Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!

XXX


A total blast of shit to the face, fired from a bazooka...


Title: XXX


Rated: PG-13 (for language, sensuality, drug use, violence and extended action sequences)


Starring: Samuel L. Jackson (WHY?), Vin Diesel and some other assclowns like himself


Running Time: 124 minutes


Released by: Revolution Studios


Worth a Rent?: HA!


Worth a buy?: No, but America's crap consuming culture is gonna buy it up anyway


Steve Buscemi?: With a script this bad, Steve pisses all over the DVD


Desert Eagle appearance?: Shockingly, everyone in the movie uses scoped revolvers...why?

HLA?: Not quite....would've helped





Here Goes..... NOTHING!!!






Hold on....I've got Anna Nicole Smith in the sights now....

I dont know why we didn't do a crotchburner on this one yet, but we're finally here to rip Vin and Co's ass a new one. This is a poor man, no wait, this is a po-po-po-po man's ghetto-ass version of an updated James Bond flick. Holy shit, Richard Grieco did a better job at this ten years ago in that wretched movie dubbed "If Looks Could Kill".Some have said that this is the next "Bond Franchise". For the love of all that is Connery....I pray not....


Vin takes aim at the guys who took his Crispy Tacos


I can understand Vin Diesel picking this movie, considering his career is basically what this movie amounts to...which is shit. I can even understand Trejo filling in a bit of time as a bad guy who dies within thirty seconds of being seen. But, goddamn, did Sam L. need to pay off on the new house in Argentina? What the fuck happened here? I've never seen such a heavily budgeted shitfest. Ok...I did watch a bit of Battlefield Earth, but fuck, shit, damn.... words can't describe the most ludicrous movie of all time which actually went on to box office glory.


If this were the entire movie, I think I would've been more entertained than I was....


Ok, I would do a sypnosis on this film,but its pointless considering theres no plot,it gos out the window after Diesel appears on the screen.. The trailers were about the best damn thing attatched to this movie,oh and the one chick who gives Diesel a booty call when he first arrives at this Anarachy 99 mumbjumbo quack ass weirdo's place. Other than that, stay away from this movie. Why? If nothing else, just because the line "C'Mon Dick....don't be a dick" leaves Vin Diesel's mouth.....I mean dayum...and that's reflective of the entire movie.


This scene represents the whole movie: A waste of perfectly good......pyrotechnics.


I can really talk mad shit about Diesel... American pop culture heils him as the king of the fucking world, but this guy couldn't handle his own even if his sex life with Mariah Carey depended on it. He really fucked up here. Once known as a respectable filmaker, he simply flushed his goddamn career down the toilet to star in this mindless peice of shit attempt at robbing you of your money by throwing in scene after scene of highly expensive stunts, which one person died attempting to complete. I enjoy popcorn movies just as much as the next person but DAMN. Have a decent SHOOT-OUT or something. If you're looking for an awesome action movie with great shootouts and awesome explosions...watch Face/Off. This movie had more X-Treme Sports stunts than gunplay. If you want to see Vin Diesel being at least semi-decent, check out his five minute stint in Saving Private Ryan or Pitch Black. Listen to me, Vin you couldn't hold Bruce Campbell's jockstrap if your anal virginity depended on it...wait a minute, that's probably an oxymoron, since I think the reason he's so secretive about his past is the fact that he's probably been a prison bitch at some point in his life. So suck a fat one,and return to your bullshit world of nothing....you Dungeons and Dragons freak of nature.



The text on the bottom wasn't added to this pic by the studio the way it was with the others. It's actually on the shirt...to remind Vin of who he's playing.

Here in is the problem of Hollywood: An absolutely amazing movie like Equilibrium gets no hype, but this shit gets blown the hell up.


Again...avoid this movie like you avoid the bad part of town, or the clap.





What else are ya expecting.....5 OUT OF 5!









Get me Away from this utter shit...please