LzyBrunette: i can't believe i'm still up
Em hates peas: wow, what time is it?
LzyBrunette: 2am
LzyBrunette: and i have worktomorrow
Em hates peas: aww, are you tired?
LzyBrunette: sorta
Em hates peas: why don't you go to bed?
LzyBrunette: but i just got an mp3 cd player
Em hates peas: Oh cool
LzyBrunette: and i'm making a disc
Em hates peas: ooh i see cool
Em hates peas: How's slls going?
LzyBrunette: it's taken me forever to get my songs on the comp
LzyBrunette: oh it's been terrible
Em hates peas: terrible?
LzyBrunette: i haven't been able to get anything right
Em hates peas: awww
LzyBrunette: i've been really confused about how hospitals work
LzyBrunette: and where everyone is at blah blah blah
Em hates peas: what do you need help with?
LzyBrunette: first i had benji taking everyone to see her in the nursery
LzyBrunette: but i didn't think it was right
Em hates peas: But they do do that!
LzyBrunette: and oskar said they would keep her with mom for a while
LzyBrunette: well it's right away
Em hates peas: Oh yeah probably for a while
LzyBrunette: and then sugar's telling me the other way
LzyBrunette: and i just got really upset and confused and frustrated
Em hates peas: awwww *hugs for you*
LzyBrunette: i think it's okay now
LzyBrunette: i'm not sure
Em hates peas: Good
Em hates peas: how did you do it in the end?
LzyBrunette: i don't think it'll be done in time though
LzyBrunette: which is a little sad
Em hates peas: aww
Em hates peas: well i'm sure it will be worth the wait
LzyBrunette: it's gonna be a good 2 week-3 week period with nothing
Em hates peas: *tries not to die*
LzyBrunette: i really wanted the episode to be done so that no one was hanging on anything
LzyBrunette: but it looks like there's no way around it
Em hates peas: How much do you have left?
LzyBrunette: i don't know
LzyBrunette: i haven't really written anything
Em hates peas: cos you have a few days before you go, but if you don't wana rush it....
LzyBrunette: i have the first scene
LzyBrunette: i know i do
LzyBrunette: but i work everyday too
Em hates peas: Yeah
LzyBrunette: i thought that today i'd get something done...but i didn't
Em hates peas: if you cant get it done we'll understand
Em hates peas: and it will be worth the wait
LzyBrunette: cool
LzyBrunette: my CD's very slow
LzyBrunette: but i guess it would be...
LzyBrunette: 330 songs
Em hates peas: wow thats a lot
LzyBrunette: yeah i had tons of space left...but i didn't have anymore songs
LzyBrunette: i need to upload more of my albums
Em hates peas: Yeah
LzyBrunette: ok...give me your opinion on something?
Em hates peas: sure
LzyBrunette: jessa insists benji see a doctor and he reluctantly agrees and jessa goes to sleep, baby goes to the nursery and benji skips the doctor in favor of showing off infront of his family and friends
LzyBrunette: does thatsound like something he'd do
Em hates peas: Yes because he is stubborn, and plus he wants to forget all about the accident,....
LzyBrunette: he's afraid that he's no okay
LzyBrunette: not*
Em hates peas: Sounds like a typical man thing to do
Em hates peas: tioo afraid to go to the doctor
LzyBrunette: and he thinks as long as no doctor tells him he's hurt he won't be
Em hates peas: Yeah that's good
Em hates peas: typical man
LzyBrunette: ok good
Em hates peas: plus very Benji
Em hates peas: lol i sound all bitter when i talk about that, i have issues
LzyBrunette: i think joel's gonna make him go..or chris
LzyBrunette: haha
Em hates peas: I think it would be good if it was Joel, because well i dont know
LzyBrunette: well maybe joel can push him too and benji still ignores it
Em hates peas: Yeah
Em hates peas: he needs to go eventually though
LzyBrunette: benji and jessa are gonna visit chris with the baby
Em hates peas: aww
LzyBrunette: and maybe chris asks why he hasn't seen a doctor
Em hates peas: yeah.
LzyBrunette: oh chris can get mean..sorta
LzyBrunette: not mean
LzyBrunette: just a good friend type mean
Em hates peas: Yeah i get what you mean
LzyBrunette: like benji can say "well i'm afraid they'll tell me something bad and i don't wanna do that to jess and the baby."
LzyBrunette: "Benji, that is the stupidest thing i've ever heard..."
Em hates peas: aww yeah
LzyBrunette: "if you;re really hurt and don't do anything about it it's gonna be 10 times worse!"
Em hates peas: Yes! that's good!
LzyBrunette: aww
LzyBrunette: i just thought of something else
LzyBrunette: chris could say
Em hates peas: oo
Em hates peas: ..?
LzyBrunette: "if you had died you'd be leaving behind a lot. baby and wife. it's not like if i had, people'd be sad but they'd get over it. i don't mean much."
Em hates peas: Oh
LzyBrunette: sorry i was typing messed up
Em hates peas: Oh
Em hates peas: *hugs chris*
Em hates peas: Poor poor Chris
Em hates peas: He's right about what Benji would be leaving behind though and how dumb he's being
LzyBrunette: then benji can get mad too..."i thought you WERE dead. and i was more than sad chris"
Em hates peas: Yeah!
LzyBrunette: "You mean a lot to a lot of people."
LzyBrunette: "like who?"
LzyBrunette: "me for one, jessa for second, and isabel for third."
Em hates peas: awww
LzyBrunette: "What kinda person she'd grow up to be without an uncle chris?"
Em hates peas: awww
LzyBrunette: wow
Em hates peas: wow?
LzyBrunette: i don't know when i'm gonna get to bed
Em hates peas: aww
LzyBrunette: i just checked my CD...it's not even writing yet
Em hates peas: Ohh,
LzyBrunette: it's still do the "preparing dealy
Em hates peas: taking ages then
LzyBrunette: oh i'm sorry about your hampster
Em hates peas: It's ok..
LzyBrunette: wanna read?
Em hates peas: Yes please!
LzyBrunette: Part 6
"Can I…hold her?" Benji asked.
"Of course." Our burly nurse, Brant, grinned. He was surprisingly gentle for a big black man, but he was wearing purple scrubs and his nametag had teddy bear stickers on it. Benji trembled slightly as he placed the tiny girl into his colorful arms.

"Benj?" I questioned.
"I've never done this before." He said earnestly.

I smiled. Brant laughed.

"You guys will be okay?" he asked, tucking a pen in his pocket.
"I think so." I felt warm inside watching Benji holding her. His eyes were all lit up and his mouth was curled into the biggest, proudest smile.
"If you need anything all you gotta do is holla." Brant laughed and headed out of the room.

LzyBrunette: She was really here. Our baby. The one that we talked to constantly and the one we planned for endlessly. She was here now. Benji was just staring at her, like he didn't know what to do. I watched his eyes travel from her head to her toes and back again.

"Babe, she's so…beautiful." He murmured.

I smiled and nodded. Benji touched her tiny cheek and she rubbed against his hand. He looked at me with surprised 'did-you-see-that' eyes. I nodded again.

"She looks a lot like you." I noted.
"Me?" his eyes widened. "No way, she's all you, Jess."

"Look at her Benj, round face and that nose and those cheeks." I grinned, looking at her and Benji at once. Like father like daughter. "What should we name her?" I asked Benji. I instantly felt like I was naming a dog and 'Cash' sprang to mind. I silently laughed.

Em hates peas: Oh it's good and so sweet
LzyBrunette: He stared at her like she was the most amazing thing he'd ever seen.

"What was that name…the one you used in DC? When I lost my wallet." He broke eye contact with her for a brief second.
"Isabel?"
"Yeah, Isabel, I like that. Isabel Madden." He grinned.
"Isabel." I repeated.
"She still needs a middle name." He pointed out.
"Toni, with an 'I'." I announced. "He helped."
"Isabel Toni Madden? Yeah. I like it." Benji grinned and touched her tiny cheek. "Hi, Isabel."

She yawned and fluttered her little eyelashes.

LzyBrunette: "I know just how you feel." I yawned myself.
"How about I take her and you go to sleep." He suggested.
"Sounds great."
"You've had a long day baby."

I yawned again. "so have you." I pointed out.
"No, it's okay." He smiled.
"No it's not okay. I want you to go get checked out in the ER Benji and then get some sleep."
"Jess…"
"Don't you argue with me. I know you wanted to be here with me and you were, so now quit being macho and go see the doctor." I yelled. He was not getting out of this.

He cocked his head to the side and rolled his eyes.

Em hates peas: Awww adorable
Em hates peas: it's great :-)
LzyBrunette: i love the part when she rubs against benji's hand
LzyBrunette: and he get's allexcited
Em hates peas: Yeah its so cute
LzyBrunette: are you writing at all
Em hates peas: im looking at it
LzyBrunette: ha
Em hates peas: i've written so much of Reckless abandon lately im working on like 4 different parts of it
LzyBrunette: whoa
LzyBrunette: cool
Em hates peas: :-)
LzyBrunette: i like that one alot
LzyBrunette: but i miss grace and joel
Em hates peas: im writing that
Em hates peas: i wrote some of part 9 last night
LzyBrunette: yay
Em hates peas: :-)
Em hates peas: i need to post 7 and 8 first though lol
LzyBrunette: how long is it from the shooting to the wedding?
Em hates peas: six months ish
LzyBrunette: ha
LzyBrunette: wow really
Em hates peas: ha?
LzyBrunette: to the 7-8 thing...i didn't know what number you were on
Em hates peas: I just posted 6 recently
LzyBrunette: 6 months is short...joel's probably still a little weak at the wedding huh?
Em hates peas: *makes not to remember that he probably is*
Em hates peas: *note
LzyBrunette: it's ok if he's not
LzyBrunette: he's probably too happy to hurt
Em hates peas: they have a lot to go through....before the wedding
LzyBrunette: yeah?
LzyBrunette: problems?
Em hates peas: the courtcase and stuff
LzyBrunette: or just the regular wear and tear
LzyBrunette: oh right
LzyBrunette: i hope i do okay at work
Em hates peas: im so worried about writing it cos i know fuck all about how it works
Em hates peas: but regular wear and tear soon, i mean they've been through a lot its not all gonna be sunshine and smiles
LzyBrunette: that's how i felt about the wedding and now the baby
Em hates peas: i'm sure you will.
LzyBrunette: well i gotta be there in 6 hours
Em hates peas: I am thinking about carrying on after the wedding,..
LzyBrunette: and my CD is 20% done
Em hates peas: still being slow then
LzyBrunette: yup
LzyBrunette: it's just a lot of information
Em hates peas: Yeah
Em hates peas: wanna read a little?
LzyBrunette: yeah
LzyBrunette: of what?
Em hates peas: Learning to breathe
LzyBrunette: ok
Em hates peas: I know I look like shit, I keep avoiding mirrors, my eyes are all bloodshot if you look closely and even if you don't you can still see the shadows.
It wasn't so much that I don't want to sleep; I just can't, at least not well.
Not without the dream, the reoccurring one where I get there just a little too late, and I can't help, I can't move and Joel dies, slowly in front of me, and then I just feel completely numb and broken and then I wake up, screaming silently, dripping with sweat and tears running down my face.
It's enough to make anyone want to constantly stay up.

Em hates peas: My heart was pounding just thinking about it, I shook my head, turned up the volume and tried to concentrate on Spongebob, cartoons, yellow sponge dude…
It wasn't working.
I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them again quickly, not wanting the image of dead Joel etched into my mind for the rest of the day, or ever again for that matter.

LzyBrunette: awww
LzyBrunette: benji needs an asha
Em hates peas: hehe
LzyBrunette: ooo
Em hates peas: I'll probably find him someone if i carry on after the wedding
Em hates peas: oo?
LzyBrunette: i made a banner for when im gone
LzyBrunette: oh cool
LzyBrunette: http://www.angelfire.com/film/asha/icons/wheresasha.jpg
Em hates peas: Oh thats so cool
LzyBrunette: just a little something benji whipped up
LzyBrunette: ha
Em hates peas: haha
LzyBrunette: i keep writing scenes for the sequel...just random scenes
Em hates peas: cool
LzyBrunette: i wrote one today about jessa getting pulled over
LzyBrunette: it's funny
Em hates peas: oo what for?
LzyBrunette: here:
LzyBrunette: "Jess, what happened today?" Benji frantically came into the kitchen as I set a plastic plate of pb&J's and fruit in front of the kids. "Did you get a ticket?"
"What?" I asked confused, securing the lid to Joel's sippy cup and frowning as he proceeded to spill it's contents slowly from the hole.
"Billy said he saw you get pulled over on Briar."
"Oh."
"Jess, I told you that people don't drive like maniacs here, it's not LA you can just take it easy."
"HEY!" I took offense. "I drive fine. Besides I didn't get a ticket."
"Why'd he pull you over?" Benji asked taking one of the pb&J corners from Joel's plate. Joel grunted and Benji replaced it with a bite taken out.
"I was speeding."
"Then why didn't you get a ticket?" his brow furrowed with frustration.

LzyBrunette: I just stared at him. did he really have to ask?

"What?" he asked when I didn't answer. "What? Did you flirt your way out of a ticket Jess?"

I nodded slighty.

"Jessa!" he yelled.
"What? You'd rather I have a ticket?"
"what did you do?" he shook with jealousy. "Tell me. show me what you did."

LzyBrunette: I rolled my eyes. "It's no big deal."
"Yes it is, you're MY wife."
"Jesus, Benj, I smiled, batted my eyelashes a little. It was completely innocent."
"I'm sure. What did he do?"
"not give me a ticket."
"we're the kids there?"
"Yeah."
"oh my God!"
"oh my God you are overreacting" I rolled my eyes. "Benji just chill out. it was nothing, really. It's not any worse than the flirting you do when you meet fans."

Em hates peas: hahaha
LzyBrunette: my first idea was jessa flashed him...
LzyBrunette: my mom gave me the idea
Em hates peas: Lol
LzyBrunette: we were talking about getting pulled over and she said she should do that
Em hates peas: thats cool that your mom helps
LzyBrunette: she didn't know she was
LzyBrunette: haha
LzyBrunette: :-P
Em hates peas: lol
LzyBrunette: i like this part: securing the lid to Joel's sippy cup and frowning as he proceeded to spill it's contents slowly from the hole.
LzyBrunette: and benji staling his sandwich
LzyBrunette: stealing*
Em hates peas: haha yeah poor joel
LzyBrunette: he's so cute
Em hates peas: he is...i want one
Em hates peas: except no i dont
LzyBrunette: i gave all the gc offspring b-days the other day on the trolley
LzyBrunette: haha
Em hates peas: aww cool
LzyBrunette: i made a calendar
Em hates peas: aw cool
LzyBrunette: come on tell me the truth i'm a nerd
Em hates peas: wewll yeah but you're a cool nerd!
Em hates peas: I'm a complete dork
Em hates peas: so it's all good
LzyBrunette: ha
LzyBrunette: goodo
LzyBrunette: i'm afraid if i got to sleep my computer will freeze and the CD won't burn
LzyBrunette: i never should have started
Em hates peas: aww how far is done?
LzyBrunette: 26%
Em hates peas: oo im sure it'll be fine if you leave it
LzyBrunette: cause every time i go ever there the screensaver is moving slow and funny
Em hates peas: maybe it's just cos it's making the cd,
LzyBrunette: yeah...that comp's really tempermental
Em hates peas: not fun
LzyBrunette: i'm just gonna leave it to chance i guess i need to sleep a little tonight
Em hates peas: Yeah
Em hates peas: Ok well night night
LzyBrunette: i gotta be awake again in like 3 hours
LzyBrunette: 3 and a half
LzyBrunette: i'm so dumb
Em hates peas: awww
LzyBrunette: ok night
Em hates peas: Night night
LzyBrunette: maybe i'll say hi in a little while
Em hates peas: Okay then :-)
LzyBrunette: bye
Em hates peas: bye

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Auto response from LzyBrunette: These are my thoughts
written down on paper
It's my only savior from not saying
what I want to say
These are the thoughts
that are my mind
Moments that haven't yet
been defined
And I don't know
if you could ever understand
These are the things
I can't say when we're alone

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Em hates peas signed off at 6:18:29 am.