." ~Jonathan Levinson
• "Yes. Many dolphins at the pound." ~Tara Maclay
• "Are you sure they're English? I thought English people were, um, gentler than...normal...people." ~Tara Maclay
• "You can tell it's not going to have a happy ending when the main guy's all bumpy." ~Tara Maclay about Notre Dame de Paris
• "You wouldn't blow off a class if your head was on fire." ~Tara Maclay to Willow
• "Was that 'no' spelled 'y-e-s'?" ~Tara Maclay
• "Oh my god, I'm cured! I want the boys!" ~Tara Maclay
• "Um...I'm not sure you should say 'sex poodle' in your vows." ~Tara Maclay to Anya
• "I'm Manny the manager. It's not a joke, it's just my name." ~Manny the manager
• "You're insane. You're short, and you're insane." ~Warren Meers to Jonathan Levinson
• "This isn't the evil laugh of victory, is it?" ~Warren Meers
• "We will bring you the limp and beaten body of Bob Barker." ~Murk
• "Is there anyone here who hasn't slept together?" ~Nancy
• "Hey, did everybody just see that guy turn to dust?" ~Oz
• "It's like Freeze Frame; Willow kissage." ~Oz
• "Uh... Arm." ~Oz
• "Yeah. Yeah, she's actually an evil mastermind. It's fun." ~Oz
• "I wanted to ask you something - is Geordie a werewolf? Uh huh. And how long has that been going on?" ~Oz
• "I spoke to Giles. He said I'll be okay, I'll just have to lock myself up around the full moon. Except, he used more words than that. And a globe." ~Oz
• "You are quite the human." ~Oz to Willow Rosenberg
• "Okay, I pretty much missed out on some stuff, didn't I? Because this is all making the kind of sense that's...not." ~Oz
• "Just a thought: poker? Not your game." ~Oz to Rupert Giles
• "As Willow goes, so goes my nation." ~Oz
• "Ever have that dream where you're in a play, and it's the middle of the play, and you don't know your lines and kinda don't know the plot?" ~Oz
• "I'm oddly full today." ~Oz
• "You're a very complex man, aren't you?" ~Oz to Xander Harris
• "If you don't need me, I'm gonna follow the redhead." ~Oz
• "Our lives are...different than other people's." ~Oz
• "Nobody deserves mime, Buffy." ~Oz
• "On the plus side, you killed the bench, which was lookin' shifty." ~Oz
• "Oh, bugger, I thought you'd gone." ~Ethan Rayne
• "You know demons; it's all exaggeration and blank verse." ~Ethan Rayne
• "He's one of the only teachers who doesn't think Buffy's a felon." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Why couldn't Xander be possessed by a puppy or some ducks?" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "The one boy who's really liked me, and he's a demon robot. What does that say about me?" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "I'm not ashamed - it's the computer age. Nerds are in." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Oh, I don't get wild. Wild on me equals spaz." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Angel, how do you shave?" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "See, you made [Angel] do that thing where he's gone." ~Willow Rosenberg to Xander Harris
• "Angel, if I tell you something you really don't want to hear, do you promise not to bite me?" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Hahaha. Ha. [Coffee] makes me jumpy." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Okay, but do they stick out? Sore thumbs? I mean, have you ever seen a thumb and gone, 'Wow. That baby is sore.'?" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Heehee He's a clean clown!...I have my...own fun." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "My egg is Jewish." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "I said 'date'." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Oz has his cool hair today. I think I'm a groupie!" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "It is worth while to see [Xander] do the Snoopy dance." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Giles! I made them laugh, did you hear? I mean, I did the joke thing." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "No more frogs." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "I'm gonna be busy a lot...but only 'til 3, and that's when you usually get up." ~Willow Rosenberg to Oz
• "We try not to get killed. That's part of our whole mission statement: 'Don't get killed.'" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Have you ever noticed, though, when [Giles] IS mad but he's too English to say anything, he makes that weird cluck cluck sound with his tongue?" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "That's not what making out sounds like...unless I'm doing it wrong." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "'Kiss rocks'? Why would anyone want to kiss-- Oh. I get it." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "1430? Buffy, you kicked ass! So, academic achievement gets me a little excited..." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "It's a little, ah, Pez-Witch!...We have to find a little Pez-Werewolf so Pez-Witch can have a boyfriend!" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Prince of Night, I summon you. Come fill me with your black, naughty evil." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "What, only Xander gets to make dumb jokes?" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Occasionally, I'm callus and strange." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "I'm eating this banana, lunchtime be damned!" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "That's me - reliable dog-geyser person." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Did you try looking inside the sofa in hell?" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "It's really nice that you guys missed me. Say, you all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs, did ya?" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Buffy, I, too, know the love of a taciturn man." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Hey, did you get permission to eat the hostage?" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "I've seen honest faces before. They usually come attached to liars." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "And remember, if you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer's nobody's friend." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Well, you failed extremely well." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Any reaction is okay...except projectile vomiting, but what are the chances of that?" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "You play the bloodlust kinda cool." ~Willow Rosenberg to Spike
• "You're not gonna jokey rhyme your way out of this one." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Ooh! We could not invite Anya!" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "I happen to think mine is the level head, and yours is the one things would roll off of." ~Willow Rosenberg to Rupert Giles
• "Sarcasm accomplishes nothing, Giles." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Oh, yeah. Cause most relationships are great and trouble -free. I think we're all doomed to badness." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Eat a cookie; ease my pain." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "I haven't been a nerd for a very long time. Hello, dating a guitarist!" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "I wish those Council guys would let me have an hour alone with her...if I was larger and...had grenades." ~Willow Rosenberg about Faith
• "You didn't sense a hyena energy, did you? Because hyena possession is just...unpleasant." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Transform your pain, release your past, and...uh...get over it." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "I used to assume [Buffy and I would] be roomies through grad school well into little old lady hood. You know, cheating at bingo together and forgetting to take our pills." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Must be programmed to self-decrypt to a certain point. That is so annoying. It's like someone blurting out the answer to a riddle just when you've--I mean Yippee! We have the information!" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "It's like you're blackmailing the government. [beat] In a...patriotic way." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "I never do anything. I'm very seldom naughty." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "I think we've just put our finger on why we're the side kicks." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Just call me the Computer Whisperer." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "A good Sunnydale rule of thumb - avoid white-skinned men in capes." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Ooh, there's a microwave! It'd be like having hot and cold running popcorn!" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "I found a spell so you can't smell anything, but it does it by taking your nose off. So, no." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Buffy, listen to us! We're arguing! We're having a debate about a college lecture! I have dreamt of this day since...forever! You are turning into quite the student. Should I be watching my occipital lobe?...Occipital? The lobe in the back of your brain. You know, like, 'should I be watching my back?' But, you know, the ... back of your brain. ::sigh::" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "I can't help it. I just have all this involuntary empathy for Dawn. 'Cause she's, y'know, a big spaz." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "I dusted two of em! Yay on me! That was pretty cool, except the part where I was all terrified and now my knees are all dizzy." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "I'm not stealing, I'm taking things without paying. In what twisted dictionary is that stealing?" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Anya, I have faith in you. There is NO one you cannot piss off." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Trying to send him to a specific universe is kinda like trying to hit a puppy by throwing a live bee at it...which is a weird image and you should all just forget it." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Life goes by so fast. If you don't write it down, it just gets lost." ~Willow Rosenberg about journals
• "So we made a triangle with our bodies, and that's when I called Xander 'Obtuse' and he got really grumpy, and that's when Dawn said we were 'acute triangle,' and, well, hilarity ensued." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Who among us can resist the allure of really funny math puns?" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "I think we already dejaed this vu." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "I'm your - no, I-I was never a gun. Someone else should be the gun. I, I could be a, a cudgel. Or, or a pointy stick." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "[Giles is] glad, but kinda weirded out. Lots of 'Dear lord's. And I think I actually heard him clean his glasses." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Okay, what in the frilly heck is going on?" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "There's this last thread of dignity I've been desperately clinging to." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Spike's what in the whatment?" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "That's why you teleport over there real quick like a bun-- real quick." ~Willow Rosenberg to Anya
• "It's not magic, it's Chemistry. You can tell by how damn slow it is." ~Willow Rosenberg
• "Don't have another coma, okay?" ~Willow Rosenberg
• "PCP. It's a gang on PCP." ~Principal Snyder
• "You. All of you. Why couldn't you be dealing drugs like normal people?" ~Principal Snyder
• "People still fall for that Anne Rice routine. What a world." ~Spike taunting Angel
• "Well. This is just...neat." ~Spike
• "I've known you for two minutes, and I can't stand you. I don't really feature you living forever. Can I eat him, now, luv?" ~Spike
• "It's interesting to me that 'Preparing' looks a great deal like sitting on your ass." ~Spike
• "You can't see the stars, luv, that's the ceiling. Also, it's day." ~Spike
• "I know you haven't been in the game for a while, mate, but we still do kill people. Sort of our raison d'etre, you know." ~Spike
• "You might want to let up. They say when you've drawn blood, you've exfoliated." ~Spike
• "It's a big rock. Can't wait to tell my friends; they don't have a rock this big." ~Spike
• "I don't fancy spending the next month trying to get librarian out of the carpet." ~Spike
• "She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire." ~Spike
• "I think I'm soberin' up. It's horrible." ~Spike
• "Love isn't brains, children, it's blood. Blood screamin' inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it." ~Spike
• "My little...mentholated...pack of smokes." ~Spike, running out of pet names
• "Don't be ridiculous. I'd bite you in a heartbeat." ~Spike to Willow
• "I hate being obvious. All fangy and grrrr. Takes the mystery out." ~Spike
• "Spike had a little trip to the vet, and now he doesn't chase the other puppies anymore." ~Spike
• "I came to you in friendship. [beat] Well, all right, seething hatred, but I've got useful information." ~Spike
• "Come on, now! It's telly time!" ~Spike, who is apparently five
• "This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am _deeply_ shamed." ~Spike
• "I'm not posing for chuff all." ~Spike
• "My soddin' sleepin' chair's bloody...sodden." ~Spike
• "That's right! I'm back, and I'm a bloody animal!" ~Spike
• “What’s this? Sitting around watching the telly while there’s evil still a foot? That’s not very industrious of you. I say we go out there and kick a little demon ass! What, can’t go without your Buffy, is that it? Too chicken? Let’s find her! She is the Chosen One after all. Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty! Let’s annihilate them. For justice and for the safety of puppies...and Christmas, right? Let’s fight that evil! Let’s kill something! Oh, come on!” ~Spike
• "And you're what, shocked and disappointed? I'm evil." ~Spike
• "And I'm supposed to just help you out of the evilness of my heart?" ~Spike
• "Oh, sure, dismantle the getaway car. That'll scare 'em." ~Spike
• "I don't care if it's playing 'Rockin' the Casba' on the bloody Jew's harp, just get it out of me!" ~Spike
• "I've gotta hand it to you, Goldilocks; you do have bleeding tragic taste in men." ~Spike to Buffy
• "I'm just a friend of Xanderrrr's-- Oh, bugger it. I'm your guy." ~Spike
• "Hey! What am I, a bleedin' broken record? I'm bad!" ~Spike
• "Can anyone of your damn little Scooby Group at least TRY to remember that I HATE you all?!" ~Spike
• "You don't have to worry about me drinking... 'less you're here to protect innocent beers." ~Spike
• "The thing about the Slayer is, she's a whiney little thing, but, when it comes to fighting, she does have a tendency to win." ~Spike
• "The door was unlocked. Might want to watch that, Rupert. Someone dangerous might get in." ~Spike
• "I killed the hell out of 'em." ~Spike
• "You're like Tony Robbins, if he was a big, scary, Frankenstein lookin'...You're exactly like Tony Robbins!" ~Spike to Adam
• "What, you think I'd come runnin' over sayin', 'Beat me 'til I talk'?" ~Spike
• "Well then, everything's all right, and we all get to be not staked through the heart. Good work, team." ~Spike
• "Haven't you figured it out yet with your enormous, squishy frontal lobe?" ~Spike to Giles
• "The Count has to have his luxury estate and his bug- eaters and his special dirt, dudn't 'e?" ~Spike
• "Oh, Pacey, you blind idiot. Can't you see she doesn't love you?" ~Spike
• "Oh, dear, is the enourmous hall monitor sick?" ~Spike about Riley
• "Fff. You know, contrary to one self-involved worldview, your house happens to be directly between...parts and, and other parts of this town. And I would pass by in the day, but I feel I'm out-growing my whole Burst into Flame phase." ~Spike
• "Yeah, I could do that, but I'm paralysed with not caring very much." ~Spike
• "You were about to be regrouped into separate piles." ~Spike
• "Well, that's a boatload of manly responsibility to come flyin' out of nowhere." ~Spike
• "I wasn't lurkin', I was standin' about. It's a whole different vibe." ~Spike
• "What the BLEEDIN' HELL is wrong with you BLOODY WOMEN?!?" ~Spike
• "Okay, now, I was afraid of this. Misrepresentations, misunderstandings, slurs and allegations." ~Spike
• "Buffy never hears of this, okay? If she found out what I was doin', she'd drive a redwood through my chest." ~Spike
• "Damn right I'm impure. I'm as impure as the driven yellow snow." ~Spike
• "You sure Scarface can habla the English?" ~Spike
• "Better part of a century spent in delinquency just paid off." ~Spike
• "Is everyone here very stoned?" ~Spike
• "Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes? Cuppa tea, cuppa tea, almost got shagged, cuppa tea?" ~Spike
• "[Your teacher] responded to BuffyBot because a robot is predictable. Boring. Perfect teacher's pet. That's all schools are, you know. Just factories, spewing out mindless little automatons. Who go on to be...very...valuable and productive members of society, and you should go. Because Buffy would want you to." ~Spike
• "Oh, good. 'Cause Giles rules the mighty force of library books." ~Spike
• "Running low on burba weed. Stir it in with the blood. Makes it all hot 'n spicy. [beat] What? I was gonna pay for it. [beat] I mean, no. I was gonna nick it, 'cause that's what I do." ~Spike
• "Well, I've seen some damn funny things in the last two days. A 600 pound Chirago demon making like Yma Sumac, that one will stay with you. I remain immune, happy to say." ~Spike
• "The day you suss out what you do want, there'll probably be a parade. Seventy-six bloody trombones." ~Spike to Buffy
• "Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He's got his crust all stiff and upper with that nancy-boy accent. You Englishmen are always so... [beat] Bloody hell! [ticks off on his fingers] Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks, oh God! I'm English!" ~Spike
• "Randy Giles? Why not just call me 'Horny Giles,' or 'Desperate for a Shag Giles'? I knew there was a reason I hated you!" ~Spike
• "Hey, I'm a superhero, too!" ~Spike
• "[Dawn's missing] again? Ever think about a lo-jack for the girl?" ~Spike
• "I ate a decorator once. Maybe something stuck." ~Spike
• "So, you ever think about not celebrating a birthday? Just to try it, I mean?" ~Spike to Buffy
• "Right. Let's not listen to Spike. Might get a bit of truth on you." ~Spike
• "I have nothing but respect for a woman who is forthright. Drusilla was always straightforward. Didn't have a single buggering clue about what was going on in front of her, but she was straight about it. That's a virtue." ~Spike
• "Take it quick, or my chivalry'll run out." ~Spike about the bottle of whiskey
• "Here we are, now; entertain us. [beat] Son of a bi--!" ~Spike
• "Well, that was a bloody dawdlin' piece o'piss." ~Spike
• "When exactly did [Dawn] get unbelievably scary?" ~Spike
• "Right. Wrong. Wrong maneuver. Not hardly helpful." ~Spike
• "You go off and try to wall up the bad parts and put your heart back in where it fell out. You call yourself finished, but you're not." ~Spike
• "Everyone's talking to me. No one's talking to each other." ~Spike
• "I'm insane. What's [Xander's] excuse?" ~Spike
• "Apparently, I just slaughtered half of Sunnydale, pet. I'm not really worried about being polite anymore." ~Spike
• "Angel's dull as a table lamp. And we have very different colouring." ~Spike
• "I've hummed along to your pity ditty, and I think I should have the mic for a bit." ~Spike to Buffy
• "I'll know [what I'm trying to say] when I'm done sayin' it." ~Spike
• "The diabolical ol' torture device the Comfy Chair." ~Spike
• "You did it. Fulfilled your mission. You found the Holy Grail, or the Holy Hand Grenade, or whatever the hell that is." ~Spike
• "Most people don't use their tongues to say 'Hello.' [beat] Or...I guess they do." ~Spike
• "I look like Elizabeth Taylor." ~Spike
• "Handier than a Swiss knife." ~Spike about Willow
• "You're my Xander-shaped friend." ~Buffy Summers
• "So, I'm an undead monster who can shave with my hand. What am I afraid of?" ~Buffy Summers
• "Okay, at this point, you're abusing sarcasm." ~Buffy Summers to Rupert Giles
• "Goodbye stakes, hello flying fatality. What can I shoot?" ~Buffy Summers upon discovering a crossbow
• "I fear you." ~Buffy Summers to Xander Harris
• "One day, I'm gonna live in a town where evil curses are just generally ruled out without even saying." ~Buffy Summers
• "One of these days, you're gonna have to get a grown up car." ~Buffy Summers to Rupert Giles
• "People underestimate the value of a good ramble." ~Buffy Summers
• "I can't do this. I can't take care of things. I killed my Gigapet. Literally. I sat on it, and it broke." ~Buffy Summers
• "I always say that a day without an autopsy is like a day without sunshine." ~Buffy Summers
• "I didn't jump. I took a tiny step, and there conclusions were." ~Buffy Summers
• "I seem to be having a slight case of nudity, here." ~Buffy Summers
• "Oh, yeah, finals. Why didn't you let me die?" ~Buffy Summers
• "Interesting lady. Can we kill her?" ~Buffy Summers
• "I violently dislike you." ~Buffy Summers to Spike
• "Your logic does not resemble earth logic." ~Buffy Summers to Xander Harris
• "Find me...something I can pummel." ~Buffy Summers
• "Strong is fighting. It's hard, and it's painful, and it's everyday, and it's what we have to do." ~Buffy Summers
• "Okay, maybe I don't have a plan - lord knows I don't have lapel buttons. And maybe next time the world is getting sucked into Hell, I won't be able to stop it because the anti-Hell- sucking book isn't on the approved reading list." ~Buffy Summers
• "Whenever Giles sends me on a mission, he always says 'Please.' And afterwards, I get a cookie." ~Buffy Summers
• "I didn't see you, so I should have known you were there." ~Buffy Summers to Angel
• "When I walked in a few minutes ago, you thought, 'Look at her shoes. If a fashion magazine told her to, she'd wear cats strapped to her feet.'" ~Buffy Summers to Rupert Giles
• "Thanks for the Dadaist pep talk; I feel much more abstract, now." ~Buffy Summers
• "That is so Teutonic!" ~Buffy Summers
• "Imaginary Xander is quite the machine." ~Buffy Summers
• "[Thanksgiving] is a sham. But it's a sham with yams. It's a yam sham." ~Buffy Summers
• "I'm a great cook! In theory... I've eaten a lot." ~Buffy Summers
• "You're the reason we had to have pilgrims in the first place." ~Buffy Summers to Rupert Giles
• "I have to baste." ~Buffy Summers
• "Giles, help! He's gonna scold me!" ~Buffy Summers tattling on Spike
• "Giles! I accidentally killed Spike! That's okay, right?" ~Buffy Summers
• "Big, freaky cereal boxes of death..." ~Buffy Summers on mausoleums
• "You're the only person in the world who can look that annoyed with me." ~Buffy Summers to Rupert Giles
• "Your robot bird sounds hungry." ~Buffy Summers about an alarm clock
• "That probably would have sounded more commanding if I wasn't wearing my 'Yummy sushi' pajamas." ~Buffy Summers
• "They get into a fist fight, I've got a fifty on Anya." ~Buffy Summers betting against Xander
• "Stop with the shrimp! I am trying to do something, here!" ~Buffy Summers
• "A cry for help is when you yell 'Help!' in a loud voice." ~Buffy Summers
• "If I was any more open minded about the choices you two make, my brain would fall out." ~Buffy Summers to Xander and Willow
• "You're sure this isn't just some fanboy thing? 'Cause I've fought more than a few pimply, overweight vamps who called themselves Lestat." ~Buffy Summers to Dracula
• "Did I mention this is a rant? Sense really has no place in it." ~Buffy Summers
• "Most magic shop owners in Sunnydale have the life expectancy of a Spinal Tap drummer." ~Buffy Summers
• "If Xander kills himself, he's dead." ~Buffy Summers
• "Spike, I just saw you taste your own nose blood. I'm too grossed out to listen to anything you have to say. Go home." ~Buffy Summers
• "You're like my fairy godmother and Santa Claus and Q all wrapped up into one. [beat] Q from Bond, not Star Trek." ~Buffy Summers to Rupert Giles
• "Your definition of 'narrow' is impressively wide." ~Buffy Summers to Giles
• "I realize that every Slayer comes with an expiration date on the package, but I want mine to be a long time from now. Like a Cheeto." ~Buffy Summers
• "I don't believe in tiny Jewish Santa anymore." ~Buffy Summers
• "Don't talk about the books again. You get all... And sometimes there's drool." ~Buffy Summers to Giles
• "I trust these Watchers about as far as you could throw them." ~Buffy Summers to Giles
• "What part of punching you in the face did you not understand?" ~Buffy Summers
• "So that's my secret to attracting men. Y'know, it's simple, really. You slap 'em around about, you torture 'em, you make their lives a living hell... Sure, the nice guys'll run away, but every once in a while, you'll come across a real prince of a guy who gets off on it." ~Buffy Summers
• "Ow. I don't know about you guys, but I've had it with super strong little women who aren't me." ~Buffy Summers
• "'Shimmed'? Is that even a real word? Do you have any idea what you're talking about?" ~Buffy Summers
• "Weird love's better than no love." ~Buffy Summers
• "Wow. Giles, are you miserable about it, or just really British?" ~Buffy Summers
• "Who's calling me? Everybody I know lives here." ~Buffy Summers
• "Yes. And then I'm going to marry Bob Dole and raise penguins in Guam." ~Buffy Summers
• "The only person I can stand to be around is a neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker." ~Buffy Summers
• "Bell. Neck. Look into it." ~Buffy Summers to Spike
• "Is that why you're always cleaning your glasses? So you don't have to see what we're doing?!" ~Buffy Summers to Giles
• "So, Dawn's in trouble. Must be Tuesday." ~Buffy Summers
• "If I would just stop saving [Spike's] life, it would simple things up _so_ much." ~Buffy Summers
• "A vampire with a soul? Oh my god, how lame is that?" ~Buffy Summers
• "And I'm falling for that again because of the surprise lobotomy?" ~Buffy Summers
• "We do not joke about eating people in this house!" ~Buffy Summers
• "Once you fall for Willow, you stay fallen." ~Buffy Summers
• "Again, wrong sister. I'm the one that dates dead guys. And, no offense, but they were hotties. I mean, I'm sure you had a great personality, but..." ~Buffy Summers
• "I gotta get a job where I don't get called right away for this stuff." ~Buffy Summers
• "She knows about viscera. Makes you proud." ~Buffy Summers about Dawn
• "Yes, let's tie ourselves to the crazy vampire." ~Buffy Summers
• "Wow, that was so close to being empowered." ~Buffy Summers
• "When most people meditate, they don't grow extra skin, right? 'Cause Clem should cut back." ~Buffy Summers
• "I should be home, in bed, cuddling up to my insomnia and worrying how I'm going to mess up tomorrow." ~Buffy Summers
• "You're firing me? I just refrained from kicking your ass!" ~Buffy Summers
• "You're my strength, Xander. You're the only reason I've made it this far." ~Buffy Summers
• "Oh my god, are you twelve?" ~Buffy Summers to Angel
• "I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be." ~Buffy Summers
• "I don't think Buffy's Watcher likes me very much. I think it's because he's just so...old. I don't know how old he is, but I heard him use the word 'newfangled' one time, so he's got to be pretty far gone." ~Dawn Summers
• "I think Anya's gonna try to cook. Wanna come watch the tears and recriminations?" ~Dawn Summers
• "Spatulas are for wimps." ~Dawn Summers
• "Xander, my crossbow is not out here. I told you; I don't leave crossbows around all willy-nilly. Not since that time with Miss Kitty Fantastico." ~Dawn Summers
• "Oh, I hate this. I hate your life." ~Joyce Summers
• "There's something about food that moves by itself that gives me the heebie jeebies." ~Joyce Summers about Jello
• "I love what you've, um, neglected to do with the place." ~Joyce Summers to Spike
• "Why they always gotta be usin' swords? It's called an uzi, chump. Would have saved your ass right about now." ~Mr. Trick
• "I think I'm freaking out." ~Vi
• "Buffy, I'm here to kill you, not to judge you." ~Holden Webster
• "You do have a superiority complex, and you've got an inferiority complex about it. Kudos." ~Holden Webster to Buffy
• "You are the perfect woman." ~Andrew Wells to Anya Jenkins
• "Illusions against a Burninator? Silly, silly British man." ~Andrew Wells
• "Gosh, I'm feeling chipper. Who's for a root beer?" ~Mayor Richard Wilkins
• "We don't knock during dark rituals?" ~Mayor Richard Wilkins
• "So what'd you think? You'd get your soul back and everything'd be Jim Dandy? Soul's slipperier than a greased weasel. Why do you think I sold mine?" ~Mayor Richard Wilkins
• "Look at that. It's not even noon, and I've already bullied my first family member into helping out. I'm going to be the best principal ever." ~Principal Wood
• "I'll be fine. Just give me a minute. And some defibrillators, if it's not too much trouble." ~Wesley Wyndam -Pryce

Commentary! The Musical

• "Neil, you're not alone, you're just kind of a douche." ~Felicia Day
• "That's just an old sea shanty my mother used to sing to me. My pirate mother." ~Nathan Fillion
• "Let's not talk to Joss - he's sad and confusing." ~Neil Patrick Harris
• "That song had no content. It wasn't even about the movie, it was about itself. That's like breaking the ninth wall." ~Zack Whedon

Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog

• "It's about destroying the status quo. Because the status is NOT quo. The world is a mess, and I just need to...rule it." ~Dr. Horrible

Firefly

• "Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle." ~Captain Malcolm Reynolds
• "My food is problematic." ~River Tam

Spike: After the Fall by Brian Lynch