Part 1
"You and Benji, huh?" Chad leaned against the wall in one of the back rooms at the club.

I stopped cleaning my camera lens.

"What?"
"I just heard you guys spent the night together the other night."
"And where'd you hear that?"
"A little bird named Joel told me."
"Joel has a really big mouth, man."
"So?"
"So so suck my toe…"
"All the way to Mexico. What's going on?"

I sighed.

"Nothing."
"And that's not cool with you?"
I shook my head, "Chad, he slept with me, told me he loved me and now he…he pretends like were friends."

Chad stared at me incredulously.

"What?"
"He told you he loved you?"
"What's wrong with that?"
"Nothing, it's just…"

Chad paused for a long time.
"Chad?!"

He shrugged.

"Last time I saw Benji, he was going through the whole Georgie thing…I thought that guy wanted to kill himself. I swear if that ever happened to…"
"What are you babbling?" I was really confused. "Who's Georgie?"
"Georgia? You don’t know about Georgia?" Chad looked at me confused.
***
I found Benji sitting in the lounge of the bus poring over a notebook. He looked up at me and quickly closed up the notebook.

"Who's Georgia?" I asked sternly.
"What?"
"You heard me Benji! Who's Georgia? Or Georgie, whatever."

He looked down at his hands and tossed the notebook aside. He ran his hands through his black hair and shook his head. He stood up to leave. I pushed him back down.

"Who is she Benji?"
"Jess, please don't make me…"
"Don't make you what? Tell me the truth about something."
"Jessa I can't."
"No, you won't…" I was so angry at that moment.

He put his hand on my hip I cringed and stepped away.

"Don't touch me."
"Jessa!"
"Tell me Benji! Just tell me." I spun around and met his gaze.

He hung his head. "How'd you find out?"
"Obviously it's a big part of your life you left out Benji, obviously everybody knows and I don’t, but you LOVE me right?"

I crossed my arms and sat down next to him.

"Who was she Benj? What did she do to hurt you?" I tried being gentler with him.

Benji swallowed and took a deep breath. He looked at me straight in the eye. Brown eyes so sad.
***
She had been my entire world. She fell into my life like a raindrop falls outta the sky. I loved her so much, it hurt.

"Baby?" I hugged her body close to mine.
"Yeah." She yawned sleepily.
"I love you."
"I love you too, sweetheart."

She rolled over and fell asleep. I smiled to myself. I was stupid happy. Tomorrow, tomorrow I had to pinch myself. I was definitely gonna do it tomorrow.

I had it all worked out. I had it all mapped out. Joel had gone with me to pick out the ring. It was gorgeous, just what she'd like, a simple gold band with 3 diamonds sticking up. I couldn't wait. I couldn't wait until I slipped the ring on her finger and I couldn't wait to see her father walking down the long aisle with that white dress on. I couldn't wait to carry her featherweight body over the threshold and I couldn't wait to make love to her as her husband, not just as her Benji. I couldn't wait until she told me that all our dreams were coming true and we were gonna be parents. I couldn't wait to see our kids grow up and to sit on a porch with her somewhere and just be old together.

We'd been together for 5 years now, give or take, on and off. Georgia, Georgie was gorgeous and smart and she was all mine, mwahahaha! We'd had several fights, bad ones. And we'd broken up, but we muddled through and now I knew it was real for sure.

She'd recently spent a little time in the hospital, near death, and as much I kicked myself for not realizing it 'til she was knocking on death's door, I finally knew that I wanted to spent my life with her and only her.

Things were great! Just great!

I woke up that morning in a cold bed. Georgie was already awake, I guessed. I threw off the covers and went downstairs. She was cooking, something good I could smell it. I went into our kitchen and put my arms around her waist. She jumped.

"What's the matter baby?" I kissed behind her ear. "Nothing."

If I'd only been able to tell then how she was lying through her teeth how everything was the matter...
***
"Benj?"

I'd stopped talking.

"Benj?" Jessa pleaded again. "Go on, please."

I nodded.
***
We went out that night to this place I knew she loved. And the night had gone perfectly. We got in the car, she thinking she was going home. I took a left at the light instead of a right.

"Benji! Where are you going?"
I smiled and thought about the velvet box in my pocket. "Don't worry about it."
"B-baby, please, baby" those words came out of her strangely, but I didn't notice then. All I saw was the perfect future in my mind.

I drove up to the highest part of Annapolis, you could see the whole city. I know it was cheesy high school stuff to go to the make out spot, but it was romantic, my house, a restaurant would never do.

Georgie sighed.

I breathed heavily, this was it, the first minute of the rest of my life.

"Georgie," I began, she shifted uncomfortably and looked at me.
"What Benj?" she smiled.
"Georgie, you know how much I love…"
"Benji, you don't have to say it, I already know."
"No, I need to say it." quit ruining the script. "I need to tell you. baby, I almost lost you. I can't let that happen anymore. I can't lose you. I would die if I lost you, I would DIE."
"Benji!"

I was scaring her.

"Sorry, I just, I needed to tell you how much you mean to me. How much I love you. how much I need you and want you. I wake up thinking about you and I go to sleep thinking about you and then I dream about you. Georgia, I'd be so lost without you, I need you forever…so," I pulled the box out of my pocket. She gasped.

"Georgie, would you do me the gr…"
"No, Benji, no, don't…" she shut her eyes and pushed my hands away.
"Georgie?"
"No, Benji, I won't marry you. I never will. I could never marry you."

I felt like I'd been shot in the head.
***
"Oh Benj," I murmured, tears forming in the corners of my eyes.
"It gets worse." He frowned.

Part 2
"Why?" I asked her, not really wanting to know the answer.
"What? Benj, no."

I was angry now.

"Why Georgie? Why could you never marry me?"
"Benji, do you know why I was in the hospital? Are you that stupid?"
"The accident, you fell down the stairs and knocked yourself out Georgie."

She laughed. LAUGHED.

"There was no accident Benji. I took a buncha pills…"
"Pills?"
"Yeah, pills. I took a bunch of them and threw myself down the stairs. I was trying to kill it."

I was shaking. "Kill what?"
"Your baby Benji, I didn't want to have your baby." She screamed.
"My what? Georgie how…why would you do that?" I was crying. She was pregnant.

"Because I didn't want it, Benj. I didn't want to have anybody's baby ever and I didn't want to have your's to grow up just like you, an alcoholic."

That bitch. She'd never forgiven me, she said she did. She said she was gonna stick with me through thick and thin. She said she was going to forget about all the things I did to her when I was drunk.

"Why didn't you tell me? We could have talked about it."
"Because you would have never let me get rid of it."

It. That's all my baby was, it.

"Don't you remember when Lilly lost her baby? And you got pissed cause her brother told her he would have wanted her to have an abortion. You said you'd never let your wife or girlfriend have an abortion. You said you'd rather die than consciencely kill your baby."

I had said that and it was true.

"Georgie if you didn't want kids we could have talked about it. You didn't have to do this."
"Yes, I did Benji. I did. So you could see…"
"See what?"
"That I can’t be with you Benj. I really hoped I would die when I killed it. so I didn't have to face you and tell you."

I had heard enough.

"You're sick. You're a sick bitch. Get away from me."
***
"Benj." I put my hand on his shoulder, letting the tears spill down my cheeks.

He was crying too and wiped his tears into his wristband.

"Now you see?" he looked at me.
"No, I don't." I shook my head. "I'm not her, Benji, I could never do that."
"That's what she would have told me."
"Benji, she was one fucked up individual, there's no doubt of that, but I'm not her."
"I know your not, but I'm afraid of what might happen if I love you too much."
"You can't stop that from happening. Why didn't you tell me this before?"
"when?"
"Whenever. Like the times when I'd tell you about Dylan."
"Jess, this isn't some first heartbreak crap."
"What?" I yelled, standing up. "That's what you think he is to me? Just my first love down the drain? Are you really that selfish? You believe you're the only one who's ever been hurt?"

Benji stared at me. I was seething. He shook his head.

"I know what she did hurt, it was terrible and unforgivable and you'll carry that you whole life, but don't you discount my feelings or think I haven't been hurt before."

I paused.

"Did you think I wouldn't understand if you told me?"
"I don't know what I thought. I can't be with you Jessa."
"because she hurt you? Benji, love hurts, that's a fact. I can't guarantee that I won't ever hurt you, if fact I can almost say for sure we will hurt each other. And we're hurting each other now. Please, Benji, don't let us pay the price for her sins. Don't you think we oughtta give it, give us, a shot."
"I can’t" he said looking at his feet.
"You CAN'T" I repeated through the tears.

I ran off the bus. Benji didn't call my name, he didn't come after me, he didn't care.

I went into the backdoor of the club and opened the door to the first empty dressing room. I slammed the door behind me and threw myself onto the dingy couch. I cried into it's smelly armrest.

This wasn't fair. I wanted to hunt this Georgie down and kill her for ruining my Benji.

"No, no, no" I cried and pounded my fists.

I didn't hear the door open and I didn't feel Joel sit next to me until his hand was on my shoulder.

"Jess, sweetie, what's the matter?"

I turned around and wrapped my arms around him.

"Oh, Joel." I sobbed into his chest.

Part 3
"Shh, shh," he rubbed my back. "It's okay. Don't cry. I know Benji is an idiot."
"He told me about Georgie."
"What? Just now?" Joel cursed to himself. "I knew he hadn't told you. oh, Jess, I'm sorry my brother's such a moron. If I could make him I'd…"

I kissed him. I don’t know why, but I was kissing Joel. It felt warm and soft and it made everything seem okay. We held it for a good long 15 or 20 seconds. When we tore away from each other I blushed and looked at my hands.

"I'm sorry."
"No, it's okay," Joel smiled reassuringly.

"Why did you come in here? Was I crying THAT loud?"
"No," he held up his cell phone.
"Oh, Jamie, huh? How is she?"
"Uhhhh," Joel didn't have a response.
"You haven't talked to her!"

Ring, ring

I glanced at the phone still sitting in Joel's open palm.

Claudia

"Claudia!" oh Joel! You're worse than your brother, you know that?" I snarled.

It kept ringing.

"So, do you want me to not answer it?"

"do whatever you want Joel." I stood up as he answered the phone. "UGH!"

I left the room.

I ran down the hall and ran right into Steve. He greeted me with that creepy smile and held firm to both of my shoulders.

"Hey, where are you going in such a hurry?" "Leave me alone, Steve." I pushed past him and then past Chad and Jordan.

I kept running for the backdoor.

"J!" Chad called.

I slammed the door shut and leaned against the wall outside. It wasn't snowing, wherever we were, but it was still cold.

"J!" Chad came outside. "What did Benji do?"

I chuckled and shut my eyes.

"Come on, J, no more depression for you."
"And what are you gonna do about it?"
"Take you away from yourself for a while."

I just leaned against the wall with my eyes closed.

"Why do you do this to yourself, babydoll?" Chad took on the nurturing older brother tone.
"Do what to myself?"
"Fall in love with men that can't or won't love you the way you deserve to be."

I opened my eyes

"And you would, right?" I could not take being hit on right now.
"No," he shook his head.

Good I wasn't.

"But I'm not trying to. I mean, Dylan put you through the wringer. I was there, remember?"

I looked at him.

"Of course I remember."

We were quiet a second and I shivered. Chad wrapped his arms around me to keep me warm. I closed my eyes and let him rock me back and forth for a few seconds.

"C'mon." arm around my shoulder, he led me to his bus.
***
I pretended to be sick and skipped the show. I hadn't left New Found Glory's tour bus all day. Chad had ordered his bandmates to treat me like "your mother's." I thought he was being so sweet.

After napping in Chad's bunk I got up and looked out the window. I could swear Benji was looking at me. He was standing at the back door to the club and staring at through the window of the New Found Glory bus, I could almost swear it.

He pulled his hoodie over his head and walked to his own bus. He stopped a minute as if debating something. He didn't get on his bus and instead walked towards New Found Glory's, I thought for a second that he was coming for me, but he walked past and knocked on the door to Mest's bus.

Typical.
***
"Hey man," Tony welcomed me onto the bus.
"Yo."
"You alright?"
"Yeah." I shrugged.

Paul, Lilly and Chris were here. I could hear Paul from the back of the bus.

"Lil could drink you under the table. I'll bet money on it." Paul was pulling out his wallet as I came in.

"Hey, man." he looked at me then turned his attention back to Steve from New Found Glory. "So, we on or what?"

Chad laughed, I hadn't noticed him sitting there. I glared at him. I saw him this afternoon, arms all over Jessa.

"I'd love to see Steve get his ass kicked by a little woman…"
"Paul's little woman." Lilly corrected.
"By Paul's little woman, I really would but I promised to hang out with J. you'll take Polaroid's won't you?"

He turned to get off the bus and saw me. We looked at each other for a few minutes.

Finally he said, "Yo, Benj."

I didn't say anything and he left.

"$5! That's not a wager! You pussy!" Paul was screaming.
"Oh, who cares, let's just start getting fucked up," Lilly cracked her knuckles. "What's my poison?"

Tony pulled out a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Jack Daniel's.

"Ladies choice," Lilly said to Steve.

He sneered and chose, his cousin, Jack. He used to be my favorite cousin…

Tony poured the shots. "Ready…GO"

Lilly downed the first one with a twisted face and slammed the glass down.

"AH!"

Steve had a terrible face as he downed it.

"N-Next" he said uneasily.

Tony poured again.

Lilly took it like a trooper and Steve had gotten used to the taste. He slammed his glass down this time. 3, 4, 5 and Lilly leaned heavily on Paul. Steve wanted to fall over I could tell, but neither one would give up. Tony poured number 6 and Steve stared at it with wide eyes.

"I give up" he threw his hands in the air. "You win, you win."

Steve pushed his money forward.

"Yay!" Lilly said non-too-enthusiastically.

She fell backwards onto the couch. She was sitting next to me. Lilly sneered.

"Hey, Benj."
"Hey Lil."
"Jess really fucking loves you, ya know." unlike the time Paul had called her drunk, Lilly actually was this time.
"Uh huh."
"Don't you uh huh me Benjamin. Jessa can't barely function when your being a pussy dick. But she just takes it cause she loves you." Lilly slurred. "She's told me stuff Benj, you know girls talk. She told me that she's never had it this bad. She says you’re the best fucking lay she's ever had, like EVER."

"Baby, why don't we go to bed?" Paul tried picked her up and gave me an apologetic face.
"EVER!" Lilly repeated. "what?" she turned to Paul. "I’m ok."

I crossed my arms.

"Well what's up with Chad?"
"Oh God Benji, you're not going apeshit over that?" Paul put his attention on me.
"What?"
"They're friends"
"Yeah, whatever."
"Benji, he was friends with her ex."
"Dylan?"
"Yeah! Chad become her friend that way. It's totally platonic."

Too bad I didn't believe in platonic.
***
"We're gonna be in LA really soon though." I said into the receiver. "No, I don't want you to fly to Seattle. No."

I saw Chad coming back.

"Look work it out, I gotta go…I gotta go…bye." I hung up. If Chad knew I'd been talking to Dylan, he'd have my hide.

"Hey, J, how you feeling?"
"Lousy."
"I brought you some beer."
"I don't feel like drowning my sorrows thanks."

Chad shrugged.

"Who was on the phone?"
"No one."
"And how is no one? Still in med school?"
"Chad, I…"
"What? You think I don't know you were talking to him just now? J, I can read you like an open book. Don't go getting involved with him again, I swear to Christ."
"What Chad, what are you gonna do? It's my life."
"Yeah, yeah, but you're only doing it because of Benji."
"So what? He doesn’t give a fuck."
"Maybe not, but Dylan isn't right for you. You got away from that once and you don't need to go back."
"You're right." I nodded.

The other members of New Found Glory returned. Steve could barely support himself up the steps and fell into the seat next to me.

"Hey! J!" he waved awkwardly.

I laughed.

"There's that smile," Chad grinned.
"Everybody here?" Vincent, NFG's tour manager stuck his head in. he spotted me. "Oh, hey Jess."
"Can you tell Steve that J's gonna ride with us."
"Hey man, no need." Steve slurred and put his arms up. "I already know."

I laughed again.
***
"You guys all set?" Steve asked, before running off to join the other two road managers in the Acura, they were like a club.
"Where's Jess?" Joel asked.
"She decided to ride with New Found Glory. I hope she's not getting too friendly with them." he added as an afterthought.
"Why? She doesn't work for them." Paul sneered.

Part 4
Chad really didn't want to, but he wanted to help Jessa. He had to remind himself of that as he knocked on the door to GC's dressing room. Benji answered, wearing the pout that never left his face. He was alone.

"What?" Benji sneered.
"I need to talk to you."
"About what?"
"About J."

Benji leaned against the counter.

"What about her?"
"Benji, do you love her?"
"That's none of your business."
"J made it my business." Chad seethed.
"And I suppose she asked you to come talk to me?"
"No. I'm worried about her Benj. If you give a fuck at all about her, you'll listen to me."

Benji was silent.

"Good at least you care about her that much. I've known J a long time now and I know we haven't talked in awhile, but still. Dude, she loves you. I mean, really loves you. and you don't need ME to tell you that. She's already told you. You're breaking her heart by doing this. You can't, you can't. You won't, you're scared."
"Get to your point Chad." Benji said through gritted teeth.
"You gotta stop being a pussy and do something. Forget about that whore Georgie and just love J."
"Why?"
"Why? Because she's drowning man. She's been talking to Dylan."

Chad hadn't planned on telling Benji about that, but if it was gonna get Benji off his ass, then he had to try.

"Dylan?" Benji sounded worried.
"Yeah. I don't know if she wants to get back together with him or something but…she can't Benj. You can't let that happen."
"And why don't you do something about it?"
"You don't think I've tried?" Chad screamed. "She won't listen to me or to anybody. Jordan doesn't know J that well and even he's like, 'J, don't go back to Dylan.' Joel's been over there telling her to give you more time. Saying he knows that you really love her, but she's blowing him off completely for some reason. Benji it has to be you. You're the only on who can prove your love to her."

Benji was quiet, he sunk into a nearby chair and rubbed his temples. He looked up at Chad.

"And what's she mean to you?"
"What?"
"You heard me. Why do you care so much?"
"J's like my best friend. I mean she's…you know, Benj. I really care about her."
"Really care about her, how?"

Chad smiled, finally understanding what Benji meant. He almost laughed.

"It's completely platonic, Benji."

There's that damn word again, Benji thought.<
***
"J," I shook her shoulder.

She was passed out in the back lounge, labyrinth about halfway through playing on DVD.

She looked pretty innocent when she slept. This was the part where I'm supposed to say 'but she's far from it' or something like that. But the truth was, she was pretty innocent. Except that she had a pretty dirty mouth sometimes, but that was it.

I really hoped I did the right thing in telling Benji. I hope he'll actually do something about it. I can’t stand to see her this way. She's been crashing on our bus for over a week now. She won't even look at Benji. I don't know how she can film them. She won't talk to Joel either. I don’t know what that's about but I figure it has something to do with the whole twin thing. Ya know it's hard to look at someone who looks exactly like the person you don’t wanna talk to.

J's like my little sister. I just wanna protect her and make sure she's taken care of. I know Benji could do that for her, but the minute he's not I'm gonna get all Super-Chad on his ass.

And I swear to God, I don't know what I'd do if she got back together with Dylan. He never hit her or anything that serious but he hurt her bad. He did things that were worse than striking her or even cheating on her.

Lies.

J was really in love with Dylan too. He was her first love and she thought she was gonna marry him and have his babies and everything. And he knew it. And he led her on, for 3 years. He let her believe that he was going to marry her and that they would, as J put it, live "ob-la-di, ob-la-da happily ever after." And then one day when he was tired of it, he just dropped her. Just like that.

That dick and he was my friend.

I saw her cell phone laying nearby. I knew I shouldn't, but I had to see how often she was talking to Dylan. I rummaged through the call list.

Last call, 4:56pm, Dylan.

Damn her, while I was over there begging to the man she loves she was in here talking to Dylan.

Benj, you better show that girl how much you love her or so help me God.
***
"What do you think?"

Joel was silent.

"Dude, c'mon, I need your help."
"Benji, I think that's…that's…"
"What idiotic, stupid?"
"Romantic as hell? You wrote this? All by yourself?"
"Yeah." What can I not write lyrics too Joel?
"It's really good Benji. Is it true?"
"Of course it's fucking true. I can't lie to her anymore."
"Good."

I had thought long and hard about what Chad had told me. Jessa was really depressed and I made her that way. I didn't really need him to tell me. I saw her when she'd follow us with her artificial eye. She'd sorta wince when she panned the camera on me and quickly found another subject to focus on. She hadn’t ridden with us in a week. I missed her.

"You coming?" Joel asked.
"In a minute."

Everybody had been right. I was standing in my own way.

And I was losing her. If what Chad said about Dylan was true… Jessa could be making plans to get back together with him. Jessa could not only be lost to me, but be somebody else's.

The time had come for me to get over myself. I'd let this go too long. I'd let Georgie haunt me for too long. Well fuck her, Jessa was 10 times the woman, the lover, the person and if I screwed this up then fuck me too.

This was it, it was all going out tonight, good or bad, for better or for worse. I felt scared, jittery. I couldn’t help, but feel the same way I did the night…Nope, not gonna go there anymore Benj.

"Love hurts," I repeated what Jess said to me. "Too true, Jess." I whispered to myself.

I went outside. It was Valentine's Day (can you say perfect timing?). The coast was clear, but earlier there had been a nice little throng (oh yes a throng) of girls and women. I had heard 5 "I love you's" and at least half a dozen "Will you be my Valentine, Benji?"'s. Fans were sweet, but the only person I'd want for a Valentine was…

Sitting on the couch chewing on a carrot stick and laughing with Chad as I walked into the greenroom. This was one of the bigger places we were playing on this tour. It was 10 times nicer and cleaner. Chad stared at me as I walked in probably mad I hadn't done anything about what he said in WHOA a whole day.

My nervousness was getting tougher just seeing her there. I felt hot and my palms were sweating. Chad left to do his pre-show ritual with his bandmates and oddly, Jessa and I were the last one's left in the room. She glanced at me and sorta smiled. Well, she lifted a teeny corner of her mouth anyway. She picked up her camera and grinned.

"Smile Benji" she said.

I grinned.

"Hello fan world, hello dorks!" I waved.

Jessa giggled, actually giggled and waved as she left the room.

I felt the ball in my stomach. I felt so scared I thought I was gonna be sick. I needed to relax, because there was no way I was not going to do this.

I thought for a minute and looked around the room. Veggies. Chips. Crackers. Soda. Not good enough. I knew what I needed and what I wanted and I knew just where to get it.
***
Tony and the boys were onstage now, so I could slip easily onto their bus and then off again. I only needed to stay long enough for one beer and I'd be fine.

I searched their fridge, beer was outtie.

"Fuck." I yelled and spun around.

The countertop had several bottles on top. I just stared at my old friends for a second. Could I really drink? Not one drop of alcohol had passed my flesh and metal lips for 5 years. That was a long time. A really long time. Could I just take one shot and loosen up enough to finally put past behind me and start anew? It was just one measly shot, right?

Part 5
I picked up the bottle of Jack and quickly set it down again. No, Benji, don't do it, the little Joel in my head told me. I just looked at the bottles a second before I heard the clamoring of the boys in Mest returning from their set.

"Hey Benj," Tony raised his eyebrows at me. "Watcha doin here?"

I shook my head and shrugged. "I gotta go." I said oddly.

"No wait, happy valentine's day bitch!" Tony kissed me.

I laughed and wiped my mouth.

"Dude, you're ruining my lipstick." I joked. "I gotta get going, see ya."

I walked outside and shook my head was I really about to do what I thought I was gonna do? All the AA and interventions in the world would never stop me from being an alcoholic. Maybe Georgie had a point, I don’t know if I'd want kids to grow up like this either.

Ok, no, not thinking about that Benj. Jessa, Jessa, your focus is Jessa!
***
The moment had come. I swallowed. Joel set his mike on the stand and walked off the stage, followed by Billy, Paul and Chris. I picked up my acoustic guitar and watched the faces in the crowd go awed in a state of confusion. The lights focused on only me as I walked center stage where Joel usually stood.

I wanted to look at Jess looking at me through that little lens, what was she thinking? But I didn't stop looking straight ahead of me. If I looked I would do something stupid. I might be about to do something stupid, but I had to. I had to do this, more than anything in my life.

"Love hurts, right?" I whispered to myself.

I walked up to the mic and adjusted the height, damn 2 inches.

"How's Seattle's Valentine's day going?"

The crowd cheered. I guess it was going well. I grinned.

"WE LOVE YOU BENJI"
"Yeah!" I waved, "I love you too."

I felt my palms losing grip over the neck of my guitar. The lights felt so hot tonight.

"Um…yeah, my valentine's is lousy." The crowd continued cheering me on. "See there's this girl…"
***
What the hell was he doing? My hand shook so bad I had to take my left hand to balance the camera.

"…and I, I really love her, ya know. she gives me that feeling." Benji chuckled. "Well, things aren't going so well. I really wanna tell her, but fuck, ya know what?"
"WHAT?" the audience roared.
"I'm a pussy. I haven't be able to just be a man and say it. So I wrote song."

A song. Oh Benj.

"And if she's listening to me, right now…I'm sorry I hurt you. This is called 'J's Song'."

He began to play and I struggled to keep my hands steady. I instantly recognized the riff. It was 'Benji's Song', or it used to be.

The lyrics were sort of different. When he got to the chorus I thought my legs were gonna give out on me.

And people say that we're all a little lonely,
and maybe some of that is true,
but if it is than I wanna be lonely with you.

I was very aware of the tears running down my cheeks. I couldn't believe this was actually happening. Was Benji really out there displaying his love for me to the whole world? I was shaking.

When he finished the crowd cheered loud and Benji turned to look at me. I could see the tears glistening in his eyes. I wanted to run over to him and wrap my arms around him, but I couldn't move.
***
She was standing there with her camera still pointed. Tears were spilt all down her face. And she tried to grin, she tried to move, she couldn't. I set my guitar in the floor and walked to her I wrapped my arms around her and held her close enough so that her tears mixed with my own.

"I love you." I said.
"I know." she squeezed me back with her one free arm.

"I've been so stupid."
"I know."

"Jessa I'm so sorry I ever hurt you."
"Benji?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up."

She let her camera drop and luckily Lilly was there to catch it. Jess used both her arms to hold me close. Then she kissed me and I kissed her with more fire and passion and force than ever before. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

The crowd was roaring behind us.

"Benj…" Joel tapped my shoulder.

I pulled back and looked at my brother.

He smiled nervously. "I don't wanna ruin this little moment, but, uh, we have one more song."
"Go," Jessa urged me.

I gave her another kiss and headed back, to a monstrous applause. I heard many "Hell yeahs" and "Go Benji's". I grinned and leaned into the mic, after I put my guitar back over my neck.

"Thanks guys. This is the last song of the night."
"Yeah cause Benji has to go and get lucky." Joel joked.
"Shut up dude."

I started playing the chords to 'Movin' On' and looked over at Jess. I winked. She just grinned and pointed the artificial eye at me.
***
"I can't believe he did that." Lilly was right over my shoulder, "Ooh do a close up of Paul's face for me, so cute!"
"I know." I couldn't stop grinning.
"I knew he would come around eventually."
"No you didn't"

I wasn't looking at Lilly but I knew she had her faced squished up.

"Ok, maybe I didn't but I had a good feeling."

I laughed and kept my camera on the guys. I ran out on stage to get a good shot of each one of the guys before the show was over. I went past Benji and he smacked my ass. I laughed and ran off stage the other direction.
***
When I finally finished the song and finished wrecking the stage, I ran off to meet Jessa. She wasn't at stage right with Lilly. Lilly said she must have went to stage left.

I went over there and couldn't find her.

I raised my eyebrows. Where was she? Not in the dressing rooms, not even with Chad. I went to the last place I could think of, the bus.

"Jessa?" I called. "Jess-UH? Jess…?"

My eyes opened wide with horror.

Part 6
Outside through the window I could see Jessa standing at the rear of the bus with none other than…Dylan.

"What the fuck is he doing here?" I slumped into the couch. "What the fuck, Jess? 10 minutes after I do THAT and…"
"Get the fuck away from me?" I heard Jessa cry. "No, No. Leave me alone!"
"Jess!"

I ran outside into the windy Seattle air, just in time to see Dylan with his hands on her waist pulling, at least trying to pull Jess close to him. Jess used all her might to push him away, but Dylan was quite a bit bigger than she was.

"Hey!" I ran to the scene. "Get your fuckin' hands off of her."
"What do you want Punky Brewster?" Dylan let go of Jessa. "Who the fuck are you?"
"I'm her boyfriend!" I said with confidence.

I glanced at Jess to see if that was alright. She just grinned.

"Boyfriend? This is the stupid dick who wouldn't say he loved you?"

I fumed.

"Fuck you Dylan. I never said I was gonna get back together with you."
"Then why'd you tell me to fly out?"
"I didn't, that was all you. Now go back."

Jessa turned her back on him and came and stood by me. Dylan laughed.

"This is the guy you want? Mr. tattoos and metal? Can you pick up radio stations with you're hardware, dude? Ha, did he even finish the 5th grade?"

Jessa shook her head and rolled her eyes. I had an overwhelming feeling to go over there and fuck up his face.

"Well, fine sweetheart. But it won't last. I'll wait for your call, darlin'." "Don't." I said and he laughed again as he walked away.

Jessa rubbed her forehead and ran her fingers through her hair. She sighed as she started up the stairs to the bus. I grabbed her shoulder and spun her towards me.

"Hey, don't even worry about him sweetie."
"I'm sorry Benj." She sobbed.
"Shh." I caught her first tear with my thumb. "There's nothing to cry about. I love you."

She smiled.

"I love you too."

She put her arms around my neck and we kissed. Jessa leaned her weight off the first step and I put my arms around her waist. She wrapped her legs around my body so that I was carrying her and we continued to kiss.

With Jessa still wrapped around me I walked up the stairs to the bus. I carried her through the narrow walkway and laid her down in the couch in the back lounge, leaning my weight over her's. I had both my arms on either side of her, to support myself, and leaned down to kiss her.

She moaned. I let my weight fall on her some more and ran one hand over her curves. I kissed her neck softly and felt her quiver beneath me. I looked into her rusty brown eyes and watched the small smile play on her lips. I kissed behind her ears and down her neck some more, but her shirt was getting in the way…well one way to stop that, take it off.

I rubbed my hand up and under her shirt. I pushed it up to try and get it off of her. All my concentration was on getting naked at this point.

"No, Benj, stop." Her voice suddenly sounded scared.
***
It was getting really hot and believe me there was nothing I wanted more than to be with Benji. After wanting it so long, but I was reminded of where we were. The bus. A community space, where anybody, including Steve, could just walk in and see us…well, you know, doing it.

"No, Benj, stop."
"Why?"
"Because." I began to lift my body off the couch.
"Jess?" Benji held me there.
"Benji, please." I pled, looking into his soft puppy dog eyes.
"Jessa?" his eyes were searching.
"Benji, we can't not here, not now."

Finally he released me. We sat up.

"Why the fuck not, Jess?" he was disappointed.
"Because." I said in a furious whisper. "I could get fired."

Benji laughed. "I wouldn't fire you for bad sex."

I laughed back and grinned. "No, Benj, Steve! If he knows that were, together…he's gonna fire me. I'll have to leave."
"What?" Benji was pissed and confused. "Why the hell does Steve care?"
"It's the label, Benj, they are paying for me to be here. If were in a relationship, it's a liability. I mean, if we had a really bad fight or broke up…"
"That's not gonna happen!" Benji said quickly.

I slid closer to him and held his face in my hands. "I know that babe. But still the label has to protect their investments. So we gotta keep this on the down low."

I made a motion with my hands to signify down low. Benji laughed.

"Ok, we'll keep it on the down low," he smiled and made the same gesture.

He looked both ways before giving me a nice big sloppy kiss.

"You guys better knock that off before somebody important sees it." Lilly jumped into the couch opposite Benji and I.

She picked up the remote and turned on the TV, she began to endlessly flip the channels.

"I'm important!" Paul sat next to her. Lilly shrugged, "I guess so."

Paul attacked her. tickling her up her sides and right behind her knee. She laughed and tried to wiggle out of his grasp.

"No, no, Paul stop. STOOOOOOP!" she screamed and Paul laughed devilishly, before kissing her on her neck.
"Ugh." Billy came in. "How can you two watch this…filth?"
"Easy, they're perverts." Paul said matter-of-factly and leaned his head on Lilly's chest.

Billy sneered and sat next to Benji and I. He smiled.

"I'm so happy for you two."
"I'm happy for me too," I looked at Benji. He pretended to blush and giggle like a school girl.
"Oh, stop, you!" he threw his hand girlishly.

I laughed and turned towards Billy.

"So, did you call Carly today?" it was Valentine's after all.
Billy shook his head. "It was valentine's yesterday in Oz."
"You're even picking up the lingo, man." I laughed.
"I talked to her yesterday. She's coming."
"Um, that's really nice Billy, but isn't that a bit personal?"

He blushed when he realized what I said.

"She's coming to the states."
"Another visit? So soon?"

Billy shook his head.

"No, forever. She's moving."
"Oh my God, that's great!"
"I know." Billy grinned.

I didn't know what to do. I gave him a hug, seemed appropriate.

"What did you two do for Valentines?" I looked at Lilly and Paul, who were sort of lying on each other while they watched some show on MTV.

Paul jerked his attention away from the TV. "Nothing. When you've been together since high school, it's passe."

Lilly stopped playing his hair and looked at me. She smiled.

"Disregard him please."

Lilly held out her left hand.

"Oh my God Lilly, it's a ring!"

It was antique looking, made of silver with little hearts carved into the metal with sapphires on either side of the princess cut diamond. It was dainty and feminine.

"He had his mom send it. It belonged to his Grama." Lilly admired it.
"Aww, Paul you are too cute."
"I know."

Suddenly we heard the electronic tones of "Bad Boy for Life." I ran to Joel's bunk and picked up his phone.

"Joel's phone." I answered.
"Jess?"
"James? Hey."
"Hi! Where's Joel?"
"Hang on."

I held my hand over the receiver.

"Where's Joel?" I asked the others.
"Dressing room." Billy pointed.
"Hey, James?" I began walking. "Joel's still inside."

We chit chatted, while I walked back to the venue. By the back door a couple of woman who looked like they dressed up as whores for Halloween, hung out hoping to hell they would get back. They sneered at me as I showed the guard my pass and went inside.

"Whore!" one of them yelled.
"Right on sister!" I held up my fist.

She didn't know what to make of my phrase.

"James, you still there?"
"Yeah. Benji really told the audience he loved you?"
"Uh huh."
"God, that's so romantic. I wish Joel would do something like that."
"Yeah." I was glad she couldn't see my face.
"But I mean he did send all these flowers."
"Yeah." I hoped I sounded reassuring.

I came up to the door of the dressing room. as I raised my hand to knock I heard banging. Heavy breathing. A woman moaning in pleasure.

Oh, God let it be Chris, let it be Chris.

"Oh, Joel!"

Fuck! Fuckin' A, Joel! Reminding myself to give him a swift kick in the ass later I leaned into the phone.

"Uh, Jamie? Joel's doing a radio interview." I wasn't going to break Jamie's heart for him.
"Call him back in about 20 minutes."
"Oh, I, I really wanted to talk to him."
"I know and he really…"

I heard Joel moaning on the other side of the door.

"REALLY wants to talk to you too."
"Well, tell him I miss him. Have him call me when he's through."

I heard more banging. I cringed.

"I will. Bye James." I hung up.

I banged on the door with both my fists. The sex seized.

"You're an asshole, Joel!" I yelled.

Part 7
I slammed the door behind me and threw Joel's phone into his bunk with a thud.

"Fuck!" I screamed.

Benji popped up and put his arms around my shoulders.

"What happened?"

Joel came onto the bus and I glared at him as I sat at the table.

"You fucking asshole! How could you do something like that? You bastard. She loves you don't you know that!?"
"What the fuck? Did you follow me, Jess?"
"Like I wouldn't be able to hear you anyways." I sneered. "Who was she Joel? Some fucking groupie?"
"What's it to you." Joel was pissed.
"Nothing, Joel, but I'm sure Jamie has no idea what you're doing."

Joel's face went white. The rest of the band was crowded around me sitting at the table. They looked up at Joel.

"J-Jamie?"
"Yeah, J-Jamie, your girlfriend! She was on the phone."
"You, you didn't…?"
"Would somebody tell me why you're going apeshit at my brother?" Benji looked at me.

I ignored Benji's question a minute.

"No, I didn't, but I should have! I should have, Joel, and showed her what an asshole you really are."
"What the FUCK is going on?" Benji roared.
"Go ahead, Joel. Tell everybody how you scored on Valentine's with some stupid groupie while Jamie sits at home with her flowers you sent her. Wanting to talk to you. Thinking you're as much in love with her as she is with you!"

Benji stared at his brother in awe.

"Joel?" Benji couldn't believe it.
"Well fuck me." Billy's jaw was hanging open.
"It wasn't no fucking groupie alright."
"Yes, that makes it better Joel." Lilly crossed her arms.

One might feel bad with the whole band ganging up on him, but I didn't feel sorry for Joel at all. Benji did. He WAS his brother, his twin brother.

"Who was it, man?" Benji asked solemnly.
"It was me." A small dark haired figure entered the bus.
"Claud!?" Paul (yeah Paul) gasped.

She pushed past Joel and stood in front of him, despite that he was trying to hold her back.

Benji made a face, "Dude, not Claudia."
"Why not, been-gee? Claudia said with mocking. "Because you wouldn't fuck me?"

She laughed like a maniac. What a crazy bitch. She suddenly looked at me.

"You're still here huh?" she chuckled. "And I suppose you think Benji and you are gonna be together forever. Ha. You'll see, once he starts dipping in the sauce…"

She made a hand sign like she was drinking and then laughed. Benji looked like he wanted to hit her.

"Did he ever tell…"
"Claud?" Joel grabbed her shoulder.
"Oh, sweet innocent Joel." She kissed him. "It was good baby, reeeaal good, you're actually pretty good in bed, as opposed to Lushy." She motioned to Benji. "But I'm done now."

She slapped his cheek. Joel's phone rang again.

"Go back to you're 14-year-old idiot." She waved to all of us and walked off the bus, running into Steve on the way out.

"Steven!" we all heard her outside. "How are you?"

She was a crazy bitch. Were those kind of woman attracted to the twins or what?

Joel went into his bunk and picked up the phone.

"Hey baby." He shut the curtain. "We really need to talk."

Steve came in looking at the door confused. "Was that Claudia?"

Billy nodded. Steve shook his head with an odd look on his face.

"What's with all the yelling in here?"
"It's alright now." Benji said.
"Good. We've got to get going soon Portland awaits."
***
As soon as Chris returned with Amy (he had picked her up earlier that day at the airport and they went to a late dinner with some of her friends from the area). The bus was off. Steve drove a car as usual. Why he couldn't stay on the bus like a normal person I didn't know, but I really didn't care and was happy to have some alone time with Benji.

I was leaned up against him like a chair as we watched late night MTV. Benji played with my hair.

"Benji?"
"Baby?"

I smiled, he was being so cute all night.

"Claudia mentioned something about sleeping with you."
"Yeah?" Benji went rigid.
"Did you sleep with her?"
"No."
"No?"

Benji began spilling his guts. "I was drunk this one night, it was a really long time ago, and we were all partying at the hole. This junked up house in Malibu that belonged to some old punk rock dude who made all this money off of selling stuff for all kinda of bands. He let people crash there and party and whatever. There was a lot of stuff that happened there that's illegal in like every state. Anyway, I was there this one night with Claud and Joel and Tony of course. Georgie and I had had this huge fight the night before and I was really wasted. I partied hardy and I felt terrible. So, I went into this back room to crash out for a while and when I woke up Claud was laying next to me, telling me what a lousy fuck I was. She said that I kept, uh, missing and that I smacked her in the face when she wouldn't, ya know, go down on me. I believed her and I felt so bad. Cause I never really liked her. I hated what she'd do to Joel, manipulate him. So I told Joel."
"You did?"
"Everything. And he said that he had found her crashed out in some other room, with a big red welt on her face."

I looked confused.

"She hadn't fucked me. It was somebody else that was there that night, or the bitch made it up, hell? After Joel found her he put her up in the room I was in. See, they weren't really together back then. He really liked her though. And after that he wanted to help her you know. Protect her or something. But she fucked him up, man. I can't stand her. Anyway, she never remembered what really happened that night, so she still thinks I fucked her. But I never did Jess. You gotta believe me. I've been with 3 girls my whole life, I told you."

I nodded. "Um, hmm."

I knew didn't have anything to worry about. It happened a long time ago and I didn't care. I pulled his arms around me and closed my eyes.

"Happy Valentine's day, baby."
"I love you." He kissed my forehead.

I fell asleep warm and wrapped up in his arms.

Part 8
Portland was great, not only because of the city, but because Good Charlotte had a day off and we were at a hotel (and a really nice one, at that). I finished watching the footage I had of Benji singing 'J's Song.' I still couldn't believe that had happened and that I was Benji's girlfriend. I really was. It was so strange. 2 days ago I would have told you Benji was an ass. I would have cursed his name and beat him up.

That was furthest from my mind now. I shut my laptop and got up. I looked at my reflection in the mirror for a second. I still had a few bags under my eyes, from staying up late at night crying my eyes out over Benj. I can't believe that was 2 nights ago.

I opened the door to my hotel room and went the short distance next door to Benji's room. I knocked 3 times evenly.

"Baby?"
"Coming"

Benji soon opened the door with a big grin on his face. He may only be about 5'7" but I was 5'2" and he had to lean down just a little to give me a kiss.

"Hi." He put his arm around my shoulder.

Sitting on Benji's bed was Joel. I narrowed my eyes at him when he looked at me. I wasn't going to forgive him for what happened Valentine's. He gave me an innocent look. I sneered.

I couldn't even explain why I was so angry at him for it. Jamie wasn't exactly one of my best friends. I had hardly ever talked to her, just really that night at the restaurant. But maybe it was that Joel was my friend, a good friend and I was just completely shocked at his behavior. Joel's just the guy you see as one of those perfect sweet, sensitive guys. The ones that GET heartbroken, not break hearts.

But to do this to such a sweet girl like Jamie, with someone like Claudia. My God! Joel was an ass and I hated him. I had always trusted Joel to be an upstanding guy. Wasn't Benji the evil twin?

"I'll see ya later bro." Joel got up to leave.
"Did you tell her the truth?" I slipped out of Benji's arms and put my hands on my hips, blocking Joel's way to the door.

Joel had his hands in his pockets. "Get outta my way, Jess."
"No! Did you tell her? Did you break Jamie's heart?"
"Move Jess." Joel's voice rose slightly.
"Asshole." I shook my head.
"Shut the fuck up, Jess. You don't even know what your talking about, alright."
"I don't. I WAS Jamie, Joel! I was that innocent little girl." I shouted. I didn't even realize that's what it was.
"You have no right to get on my case about this. Now get the fuck outta my way, Jess."

He stepped closer to me. I could almost see the anger rising in his body. His hands were still in his pockets, but I knew he had them balled into fists. I looked into his brown eyes with contempt. He made a face at me.

Suddenly I pushed him into the wall.

"What the fuck! Little bitch!" he yelled and rose his arms to push me back. "What are you gonna do? Hit me, Joel?"

Benji ran between us.
"Hey, knock it off the both of you." Benji looked at me and then at Joel. "What the fuck is wrong with you two? Joel, what you did was wrong and you fucking know that. And Jess, I know you care and everything, but it's really none of your fucking business."
"Bullshit!"
"It's not." Benji said with a commanding tone.
"Whatever." I crossed my arms and retreated to the bed.

Benji turned his attention to his brother. He nearly pushed him back into the wall.

"What the hell, man? Don't you raise your hand to her. Fuck!"
"She raised her hand to me!" Joel retorted.
"So, Joel…"
"What? You're pissed off at me now too?"
Benji shook his head. "Just go now."
"Fine, why the fuck would I stick around here?"

Joel straightened himself out and left the room, slamming the door on the way out. A few seconds we heard him slam the door to his room.

Benji stared at me. "You wanna tell me what the fuck that was all about?"
"What?"
"What?!" Benji repeated incredulously. "You! You trying to fuck up my brother."
"I'm just pissed off."
"Well, why?"
"I dunno, Benj."

He laid down next to me on the bed. Putting his arms around my back and laid his head somewhere between my chest and stomach.

"It's just. I dunno, I see a lot of myself in Jamie. I feel for her. When I was 19, I was like that. I'm still like that, I think. And I knew that Joel didn't love her, but I thought he'd at least be considerate enough to tell her that. Not to fuck around behind her back. With fucking Claudia, no less!"
"Babe, that's for them to work out." Benji tugged on my belt loops.
"I know, but I can't help it ya know? And Joel's my friend. I don't want my friend treating people like that."

Benji nodded.

"And now I've got him pissed as shit at me. Fuck! You think I should go over there and apologize or something. Joel doesn't normally get this angry. He wouldn't normally do stuff like this, right? He must be going through some shit."
"Yeah, don't concern yourself with it." Benji tried to kiss my neck.
"How could you say that Benj?" I pulled back. "He's your brother for Christ's sake. Don't you care if he's hurting?"
"Of course I do." Benji sat up, suddenly angry. "But I know him well enough to know that he needs some time by himself once and awhile. Fuck, why are you so concerned with Joel all of a sudden?"

I looked into the fire in his eyes, anger lacing his round features. I smiled.

"I'm sorry, babe." I kissed his forehead.

The anger melted away and he wrapped his arms around me once more and kissed my neck again.

"What do you wanna do today?" he said between kisses. "Hmm, let me think…"

I pretended to concentrate really hard for a few seconds, before I grinned and slid my body down 'til my face was flush with Benji's. We kissed and I giggled.

"I wanna stay here with you…" I wrapped my arms around his neck. "…In this bed. All day." I pulled his body on top of mine.

Benji grinned and attacked my ears with his lips. It tickled. He began tearing at my clothes. It wasn't long before we'd gotten each other completely naked.
***
"Baby?"

Benji had his head against my rib cage. I could see his head come up and then down with each breath.

"What?"
"If I asked you to do something for me, would you do it?"
"What is it?"

He was still on top of me an hour later. We were just laying there. Enjoying being together, happy, for once.

"Would you tell me you love me?"
I smiled. "I love you Benji."
"Would you do something else then?"
I smiled wider. "Anything."
"Would you be on top?"

I laughed and we rolled. I mounted him and again we began.
***
Laying with my head against Benji's chest, I traced the outline of the sparrow with the name Sarah, underneath it. I though about a whole lifetime with Benji. I mean I knew that was little premature but I couldn't help myself. I imagined we'd argue about him wanting to get my name tattooed somewhere. I'd tell him that it's stupid. That I already knew he loved me. That he didn't need to do that. He'd insist and probably do it anyway. And I'd complain but secretly I'd love the scar of my name etched into his flesh.

I kissed the naked empty spot of flesh in the middle of his chest and stomach. Seeing 5 little letters sitting there in old English.

Benji grinned down at me.

"What are you thinking about, Little One?"

My heart melted a little. I just grinned at him. Little One, he did always call me that. It was so cute. I shook my head and kissed the same spot again.

"Nothing."
"Are you hungry?"
"Are you kidding? The way you had me working?"

Benji laughed. He sat up a little, my head slid down against his stomach. I wrapped the sheet around me and sat up next to him. I kissed his cheek.

"So where do you wanna go?"
"Are you joking? We're not going out."
"We're not?"
"You're all mine today. I'm not sharing with ANYBODY. Besides, you said you wanted to spend all day in bed with me."

I laughed. Benji leaned over to grab the little room service menu. He smiled looking at his choices.

"I can’t believe we have room service here."
"Benji!" I laughed.
"What? we haven't stayed in a place with room service since the 12-year-olds were trying to get impregnated by us."

I laughed and there was a knock at the door. Benji looked at me with wide eyes.

"There's one of them now!"

"Benji? It's Steve. I need to talk to you." Steve said on the other side of the door.
"Fuck." I whispered.

Benji looked worriedly at me. I bit my lip. If Steve saw this I would be on the next flight to LA, no sex for you!

"Benji?" Steve pounded on the door again. "Open up man!"
"Hang on!" Benji called. "What are we gonna do?" he whispered to me.

I gathered my clothing and shoes as quickly as possible and ran into the bathroom.

"Keep him out of here." I said to Benji and shut the door.
***
Benji nodded and put his shirt, boxers and pants back on. He fixed the bed so it only looked slept in and mussed his spiky hair so Steve couldn't see that he had sex hair.

You'd think I'd done this before, Benji thought to himself and opened the door.

"Hey, man, what's up?"
"What were you doing?"
"Uh…trying to clean up." Benji shrugged.
"Good. Uh, I wanted to talk to you."
"About what?" Benji hoped he wasn't looking at the bathroom door too much.
"Well, Jessa."
"What about her?" Benji glanced at the bathroom door again.
"Look, Benji, I'm really, um, embarrassed to admit this…to you, but…"

Benji just stared at Steve with an odd look on his face.

"You don't…Like her, do you?"

Benji swore that Steve was blushing. Benji wanted to laugh outloud.

"Um, well, you…you're really good friends with her and everything. So I thought maybe…maybe…"

Benji had never seen Steve acting like anything less than a cocky jerk.

"That I could help you…like set you up?" Benji asked slowly.

Steve just nodded. He was tomato red. Benji wanted to laugh so hard. He looked down to
compose himself. And then he saw it.
***
"Shit!" Jessa said under her breath as she tried to get her clothes back on. "Where is it?"
***
Jessa's black bra, that Benji had stripped her of nearly two hours ago. It was half under the bed. Behind Steve's feet.

"Um. Steve, I…"
"Look Benji, if your not comfortable…"
"I just…I'm not sure you're…I think Jess has a boyfriend."
"Really?" Steve looked disappointed.
"Yeah, I'm sorry dude." Benji didn't take his eyes off the bra on the floor.

Steve slumped onto the bed and it made the blanket slid down, obscuring the bra from sight. Benji sighed in relief.

"Do you know who it is?"
"Uh…n--, I think it's…Chad, yeah, ya know, Chad, from New Found Glory." Benji lied.
"Chad?" Steve's heart sunk.
"Yeah," Benji said confidently. "They've known each other a long time and spending this time together out here…ya know?"
"Yeah." Steve looked really glum. "Well."

Steve stood up and the blanket sprung up revealing the bra once again. Benji looked at in horror. Steve spun to see that Benji was looking at and Benji dived to sweep the bra under the bed. Benji stood up, certain the bra was out of sight.

Steve looked at him really confused.

"What was…?"
"I thought I saw a rat." Benji said quickly.
"A rat?"
"Yup, but it wasn't. just my imagination." Benji was breathing fast.

Steve seemed convinced. He shook his head.

"I thought this place was supposed to be nice. Well thanks anyway."
"Yeah, I'm sorry man." Benji patted him on the back as they walked towards the door.
"Benji?" Steve looked at him.
"Yes?"
"Clean up around here, would ya? This place smells like sex!"

Benji smiled and saluted Steve.

"Right-o boss."

Benji shut the door behind Steve.
***
"That was fucking close!" Benji exclaimed as I walked out of the bathroom.
"Did you see my bra?" I asked.

Benji ducked and reached his arm under the bed. He pulled out the black lacey bra and handed it to me.

"Put it on, were going to Denny's next door."
"No room service?" I pouted.
"Naw, I'm in the mood for cheese sticks. But don't tell Billy. He'll go nuts if he knows I break the vegan code."

I laughed as I put my bra back on.

"So what did Steve want?"
"You."
"What?"
"He wanted me to set you two up."
"Are you serious?"

Benji nodded. Slipping his black Dickies jacket on and opening the door. He held it open for me to walk out first. I shook my head. Benji put his arm around my shoulders as we walked down the hall to the elevators. We stepped into the first one that came along.

"Oh by the way…you're dating Chad."
"What!?"