Part 1
Benji hadn't called. Unless Renee completely forgot to give me the message. Which didn't happen often since Renee loved to hear I was getting some play. Even when I wasn't. I remember fondly the time she excitedly gave me the message from a "sexy voiced older gentleman" that was my film history Professor.

Anyway, what was there to be upset about? I mean so what, he didn't call me. Did I really expect him to? I mean we just barely spent one night together, maybe we had some moments, but it didn't really mean anything.

Meh, he's probably busy with the band and stuff. Hell, he probably just took my number to entertain me, he probably has a girlfriend. I shouldn't let this bother me. It has only been…

I looked at the Simpsons calendar hanging on my wall near my desk.

…8 days. A week and a one day, had it really? It seemed like forever. Had I really met Benji only 8 short days ago? Why did it seem like I'd known him for years?

Shut up the running commentary in my head said. You don't KNOW him.

I went into the bathroom and switched on the light. I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, the one with huge bulbs encircling it like those movie star mirrors. I looked into my own orangey brown eyes.

"You're crazy you know that?" I told myself.

Renee came screaming down the hall. "Are you ready to go yet?"

She stopped in the jamb of the bathroom door. I guess she noticed me staring blankly at my own reflection. Crazy. The word danced in my head. Only it sounded like CRAY-ZEE!!

"Enough, Narcissus, you'll turn into a flower," Renee laughed. "Did you put on make up?"
"A little. Why?"
"Did you put on mascara?"
"Nope."
"I hate you." she murmured and admired her own reflection in the mirror. "How come some people get perfectly thick, long, black eyelashes and I frequently get glue in my eye from false lashes."
"Because some people are not satisfied with what God gave them."
"I'm satisfied," she followed me out of the bathroom. "I just wish God was a little more giving. A little more lash, a little more lip, a little more bust."

I laughed.

"Excuse me." Renee sounded offended, but I know she wasn't. "We're not all 36, 24, 36."
"No, were not. I'm more like 38, 32, 35? Besides you're gorgeous, who cares?"

I could almost hear Renee reply 'Me.' I looked at her pouty face.

"You could have any guy you wanted and have, so just chill. How do I look?"

I was wearing a black pinstriped skirt with a black button up shirt (that belonged to my sister), unbuttoned far enough to be sexy, but not enough to give up the whole farm.

"Classy." Renee smiled. "And me?"

I kissed my fist and threw my hand out, "Tres magnific."

She looked killer in this red dress. If I wasn't hippy and busty and chubby I might be able to pull that off. But whatever.

I grabbed my purse, the smallest one I owned. Since this wasn't the sort of thing you carry an old lady sack to. And it pained me to carry the teensy thing on my arm and try and cram things in, but style over substance tonight.

We headed downstairs and got into my 2000 silver VW Jetta, which had some how survived 2 collisions with it's previous owner (my previous boyfriend) and a brake in, where the inept would be thief obviously skipped the chapter on hot-wiring cars in the "Lowlife's Guide to Life." I mean, I'm a 22-year-old GIRL and even I can hot wire a car. Frustrated, I'm guessing, he smashed in all the windows and wrote "Fuck you" on the air freshener with a sharpie. $1,000 later and I have windows that sometimes stick and a conversation piece air freshener. He didn't even take the stereo, which was brand new at the time.

"Have there been any calls for me, Renee?" I asked as we drove towards our destination. It couldn't hurt to ask. And besides it was on my mind.

"No." Renee stopped playing with the radio dial.

Suddenly she smiled. "Hey what happened with the Joel guy?"
"Benji!" I cried. "Jesus, how hard is it to remember a 5 letter word than a 4 letter one? Benji! Benji, Benji, Benji."
"Benji then. Geez."
"Nothing"
"Nothing happened?"
"Not really."
"What does that mean?"
"That nothing happened. He gave me a ride home…"
"Ooh."
"…cause YOU ditched me."
"And…?"
"And what? Nothing happened." Renee would read way too much into the whipped cream incident, read way kinkier into it.
"No kiss?"
"What? No!"
"Geez, you're such a prude."
"I am not a prude. It's just…"
"You like him don't you?" Renee smiled.
"So what it I like him. He still hasn't called."
"You gave him your number?!"
"Yeah." Duh, Renee!
"Well did YOU give him the number or did he ask?"
"He asked, but he didn't call so it makes no difference."

Renee just sat there with a smug look on her face.

"Shut up Renee."
"I didn't say anything."
"Then stop thinking it!"

We pulled up to the giant line of cars. All awaiting to get into the premiere. Most of the cars were super nice and had drivers. Ya know, Meg Ryan didn't have to drive * gasp * herself to something like this. Not that Meg Ryan was gonna be here.

"Too bad you're not a big name. Then we'd have driven up in style."

I petted the dashboard of my car. "Shh. You didn't hear that. She didn't mean that."

We got directed into the second line of cars so Access Hollywood's cameras couldn't possibly catch a glimpse of the far from factory fresh cars and instead only caught glare from the gleaming limo's, shining SUV's, and grinning ego's stuck between the actors' teeth.

We got out of the car and I handed off my keys to the valet. I'd been to one premiere before so I knew the drill this time. He smirked at my "Fuck you" freshener.

"Be careful now," I warned. "She may not be a virgin but she's fragile."

He gave a me a weird look but I just smiled. Crazy.

Renee and I walked forward nearly being run down by a very new, very black SUV, the kind meant to hold P.Diddy or a self-important rap star trying to bling, bling. The driver honked. I flipped him off. Behind the SUV we saw on the other side was a line of Mercedes'. I couldn't believe how good they looked. I was instantly reminded of a song.

"Oh Lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz. My friends all have Porches, I must make amends. So, Lord won't you buy me a Mercedes…"

A guy laughed behind me. I spun around to see…

"Benj!"

Part 2

I saw her getting out of the beat up Jetta. She looked…incredible. The jeans and t-shirt she was wearing last time looked great, but she looked even better in that skirt and the shirt that just barely fit around her boobs. You could see their round shape through the cotton. Damn she looked good.

I should have called.

She and Renee walked towards the front of the car in which Billy, Chris, Amy, and myself were seated. (Paul and Lilly and Joel and Claudia were in the first car.) Charlie didn't slow to let them pass. I smacked him on the back of the neck.

"Dude, look out!"

Charlie slammed on the breaks and honked the horn. Jessa flipped him off.

"Did you see the rack on that bitch?" Charlie asked.

I smacked him on the back of the neck again, harder. Amy made a face that said "I'm going to hurt you."

I got out of the car as fast as I could, practically jumping over Amy and Chris.

"Dude, chill out."

How could I? This was the girl I'd thought of everyday for a week and a day. This is the girl I didn't call cause I was nervous as hell to talk with her. And she was here. I was here. We see each other out of the fucking blue. This was like fate, or something.

You're nuts you know that? A little voice (that come to think of it sounds like Joel, or is that me?) in my head told me.

When I finally stood outside Jessa was eyeing the line of Mercedes behind us and singing a Janis Joplin song. The way she added every twang the way Janis did to the lyrics I just had to laugh.

"Benj!" she cried. She hopped a little and her boobs bounced like a cheerleader.
"Hey." I smiled at her.
"What are you…" she began.
"Doing here?" I finished.
"One of my old professors edited this movie, he invited me."
"Oh. We just got invited cause we're, ya know, Good Charlotte." I shrugged.
"Well it is a Sony production. You guys are on what? Epic? Epic Daylight, right? It makes sense. Sony owns you!" she kinda laughed.

I gotta admit I was sort of impressed by her savvy. She looked even more awesome in the daylight. I could make out how dark her hair actually was. I could see all the natural highlights in the sun.

Her friend, the slutty one, Renee came up at her side. She grinned at me.

"Hey Renee. How ya doin'?"
"Hey…Benji." She smiled at Jessa like a proud kindergartner. "Am I right? This one's not Joel, right?"
"I am Joel." I acted serious.

Jessa laughed. Renee looked really confused.

"No Renee, this" Jessa pointed to me, I pointed to myself. "is Benjamin."
"SHHHHH." I covered her mouth with my hands and leaned in. "I don't want the other guys to find out."

Jessa laughed again. I think I loved her laugh. I'd do anything to make her laugh and keep that smile on her face.

I wonder if she's mad I didn't call?

Part 3

How does he do that? Make me laugh all the time. He was so adorable. I remembered the whipped cream vividly and I laughed. Benji just looked at me a mouthed 'what?' I shook my head. The rest of the guys were joining Benji at the foot of the red carpet, although we're all the B/C celebrities, the red carpet isn't really for us. It's still daylight, at sundown the REAL stars, the A listers, come out and shine without their age showing.

"You!" Joel pointed at me. He gave me a mock evil eye.
"What?"
"Whipped cream" he shook his head, "For shame, little one."
"Little one?" I laughed. I pointed at Benji "It was his idea."

Benji made a "who me?" face.

"Whipped cream?!" Renee looked from me to Benji to Joel, very interested indeed (kinky I tell ya!)

I shook my head. The woman on Joel's arm didn't look impressed with the story. She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. Joel looked down at her and sighed. She was not a happy camper at all.

"Introductions?" I looked at Benj wanting to know who all these women (none of whom were at the club that night) were.
"Right."
"This is my girlfriend, Claudia," Joel said motioning to Miss-Happy-Go-Lucky. "This is Jessa, Benji's, um, friend."

She made a kinda gesture with her hand and rolled her eyes, again. Wonder what Joel did?

Paul was standing next to a teeny tiny blonde girl with enormous blue green eyes. She grinned wide. She made me smile just looking at her, she was so cute! She looked like…a mouse, a cute little mouse. She stepped up to me and held out a teensy hand.

"I'm Lilly."
"Paul's girlfriend?"
"Yeah," she pretended to be annoyed. But then laughed.

Claudia sighed. Joel looked extremely frustrated. Benji looked uneasy.

Chris stepped forward with a brown haired girl who's fingers were laced with his own.

"Hey, good to see you again, Jessa. Benji won't stop talking about you."

Benji blushed, "Dude!" T

he other guys sort of laughed. I smiled. Benji gave me an "aww shucks" look. Claudia sighed loudly and Joel sighed even more loudly in an exaggerated way. Claudia looked, well, if looks could kill, Benji was a single twin.

"And this is my girlfriend, this is Amy." Chris pointed.

She waved and smiled wryly, but didn't say a word. I smiled and nodded. I looked at Billy. He gave me a "sup" nod, kind of pouting his lips the way the homeboys said hello. Which made me laugh only cause he was the least "homeboy" like of them all.

Down the red carpet we tramped. It wasn't very hard. Very few photographers were much interested in Good Charlotte anymore. A few flash bulbs went off nonetheless and a young looking journalist asked a few questions. And no one took my picture (and why would they, nothing I'd ever made had been widely released, I was a relative unknown and it felt good.)

Benji stood next to me the whole way. Once in a while looking at me like he was about to speak and then saying nothing. Then letting me walk a little ahead and tapping my shoulder opposite him. He laughed.

The difficult pinch came in the middle, where the stands sat close to the baricades. To say the least, real people hadn't forgotton about Good Charlotte. There was a throng of girls calling over to the guys (and at least most of them were polite) Joel, Benji, Paul, Chris and Billy all posed for photo's with them (mostly taken by Lilly who seemed simply delighted by their enthusiasm) and signed some CD's and pictures.

A group of girls keep looking at me and whispering amongst themselves. Finally one of them tapped Benji's shoulder. They asked him something and he turned around to look at me. He smiled at the girls and they said something. Benji made those flirty fun faces and said something, I could hear them laugh. I wish I knew what they were saying.

Finally the guys decided it was time to head inside the theatre.

"Bye girls" they waved.

I quickened my pace to keep up with Benji. I leaned close to him.

"What did those girls ask you?"
"What? Huh? Oh, nothing."
"Then why'd you look at me?"
"I, I, I" Benji stuttered.

He was speechless.

Part 4

"So who's she belong to?" the girl with the nose ring asked. Her two friends raised their eyebrows.

I turned and saw they were looking at Jessa, standing there looking so innocent. I looked back at them and smiled.

"C'mon Benj." The pushed.
"Is she your girlfriend?"

I think I was blushing and a 27-year-old men were not supposed to blush anymore.

"No she's…"
"We saw you talking up there."
"We saw you playing with her."

Think of something funny to say so they'll laugh and leave you alone

"C'mon now girls you know Benji can't be tied down. I'm free for all the hoes."

The girls laughed. Great! I was free.

"Later girls." I made that squinty face and waved.

We started to head into the theatre when Jessa leaned into me, I felt her breath on my neck and my hair stood on end.

"What did those girls ask you?"

I pretended that nothing had happened. "What? Huh? Oh, nothing."

"Then why'd you look at me?"

Why Jessa I wanted to scream, cause you're fucking gorgeous. I've never seen a girl like you. you look like…like…my future.

"I, I, I" was all I could sputter out of my mouth.

Her eyes were kind of a rust color brown, big and saucer-like, innocent, naïve, I lost myself in them. She wasn't the kind of girl I had ever been attracted to. She wasn't a little punk rocker like me. But she was something and she had me already and we hadn't even said 'go.'

"Benji." She peered at me.

I only gulped, my mouth was so dry.

She didn’t say anything else she just grabbed my hand and squeezed it then headed on into the building.

What the hell was that supposed to mean? She's dramatic as hell isn't she. Should I go around staring at people in a meaningful way and squeezing their hand. I mean really, what the hell? Little drama queen.

Maybe I should back off. Joel's gotta little drama queen on his own hands. I like Claud, she can just be such a bitch. It seemed like she was always mad at Joel for something now. He didn't call when he said he would. They didn't go where she wanted to go. He didn't put down the seat or wash his hands. But he did buy that damn big house for you to live in. He did always make sure you were taken care of first. He did let you have your way more times than you'd ever think, you bitch.

I had to get a grip on myself. I had too many thoughts in my head. Jessa, was I falling in love with her? That's stupid. How can you fall in love with someone you barely met? Joel and Claudia, things were bad I knew it. I felt it. I knew Joel didn't want to say anything. I knew he was just playing along, things were not what they seemed and Joel was NOT okay. And on top of emotional torment, we were getting ready for another album release. We were playing shows and we had a huge tour in the works for most of next year.

I was behind Lilly and Paul, they held hands. They were cute and it made me sick. Stop it, Paul, stop it! Stop being happy. I looked over at Billy, he had his face all twisted into a pout. There was a guy with the right idea. Three cheers for Billy! The guy who KNOWS how to be depressed!

We weren't Tom Hanks or Francis Ford whatshisfuck so we didn't get reserved seats. We had to sit where ever we could sit 11 people together. Suddenly I didn't wanna be at a movie premiere fun as they were. I wanted to be at home in boxers with a box of teddy grahams and some good tunes. I wanted to crawl in bed and sleep all day. And how good that would be with a warm body next to you. Just somebody to sleep with, literally.

As we all began to get seated, Jessa tugged on my sleeve. She peered at me again, her saucer eyes glowing almost like a cat in the dim light.

"I don’t really wanna be at a movie premiere." she said, like she was reading an open book on my forehead. "Wanna talk?"

"You couldn't have said words more right." I think I did love her. Crazy.

Part 5

We headed into the big red velvet lobby. This was one of those huge theatres that was built almost specifically for hollywood. It was fancy enough to have dozens of red poufy furniture lined against it's walls like so many miniature living rooms or therapist's offices. Chase lounges, couches and chairs meant for stars to lie down and de-stress about their latest flop.

In the center of the room under the fantastic chandelier was the concession stand. If you called gourmet chocolates and ahi tenders (yes, ahi tenders!) concessions. They had a Starbucks in here for God's sake.

"You think they charge $20 for the Junior Mints?" Benji joked as we stood nearby admiring the brass detailed menu/price list.

"In here they're called 'Mints of the First Born Son'" I put on a fake hoity toity accent. "And they're $25 and a quarter. Chump change my good man, chump change."

Benji laughed. A bright girl with a high set pony tail and orthodontically trained pearly whites popped up from behind the counter like a whack a mole.

"Everything's free tonight." She said, very perky.
"Free, free or free but you owe me your first born free."

Benji laughed.

"Everything's been paid for." She assured me.
"Cool! Free stuff is free stuff!"

I looked at Benji. He grinned. We were kids in a candy store, a really fancy one.

"Chocolate." I said, "Chocolate is the BEST!"

The chocolates came in little trays of 20 (that normally set you back almost $10). I handed the tray to Benji, he popped one into his mouth straight away. I looked through the glass at the piles of cookies, brownies and crossiant looking things.

"What are those?" I pointed.
"Scones. They're fresh from our bakery this morning."
"Your bakery?" Benji choked.
"Yes," she replied perkily, "In Van Nuys"

Only in LA I thought. The look on Benji's face said the same thing.

"Coffee?"
Benji nodded.

After getting steaming cups of milky expresso mixtures we settled into one of the farthest mini-living rooms.

Benji sighed.

"Are you alright?"
"Yeah." He nodded unconvincingly. "No."

I looked at him with concern.

He shrugged. "I dunno. I like to think I'm pretty happy. I mean I am most of the time. just seems like everything's been happening at once. New album, another year long tour…just stress. I'm sorry I didn't call you."

"It's okay," I lied. "If you had other stuff on your mind. I can't blame you. Can I?"
"Do you want to know why I didn't call?"

I didn't. I mean he was about to tell me he had a girlfriend or something right. I mean stress like this, maybe they were having problems and that was why he took my number in the first place. I did not need to get involved with someone in a relationship, nope, not for me.

Suddenly the double doors from the theatre swung open. A woman's voice echoed loudly in the (almost) empty lobby, "Asshole."

We didn't want to stare, but we swung our eyes in that direction regardless. It was Joel and Claudia.

"Claud, do we have to do this here?" I could hear Joel.

They were in the mini-living rom farthest away from everyone. Claudia said something back I couldn't quite understand.

"He's my fucking brother, Claudia!" Joel was quite livid.

I looked at Benji, he was shaking his head.

They shared some heated words. I didn't understand the whole situation and I shouldn't be listening, it isn't my business. They talked in hushed voices for a while after that. Claudia seemed a lot angerier with Joel than he was with her.

Joel sat down and tried to get her to sit with him, she wouldn't. You could see him plead with her. Claudia wouldn't hear it. She said one final thing to him and walked away, out of the building. Joel closed his eyes and sat back in the couch. He ruffed his hair and sighed.

"Maybe you should talk with him." I told Benji.
"That would be okay with you?"
"Benji, he's your brother. I'm not going to stop you."

Benji smiled and went over to Joel. I sipped my coffee and sat back. I closed my eyes

Part 6

When I opened up my eyes again Benji was staring at me. He grinned.

"Wanna get out of here?'
"What about Renee?"
"Screw her. She left you, didn't she?"

I considered it a minute, but had to go tell her I was taking off. I was much too good of a person to leave her hanging like that.

After I'd let Renee know and had endured her 'oh la la' stare I met Benji by the side exit.

"Was she pissed?"
"More amused than anything."
"Why?"
"She believes that if a man and a woman go anywhere alone together they will end up in the back seat of a car in the throes of passion. She doesn't believe in getting to know anybody, time, or platonic relationships."
"Neither do I?"
"Oh, c'mon, do you honestly think you're going to end this night pumping your body above mine."
"You paint a pretty picture, you know that?"

I laughed, "Really Benj, do you think we're going to have sex?"
"Maybe."

I just stared at him.

"Well." He explained. "You don't know. Maybe one day we will have sex, I'm not saying it's tonight or tomorrow, just it could happen, you’re a girl, I'm a guy…"
"You’re a moron."

I walked ahead of him. He jogged a little to catch up.

"C'mon." he smiled.
"No, you c'mon. Quit being so fucking cocky."
"I'm not being cocky. I just don't think guys and girls can really be friends. It's always gonna be there. I mean unless somebody's gay. There's always gonna be that unspoken 'what if?'. You don't think so?"
"No, I don't. I can be friends with guys and not think about us having sex."
"You're a bigger person than me."

We had finally reached my car, the valet parked it in the deep in the depths of the underground lot.

"So you're not friends with any girls?"
"Sure I am, but it isn't truly platonic if I fantasize about her."
"I guess not."
"C'mon, you've never, NEVER, thought about any of your guys friends in a sexual way?"
"I didn't say that."
"Ah, then you see, it's not truly platonic EVER."

I looked over at him sitting in the passengers seat. He grinned.

"So we aren't friends?" I asked innocently
"Not platonic ones." Benji smiled wider.
"And what's that supposed to mean?"

Benji just smiled. I smiled back. I guess we weren't. While I hadn't actually fantasized about sex with Benji, I had thought about him in more than a friendly way.

"Where are we off to anyways?"
"Your place?" Benji offered.
"Nuh uh, I think we better go someplace neutral."

Benji shook his head.

"I really don't feel like being anywhere. I just wanna chill out. Just sit at home in front of the TV ya know."
I nodded, "You want me to just take you home. Repay the favor."

Benji smirked.

I put the car in drive and we were off.

"What did you think when I didn't call?"
"That you were busy."
"I was, but that isn't why I didn't call you. I wanted to but…"

Here it comes the truth.

"Benji you don't owe me an explanation. You don't owe me anything. I mean if I was hurt it's my own fault."

Benji just looked at me. He was quiet. I kept talking, I really didn't want to know.

"I barely know you Benji. I shouldn't have expected a call. There was no need to get my hopes up."
"Were you hurt?"
"What? Benji please. Don't feel bad about it alright."

Benji didn't mention it again the rest of the ride and I was relieved.

We pulled into Benji's driveway next to his Escalade in about 20 minutes. Compared with Joel's palace, Benji was rather humble. It was a small two story house with a tiny front yard. There was no perfectly green grass or landscaped flowerbeds.

Benji unlocked the door and welcomed me inside. I could hear a dog barking from the back yard. His place was pretty modest. Simple furniture, photographs of family and friends instead of fancy art, all with a nice lived in look that said, no shouted "A woman comes to clean my house once a week!". Benji punched a code in the security panel above the light switch.

"If any of my fans found out I lived here." Benji shook his head. "Ya know, in the past year, I had to move twice!"

He pointed to a pile of boxes yet to be unpacked.

"But I refuse to move into one of those damn gated communities."
"Understandable, but still I guess the diehards can be a pain showing up on your doorstep to flatter you."

Benji made a face, "Just you wait. You'll see."
"I'll see what?"
"You'll have diehards one day. You'll know how nuts they can get." He laughed.
"I doubt I'll have diehard fans, Benj."
"Why not? You're talented and funny and you're hot, that helps."
I blushed. "Thanks, Benj, but you haven't even seen…"
"Yes I have."
"What?"

I was surprised. I'd completed only two movies my entire "career." One was a short called 'Yesterday', that I'd done for school. I won 2nd in a student festival with it and it was on a compilation of winners and honorable mentions. My second film was 'I'm Sorry,' a full length feature that went straight to video. It was distributed by West Coast Original Pictures, a production company owned and operated by one of my more enterprising and entrepreneurial film school classmates. Not something they advertise on the new releases shelf at Blockbuster.

"You, you've seen my movies? How?"
"You're a mini celebrity on Sunset."

Of course, Damien (another school chum, currently working on his opus). He worked at Independent Records, Vinyl and Video, 2561 Sunset Boulevard. My movie had been top shelf "employee pick" for 7 months and counting. Of course, Damien's girlfriend had an almost starring role so…his putting my movie in next to "Waiting for Guffman" didn't really reflect on my talent.

"The gay guy working there highly recommended you."
"Damien isn't gay! His girlfriend is in the movie."
Benji looked puzzled, "The brunette?"
"The red head"
"Well, that dude seemed gay."
"Yes, I know."
"Are you sure he's not?"
"Positive."
Benji shrugged, "Well anyways, I saw your movie. I liked it. it was funny…like you."
"Thanks, I think."

Benji nodded and went through the living room into a smaller room set up somewhat like an office. Adjacent to it was a kitchen with beautiful black counters. Benji tossed his keys onto a desk littered with mail and magazines and a giant posterboard with the word "MADE" at the top and sketches of clothing all over it.

Benji crossed to the French doors that led to his backyard. He unlocked them and open them wide. A big brown boxer bounded in, running up to Benji and jumping up to put his paws on his chest. Benji rubbed him down.

"Hi Cash. Cashdogg!" Benji cooed.

Cash leapt off Benji and studied me a moment. He went to my feet and sniffed my shoes. He looked up at me with big puppy eyes. Suddenly he jumped up and put his big paws on my chest.

"Hi, puppy." I told him and rubbed his neck and ears.
"He likes you." Benji said.
"Ya think?" Cash made those happy dog sounds.
"Alright. Down Cash." He instructed, "C'mon."

Benji motioned for me to follow him into his living room. He had a huge plasma TV that looked sorta familiar. A second later I recognized it as the same TV Joel had at his house.

"Stole Joel's idea, huh?" I pointed at the TV.
"He stole mine!"

I laughed and plopped down on one of Benji's comfy dark gray couches.

"So what do you want to do now?"
"Just chill out. we can watch TV or a movie. I've got tons of movies." Benji opened a black cabinet next to the TV that I hadn't noticed before. It was filled top to bottom with DVD's and videos.

Enamored with the collection I went over to it.

"Ooh, what do you got?" I began to puruse all the titles.

"I gotta get outta these clothes. Why don't you pick something out while I go change?"
"Yeah," I nodded.

Benji turned and went up the stairs. I leaned over the movie cabinet. He had everything. Comedies. Horror. Dramas. A lot of war movies. Cartoons. On the bottom shelf, where I'm sure they were the most hidden was a plain Sony video tape labeled "GC Vids" and a copy of "Live Freaky, Die Freaky." They were both caked with dust. I chuckled. Who watches their own movies? Well, I do, but that's not the point.

I found one of my all-time favorites amongst his collection. I couldn't believe he had it. Labyrinth!

I crept upstairs to share my pick with Benji. On the landing I noticed 4 doors. The 3 furthest doors were shut, but the one closest to me was open. It was a bathroom. It had two sinks and upon venturing further I found a second door that led into Benji's bedroom. I peeked into his room.

Benji had his naked back to me. He was still wearing the same black Dickies. He looked really good. The way his colorful tattoos danced down both of his arms and on his neck. My eyes traveled down from his shoulders to the small of his back and the top of his butt, cheekily peeking out from behind plaid boxers. He was damn sexy and he knew I was staring at him.

He turned around, brown eyes wide, "Jessa!"

I'm sure I blushed. "I'm, I'm sorry."

I turned around quickly. Benji laughed.

"You don't have to do that. I'm only getting dressed."

He pulled my shoulder to turn me around. He still wasn't wearing a shirt. Oh god, this felt like the first night. I wanted to run away. It felt so awkward.

Benji touched my arm lightly. It tingled. I felt my breath come short and hot. What was going on? Seeing him there, looking like that made my mind go to places it shouldn't.

I looked up at him. Slowly, softly he pressed his lips against mine. Like a dessert you just couldn't resist I kissed him back, loving the feeling of his piercings against my lips. His hands were pressed down on my shoulders. I moaned a little and moved my hands around his back.

I didn't quite understand how this had all happened, but I didn't want him to stop. And I would have stood there, forever, with him kissing my neck and sucking on my bottom lip, if he hadn't moved us over to his King sized bed.

He laid so close to me I could feel his heart racing next to mine. He had one hand underneath on the small of my back. He kissed my neck, sometimes sucking on my earlobes. Benji ran his hands up my side and cupped my breast. Soon he used both of his hands to unbutton my shirt. I leaned forward slightly and together we took off the shirt and threw it on the floor.

His lips moved down my naked shoulders. Gently, he pushed my bra straps down. Benji was kissing down my chest when I pulled him up from his chin. I led his face to my own and we smiled at each other.

Benji's hands firmly on my hips, he rolled on top of me.

Part 7

I felt energy off of Benji that was incredible. I knew what he wanted and I know I wanted it too. It was a release I wanted so much to give to him, to feel hot and to moan and to close my eyes and feel him inside me.

Benji's hands were all over me. On my waist, sliding over my hips and it made me quiver with anticipation. His lips touched my own and I could feel his tongue slide in between. There was intensity, there was passion and this felt so right.

Then I felt it bulging out and getting harder, through the cloth of his pants. It made me hot inside. I wanted this, I did.

He sidled my skirt up from either side and I let out a tiny gasp. Unconsciencly I pressed my palms against his stomach and moved them down. I fiddled with his fly a few seconds before giving up.

"Stop, Benj." I didn't want this.
"What? Here." He unzipped his own fly.

He wasn't understanding me.

"No, Benji, just stop."

I pushed him off of me. He rolled over on his back and I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I pushed my skirt back down. Benji tenderly put his hand on the small of my back.

"What is it?"
"Nothing" I lied. I felt like crying.
"Jessa…"
"NOTHING!" I screamed at him
"Geez, I'm sorry."

I felt guilty for yelling at him. I shook my head. This was happening way to fast. It didn't know this guy. I knew a fantasy. I knew a lust.

"It's not you Benj. It's not."
"Then what's wrong?"
"I don't…" if I spoke again tears would start spilling out.

Benji could hear the tears in my voice. He got up and crawled around to my side of the bed. He stood in front of me and looked at my sad face with worry.

"Jessa, what's the matter?" he sounded like someone's concerned father.
"Your fly's down." I pointed.

Benji looked down a second and zipped his pants. He sat down and put his arm around me.

"You're not ready for this?" he asked.

I shook my head. And took a deep breath.

"I thought I wanted this, Benji and I do, I…it's just, this is really sudden. I don't even know you. I really don't and this is really crazy."
"But it's not so crazy. I really like you, Jessa, I don't know why."
"I really like you too, but…no, I don't know if I like you that much. I mean if we do really like each other it won't matter if we do this now or 3 months from now or in year…"

Benji was just staring at me.

"My point is, if this is something real than it's worth waiting for and it will be there later…right?"

Benji didn't look as if he was fully sold. But he nodded.

"Ya know what? You're right."
"I am?"
"Yes."
"I feel so stupid…"
"Don't. you're not stupid Jessa."
"I'm crying! What am I crying for?"
"You're just emotional. You know you're ok. It's okay. We're okay."

Benji got up.

"Put your clothes on, I wanna show you something."

Benji slipped his shirt back over his head and walked out of the bedroom. I could hear his footsteps disappearing down the brief hallway and bounding down the stairs.

Slowly I re-buttoned my shirt, remembering Benji's hot fingers fumbling over them just a few minutes ago. I could almost feel his breath against my neck and his lips, wet on my skin. It felt like waves crashing trough my body.

"Jessa! Hurry up!"
"I’m coming." I yelled down.

I buttoned the last button and headed downstairs. Cash met me halfway down. He made a little grunting noise at me and lead me down the stairs towards the living room where Benji was sitting on ottoman in front of his huge stereo.

He patted the space next to him. I sat and he smiled at me.

"Ok I'm gonna show you something. I haven't really showed it to anybody yet, I mean, just Joel. But, um, here it goes."

He pressed play on the stereo system and a sweet melancholy acoustic guitar erupted from the speakers. Next came Benji's tattered strained vocals. He sang about loneliness and hope. It was a really beautiful song.

When it ended I looked over at Benji. He had his eyes closed like he didn't want to hear what I was going to say next.

"That was beautiful Benj."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I, I really liked it. why did you show it to me?"
"I dunno. You just…I dunno, it seemed like the right time for it, I guess."
"You really liked it?" he asked incredulously.
"Yes, Benji. I really liked it!"

Benji clapped his hands together.

"So, what do we do now? I mean we tried to have sex already, you don't wanna try that again do you?"

I laughed and shook my head. "I think it's time for me to go home now, Benji."
"Oh, ok."
"I'll call you though, we'll see each other again."
"Yeah, sure."

Benji put his hands in his pockets and looked around. He looked innocent, like a little boy. I smiled. I reached over and wrapped my arms around him. Surprised and a bit uneasy, he returned the hug. I kissed his cheek and gave him another squeeze.

"Things just take time," I told him.