Part 1
I felt so good. So, so, so good. Barcelona is the greatest city in the world as far as I was concerned. It had treated me incredibly well. We had somehow coasted through production, even on the shoestring budget and I was going to be in my baby's arms tomorrow.

I could barely contain myself. I'd stopped puking after I ate anything and even stopped looking so sick. The crying hadn't really stopped but it was a lot less frequent.

Not only that but Alex and I had our own secret club. We could talk about all the new experiences that came with the territory. It was nice having someone in the exact same boat as I was. And I mean exact. How many woman are pregnant with two twin's baby's at the same time?

Alex was in full blown glowing stage. Her hair was full, thick and long. Her C cups became D's and Joel couldn't keep his hands off of her. According to Alex she could hardly get any work done because of "busy hands."

I was also excited because when I got home Benji and I were going to plan the wedding of our dreams. I was about 3 and a half months now and we decided we had to be wed before 6 months, because Benji was leaving for a two month tour around that time.

We knew it was incredibly short notice, but we were pretty confident. We planned on doing it in our big green backyard, for one thing. We had a big family and had lots of connections, for another. There were plenty of musicians who owed Benji a favor and could play at the wedding. The only real challenges were catering and a priest.

Seriously, it was the dress that had me worried. My jeans got tighter everyday. I could only imagine how big I'd be in 2 or 3 months.

The time was coming for me to start telling people. But it felt nice as just our secret. The way everyone had been trying to stick their fingers in our wedding I can only imagine what they'd do with knowledge of my pregnancy.
***
Benji was really scared about me flying over the Atlantic, but I loved it. I never knew I was such an adrenaline junkie, but the threat of turbulence and no place to land excited me. We were about halfway to Dulles International when I heard…

"Ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking…"

I put away the green pile of papers from Greenwald and buckled up. My seat mate, who switched seats with me so he didn't have to be by the window gripped the armrests.

"Hey lighten up, guy." I told him. "It's no big deal."
"What if we die?" He asked, white faced.
"Die? We won't die, we're in first class." I joked.
"Now is not the time for jokes."
"If we're dying, it's the perfect time for jokes. Who doesn't want to die laughing?"
"Do you have a deathwish or something?" His hands held tighter to the armrests.
"Me? No. I have a fiancée waiting for me, baby on the way." I grinned. Listen to me telling total strangers.
"YOU'RE PREGNANT!" He sounded like Benji. "Then why aren't you more scared?"
"Because I'm not." I stated simply. "Look they must make this flight 2 or 3 times a day, probably more. It's always this bad. They know what they're doing and we're gonna be just fine."
"But what if you're wrong." He was not convinced.
"Then it was nice to meet ya, I'm Jessa Casablancas." I held out my hand to him.
"Robert Capioletti, ya know there's a director with you're name?"

I grinned.

"Well, ladies and gents, the worst is over." The captain said.
"I told you!" I grinned.
***
When we reached DC, Bob, let out a long sigh of relief. He really wasn't the travelling salesman type. We said our good-byes and I collected my purse and carry-on.

I was meeting Benji at the gate for our flight home to LA. He'd been here a few days visiting his mom. I approached gate 44 and easily spotted Benji with his nose in a book with the title "What to Expect When She's Expecting." He was wearing reading glasses he didn't need and a forward facing Redskins cap in an attempt to be anonymous. He nodded his head every few seconds and even highlighted portions in Day-Glo yellow. He looked so cute.

"Oh my God," I began in my most teenager voice. "Are you Benji Madden? Omigod. I absolutely love you. You're music means sooooooo much to me. Can you sign my, my boarding pass?"
"Um, hi." Benji hunted around his bag for a sharpie, not looking up. "What's your name?"
"Isabel." I kept up the charade, surprised Benji hadn't recognized my voice.
"Isabel, that's a very pret-…" Benji looked up and made a face when he identified me. "You bitch!"

He kissed my cheek and moved one of his bags to let me sit next to him.

"Our flight's delayed." He announced, marking his place and returning the book to his shoulder bag along with the highlighter and sharpie.

I groaned. "How long?"
"2 hours."
"Well, we can eat something then. The plane food made me nauseous."
"I thought that was over?"
"It is. Plane food has always made me nauseous."
"I don't have any cash." Benji turned out his pockets.
"All I have is Euro's. We'll go to the ATM. I'm starving." I stood up.

He grinned and stood up with me. He pulled me to him and gave me a real kiss.

"I missed you babe. Did you have a good flight?" He asked as we began moving towards the food court.
"Yup, tons of turbulence." I smiled. "The guy next to me thought we were gonna die."

Benji looked horrified.

"Don't worry we obviously lived." I rolled my eyes. "How's momma?"
"She doesn't understand why we need to get married so soon."

I laughed, if she only knew. Benji set his bag on the floor in front of the ATM.

"Ooh a Starbucks!" I motioned to the green sign.
"You can't have coffee, Jess." Benji was such a dad.
"I know that, but I still miss it." I pouted, looking around at the rest of the food court.
"McDonalds, Pizza, or whatever the hell Mr. Jules' is?" he asked, looking at the array of food stands.
"Pizza." We said at the same time.
"Yeah, we're definitely soulmates." Benji grinned and reached into his back pocket for his wallet.

He grumbled next to me sticking his hand further in his back pocket, as if he had an itch to scratch. He reached for the opposite pocket and did the same thing.

"Benj, what's going on?" My boyfriend, the ass-scratcher.
"I can't find it."
"Find what? Your ass is right there. It's very noticeable."
"Haha, my wallet." He explained.
"Maybe in your bag." I suggested.

He rummaged through his bag, madly.

"It's not here!" He yelled.

Benji was freaking out. I however had to remain calm. Be the yin to his outrageous yang. I'm sure he had dropped it nearby. Maybe left it at his mom's. I was trying not to think about the dumbass who could be buying a yacht with Benji's Visa.

"Alright when was the last time you had it?"
"I went shopping with my mom yesterday."
"Okay, then what?"
"Jesus Christ, I dunno. We went home, ate, went to bed and then I packed up my stuff and came here."
"Well, chill out. Maybe, you just dropped it." I tried.

We scanned the floor for about 10 minutes, but couldn't find anything.

"This is just great!" He shouted. "I bet you some kid is buying himself a car!"
"Knock it off already." I sneered.
"Jessa, that's all my money, someone has access to millions." He was throwing his arms wildly in the air.

I grabbed his arms and forced him to calm down enough to look me in the face and listen.

"One, you don't keep all you cards in your wallet for that reason alone. Two, most of your money is in savings bonds and stuff. Third, call your mom and see if you left it there."

He talked to his mom a few minutes, but it didn't sound like he was having any luck.

"Yeah, bye mom." He hung up and sighed. He looked at me to see what to do next.
"Cancel your cards. Report them stolen." I shrugged.

He rolled his eyes, but pulled out his phone. After getting the customer service numbers from information he began dialing. After a five minutes of button pushing he finally reached a human voice. My stomach gurgled. I needed food.

"I'm hungry." I rubbed my stomach.
"There's a Twix in my bag." He motioned and began repeating all the information he'd keyed in.

So. He had been withholding food from his pregnant fiancée, funny how he still had time to act like a guy. I found the candy bar stashed under a notebook, it was even king sized, which meant he expected me to share. I ripped open the package and tossed him one. I kept 2 for me and 1 for baby.

"B-E-N-J-A-M-I-N." He took a bite and grinned. "Thanks babe. Madden, M-A-D-D-E-N. No, D-D-E-N, 'D' as in dog. No, I'm not related to the shoe guy…or John Madden…No…No."

He rolled his eyes, this was gonna take awhile. There was nothing I could do except sit there and eat Twix. They were making me extremely thirsty. I decided to wander the surrounding area. There had to be a drinking fountain around here, somewhere.

After I found the drinking fountain and waited for the camel to finish in front of me, I found my way to the little arrival and departure screens. Boston, on time; New York, on time; San Francisco, delayed; Los Angeles, CANCELLED. Fuck!

I walked back over to where Benji was sitting. He had just hung up with the Visa people. He sighed loudly and paused before calling MasterCard. I didn't want to give him more bad news in his state.

"C'mere." He was in need of comfort. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead.

It was now or never.

"Our flight was cancelled."
"Fuckin' A." He groaned. "What're we gonna do? I don't have any money, Jess. I don't have anything."
"Would you chill out?" I kissed him. "I don't love you for your money. I've got my own." I pulled my purse into my lap and presented my wallet. "This is what we're going to do. Go to the ticket counter and find out if the flight was rescheduled, then get in a cab and go to a hotel, and after we get there we'll order some food and get in bed and cuddle, cool?"
"Cool." He grinned and nodded.
***
"C'mon riot girl." Benji motioned me to follow him inside the hotel.

As we were leaving the ticket information desk a kid ran into me with his hot cocoa, his frantic father behind him apologizing like crazy, looking at me like he'd seen me before but couldn’t place a name. He had a look like he'd seen me in a dirty magazine or something, but that probably had something to do with the wet t-shirt.

My luggage had already made it's way to LA, thanks to DC NOT being my final destination. Therefore I had to change into Benji's smallest pants, which happened to be his cut-offs covered in punk rock patches, that looked like pants on me. I was also wearing an undershirt and his MADE hoodie. As a joke I added a hat and thus the nickname.

Benji smirked.

"You know you like me like this. You've always wanted a little hardcore punker." I laughed, struggling with his shoulder bag and my own. "A girl with tattoo's and piercings."
"One, you don't have piercings." He held open the door.
"2 holes in each ear."
He stuck his tongue out at me. "Two, no tat's either."
"Oh contraire."
"Jess!" His eyes bugged out. "Where? When? What is it??" I thought he might strip search me in the lobby.
"It's small." Was all I said. "I'll show you when we get in our room."

He seemed a little disappointed. We lined up to book a room.

"I think you should get pierced again." I changed the subject…a little bit.
"Where?" His eyebrows bobbed with fright and looked down.
"No, not there." I shook my head.
"There's nowhere left."
"Tongue." I rolled mine out at him.
"I think YOU should get your tongue pierced." He shut his eyes and hummed.
"Eww, Benj." I hit his arm.
"What was I gonna use mine for?" He shouted, as our turn came up at the counter.

I smiled at the concierge.

"Hi, we'd like a room."
"Just for the night?" He stared at Benji for minute.

Benji acted as if he hadn't said anything out of the ordinary, put his arm around my shoulder protectively and nodded at the guy. "Sup, dude?"

"Yeah, well be out by 7." I assured and handed over my Visa card. "You do have room service, right?"
"Yes, we do. What's the name?"
"Isabel." I smirked at Benji. "Isabel Madden."
***
Our room wasn't very big, but it was cheap and we only needed it a few hours anyway. Benji had already ordered us a mushroom and olive pizza and apple juice (he was really on top of the no caffeine thing). I couldn't wait, the Twix were wearing off.

"I smell like an airport." He sniffed his shirt.
"I smell like a Benji." I did and his pants were really comfy. I was happy to be wearing something baggy instead of something tight.

He slipped his shirt over his head and I happily watched. That cute white butt threatening to come out of his boxers and even lower hanging pants. When he leaned down and the elastic of his boxers moved a noticed a small black stain.

I grabbed him by both hips.

"Jess!" he cried with surprise.
"What's this?" I pointed to my name scarred on his flesh.

He laughed with a tickle.

"Your name." He turned around, slightly. "Are you mad?"
"I love it." I whispered and kissed it. I rubbed my hand over it.
"Ass-kisser!" Benji threw his head over his shoulder.
"That's not your ass." I pointed out. I spanked him, kinda hard. "That is."
"Do it again." He growled.

As I was about to but there was a knock.

"Room service!" a teenager yelled.
"You get it." I told Benj. "I'm gonna change."

Benji went to the door as I slipped off his shorts and undershirt and hoodie and put on his huge AFI shirt. He returned with a pizza and a big bottle of apple juice. I grinned. I sat indian style on the bed eating a slice while Benji put on some sweats. If he didn't hurry up I'd eat all the pizza and drink the apple juice too.

By the time he returned I was on slice 3, glass 2. He plopped down next to me and devoured almost an entire piece in one bite.

"So where's this tattoo?" he asked, finishing his piece and reaching for the apple juice.

I smiled. I pulled my hair away from my neck as I turned around and revealed the chain of stars on the back of my neck.

"Aww, it's cute Jess."
"Did you read it?"

He examined it closer.

"Jess." He gasped.
"Do you like it?" I turned around.
He beamed. "I love it. I love you."

Underneath my stars I'd instructed the artist to add Madden. I'd always claimed that names were worthless tattoos, that you always regretted them in the end, but I had a feeling I wouldn't regret this tattoo.
***
Jessa woke me up in the middle of the night in pain. Her stomach hurt, bad. I hoped to God it was the pizza.

"Something's wrong." She howled as I called 911.
"It's gonna be okay." I said it more to comfort myself. "Okay."

The dispatchers told me to take her to the emergency room. I was scared out of my head. My heart raced my head hurt, but I had to be the man now. I had to be…daddy.

I got Jessa in something warm and headed out to get a cab. It was 3:30 in the morning and it was eerie. The world was dead and asleep. I made the cab driver turn up the radio on the way, happy good music on the way. I was trying to sing along. Trying to listen to the music, but I couldn't.

"Hey, Jess, remember our first date?" I asked trying to get our minds elsewhere, nothing was more of a pain killer than ignorance.

"You mean when you tried to take me to dinner alone?"
"And Joel and Billy joined us." I laughed at the memory.
"You were so cute." She remembered. "You pulled out my chair and everything."
"I wanted you."
"I knew." She smiled at me. She had always known. She knew I loved her before I knew I loved her.

We were at the hospital in no time and I thanked the cabby, telling him I wish I could give him a tip. He seemed pissed and called me a cheap skate, but I didn't care, I had more pressing matters.

They wouldn't let me go in with Jess. I didn't understand why not. It was killing me. Waiting out here alone with all these sick people and crying babies. Everything looked like it was diseased. This hospital was not clean. Why didn't we go to a nice hospital?

I tossed another paper cup in the waste basket. It'd been hours and no word on Jessa. I tried asking the nurses behind the bullet proof glass, but they acted like they hadn't heard me. It was really frustrating. I kicked the doors to the ER. I yelled and made a scene, but nobody cared.

I ended up alone in the waiting room. Mr. Rogers was on for some strange reason. And I watched it for another. I was going crazy out here. Where was Jess, what was wrong? Was the baby okay?

"Benji?" a doctor wearing a lab coat and a mask came in.
"Yes. What's the matter with Jessa? Where is she? Can I see her?" I asked frantically.
"I'm sorry, Jessa…she died, Mr. Madden."

I think I screamed.
***
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"Benji!?" I sat bolt upright in bed and shook him awake. "Benji?"
"Huh?" He rolled over and opened his eyes. "Are you okay, Jess?" He grabbed my shoulders and looked me over. "The baby's okay?"

"What? Yes, I'm ok, what happened?" He was scaring me.
"I had a dream and you woke me up and told me your stomach hurt and we went to the hospital and, and they didn't let me see you. And then I was alone for a long time and a doctor came and told me that you died."
"Oh Benj." I hugged him. "It's okay, baby. Everything's okay now. We're okay." I patted my stomach.
"Good." He sighed.
"It was just a nightmare Benj." I gave him a kiss.

It took him a minute to get his breathing normal again. That must have been a horrifying dream. He's had them before. Not about the baby, but about me dying, or me dead, or even him killing me. It always scared him so bad. He always noted how real they felt. How he always expected to find me dead when he woke up. And all I could do was hug him and hold him and make the bad feeling go away.

"I was dreaming too." I tried to change the subject.
"What about?"
"It was sexy dream." I grinned.
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah it was getting really hot too."
"Yeah? What were we doing?"
"You?" I laughed. "Who said you were there? Me and Ice cube were getting nasty."
"Biotch!" He reached for his pillow and hit me with it.

Part 2
"It is so GOOD to be home!" I announced when we finally walked through the door. Benji rolled his eyes at me. He obviously didn't think so. It had been a long day already at 2pm. And it started with his mom calling at 8am and saying she found his wallet. So that meant a whole new group of calls where they told him that once a card is cancelled it was cancelled and he'd have to get new ones.

So Benji was NOT in a good mood. Noted by the pout he wore the whole way home. I also detected resentment of my handling the money. Made him feel less important or something. Men. They're all big babies. Benji especially, pouting, arm crossing, huffing, and the eye rolling. He was 10-years-old, I was convinced.

"Are you hungry?" I asked sweetly.
"No." What a liar. I rolled my eyes.
"Well we should go get the dogs from Joel."
"They're not at Joel's." Benji almost yelled.
"They're not?"
"Alex has an allergy." He made a face and spoke in a whiny voice. "They're at a kennel."
"Where?"
"Can we do this later?" Benji moaned.
"Fine. Whatever, pout." I threw my hands up and started for the stairs.

Benji's eyes went ice and he glared at me.

"I'm not pouting."
"Yes, yes you are Benj. You lost your wallet and have to get new cards, big fucking deal. Get over it."
"I am not pouting." He yelled.
"No, now you're YELLING." I shouted back.
"Fuck you."
"Is that an invitation? You sure God's not gonna shoot you down for it?" I mocked.

Benji just turned up his palms in defeat and marched his ass downstairs into the basement. He could stay down there for all I cared. What's his problem anyway? Was he really THAT frustrated over a wallet? I swear he was going through more changes than I was.

And I was changing. I was definitely swelling now and all the extra food was starting to show. I was gonna get married in a tent and I don't mean the whole wedding party. I went into to the bathroom to partake in my favorite new pastime…looking at the bulge of my stomach. I stood by the full length mirror and lifted Benji's shirt.

Sure enough there was a slight change in my profile. Like it was swollen, it was still pretty firm too and I couldn't sleep on my stomach anymore, it sorta hurt. It really sucked too, because that was my favorite position to sleep in.

"C'mon." Benji startled me. "Let's go get the dogs."
"You do it. I'm gonna take a nap." I turned around and kissed his cheek softly. "And bring back some food." I indicated as I bounced up onto the bed.
"I can't" He sneered. "I don't have any money."
"Stop it you!"
"Stop what. You're the one with the money. I do according to your schedule."

I rolled my eyes.

"Quit being such a baby. So were spending my money, that's makes you feel inferior or something?"
"I'm supposed to take care of YOU. Not the other way around."
"Selfish pig!" I was surprised my his behavior. "I'm capable of taking care of myself. I did just fine before you. I might not have as much money as you…"
"It's not about that."
"Then what's it about? You can't stand that your girlfriend is paying for everything? Benji were gonna get married and what then? My money will be your money, we hafta be partners or this isn't going to work Benji."
"I didn't say we couldn't be partners."
"Yes you did. The whole 'I'm gonna take care of you' is just that!" I yelled. "What do you want? Me to give up my career and stay home and raise babies? Because that's NOT going to happen Benji. It's NOT!"
"Jesus! I never said that. I don't want you to give up your career. I know how hard you worked for that Jess." His voice became a lot calmer. "I'm just…"
"What do you want from me?"
"I dunno. I'm just upset because of my wallet and getting married and the baby and the tour. I'm just stressed out, okay. Can you get that?"
"Yeah."
"It's not about the money. Whatever I don't care." He shook his head. He sat on the edge of the bed and sighed. "I just…aaahhh…I need a distraction or something."

He always ended up making me feel sympathy for him. I was so easy. I sat down next to him and leaned my head on his shoulder. I knew exactly what Benji needed and there was no way he was gonna excuse his way out of it.

I kissed his neck tenderly and rubbed my hands from his shoulder down his chest.

"No Jess." He tried to pull away, but I fought him.
"No, Benj, you need this." I lifted my body to straddle his lap. "We need this."

I slung my arms around his neck and pressed my body against his as I kissed him. I could feel him trying to stop me but I wasn't going to let him go. Not this time. Each kiss and caress was a battle, but I could feel his arousal. Feel the shield breaking away and him losing all his control.

I broke away from a wet kiss and pushed him onto the bed. I took off my shirt knowing he'd never refuse naked breasts, Benji was a boob man. His eyes widened as if he'd never done this before and a naked woman was a new territory.

"Where'd you get those?" Benji pointed to my black and red polka dotted bra.
"You bought it for me remember?"
"Not the bra…those." He pointed again to my bust spilling out of their D cups.
"Pregnancy." I explained before I leaned down and kissed his neck.

I pressed one hand between our bodies and used the other to keep Benji's fighting arm down. I lifted my pelvis and unbuckled his pants, bringing them and his boxers down, fighting them over his thighs, I got them as far as his knees and that was good enough.

I was able to unbuckled the belt keeping Benji's pants on me and undo the fly, but holding Benji down prevented me from getting them off. I couldn't let a small matter like clothing keep us from the comfort, pleasure, and release of sex.

"Take my pants off Benj." I asked.
"No, Jess we can't."
"Do it Benj, you want this, you do."
"No."
"Don't lie to me, I know you want it, I can feel it." I whispered against his ear. "Do it."

Slowly, like it pained him he slid my pants and underwear to my knees. I laid flat against him then wiggled and kicked the pants free. I positioned myself again, holding Benji by his shoulders. He looked up at me as if pleading. Plead he would no more once I started. He wanted this. I wanted this. We NEEDED it.

I pushed him inside me and Benji yelped. Before he could whine any protest I pumped him with my body and only heard him stifling moans. It was funny how he still wanted to maintain his control. Trick himself into thinking it didn't feel so incredibly good. He continued to fight me. Stubborn fool.
***
'Yes, yes, oh, God, yes' I wanted to scream out, but I was stubborn wasn't I? I couldn't let her know she was winning. And God was she ever winning. She was doing everything I needed her to.

So I fought her, at least tried to, but I found myself thrusting and moving into a steady rhythm along with her.

"That's it Benj, I knew you wanted it." she murmured.

I couldn't pretend anymore and I moaned out loud, grabbing her hips and leading her to me. Why was I holding this pointless vow of celibacy? It was stupid. So stupid. She moved harder and faster against me as she began her peak. She moved so hard the head board banged the wall.

THUD, moan, THUD, moan, THUD, CRASH!!

We stopped, well I stopped.

"What happened?" she gasped.
"I dunno." I fought for her to get off of me.
"We didn’t finish." She whined as she rolled onto her back.

I sat up and pulled my pants back on, not bothering to zip them as I went into the next room. there was plaster and dry wall all over, making little clouds of white dust. I coughed and covered my mouth with my hand.

"What happened?" Jessa came behind me wearing my t-shirt.
"You broke the house." I pointed.
***
As it turned out, Benji and I had a serious termite problem. When I caused the headboard to hit the wall the weakened walls in the other room kinda collapsed. The inspector was surprised the bed didn't go through the wall, as he inspected the house a few days later.

What this all meant was that the house needed to be de-termited and the walls repaired. After checking the rest of the house he also found damaged walls in the living room, bedrooms, basically our entire house would fall down with one little tiny earthquake. Therefore we needed to hire a bug company to kill the bugs, then have a contractor reinforce the walls.

This also meant we needed to find another place to live for the next 3 months, because oh yeah, did you know drywall dust is extremely harmful to a developing fetus? And yes 3 months because our roof was in horrible condition as well. This meant upheaval, stress, money, and no backyard wedding, thank you VERY much termites!

"I knew this house was too cheap." Benji complained packing up his bags so we could go to a hotel. Most of our things were in storage with exception of the furniture which was being covered with tarps.

I frowned. There was a knock on the doorpane. Joel was leaned against it looking…well…I shouldn't say hot, Benji will get upset. But Joel looked yummy. I had to hold in my urge to drag him by the hair into my lair.

"What's the good word?" he grinned.
"Don't you grin and act like life's a peach Joel Rueben!" I yelled at him. I had to yell at him to try and turn off my sex drive.
"Whoa sorry, momma." He said sarcastically. For minute I thought he actually knew I was someone's momma, but that was stupid.
"So, where're you staying while the house is being worked on?" Joel asked, taking a French fry from my little pile on the dresser. I glared.
"Hotel." Benji never did get back into a better mood and he put up far more of a fight when I tried to finish what we started.
"Nonsense, you guys can stay with me and Alex." He took another handful of fries, ignoring my death glare.
"You and Alex?" Benji repeated.
"Why not? I have big ass house, you won't even have to see us." Joel laughed. "C'mon." He put his arm around my shoulder, not making my sexy feelings better. "We'd love to have you guys."
"Yes!" I answered for Benji and I. He stared at me open mouthed.
"Great!" Joel kissed my cheek. "I'm gonna call Alex."

I felt all flirty and little girl around Joel for some reason. I blushed. Joel winked at me and left the room.

"What the hell was that?" Benji taking an armful of his shirts from the dresser and throwing them into his bag.
"What? Joel does have plenty of room. It might be cool…"
"Not that." He roared. "Do you wanna fuck my brother?"
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me! You were all over him!"
I rolled my eyes. He was not growing up fast enough. "The feelings have to go somewhere Benj."

Benji looked like he'd burst though his skin.

"Oh, please. I wouldn't ever act on it and neither would Joel, you know that. It's innocent Benj. Isn't that in your little book? Chapter 13: your girlfriend will get really horny?" I didn't play nice.
"But why Joel?"
"Why Ice Cube, maybe I like it ghetto?" I shrugged. "I don't know Benji, he came in here and he smelled good. He looked good."
"I don't look good?" He looked offended.
"You're pouty and mean, so no, you don't!" I finished and picked up my bags. "I'll see you downstairs if you think you can grow up just a little bit."

I heard Benji groan and kick a wall, which I'm sure cracked.
***
The first night at Joel's wasn't easy. It was confusing to keep track of who knew what and what I could say. Benji and Alex both knew I was pregnant, but not Joel. Alex knew that Benji knew, but he didn't know she knew. It was like that episode of friends 'They don't know that we know that they know.' I should probably just come clean. It'll make it easy on me. wasn't that the first rule of pregnancy…'Take it easy.'

Benji was still PMSing, and mulling over the 'crush' I had on Joel. To be honest, watching his behavior at home really turned me off. He was worse of a caveman than Benji and annoyingly called Alex "woman." Besides Benji had to realize that I just wanted to get laid. That his withholding was the source of the whole problem. But admitting he was wrong didn't sound like something Benji would do. I was forced to live with it.

All our stuff was pushed into a corner of one of the many empty rooms. Cash and Lennon remained at the kennel a few blocks away since Alex complained about her dog allergy. We went to see them earlier, but it wasn't the same. Joel had a HUGE yard that they would adore. They couldn't stay there for 3 months.

I put on Benji's clothes, which were ten times more comfortable than my own, and crawled into bed. He laid down a few seconds later, sighing loudly, signaling that he was ready to talk, but I was tired. I wanted to sleep.

"Jess?"
"What?" I didn't hide my aggravation.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me, lately." He said. I wasn't expecting that. He was such a sweetheart.

"I'm sorry." He repeated.

I loved him so much. I take back all the big baby comments. He was all man. My man.

"Say something would you?"
"Something." I couldn't help grinning and gave him a little kiss. "Can we go to sleep now?"
"Don't you have something to say?"
I sighed, he was gonna be an excellent disciplinarian, he had the voice down pat. "I guess, I'm sorry too. I didn't take into account that you'd be…"

THUD!

We both raised our eyebrows and looked at the wall behind us.

"OOOH." Alex moaned on the other side, followed by Joel.
"Oh God," I murmured and brought my pillow over my head. Benji shut his eyes tight as to fight away the sound of the offending act.

We laid there enduring the sounds of their lovemaking. Didn't they know how loud they were? Didn't they have consideration for the couple in the room next door? They were getting louder and their headboard banged harshly against the wall, quaking our bed. There was no way were gonna stay here. No way, if they had sex like this all the time. They were noisy as hell. A combination of moans and dirty talk that just sounded so wrong coming from them.

"It's like listening to your parents." I cringed.
"Aahhh, I can't take it." Benji shook his head violently.
"What are you gonna do? Ask 'em to keep it down?"
"No." Benji said not another word as he kissed me fiercely and moved his hands into my shorts. We were gonna have sex? YAY we were gonna have sex! Praise Buddha, where's the hallelujah chorus?

He dragged my boxers down and climbed on top of me quickly. He was already more than ready, I felt his naked erection against my inner thigh, guess he already got his off, he was fast.

"Listening to your own brother gets you hot?" I asked. Benji chuckled and if it wasn't so dark I'm sure I'd see his blush.

I let him fall between my legs, his weight pressing on me in a more than welcome way. He pushed his way inside and we began slow at first as if Benji was unsure. I reached my hand down and spanked him for encouragement. He moved faster. He got up so he wasn't laying on me so much and he could push with better control, the blankets and sheets fell around his waist exposing him from there up.

Just as Benji began moaning in passion, a blue glow light spread across the bed and the rest of the room. His head spun in the direction of the door and I tried to look around him, but couldn't see.

"Oh…I'm sorry." It was Joel sounding incredibly embarrassed.
"Get OUT!" Benji screamed and I heard the door promptly slam. "Fuck."
"Don't worry about it." I reached up and touched his cheek. Encouraging him to continue.
"No." He pulled out and his hands hunted around the bed for our lost clothing.

I sighed and crossed my arms. Stupid Joel. We couldn't stay here.

Part 3
"Oh yeah, Alex, right there, yeah." I rolled my head back in pleasure. She was so good.
"Do you like it?" She asked, looking up at me with wide naughty green eyes.
"Yeah suck me baby." I shut my eyes tight, letting her continue her work.

She began moaning as I touched her and rubbed her into a frenzy.

"Ahhh, Benji." She moaned. "I wanna fuck you."

She stood up and leaned against the wall of the laundry room where we were well hidden from our respective mates. She wrapped her legs around my middle as I slowly entered her, her growing belly pressed against me. We kept going hard and fast. Joel would be home soon and Jessa might wake up.

She moaned against my ear, a flurry of hot breath tickling the hair on my neck. She gripped my neck and pulled my lips towards her to kiss me. No, I pulled away from her puckered mouth. I couldn't kiss her. I was fucking her, but I couldn't kiss her, I just couldn't do THAT to Jessa.

Alex didn't seem to bothered as she orgasmed.

"Benji, Benji, Benji!"

"Benji! Get up!" I woke with a start. Alex was standing over me in a baby blue fuzzy robe. She held a phone in my face. "The phone is for you."

I was lucky I was in a face down position or she would have surely seen the outline of mini-vicious giving her a standing ovation. I took stock of my surroundings. Jessa snored lightly next to me and pale sunlight filtered through the window. No laundry room, no naked Alex.

What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I dreaming about my brother's girlfriend? My brother's pregnant girlfriend none-the-less. Joel was probably gonna marry Alex and I was dreaming about doing her in their laundry room. I was a twisted fuck.

"What time is it?" I asked sleepily.
"Early, take the fucking phone." She threw it at me and slammed the door on her way out. Definitely not the sex-kitten from my imagination.

"Hello?" I turned over and scratched my head.
"Yo, what's up?"
"Tony? It's…something in the morning…it's early." I still didn't have my bearings.
"It's 10. What's up? Why're you at Joel's? I tried calling…"
"House problem…termites. Jessa broke the wall."
"Termites?"

"No I didn't." Jessa mumbled into her pillow.
"Hmm, what'd you do to her Benj?" Tony laughed, obviously hearing her.
"What do you want Tony?"
"We have a day off, whatcha doin' today?"
"I dunno." I shook my head in an attempt to wake up.
"Don't you dare make plans with Tony. We have a wedding to plan." Jessa warned me.
"Wedding stuff." I groaned to Tony.
"Bor-ing" He exclaimed. "I don't have anything to do."
"Spend time with your wife." I told him.
"Renee's at school all day." He moaned.
"Well, I'm busy today. I can't."
"Dude, you're so whipped."
"Tuh, and you're not, oh please." I shook my head.
"Well, maybe we'll come over later tonight." Tony suggested.
"Alright. Later dude."
"Bye."

I rolled over to face Jessa, clicking the phone off at the same time. I smiled.

"Morning babe."
"Whatever." She was in a mood, but it's not like I didn't know why. She rolled out of bed and scrambled to the door. "Get your ass up. I have a doctor's appointment."

Why did I feel like responding with 'Yes sir'? I could hear the whip cracking as I dragged myself out of bed.
***
Look at him sitting there with his coffee. It was even from Starbucks. How dare he sit in front of me sipping away at the steamy goodness. Offering me hot cocoa and biscotti. Acting as if he hadn't completely ruined sex for the 2nd time in a week.

"Are you okay Jess?" He asked as I buried my face in an upside-down out-of-date baby magazine in Greenwald's waiting room.
"You know what's wrong."
"I do?"
"You should!"

Benji just shrugged.

"Sex Benji, SEX!" I shouted loud enough for the receptionist to stare at us.

He smiled at her.

"Jess, calm down." He patted my arm.
"I will not! Benji, why won't you just make love to me?" I asked. I agree it was probably the wrong place to have this conversation, but it was on my mind.
"I wanted to…"
"And…what happened? Joel? He's done that before." A few times actually when they were on tour.
"I dunno Jess…it just wasn't right."

I was going to cry. What wasn't right? Was I completely undesirable in my pregnant state?
***
"You don't wanna have sex with me do you?" She asked, hurt etched across her face.
"What? Jess?"
"I'm disgusting to you aren't I?" She was practically in tears.
"Jessa, no. No baby, not at all."
"Well then what, Benji."
"I…I" I stumbled over the words. "I don't wanna hurt you."
"Hurt me?" She widened her eyes in question.
"Ya know…"
"Benji, you won't hurt me." She assured me. "I want you to Benj, please?"

It's not like I didn't want to, but I felt weird about the whole. Her being pregnant, I didn't want to mess anything up. I mean, I don't really know how it works. What if we knock something loose? Or break something. I was afraid of sex. Wow, what a strange thought.

"Can we try again?" Jessa asked with a sly sexy smile.
"Jessa," The nurse called behind us. "The doctor will see you now."
***
"October…" I said uneasily. "Benj, October is next month."
"We can do it on Halloween."
"Are you mad?"
"What's wrong with Halloween?" he asked.
"It's in 5 ½ weeks! That's not enough time." I explained.
"But the tour starts after the beginning of December. We don't have time."

This planning was not going well. We couldn't even determine a date. We had piles of wedding and bridal magazines spread across the table. I flipped the pages of my calendar again.

"Look maybe…" I sighed. "Maybe we should get married after the baby's born."
"Yeah, right. Then we'll have a whole new set of problems. A baby, for one." He shook his head.
"That's it were going to city hall and signing a few papers. This is mad." I tossed my planner across the table.
"No, c'mon." Benji picked it up. "Let's do this. Weekend or weekday?"
"Weekend."
"Okay. November?"
"Give us 6 weeks at least."
"Alright, how's the 12th?" He handed me the book so I could look at it. He'd given us 8 weeks.
"The 12th." I repeated looking at the calendar and watching the date as if it would move or dance around or do something. 2 months, I'd be married in 2 months. "The 12th looks good."
"Good." Benji nodded. "Then let's start making calls."

"How goes it?" Joel came into the dining room where we were sitting and peeked over our shoulders.
"November 12th." I said circling the day. "Um, Joel can we talk to you?"
"About what?"
"Last night."

Joel blushed and Benji shook his head wildly. 'No, Jess.' He mouthed.

"I-I-I'm sorry about that." Joel stuttered.
"Look, I think it was a little embarrassing for everybody. I think maybe we should…um…come up with some rules."
"Like locking doors?"
"Like us moving outside." I explained.
"Outside?" Benji face turned to question.

"The gate house!" Joel actually raised his finger with a Eureka kind of look. "Yeah, we should have though of that, but I didn't think it'd be a big deal honestly." He pouted his lip. "Benj said you guys hadn't been…ya know so I thought…but if you guys wanna move out there…"
"Benji said what?" I scowled at him. "You told Joel…"
"What's with all the yelling?" Alex came in. She must've been asleep. Her hair was in messy tangles and her shirt was all wrinkled.

"Benji told Joel that…"I began but didn't want to tell Alex either.
"They haven't been having sex." Joel finished.
"Thanks Joel!"
"You're not? Really?" Alex stared at us. Like we were broken. Benji was broken I wasn't broken.

I stood up and threw my hands in defeat.

"This is none of your business!" I pouted, picking up a magazine and flipping through it not looking at it really just not looking at all of them.

Benji shrugged and went back to the notebook. We'd started making lists of wedding stuff in the car on the way back from the doctor's. We stopped by a book store and loaded up on all the current bridal magazines. We looked like such amateur's (well we were). I wasn't sure we could do this ourselves.

*Ding Dong*

"I'll get it." I ran for the door.
"Jess-Uh!" Tony was on the other side of the door with a 6 pack of beer and Renee.

My face fell, I was hoping for a kid selling candy. I felt like a candy bar. Those $1 ones for fundraising. Of course, there weren't any kids in this area…except tennis playing empire-inheriting brats. Joel really lived in the wrong part of town. At least there were families on our street. A lesbian couple with a daughter and septuagenarians raising their grandchild, but families nonetheless.

"You know you're drinking that alone." I pointed to his Milwaukee's Best.
"Why don't you have one?" He asked as we walked back to the dining room. "You're fun and loose when your tipsy."
"If I was drinking you could bet I'd drink my own piss before I drank Milwaukee's Best. That beer is fucking shit."

Benji cringed at my language. Setting his notebook aside and turning to face the group.

"Hey Benj, Joel." Tony waved setting the beer on the table and taking one for himself. "You didn't opine about beer when you were drinking it."
"That was On-tour Jessa, she gives in to peer pressure."
"C'mon have one." He pushed a can into my hands.
"Can't." I shook my head and pushed it back.
"Why not?" Renee took the one I refused, pecking Tony's cheek lightly.
"Can't." I repeated sitting next to Benji.
***
"You always wear Benji's clothes?" Tony asked chugging on his 3rd beer.

We were hanging out in Joel's patio. It wasn't quite as cold for September as the east coast was. In fact it was still really nice out. Joel's yard looked really nice at dusk. It kinda glowed. It was really pretty.

"They're comfortable." Jessa responded sipping on orange juice.
"C'mon it's not like you wear tight ass clothes like Renee's" She slapped his arm. He laughed and pulled her onto his lap. "I like your tight ass clothes."
"Well, I just felt like wearing 'em, what's the big deal?"
"The big deal is something's going on." He rose his eyebrows. "You never wanna hang out or nothing, dude. And all of a sudden you gotta be married like tomorrow. It's not like…like…she…J! You pregnant?"

Jessa must've grinned because Tony did.

"You are! I knew it. Didn't I tell you, Ren?"
"Yeah, I'm almost 4 months." Jessa admitted.
"Man, congratulations." Tony came and slung his arms around my neck. Holding my face against his chest and giving me a rub on the head.
"Thanks." I choked out.

Renee gave Jessa a warm hug with a huge smile.

"Did you guys already know or somethin'?" Renee turned to look at Alex and Joel tangled together on the rattan loveseat.
"Yes." They answered at the same time, then looked at each other. "How'd you know?" They asked of each other. "Benj told me" "Jess told me."

It was our turn as Jessa looked at me. "You told?" We both asked.

Everybody broke into laughter.

"Well, aren't we all just the cutest?" Alex asked, laying against Joel.

We continued our evening by ordering Chinese food and moving Jessa and I into Joel's gate house. The girls had huddled most likely talking about babies or lipstick. Tony and Joel joined me on either side as I watched the sun disappearing past Joel's fence.

"This is nice." I observed.
"Yeah," Joel and Tony agreed.
"Were all happy and involved, becoming fathers, getting married…" I sipped my coke. "Ya know this would be a great place to get married."
"California?" Joel looked at me funny.
"No, your back yard. Like this, when the sun's going down."

Joel grinned. "That sounds kinda cool."
"Yeah." Tony nodded. "Real romantic."
"Hey Jess, what do you think of having the wedding here?"

She smiled and gazed around at the surroundings.

"At sunset?" she suggested.

I grinned.
***
Alex and I went shopping the next day, while Benji and Joel headed to the label with Steve for 'band stuff'. Lilly was trying to meet us for lunch but made no promises since Xander had an ear infection and Paul had a "father infection." Adriana was gonna be busy at work all day, but vowed to help me with catering since she knew some people. And Renee had school.

Our mission was a wedding planner because let's face it, despite Benji's determination, we were going to make this a disaster. The next mission was dress shopping, which made me nervous. I couldn't wait for the faces I’d get when I said I was going to be 5 ½ months pregnant at the ceremony. It pretty much rules out anything except a muumuu.

We had met with one planner, Jo, who was superorganized and extremely meticulous. She reminded me a lot of Alex. It was no wonder she liked Jo so much. I had one Alex already, didn't need another. I just needed someone patient, understanding, organized and above all not a Hollywood snob. Hard to find in LA. Especially for me. Let's just say Alex is an excellent publicist.

We waddled, well Alex waddled, down Rodeo Drive, sipping really good smoothies. I know, I know, a perfect picture of California girls. It was kinda funny. Supposedly there was a great dress shop down here that had done a large number of gowns for pregnant celebrities who had to grace a red carpet in their delicate state. It probably wasn't for me, but I wanted to check it out anyway.

"Hey." Alex stopped. "Isn't that cute?" she pointed into the window.

I turned to see where she was pointing. It was a baby boutique and she was pointing out the teeny tiny converse shoes.

"Aww."
"C'mon." She took my hand. "Let's look inside."

We looked at all the little clothes. Little socks, little shoes, little everything. Little designer everythings. I really couldn't imagine dressing a baby in Gucci or carrying a Louis Vuitton diaper bag. What's the point?

"That's so adorable." Alex rushed over to a crib display. It was a pretty blue color with sleepy stars and a snoring moon carved into it.
"Man, after the wedding, Benji and I will have to do baby stuff. It never ends." I moaned. "Have you and Joel talked about it at all?"
"What? Getting married?" Alex picked up little t-shirts with Calvin Klein across the front of it.
"Yeah."
"No." She shifted through another bin of shirts.
"Why not? I mean you're having his kid!"
"I know, I know."
"Then what's the problem? It's natural for you guys to get married."
"Look I just have some issues with marriage. It's fine like this for now." She was getting annoyed.
"If you say so."
"Jessa, don't you stand there and judge me!" Alex suddenly turned on me. "You don't understand. Don’t get up on your high horse okay."
"My high horse?"
"You might have been able to talk down to Renee, but I won't stand for it." She rose her voice.

She stared daggers at me.

"Fine." I turned my back on her and left the store.
***
Alex and I hadn't been on nice terms since our little fight at the boutique a week ago. All the more reason for us to be staying in the guest house. We didn't have to hear or see each other. I didn't understand why all my friends thought I was judging them all the time. While it was true I never gave Renee enough credit, I wasn't "judging" either her or Alex. Alex was being a defensive bitch.

Benji was gone again. Steve had him and Billy be band ambassadors for the day at a charity auction. They were giving away a guitar or something. I wasn't allowed to go since they were only given two tickets. I didn't mind. I spent some time with Lilly and Xander in the morning. He was a great kid, loved to make noise and drive his mother insane. He was almost 2. We talked about babies and husbands (her's had the flu, he kept yelling across the house for her).

I was supposed to meet Benji back at our house to get an update on how things were going, but I was tired. I called Benj, to let him know to go without me and I'd see him back at the house for dinner. He reminded me to not be rude to Alex and to give her a chance (Benji was definitely dad material). So now I approached Joel's house, carefully parking the Explorer between Joel's Range Rover and Alex's Accord.

When I came through the door I could hear heavy footsteps upstairs. They sure were moving a lot. What were they doing, dancing?

"What are you talking about?" Joel's raised voice echoed. "Answer me! ANSWER ME! Alex!"

Sounded like they were arguing and I didn't want to pry. I took the whole package of Otis Spunkmeyer almond poppy seed muffins, leaving a sweet note to Joel that I'd buy him more, and headed out back.

I made myself comfortable on the big poufy sofa. You could hear Joel and Alex all the way down here. I sighed and grabbed one of the many bridal magazines to look at dresses. I tore the package of muffins open and rested them on my belly. I opened the magazine and a note on lined notebook paper fell out.

It was in Benji's handwriting:
Hey babe, I like this dress. And the one on page 47. Love you, Benj

I smiled and looked at the dress. The first one was hideous but the model wearing it was hot and I'm sure that's what Benji saw. The second was actually really REALLY beautiful. All the dresses were amazing, but not one of them was gonna look good on me. Nope, I didn't see one 5 ½ month pregnant model. It wasn't fair.

Why couldn't we have thought of condoms? Or got on the pill ages ago? It's not like I didn't already know the risks of unprotected sex, but why did I have to be pregnant now? When I wanted to look pretty and hot. When you're a little girl you never imagine your wedding like this. I continued looking at the magazines.

"Hey baby," Benji appeared over my shoulder, grabbing a chunk of my muffin and stuffing it in his mouth.
"Hi." I smiled as he swallowed muffin and kissed me. "Come with me, I want milk."

We walked back to the house. It was sort of quiet. Maybe they'd stopped fighting. That was good.

"Did you see Joel and Alex?"
"Upstairs." I answered, getting the milk out of the fridge. "But I wouldn't go up there if I were you."
"Why not?"
"He and Alex were having a screaming match."
"You can't do this!!" We heard Joel shouting from above.
"Told you." I shook my head. "It's been like that since I got back."

Benji looked worried.

"What're they fighting about?"
"I dunno. Alex is probably being bi-polar again."

Benji jumped hearing the sound of a telephone crashing down on the floor. You could hear the familiar sound of the metal ringer.

"This is bad." Benji headed for the stairs and took them two at a time. I followed slowly, looking up the stairs with caution.
***
"What the hell'd you do that for?" Alex screamed.

Joel'd thrown it pretty hard from the looks of it as pieces of the phone were scattered in the hallway. Their bedroom door was wide open. Alex was sitting on the bed, hands covering her face as she shook her head. Joel had his back to her, forehead and palms rested against the blue wall, body just shaking with rage.

"Joel?" I put my hand on his shoulder. It startled him. His body felt hot and he really was shaking.

"Joel?" I asked again. He was crying. He was shaking because he was sad, he was hurt or afraid, it wasn't rage.

"What happened?" I asked, but both Alex and Joel were silent.

Suddenly, she stood up. I could hear her murmur a goodbye I didn't think Joel could hear. She went past us and past Jess, who was at the door.

"Alex?" Jessa called after her, puzzled. Alex didn't stop or say a word. I heard the front door open and slam shut. A few minutes later her Honda started up. She idled in the driveway for a few long minutes and finally her tires turned and she was gone.

Joel lost his balance and fell to the floor. He actually wailed. I hadn't seen him cry like this in years. Not since…well I wasn't sure I'd ever seen Joel cry so hard.

"She's gone." Joel sobbed.
"She just needs to cool off, Joel. She'll be back." Jessa assured him, coming onto his other side to rub his shoulder. "She loves you."
"Yeah, right." He wiped angry tears from his face. "I was just a good fuck. I was her excuse. Her way at getting back at her parents. She never loved me."
"What?" I was confused.
"She left me," he screamed. "She left me."

Part 4
Alex really had left. And I hated her. She just left. All her things were here, she abandoned her job, her friends, her lover. Without any good-byes and no regrets.

Joel was devastated. Joel proposed marriage, but Alex explained how she wasn't sure she ever wanted to be and it hurt Joel but he accepted it because he loved her. Because he thought they could be happy regardless, that they were having a baby and they would be connected forever from that. Then she told him she had lost their baby and he freaked out. Alex felt she had to leave him. That if there was no baby, there was nothing keeping her here.

It all sounded like one big excuse to me.

He fought hard to keep her. Trying his best to convince her he loved her, he wanted her. That he didn't stay with her because of the baby, but because of her alone. It was sad reality that she neither heard nor believed that.

It was like she died. He stared longingly at her pictures and that fuzzy baby's first picture he still had in his wallet. He sniffed her clothing and tossed and turned all night long. He rarely left the house, never smiled. Benji and I did our best to comfort but there wasn't much we could do. His eyes glazed over anytime he caught a tender moment between us. Hanging his head like he did something wrong when he'd overhear Benji talking to my stomach.

It made me feel terrible that we were happy. That our wedding was fast approaching and I was beginning to really show. I couldn't wait until we could move back home and we didn't constantly remind Joel what he didn't have anymore. Joel should have all the same things. He should be happy, but he wasn't and it killed me.

It killed Benji even more.
***
"C'mon Joel, please?" I shook him, trying to coax him from his bed.
"I don't wanna Benj. Leave me alone." He clung to his pillow.
"Joel, I want your help."
"You have Tony and Chris and Paul and Billy."
"Joel, I need you. You're my best man."
"Give it to Tony. I can't." Joel still didn't look at me.

I sighed. I knew it hurt him to see me and Jess, but I still wanted him to come with me. I couldn't get married without my brother. Besides, he needed to be measured for his suit too.

"Joel!"

He rolled over and faced me with angry eyes.

"I'm not fucking going to get measured for a suit I'm not going to wear to wedding I'm not going to be at. I can't Benji, I can't."
"Joel you have to. For me?"

He turned away. This was all that bitch's fault. That stupid bitch.

"Joel please?" I pled. "I know you're hurt. I know. I've been there before and it hurts like a son of a bitch, but I'm not gonna let what happen to me happen to you. I'm not gonna let you stay in bed and cry about her."
"I love…d her." He choked.
"Man, I know that." I nodded, sitting on the edge of the bed and rubbing his shoulder. "Of course you do. I don't think you're just gonna get over it and move on. I know you have to heal. I'm trying to help you."
"I can't do it Benj. I wanna see you guys happy. You deserve that…"
"So, do you. I'm not trying to hurt you by making you come to the wedding. I just can't do it if you're not there."

"Benj." He sighed. "You and Jess are so right for each other, I mean through all that shit…she stuck by you, she loves you. Sometimes, I would get so jealous. You had it so good. I thought that's what I had with Alex. A real love. But she's just like the rest…she used me…like Claudia, like Jamie, like every single girl I ever fucked. Only, I never once fucked Alex, I made love to her every time. I thought she was my Jessa. That I'd finally won and done something right…but I was wrong."

"Joel…I'm sorry." I began as he sat up and wiped his eyes. "Look…if it's any consolation, I thought she was your Jessa too. Sure, she could be moody, but you guys always went to bed happy. I was so happy for you. For us, that we'd both…made it. I don't know why she left Joel…but maybe…maybe, she'll come back. Joel I saw it in her eyes…when she left…she did love you. Ya know, she lost her baby. She might be really depressed about it…"

"So am I!" Joel yelled at me.
"I'm saying that might be why she felt she had to leave. Don't give up." I hugged his shoulder. He nodded.

"Cmon." He stood up. "Let's go get some suits."
***
The wedding planning was actually going really smoothly. We had hired a wedding planner named Dawn. She was incredibly awesome. The kind of person who never hemmed or hawed. Not only that but she listened to us AND she knew who I was…more than Benji actually…but that didn't help her get hired.

We were a month away from the big day. Arrangements were made for a tent in Joel's backyard, flowers, folding chairs, the whole shebang. It was scary and exciting in all the right ways. Adriana's "team" (my sister has a team! She was promoted to head chef a few weeks ago!) was going to do all the cooking (sans the cake). A completely vegetarian menu, which did well with me since I'd started an "eww meat" campaign. Flesh sounded utterly disgusting.

It wasn't a huge wedding, but it wasn't really small and it was becoming costly. Who knew people wanted more money to work harder and faster? It was getting upwards of 5k (no joke…biggest number I've ever seen with a dollar sign in front of it). There was Benji's mom, sister and brother to fly out. 3 of my sisters and my parents were coming from San Diego. All of my relatives had found my number by magic and all called insisting I was there favorite uncle back in the day and that he should be at the wedding. My mom's Uncle Dicky actually wanted to give me away! Benji and I wanted to keep it as small as possible. Anybody that didn't get the "coveted" invite sent gifts in an attempt to get invited.

We had 4 toasters!

It overwhelmed me sometimes. And it drove me crazy. And made me sad thinking about Joel, watching this unfold before his eyes, under his roof, while his life was in shambles. Made me feel guilty for spending money on a wedding, when I could build a house for somebody or feed some hungry or clothe some naked…I felt in dire need of giving what I got.

But then I looked at Benji and saw him smile and everything was suddenly worth it. Like looking over at him now as he gathered himself and climbed into bed. He gave me one of his knee weakening grins and slid his hand up the length of my thigh.

The funny thing was, by the time Benji had regained enough confidence to have sex with me again I was so turned off, it was sickening. The thought of a penis was gagging. Thinking about it now, laying between his legs, eww, gross.

He made himself comfortable next to me, but in turn screwed up the whole blanket arrangement I'd made for myself. I released a short grunt. He gave me a quick peck and a little smirk. It was these wordless moments that made me love him. He tugged on my shirt with question.

Renee, Adriana and I had gone baby shopping the other day and I was completely stocked with maternity wear, but wearing Benji's clothes to bed was still my favorite thing. Unwashed, just taken off shirts were the best. It was like a hug. I hoped I never grew out of the habit. I shrugged. He punched his pillow and laid his head down. He reached out and rubbed my tummy.

"Mmm." I shut my eyes like I was eating a wonderful dessert. "I love when you do that."
"I can’t help it. It's so cute." He gave me another little kiss, lingering a bit longer this time.

He laid back against his folded arms, allowing me to cuddle close to him. I played with the cross on his long chain.

"How's Joel?"
"Not good." Benji shook his head, corners of his mouth bending downwards. "I wish there was something I could do, but what can I do? I can't bring her back. I can't bring their baby back, but I want to Jess."
I frowned. "I want to too. All we can do is be there for him."
"He was really uncomfortable today when they measured us. I know how he feels. I've been there…" Benji's voice trailed off. "Makes you feel like the whole world is happy on purpose."

I hugged him and then jumped when I heard Lennon barking loudly. The dogs were allowed to move here after Alex had gone. They were visibly happy to be out of small cages and back in the real sunshine. Lennon had even taken a real liking to Joel. He liked her too, he just didn't admit it.

"Stupid dog." He groaned. "Why does she bark?"
"Because she hears something, smells something, sees something. Dogs are sensitive." I murmured, sleep beginning to fill my eyes.
"Cash doesn't bark that much."
"He's a guy, he's not as sensitive." I embedded myself into Benji's side, hearing him chuckle, as I started to nod off to sleep with the gentle rhythm of his heartbeat.

I was suddenly overcome with the thought of the cookies and cream in Joel's freezer. Mmm, ice cream. It sounded so good right now. Benji had begun snoring, but I shook him awake regardless.

"Benji, I want ice cream."
"ICE CREAM? Now?" He was cranky like a 3 year old.
"There's some in Joel's freezer, please? Please babe, I love you."

Benji gave me a threatening look, what'd I do interrupt his dream about making it with Aguilera?

"Jess…" He was interrupted by Lennon barking loudly again. "Shut the fuck up!" he screamed.
"Benji!" I hit his chest. "Knock that off."
"I'm tired." He complained. "It's cold…"
"Waa, waa, waa." I rolled my eyes. "Just get me ice cream please baby?"

He gave me the death glare again.

"Please?" I shot him the cutest pout.
***
She shouldn't be allowed to do that. I invented that pout and she blatantly stole it from me…like my heart…I oughtta get those things copyrighted. She stuck her lip out farther.

"PLEASE… " She whimpered, then gave me a sexy smile. "I'll do anything you want."
"Fine." I tore the covers off and shivered in the October air. I better be well thanked for this. I was so whipped…all she had to do was promise a bj and I was walking across a cold lawn in October wearing boxers and a wife beater. I'm such a guy. It sucks.

I threw a chew toy across the yard and Cash stared at me as if to say, 'you get it'. Lennon, however, ran at breakneck speed. She didn't care that it was almost 2am, it was always playtime. I ignored her bringing it back for round two and headed into the house. It was warmer than outside. I was really grateful.

I walked towards the kitchen and was surprised to hear Joel's voice.

"But…I DO."

I turned the corner finding him on the kitchen floor eating ice cream out of the carton, phone pressed against his ear. Who could he be talking to?

"Baby…please…Al…don't cry."

Alex? He was talking to Alex? How? She'd thrown her phone away and he was too scared to call her parents. Joel on the kitchen floor in the middle of the night talking to his girlfriend reminded me of high school. He always felt that he could only talk to them late at night while everyone else slept. Only I always knew and I knew why too. Joel didn't want us overhearing him being romantic, oh no, Joel was a man.

"Alex, please baby I…" He must have heard my naked feet slapping the tile, because he stopped. He covered the receiver with his hand. "What do you want?"

"Ice cream for Jess." I pointed to his carton but he revealed it to be empty.
"Fuck, you know what she's gonna do to me for coming back empty handed?"
"I don't care." He went back to the phone. "Al…Al? Great! She hung up. Thank you, Benji!"

He hit my shins.

"Ow! How'd you get a hold of her?"
"She called me."
"That's why Len was barking." I nodded my head. "So…what happened?"
"Nothing." He got up from the floor and picked up his mess. "She said she was sorry. That she missed me but she wasn't ready to come back."
"Well, where the hell is she?"
"I tried to ask but I was really frantic when she first called and she hung up on me." He explained. "She called back, but we didn't get anywhere because of you."

I blocked his hands from smacking my head

"Oh." I frowned. "Maybe she'll call back, again."

Joel grimaced and slumped his shoulders.

"It does not take this long to get ice…hi Joel." Jessa came in with a sweatshirt pulled over my t-shirt. "Where's my ice cream?"
"Joel ate it." I pointed.

Joel looked at her protruding belly and turned away. I thought he might cry. This sucks, why does this stuff always seem to happen? No flowers and rainbows in the Madden household…nope, demons, skeletons…it really sucked.

"Well, go get me some." She crossed her arms. She was unbelievable.
"Jessa! It's 2 o'clock in the morning…and you expect me to…"
"I'll go get you some ice cream, Jess." Joel suddenly smiled.
"Really?" We both said at the same time and looked at him.
"If Benj is gonna throw a fit about it, sure. I can't sleep anyway." He nodded. "What kind do you want?"
"Ben and Jerry's." Jessa grinned. "Phish food! MMM chocolate with marshmallow and caramel swirls and little chocolate fishies."

Pregnant women are weird. Joel laughed as she kissed his cheek.

"Thank you Joelio, get me some Doritos too, please. Spicy ones."

Pregnant Jess was REALLY weird.
***
It felt good to be out of the house even if it was 2 in the morning and I had to drive a few miles to the nearest 7-11. It didn't bring a disguise or anything and I hoped it would be cool. I mean it's 2 in the morning, right? Who's gonna spot me?

It might get embarrassing. I was wearing sweat pants and just a hoodie. I couldn't remember the last time I'd showered or shaved. I was probably a mess. If there was paparazzi out chasing me this late it'd be quite the little story.

There was a whore leaning against the windows, giving me propositioning looks. She was disgusting. I turned my head as quickly as I could and went inside. An older guy was manning the store alone, which seemed very odd.

He waved hello on my way back to the freezer. Fish food, fish food…Cherry Garcia, Chunky Munky, Phish Food. Was it spelled with a 'ph'? Weird, but it listed the ingredients Jessa mentioned so that must be the one. I could just imagine Benji here now, he'd of punched the glass door by now. He got really moody when he didn't get enough sleep.

I grabbed a king sized Snickers on the way to the counter and set my items down in front of the old guy. He looked like those kind of guys in western movies. The one's that spit tobacco and have gold teeth. He looked like one of them with a bright red 7-11 shirt. Half cowboy, half Apu.

He stared at me as he scanned the ice cream and Snickers.

"Anything else?"
"Uh, a scratcher…the one with the cats." Alex used to always buy scratchers…she was obsessed with them. It made me smile.
"That's 7.19." He said as I pulled out my wallet. He continued staring. Maybe, it was the mole.

I put a ten on the counter. He glanced up at me as he got my change. It was really freaking me out.

"2 dollars and 81 cents. Your in GC aren't you?"

That was not something I was expecting…shouldn't he be a teenage girl? I mean especially since he said GC and not Good Charlotte.

"Yeah, Joel Madden." I held out my hand. "You like my music?"

Benji would have slapped me calling it MY music, but Benji was whining at home.

"Hell no, do I look like I do?" He was appalled, I know my face drooped. "My granddaughter wants to marry you."
"Oh." I laughed.
"If you don't mind could you take a picture?"
"A picture?" This late? Looking like shit? Sure, fans will be all over it. Writing crap about me on the message boards. 'Joel has let himself go' 'Joel's old' 'Joel's fat.'

"Um…"
"She'd love it."
"Sure." I reluctantly agreed.

He pulled out a digital camera. Kind of an odd thing to keep behind the counter. I'd keep a 12 gauge myself…Jesus, I even gotta be ghetto in my head. I forced a smile as he captured my image.

"Could you sign this…please…" He presented a CD and I began to think he didn't have a granddaughter, but whatever, it was just a signature.

"Have a good night." I waved leaving with my purchase.

In the car, I unwrapped the Snickers and turned up my Pac. I had turned Alex into a little gangsta girl. She used to listen to John Mayer (I don't understand either). She knew all the words to all my favorite songs now. She was so cute when she flowed. When she teased me and grabbed her crotch, moving her hand in time with the beat. I could just see her sitting shotgun now.

The phone rang and broke my concentration. I turned down the music and picked up.

"Joel Madden?" the voice asked.
"Yeah, this is he." It's 2 in the morning, who's calling?
"This is Dr. Carpenter at Los Angeles General Hospital ER."
"Is something wrong?" I was filled with worry. What if something happened to Jessa or to Benji or both?
"I have your wife here…Alexandra Madden?"

My wife??

Part 5
Joel called from the hospital just as I had almost convinced Jessa to sleep with me.

"It's a sign Benj." She yawned.

Joel said something about an accident, about Alex, something. He didn't make sense, but he sounded strange.

"You want us to come over there?" I asked, not really wanting to go, but rather stay here and possibly get some.
"No, it's alright." He replied.
"Joel what happened?"
"I gotta go. I'll tell you later. Get some sleep." He hung up.
"What's going on?" Jessa asked with her eyes still closed, face half buried in a pillow.
"Joel's at the hospital."
"Why? Is he okay?" Her eyes popped open with worry.
"I think so." I set the phone on the table and played with my piercings with my tongue.
"You think so?" She echoed.
"He sounded weird."
"He sounded weird?" She repeated.
"Would you quit repeating everything I'm saying!"
"Quit repeating everything you're saying." She mocked and I shoved her.
"It's not funny anymore."
"You're just mad because I wouldn't let you molest me."
"Molest you? Make love to you, you mean?" I rolled my eyes.

She snorted.

"Yeah, right Benj. You don't wanna make love to me, you wanna fuck and there's a big difference."
"Whatever." I turned away from her. "You owe me."
"I don’t owe you anything. You wouldn't get me ice cream. You stayed here and bitched and moaned and begged me."

I groaned. She was never gonna let the ice cream thing go…never.

"Oh go molest yourself." I tossed my pillow at her.
***
The doctor said he didn't want to talk to me about it on the phone so I sped over here as fast as my Range Rover could take me. I was scared, confused…a whole range of emotions and by the time I'd reached the hospital and was able to find the ER, I was on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

"Calm down, Mister Madden." The nurse assured me. "You're wife's gonna be alright."

Would people stop calling her my wife? She had made it pretty clear she was NEVER going to be my wife, but she checked into the hospital under Madden?

"Right in here." She led me into a small surprisingly private room. This was a general hospital, you don't usually get privacy.

There was one of those bed with railings and an adjust control. Back when mom was sick, my brothers and sister would sneak into empty rooms at the hospital and play on the beds. We were banned, though, after Benji overlanded a jump and needed stitches.

The doctor had his back to me and I couldn't see Alex beyond him. He was a huge linebacker sized dude.

"Mr. Madden is here." The nurse announced and the doctor turned.
"Joel?" I heard Alex's little voice.
"Alex?" Any hate or confusion was overpowered with my concern. "What happened?"

I rushed around the doctor to her bedside. Her sight overwhelmed me. Despite the bruise on her forehead and the little red light thing attached to her finger, she was beautiful.

"What happened?" I asked again.
"I got hit by an SUV."
"What?!"
"My Honda is a mess…he was huge."
"Your wife was in a minor accident, Mr. Madden, but she and the baby seem to be ok."
"Baby?" I looked down at her stomach which was bigger than the last time I saw her. "You lied to me?" I whispered. My voice quickly rose. "YOU LIED TO ME!"
"Joel, please." She got teary as I threw her hands from mine and stood up.

The doctor stepped between us.

"Mr. Madden please, she's quite shaken up."

I couldn't look at her. I was concerned of course, I was worried about her, but I couldn't forget what she did. The way she told me that our baby was dead and gone. That we couldn't be together anymore, that she didn't want to be my burden. And that it was all a lie. A LIE.

"Can you leave us alone?" I asked the doctor.

He looked apprehensively at Alex. "I don't…"
"I need to speak to my WIFE." I stared into her glassy eyes.
"Please." Alex asked him.

He nodded and closed the door behind he and the nurse.

"Joel…I didn't…"
"Shut up! I don't wanna hear it from you. It's bullshit, all bullshit, Alex."
"That's not fair." She sobbed.
"You know what's not fair, Al?" I grabbed her wrist harshly, forcing her to look me in the eye. "Having the only woman you ever loved, mother of your child, tell you that she lost your baby and that she's your burden and then having her leave you. Because she's insecure and doesn't believe you when you tell her how much you love HER."

She looked down guiltily. I stood up and paced around as I shouted.

"Alex, I fucking love you. I don't know why you don't believe that. I don't understand how you can just lie to me like that and run away from me. What the hell are you running from? Did I ever hurt you? Or ever tell you that I didn't love you? What did I do to make you leave?"

"You didn't do anything." She wiped her eyes. "It's not your fault Joel. I'm just stupid."
"You're right. You are stupid." I crossed my arms and glared at her. "I won't take your shit anymore, Alex…"
"I'm sorry." She cut in.
"Just shut up and let me talk." I was going to get through to her and I wasn't going to let her go this time.

"Alex, this has to stop. I love you with all my heart and if you don't know that by now then you really are stupid. I'm not letting you go. Not this time. Not ever. I know, you're scared of marriage and commitment, but you don't have to be and I won't let you. You hear me? I'm not going to let you lie to me and make up excuses to get away. Alex you can't hide from me. Not anymore."

"Joel, please I just need time."
"NO, no more time, no more chances Al. This is it. Don't you see, Al? I'm here for you whenever you need me. You don't have to suffer alone. You don't have to run or hide because I'm not your parents, I'm not going to be mad at you for being weak. You're NOT weak. You're my…peaches."

She smiled. I had called her that once a long time ago. After we'd first met. She smelled so good all the time. Like vanilla and like peaches. I shut my eyes trying to fight tears. I'm Joel, I don't cry. I sat next to her on the bed and wrapped my arms around her.

"Baby, please. I need you and I love you."
"I love you too." She was in tears, and I gently kissed them away. "I was trying to come home to you. but I wasn't paying enough attention and then that ass slammed into my side and I hit my head."
"Why does everyone keep calling you my wife, Alex?"

"Because my parents are looking for me. Joel they were awful. They told me how stupid I was. That they couldn't believe I let myself get pregnant. They called me a whore and then they said my baby was…that our son was evil spawn and he would go to h-hell…along with his parents." She wailed. "But when I left the house…they tried to come after me. They're looking for me Joel. So when they wanted my name I took yours."

I heard nothing else but the words "our son"

"We're having a boy?" I asked, happiness seeping in. "Al…"
"Damn it…I'm sorry. I know you wanted to be surprised. I'm sor-"
"It's ok." I smiled and hugged her.
"Really?"
"Really." I assured her.

She smiled at me vaguely.

"Joel, I don't wanna be alone."
"Baby, you're never alone…never. I'm always here for you."
"Forever?" Her eyes became wide and childlike.
"I love you, forever." I cradled her in my arms and kissed her forehead.
"Then…" She took a deep breath as if coming to a decision. "Marry me. Now. Today. I'm ready."
***
I couldn't believe we were doing this? I was gonna get married. Something inside wanted to ruin everything and make me think logically. That things were not automatically 100% great. We couldn't just pretend what had happened didn't happen, but, but this felt so right. Just being with her.

Where was Benj? I couldn't get married without him and Jess. No way. I'd called them an hour ago and they said they'd be here. I stood on the balcony and dialed Benji again. I could see a tiny bit of sun coming from beyond the horizon.

The phone kept ringing and no one answered. C'mon pick up. Even if they'd gone back to bed, nobody can sleep through this many rings.

"Hey, leave me a message." Benji's voice mail picked up.
"What the fuck, Benj. Wake up! Where are you? What the hell are you doing?"
***
"Ow, ow, Benj, be careful." I looked up at him. "I'm pregnant remember, be gentle."
"I'm trying to be baby, relax." He gave me a little grin.
"Maybe I should be on top." I suggested.

We tried to maneuver around the small room. I felt sorry for the doctor that called this his office. Not because we were ruining his meticulous pile of crap on the desk or because we were about to cover it with sweat and other 'juices', but because I think this place doubled as a supply closet.

Benji was really horny. He was back at the house, purposely rubbing my thighs, peppering my neck with small kisses. I wasn't in the mood for sex. I was in the mood for ice cream. I was quite satisfied to see him begging for it. Maybe now he'd understand where I was coming from.

But something had changed from the house to the hospital because all I wanted to do was attack him. Maybe it was how happy Joel sounded on the phone telling us he and Alex were getting married. Or maybe it was how incredible Benji smelled or the glimpses of his naked behind I'd caught as he showered, shaved and dressed. Before we went to find Joel in the hospital, he dragged me into the nearest empty room, throwing the lock as he shut the door.

Ooh, sex in a public place. Kinky.

"Maybe we should set the mood?" He raised his eyebrow and reached for the radio dial.

Appropriately enough, Marvin Gaye's voice filled the small space. How cliché.

I've been really tryin', baby
Tryin' to hold back this feelin' for so long
And if you feel like I feel, baby
Then come on, oh come on

He grinned at me knowingly and cranked up the volume. He stripped down to his boxers and he took them off as well, shaking his hips to the melody. I turned so he wouldn't see me laughing at him.

Let's get it on, oh baby
Let's get it on
Let's love, baby
Let's get it on
Sugar, let's get it on

He came towards me and I wrapped my arms around his naked back. He pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it aside. While I kept my lips firmly on his neck, sucking and nipping, he continued to unclothe me. He pinned me against the desk and I shivered as my bare skin made contact with the cold surface. He hoisted me to perch on the edge of the table by my bottom.

We're all sensitive people
With so much to give

He moved inside me without haste. No teasing this time.

Understand me, sugar
Since we got to being
Let's live
I love you

And it felt so good, to feel the pressure of his hands on my ass and lower back. Keeping me close to him so that there was nary an inch of our skin not pressed together, sliding against each other with each thrust.

There's nothing wrong with me
Lovin' you, baby no no
And givin' yourself to me could never be wrong
If the love is true, oh baby

I took my lips from his neck and we kissed so that we were connected in more ways than one. Our tongues swirling together and conversing with each other.

Don't you know how sweet and wonderful
Life can be
I'm asking you baby
To get it on with me

His every move was flawless. I rolled my head back with pleasure and breathed heavily. Benji kissed from my chin down my neck and chest.

I ain't gonna worry
I ain't gonna push
I won't push you baby

Benji's phone started vibrating and ringing all at once, but he didn't once think to pick it up. His rhythm didn't even falter. He was deep in concentration over this orgasm. His eyes were shut tight and he released strangled groans like he was working really hard.

So come on, come on, come on, come on, come on baby
Stop beatin' 'round the bush

"Ahh, uhh, oh Benj." I yelped, gasping as the deep tingling began sending waves crashing through my body.

Benji grunted, cradling my backside and lifted me towards him.

Let's get it on
Let's get it on
You know what I'm talkin' about
Come on baby, hey girl
Let your love come out

"Mmm…mmm" I bit my lip. "Harder."
"Are you sure?" His cadence slowed momentarily and I could feel the sweat dripping from his pores and onto my skin.

If you believe in love
Let's get it on
Let's get it on, baby
This minute, oh yeah
Let's get it on
Please get it on

"Harder baby." I cheered him on, spanking him and scooting forward against the desk so I could wrap my legs around him. I snaked my arms around his neck and pushed until he was grinding me again, arduously.

So come on, come on, come on, come on, come on darlin'
Stop beatin' 'round the bush

My nails dug into his back and he gripped me tighter. I couldn't even open my eyes to look at him anymore. Just the feel of him inside, reaching the depths of me and sending me over the edge was all I could think of.

Gonna get it on
I wanna get it on
You don't have to worry that it's wrong
If the spirit moves ya
Let me groove ya... good

"Mmm, yeah, yeah…" He moaned.
"Ahh…ahh…Benji, yes, yes, YES!"
"Oh Jessa!" I know his eyes shut tight. "Yeah…fuck."

Let your love come down
Get it on, come on baby

We shouted cries of approval and affection for each other as we both came at once. He leaned against me as he went limp inside of me, but he didn't pull out.

"Ah, Jessa" he sighed, his breath hot on my neck. "I love you."

I stroked his chest and then leaned in to suck on his skin. I kissed his praying Jesus and then his locked voice box. I moved around his neck and kissed over his Virgin Mary. I pulled at his earlobes and all the sensitive flesh surrounding it. Benji groaned.

The phone rang again and this time Benji went to answer it. He had to disconnect to do so and it made me feel empty and cold. I pouted, how dare he leave me.

"Yeah." Benji answered the phone as I followed him across the room and picked up his discarded pants. I bobbed my eyebrows at him as he talked to his brother. I could hear Joel bitching on the other end.

I picked up Benji's boxers and made a motion to let Benji know I would be dressing him back up. He blushed at me and picked up one foot then the other, so could put them on.

"We're here…" He guaranteed Joel. I slid the cotton shorts up his hairy tattooed legs. Purposely slowing as I pulled them over his butt and gently kissing the head of his limp penis when I did the front. Making him inhale sharply and almost drop the phone.

"You ok?" I could hear Joel and I laughed. I rubbed him through the material.

Benji nodded to the phone unable to answer Joel.

"Benj?"
"He's fine." I shouted. Benji bit his lip. I bit my own with fervor. "You are fine aren't you baby?"

Benji released a short grunt. I stopped and picked up his pants. Again he lifted his legs and allowed me to bring them up his legs.

"Look, where are you? Benj, we're waiting." Joel was getting antsy.
"We'll be there soon." His eyes were shut tight waiting for me to do something else to drive him crazy.
"4th floor." Joel announced.
"Uh huh." Benji replied as I brought his pants up and massaged him again. "b-bye Joel."

He clicked the phone off and focused on me.

"Oh Jessa."

I buckled his pants and began kissing up his bare stomach. Rubbing my hands over the black ink of the word PUNX across his belly. I made my way until I was standing up and kissed his neck. He held my naked form against him, allowing me to keep necking him, occasionally moaning.

After what seemed like a long neck sucking and ass grabbing session, he resolved that we needed to get upstairs for his brother's wedding. I reluctantly stopped and put my clothes on. I smiled at him once we were both fully clothed, glowing and looking undeniably of sex.

He spanked me on the way out into the hall. I grinned at him and he chased me into the elevator as it arrived, pinning me and the bouquet of flowers meant for Alex against the wall. And thank God it was empty.
***
My little brother was getting married in a hospital chapel, when the sun was coming up. After his bride-to-be had faked their child's death and ran away from him. We were a living soap opera.

"Why're the flowers all broken and crushed?" Alex turned them over in her hand.
"It's early. You expect a florist?" I quickly covered my and Jessa's elevator escapade.
"Dude, you have a hickey." Joel flicked his eye upon it and turned around back to his bride. I touched my neck with my hand. I had a Jessa mark. I looked over at her and she gave me a wink and shrugged.

"So do we have everything?" Joel looked around.
"Flowers." Alex held up her pathetic bunch. "Something old? My sneakers. Something new? This t-shirt. Something borrowed? Jessa's earrings. Something blue? My ID bracelet." She held up her wrist.

Joel smirked.

"Yup, totally traditional." Jessa added.
"We don't have any rings." Joel fretted.
"Oh." I reached into my pocket. "I almost forgot. We know it's just temporary, but here." I presented him with plastic rings from the little toy dispenser down stairs.

Joel laughed. He shook his head and took them.

The hospital chaplain who was fully ordained to execute marriage ceremonies 'ahemed'. Joel stood at the head of the aisle with him. Alex went to the door and the rest of us got in position. Jessa was the "maid of honor" (while doubling as photographer) and I was the best man, but I had to play a short guitar piece as Alex took the aisle. Her doctor and a nurse sat in the pews.

I played the first few bars of "I Can't Help Falling In Love" as Alex made the short walk to Joel. I wasn't singing but I couldn't help the song playing in my head.

Wisemen say, only fools rush in.
But I
Can't help
Falling in love
With you.

Joel smiled at her and I took my place behind him. The chaplain cleared his throat.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join Joel and Alexandra in holy matrimony." He announced looking at the couple. He was quiet. I guessed he didn't perform weddings very often.
"C'mon." Joel urged.
"Oh, um, now Joel will repeat his vows." The chaplain looked at his paper. "Do you promise to love, honor, and cherish Alexandra, as long as you both shall live?"
"I do."
"Then repeat after me. I Joel Rueben…"

"I, Joel Rueben, take Alexandra Elizabeth to be my lawfully wedded wife. To have and to hold for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, forsaking all others and never giving up on her, even when she's scared of us."

I heard Alex sigh. I peeked around the couple and winked at Jessa. This was after all gonna be us in a few weeks. She grinned. It was Alex's turn.

"Do you promise to love, honor, and cherish Joel, as long as you both shall live?"
"I do."

"I, Alexandra Elizabeth, take Joel Rueben to be my lawfully wedded husband. To have and to hold. For richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health. In dark and in light, forsaking all others and appreciating what I've been blessed with."

They exchanged rings quickly and before I knew it my brother was married. He finished smacking his lips with Alex and Jessa captured their image on camera. Everybody hugged. Jessa hugged Joel and then Alex. I hugged Alex and then Joel. Joel hugged Alex, I hugged Jessa. It was fun.

"We should go eat breakfast somewhere." Alex suggested as we started heading out. "Like Denny's or something."
"Hey!" Jessa suddenly stopped. "Where's my ice cream!?"
"Probably melting in my front seat." Joel grimaced.

I thought Jessa would throw a fit. Her eyes got all wide and almost angry.

"I'm gonna let this one slide…but you owe me." she said through gritted teeth and she wasn't playing. Pregnant women!

I grabbed her waist and pulled her next to me.

"You can have ice cream at Denny's." I assured her. "Let's call up everyone else for breakfast."

Alex and Joel nodded. They looked so…happy. You'd never guess all the pain that they'd both just experienced.