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Jake Wham Uncovers the Truth


Jake Wham and me, in happier days, before he told
me the dark and evil truth about the Eifel Tower that would forever change my life.

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On May 12th, at around 3:30 in the afternoon, I was talking to my buddy Jake Wham on the IM machine. Because I was tired of working and studying for finals, I asked Jake Wham to use the amazing power of his minds to come up with some way to make my workload decrease. So he made a few suggestions, but then he did a bad thing. He accidentally let slip one of the biggest cover-ups in all of time. What follows is the disturbing truth about the Eifel Tower...

Bethy51522: make it stop
whamalicious: make what stop?
Bethy51522: the work
whamalicious: ah
whamalicious: well, if you were to take your book and throw it in a fire, problem solved
whamalicious: of course, you would have to work to build the fire first, so maybe not
whamalicious: next idea
Bethy51522: moving on
whamalicious: throw the book of a very high place, such as the eifel tower
whamalicious: and then it will hit the ground and break
whamalicious: wait, that is in italy, wont work
whamalicious: next idea
Bethy51522: the eifel tower?
Bethy51522: jake wham
Bethy51522: that is in paris.
whamalicious: the real eifel tower is in italy
Bethy51522: oh really
whamalicious: there is a conspiracy to not let anyone know about this
Bethy51522: oh, i see
Bethy51522: i was totally unaware...
whamalicious: but i found out through my special secret connections
whamalicious: yea, dont feel bad, its very secretive
Bethy51522: jake wham, tell me about this conspiracy theory
whamalicious: ok
whamalicious: well, at first they tried to build it in paris, but of course,
the french are very stupid people, and it fell over and killed thousands
whamalicious: then, the italians, being the jerks that they are,
stole the idea of the eifel tower, and built it themselves off the coast of sicily
whamalicious: this works very well, becuase while they tell you that
sicily is just of the coast of italy, it is in fact, somewhere north of
greenland, unmapped
whamalicious: the french were very upset about this, because their brilliant
idea was taken from them by the italians
whamalicious: thus, they created images showing the tower within the city limits,
to make the world think that they had successfully built the tower
whamalicious: then, they also swore that they would burn down the real tower in sicilly
whamalicious: but because the french are very stupid, they are still looking for the island
whamalicious: and greenland has sworn not to tell the italians,
because their food always gives them heartburn
whamalicious: end of story

To think: without Jake Wham's secret connections, the world might never know the truth.