Chapter
6 “Let Me Count the Ways”
I've seen your face a
thousand times
Have all your stories
memorized
I've kissed your lips
a million ways
But I still love to
have you around
I've held you too many
times to count
I think I know you
inside out
And we're together
most days
But I still love to
have you around
You're the one I want
And it's not just a
phase
You're the one I trust
Our love is the real
thing
Don't go away
My love (my love)
I want you to stay
In my life
My lover (my love)
I'm happiest when we spend
time
You’re a salty ocean
wave
You knock me down,
You kiss my face
I know the storms will
always come
But I still love to
have you around
Heaven knows what will
come next
So emotional
You're so complex
A rollercoaster built
to crash
But I still love to
have you around
You're the one I want
And it's not just a
phase
You're the one I trust
Our love is the real
thing
Don't go away
My love (my love)
I want you to stay
In my life
My lover (my love)
I'm happiest when we
spend time (it's only you and I)
It's you there when I
close my eyes
And you in the morning
I never thought you'd
still be mine
Or I'd really need to
have you around
Don't go away
My love (my love)
I want you to stay
In my life
My lover (my love)
I need you you're my
love supply
Don't go away
My love (you're my
love supply)
I want you to stay
In my life (everyday,
every night)
Don't go away
My lover (you're my
love supply)
I need you you're my
love supply
I
hugged Ben and kissed his forehead.
“Be
good, help grama take care of the kids, okay?”
“Sure
mom.” He nodded.
“Good,”
I hugged him again. I leaned over Noah and he practically climbed up into my
arms. I groaned and laughed. “Okay, baby.”
“I’m
gonna miss you Momma.” He hugged me
really tight.
“I
know you are sweetie, and I’m gonna miss you too.” I kissed his forehead. “Love you.”
“I
love you, Momma.” He squeezed me again.
I
set him back on the floor and leaned down to hug Isabel. “Bye, Iz.”
“Bye
mommy.” She too squeezed me.
I
kissed her forehead. “You help grama
with the boys too okay?”
“Okay.”
Joel
ran into my legs and hugged me, already crying.
“Oh
honey, shhh.”
“Don’t
go, don’t leave!!" he cried.
“Joely,
oh, please don’t cry.”
“Don’t
goooooo” He hugged me tighter as I picked him up.
“Joely
c’mon…it’s ok, I’m gonna be home soon”
“NOOOO
DON’T GOOOOOOO!!” he
cried louder.
“Joel!”
I started getting worried as he freaked out.
Benji
looked at me and reached for him.
“Hey! Hey! C’mere little man.” He held Joel against him. “Why’re you giving your momma such a hard
time, huh?”
“Don’t
gooo-ooooo” he started to shake, he was in full fit
mode.
“C’mon
Joely, be a big boy.” Benji told him softly.
“You’re gonna be a big brother soon, you’d
better start acting like it.”
“I
dowanna be a big brutter!”
“I’m
a big brother!” Benji told him.
“R-really?”
he sniffed up some of his tears.
“Yeah,
your Uncle Joel and Aunt Sarah are my little brother and sister.” Benji explained. “You gotta be a big boy now and help momma
and me. You’re gonna be responsible.”
“Re-spawnza-bull?”
“It
means you’re in charge!”
“ME?!”
“Yup,
so be a big boy and say bye to mommy”
He
sniffed up his tears. “B-bye mommy”
“Bye,
Joely. We’ll be home soon, okay?”
“O-ok-kay.” He hugged my legs one last time.
I
almost didn’t want to leave them, but I knew I had to. There was nothing we needed more right now
than to just be together and a nice little week long trip to
“Bye, mom.” Benji hugged her.
“Bye,
honey. Have a good time.” She smiled.
“You
have all the numbers to reach us?” I asked as she hugged me.
“Of
course sweetheart, but I don’t want you to worry. Everything will be fine.”
“I
know…but I…” I sighed, looking at my children’s faces peeking through blinds of
the living room window. “I know.”
I
waved at them and turned to walk with Benji, back to the car. He opened the door for me, and still all I
could do was look at their little faces pressed against the glass. I frowned.
I hated leaving them. I really
did.
“Baby,
don’t cry, okay?” Benji leaned over and kissed me, obviously he noticed me
staring that the kids. Robin was pulling
them away from the window.
I
smiled. “You are SO AMAZING!” I returned the kiss.
He
laughed and smiled at me.
“This
trip is going to be so weird.” I shook my head.
“Weird?”
he asked glancing at me as he backed out of the driveway.
“Being without the kids. It’s been a long time since we’ve been, ya know,
alone alone.”
“I
know, baby.” He patted my thigh.
“Actually,
I think the last time was our honeymoon.
And I was 7 months pregnant then.”
“Naw,
we went to
“I
suppose that counts.” I shrugged.
“Remember Joel kept calling us telling us how Isabel kept crying and Ben
was acting up.”
“Yeah,”
we laughed remembering it. “But we had
really good sex that night too.”
“That’s
probably where Noah came from.” I added.
“Ya
know, you also came to see me on tour that one
time. That was awesome.” He remembered it well it seemed.
“In
DC, when I pretended to be a groupie?
That was fun. Those girls kept
yelling at you.” I laughed.
“And
then we fucked in the stall of the bathroom.”
“And almost got thrown out, moaner!”
“What
can I say…you make me scream.” He cocked his eyebrow.
“It’s
so hard to go into that place now. You
know they knew.”
“I
doubt they remember, it was 4 years ago.”
“Wow,
we were doing that stuff only 4 years ago?”
“That’s
when we had Joel. I guess that’s when we
quit.” He shrugged.
Quit. I guess we did kind of quit. That was right before we settled down. We were kind of caught up raising our kids to
notice we were moving our relationship further down the pole of importance.
“I
mean, we’ve relapsed a couple of times…” Benji started
again. “Remember when I skipped out on
that party in LA me and Joel were invited to so I could stay home with
you…kitten”
“Oh
you mean when you tied me up.” I
suddenly was flooded with the memory.
“That was so hot.”
“Mmmm,
yeah it was.” He sighed. “Hey…when we
get to the airport you wanna…?”
“Where?”
“I
don’t care, I’ll do it in the car.”
“Are
you serious, Benj?”
“Or
you could give me head now.”
“Baby! Calm
down.”
“Sorry.”
He laughed nervously. “I’m a little
horny.”
“Oh yeah…a little.”
I rolled my eyes. I leaned over
and kissed his cheek. “In
the bathroom, k?” I whispered.
“See,
we can’t quit. This is the best
addiction ever!”
I
laughed. He was right. We were addicted. I think my husband was a pretty good and
healthy addiction to have. I shut my
eyes and thought about our addiction a little more.
***
We
didn’t have much time before our flight, but as soon as our bags were checked Jessa casually
slipped away from me and walked into the ladies room.
“Jess..” I whispered furiously.
She just kept walking. I followed
her, trying not to be obvious. I waited
what seemed like forever and when it was clear I ran inside the ladies room.
“Jess?!” I hissed.
She saw my feet by the stall and opened the door to yank me inside. She had picked the furthest stall.
“Mmm”
I moaned as she kissed me.
“Hurry
up, we gotta be quick.” she fumbled with my belt.
It was so convenient she wore a dress today. I pulled her underwear off and lifted her
skirt as she dropped my pants. I held
her up and pushed her against the wall.
I pushed inside her and we went at it hard and fast. Within a few
minutes we were both sweating and moaning.
I came, collapsing against her.
“Uhhhh.” I groaned. She giggled.
I lifted my head and looked at her.
“What?”
“Nothing,
that’s just so cute.”
I
grinned and kissed her. “Love you!”
“I
love you too baby.” She pecked my lips again, before unlocking from my body and
pulling her clothes back into place. I
pulled my pants back up and straightened my shirt.
“Who
leaves first?” I asked
“You,
go ahead. I’m gonna fix my hair.” Jess motioned with her eyes and I unlocked
the stall, looking both ways to check for others. She shoved me out. “Just go, quickly.”
“Okay,
okay.”
I’m
pretty sure someone was in the first stall and since we hadn’t heard anyone, it
meant she arrived right when we peaked.
I’ve never felt so embarrassed to be walking out of the ladies
room. Usually, I’d feel a little
smug. I mean, I just got laid in the
bathroom, but today I felt so red in the cheeks that I must have looked like I
just got back from vacationing in
I
waited for Jessa on the benches outside the restroom. I really hoped this trip was what we
needed. I mean I already felt better and
we were doing better, but if this trip didn’t fix what was wrong…I didn’t want
to know what that meant.
We
WERE staying at the Waldorf in
“You
look like you’re thinking hard.” I
looked up at the sound of Jessa’s voice.
She had taken her hair out of the pony tail. It was all curled around her face. She was flawless.
“Not
really.” I smiled.
“The
answer is, no, we won’t fit in the airplane bathroom, Benj.” She joked.
“Ha,
I wasn’t thinking about that.”
“So,
what were you thinking about?” she raised her eyebrow in question, hands on her hips. She was in a really playful mood. Sex always made her high.
“Being alone with you. Ya know…trying to remember what that was like
exactly.” I sighed.
She
sat down next to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. “It was awesome.”
“I
know.”
***
I
shut my eyes and sighed when I finally plopped down in the back of the
cab. I opened my eyes and grinned when
Benji sat next to me.
“Waldorf
Astoria.” He told the cab driver.
“No, problem.”
He
grabbed my hand and smiled over at me. I
leaned against his shoulder. Benji kinda
hated flying, he’d rather take a train, but I loved planes. I loved take off and landing and turbulence,
it excited me. I could tell he was glad
we were back on solid ground again. He
kept rubbing my hand in his.
“What
time is the event tonight?”
“6.”
He answered, looking at his watch. He
was wearing his favorite; the one I got him for his 35th
birthday. I loved that watch. It was so simple. “We got like 3 hours, 2 and a half.”
“Looks like we’re going to be fashionably late.” I shrugged. “I definitely need a shower when we get to
the hotel. I hate smelling like an
airport.”
“Me too.” He grimaced.
“Reminds me of touring.”
“You
a musician?” the cabbie suddenly asked.
Benji
looked at me and giggled slightly. “Uh, yeah.”
“Would
I have heard of you?”
“Good
“Who?”
“Never
mind” Benji
shook his head. “Maybe you know my
wife?”
“The one sitting next to you?” I could feel him look at me through the
mirror.
Benji
glanced at me and we exchanged looks.
Benji shook his head. “Uh…yeah. Jessa
Madden.”
“You
make shoes?”
“That’s
Steve Madden.” I half laughed. “No, I
make movies.”
“What
kind?” he looked at me in the mirror again.
Ew, not that kind.
“Jessa
is a film director.” Benji sneered.
“Oh,
your pretty enough to be in them.”
Benji’s
eyes widened. I just smiled.
“I’m
not a very convincing actress I’m afraid.”
Benji looked like he wanted to jump though the Plexiglas.
I
gave him a look. “He’s harmless.” I
whispered. He kinda pouted as he sat
back. I laughed,
he can be so cute sometimes.
Familiar
landmarks, that I knew more from movies and television than from my own actual
memories, flew past the windows on our way to the hotel. I must have seen half a million people so
far; we could fade into the background and just be part of the crowd, I think I
loved that about
I
squeezed his hand tighter in mine and snuggled closer, even though it was july and the
temperature was roughly 90 bazillion degrees.
He kissed my forehead.
"I'm
so glad we came." I sighed.
"Me too." He agreed. "It's nice to be alone."
I
nodded, just as the cab pulled in front of the Waldorf. Every time I came here the sight of it took
my breath away. It was gorgeous. Benji grinned.
"Here
we are folks." The cab driver
announced. Benji smiled and thanked him,
handing over the money and nice generous tip, I noticed.
By
the time we made it inside our suite I really did feel like a celebrity. Hotel staff had brought up our luggage and
set the room up. We were taken directly
to the front of the line for check in, and everyone treated us like we were
royalty. I don't know if I should be
slapping my country on the wrist for our obsession with celebrity or grateful I
ended up on this end of the deal.
I
laid down on the bed, shut my eyes and grinned. "This is the best bed in the
world!"
Benji
laughed at me.
"It
is, you should lay down with me." I pulled on his
shirt.
"Oh,
should I?" he wiggled his eyebrows and climbed on top of me. "Like
this?"
"Mmm, hehe." I giggled when he
started kissing my neck.
"Baby?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm
really excited."
"About what?"
"This, us…the baby."
I
smiled. "Me
too."
"Really,
Jess?"
"Benji! Of
course I am."
"Well
I'm glad." He rolled off me and laid on his
back. He paused. "I want a little girl."
"Awww." I smiled.
"We
don't have enough little girls."
"You
are so cute."
He
grinned, dimples perforating his cheeks.
He hugged me, crawling over me again.
He leaned down and kissed me, slowly at first, then slowly applying more
pressure and parting his lips to lick mine with his tongue. I wrapped my hand around his neck and into
his hair, pressing his lips closer against mine as we kissed.
We
laid there just kissing for a good 10 minutes, pausing every few seconds for
breath. I smiled up at him and he smiled
back down at me. He started pulling the
skirt of my dress up, his hand rubbing the length of my thigh.
"Baby…"
he whispered breathily.
"BLACK COAT
WHITE SHOES
BLACK HAT
CADILLAC, YEAH
THE BOY'S A TIME BOMB
BLACK COAT
WHITE SHOES
BLACK HAT
CADILLAC, YEAH
THE BOY'S A TIME
BOMB"
Benji's
phone went off. He groaned.
"What
the fuck?" he was still straddling me, but he sat up on his knees. "It's my mom. Hello?...Hi
Joely." He smiled at me and rolled his eyes. "I miss you too, buddy."
He
climbed off me and sat on one of the many couches, chatting away to our
3-year-old about fire trucks and crayons.
I opened my suitcase and pulled out my dress for the charity dinner
tonight. It was red with black
silhouetted flowers on it. I loved
it. I held it up against me and posed
for Benji.
He
grinned and held up his thumb. Awesome, he mouthed. "That sounds really cool, Joel."
I
motioned to the bathroom and went in for a shower. I could hear Benji until I turned on the
water and drowned him out. I hoped it
wasn't like this all weekend. Benji and
I hadn't really talked about things yet, we were just barely enjoying the time
alone. I didn't want to be interrupted
every time we tried to get close this week, because then it would be like being
at home.
I
let the hot water wash over my back and hair.
It felt so good. I relaxed,
lolling my head forward to let the water massage my neck.
"Got
room for 2 in there?" Benji opened the glass door.
"I
thought you were talking to Joel?"
"I
was, he had to go eat dinner."
"Ha,
he's so cute." I smiled.
"I
thought I was the cute one?"
"Well,
where do you think he got it from?" I poked his nose.
"Mmm…so
where were we."
He grabbed my hips.
"Benj!" I cried. "We gotta get ready now."
"Aww…c'mon
Jess…real quick." He leaned in to
kiss me again.
God,
how can I say no?
***
After
a long evening, we finally got out of the party and started strolling down the
street towards the Waldorf. Jessa liked
to walk in
“I
still can’t believe Denis Leary was there.”
Jessa lamented.
“Would
you stop talking about him?” I rolled my eyes.
“I mean, I am your husband.”
“Aww,
I’m sorry.” She smiled. “It’s not really
him I like anyway, I like Tommy Gavin.”
“Yeah,
yeah, drunk firefighter, man in uniform I get it.” I rolled my eyes again.
“Oh
man, we should go shopping while we’re here.
Look at those shoes!” she stopped at a window.
“Those
are some serious sex shoes, Jess.” I widened my eyes at the 6 inch
stilettos. “C’mon…let’s go inside.”
I
took her hand and pulled her towards the door.
It was nice little boutique. Blaloc's. Shoes, sunglasses, gaudy costume jewelry. We walked around the store a little
while. Jessa tried on the shoes, I looked at watches and neckties.
“What
time is it?” Jessa asked the sales girl as she modeled the sexy 6 inchers.
“9:45, 15 minutes 'til
close.”
“Oh…maybe
we should go Benj.” She tugged my sleeve.
“What? No, we’re spending money here. They can stay a few minutes extra.”
Jessa
turned pink. “Benj…”
“Jessa,
it’s their job. They work on
commission.”
“It’s
really alright, ma’am.” The salesgirl
smiled and nodded. “Just ask if you need
help.”
“See,
I told you.” I smiled. She recognized us, I knew it. I knew that’s why she was remaining open.
Jessa
wouldn’t look up. She was so cute and
embarrassed when she got recognized. She
started unbuckling the shoes, while I looked up and down the counter
cases.
“Those
are hot!” Jessa pointed at a pair of sunglasses, over my shoulder.
“You
like ‘em?” I asked, squeezing her
waist. “Hey!” I signaled a sales
person. “How much for the—“
“Benj,
no!” she scolded.
“They’re
$565, sir” the saleswoman answered.
“If
you like them Jess…” I pushed.
“Benji,
those are $600 sunglasses, what am I gonna do with $600 sunglasses?”
“Block
out the sun? Try ‘em on!”
“Baby…I
do not NEED $600 sunglasses.” She shook
her head.
“This
isn’t about what you need. For once can
you let me get you something you WANT.”
She
blushed.
“C’mon
let me spoil you” I
begged. “PLEASE!?”
“Well
when you ask like that, how can I say no?”
she grinned.
I
smirked. “Can we see the sunglasses?”
“Of
course” she pulled them out of the case and handed them to Jessa.
She
put them on and posed. “What do you
think?”
“You
look hot” she really did.
“Yeah?” she looked into the mirror.
“You
should totally get them” I confirmed.
“I
dunno…”
“Baby,
they look hot…get them!”
“But…”
“If
you mention money again I’m walking out.” I rolled my eyes. “Jess, I don’t mean to sound like a big head but we have millions
of dollars.”
“We
also have 5 kids to put through college”
I
stared at her a few minutes. Did she
really think we couldn’t afford the glasses?
“Okay,
okay.” She relented.
“We’ll
take the glasses.” I handed them back so she could wrap them. I wandered down the cases. “Can I see that necklace too?”
“Benji!” Jessa widened her eyes at me. Her mouth fell open as she the girl laid the
necklace on the table. “That is…oh my
god.”
“It’s
a 5 carat heart shaped diamond set in platinum.
It’s exclusive.” She explained.
“We’ll
take it.”
Jessa
was speechless. She just stood there
looking at me. I smiled and slung my arm
around her shoulder as we paid. The
sales girl kept smiling at us while she swiped my credit card and wrapped our
items. I kissed Jessa’s forehead, I’m
pretty sure the salesgirl ‘Awwed’.
“There
you are, sir. Thank you, have a good
night.”
“We
will, thank you.” I smiled and took the bag.
“Thank
you.” Jessa nodded. She was
embarrassed. We didn’t go out and spend
money like this everyday and if we did it wasn’t so lavish. When I bought her things it was usually a
gift.
“Let’s
see your fireman do that?!”
She
looked up at me. “How much did you just
spend?”
“Don’t
worry about it”
“I
can’t believe you.” She shook her head.
“I
like to spend money on you.”
She
blushed. I stopped her mid stride under
the street lamp. I looked into her eyes
and kissed her.
“I
love you.”
Her
blush deepened as she grinned. “I love
you too.”
***
Jessa
was tossing and turning. For being the
best bed in the world, she was having a hard time making it comfortable for
herself. Jessa rolled over again and I
heard her sigh. I rolled over to face
her.
“Jess?” I grabbed her arm. “Whatsa matter babe?”
“It’s
too quiet here.”
“Awww.” I rubbed her cheek. “you miss the kids?”
“No
one’s crying cause they had a bad dream or wet the
bed. No one’s waking me up, playing with
their toys.”
“Aww,
baby, it’s okay” I
hugged her.
It
was so cute that she missed them.
“I
know a way to make a little noise.” I
giggled and kissed her cheek.
“Benji!”
she slapped my arm laughing.
“Oh
c’mon, pretend I’m your fireman…”
“Hey!” she protested.
“You
know, you were eye fucking him all night.”
I rolled my eyes.
“He
didn’t even see me.”
“Yeah,
right, you’re delicious.” I leaned in and kissed her neck again. “I know he looked your way more than once.”
“For
real?….baby..” she moaned, as I rolled on top of her
and kissed all the most sensitive areas of her neck. “Oh baby…”
“You
like that huh, Jess?”
“Mmmmmm.” She
purred.
“I
bet he can’t do this!” I slipped my hands in her underpants and started
fingering her, while I continued kissing her neck.
“OH! OH GOD!” she screamed. I smiled and continued.
“Wait…wait,
Benj..”
“What?”
I stopped.
“If
you’re going to be my fireman, shouldn’t I be Angie?”
I
looked away. She knew I loved Angelina
Jolie.
“Oh
look at you blush, boy.” She
giggled. “C’mon, fire boy.” She leaned
up and bit me.
“Did
you just BITE me, Jess?”
“Maybe…”
she batted her eyelashes.
“Oh,
you are so hot!”
***
When it was 7, I finally rolled out of
bed. I’d been lying there for 3
hours. I never really got to sleep. Sex didn’t put me to sleep that often, it was
cocaine for me, kept me awake. Sex was
sedative for Benji, because he passed out afterward. He was sleeping next to me, his colorful arm
draped over me, his fingers centimeters from my breasts.
I carefully slid away from him and ran my
fingers through my hair. I yawned and
looked around the room. The blankets
were a complete mess, barely covering Benji’s sleeping form, I
could see an ass cheek peeking from behind it.
A couple neckties were still attached to the bed frame and it looked
like one was still on Benji’s foot too.
I smiled.
Last night was a lot of fun. The more we did, the more I wanted, the more
awake I was, but when Benji finally dozed off I was left with all my other
feelings. My feelings
about this pregnancy. My feelings about our marriage right now.
I couldn’t be too serious while I watched him
sleep, though. He looked absolutely
adorable. His hair laying
across his forehead and his lips curved into a slight smile. I smiled down at him and rubbed his stubbly
cheek. I crawled back down next to him.
“I love you.
I love you.” I whispered into his hair as I kissed him all over.
“Jess?” he
started to wake up. “what
are you doing baby?”
“Benji?”
“Hi, baby.”
I took a deep breath. "Benj, we need to talk about this…"
"About what? Jessa, it’s 7 in the
morning! After the night we ha-"
"Babe…I don't…I don't wanna have anymore
kids. I mean it's hard enough as it
is." I let out.
"Soooo…what are you…"
"We have 5 kids now Benji. FIVE!" I shut my eyes. "I never imagined having so many. And of course I love my babies, but…I'm…I'm
through Benj. I need a break now."
"Well, what do you…I mean, how're you
gonna stop it? If it happens it happens Jess."
He rolled onto his stomach and propped himself on his elbows.
"Birth
control, retard."
"I thought you said the pill makes you
crazy."
I scoffed.
"I didn't say I was getting on the pill Benj."
"Whatcha gonna do?" he shrugged.
"WE…what are WE gonna do." I
corrected.
"I don't really like condoms, Jess."
"I can't believe you." I
yelled. "It's so like you to be
selfish. You ARE a kid!"
"Hey." His eyes narrowed. "I don't know what you expect to
happen. You can't cast a spell and not
get pregnant anymore."
"I know that." I argued. "There are ways Benji."
"What says?" he asked.
"Vasectomy"
"A-A WHAT?!" he cried alarmed.
"C'mon, baby, it's not so bad."
"EXCUSE ME?! no,
no, noooooooooo, absolutely NOT." He shook his head and backed away from
me as if I'd cut his dick off.
He really was unbelievable. I felt the rage boiling inside of me.
"FINE." I crossed my arms rolling to my side of the bed. "No birth control, no sex."
"WHAT?!" he sounded almost as scared
of that as the word vasectomy.
"Jess, you…you've GOT to be joking."
"Ha, think what you want." I got up
and slipped my robe on.
"Jessa?!?" He followed me. “What about our addiction?”
He continued calling my name, but I didn't
turn around. I didn't budge. This was way more important to me than
anything else. If I had to for-go sex
for it, then so be it; I had a vibrator.
"Can't we talk about this?" he caught me in the
living room area. He was also absolutely
naked, sans the necktie still attached to his ankle.
"We did.
And you said no." I seethed.
"Jessa please, there's got to be
something else hasn't there?"
"Like what Benji?" I yelled.
"I dunno." He scratched his
head. "Alex and Joel can't have
anymore."
"ALEX HAD A HYSTERECTOMY!!" I
roared.
"Well…isn't, isn't there something
else?" he continued.
"Are you talking about a tubal
ligation?" I stared at him.
"Is that the same thing as getting your
tubes tied."
"Yes." I gritted my teeth.
"Well then that then."
"You would have me undergo a serious
surgery…I'm talking weeks of recovery Benj, for something you can get done in
half hour?" I gaped.
"W-we—"
"No, it's not enough that I carried the
children, gave BIRTH to them, nursed them, and Joel bit me you know he did, and
still I," I pointed to myself.
"Have to get cut open so you don't have to wear a little piece of
rubber? Yeah, Benj,
really great idea. Thank you
honey, it's an honor really, you old-fashioned, pig-headed, stubborn,
old…"
"Hey, hey, geez, I'm sorry." He
grabbed me by the shoulders.
"…ASSHOLE!"
"Jessa, jesus,
I'm sorry." He looked at me like a guilty child. He sat down on the sofa. "I didn't know
that's what it meant. I'm really
sorry. I don't want you to have
surgery."
"You know a vasectomy is really
easy. Tons of guys get them
everyday." I explained. "It's
not like they cut your balls off Benji.
You just shoot blanks for the rest of your life."
"Blanks?" he cocked his eyebrow.
"You still come,
it's just…just not full of sperm ya know." I said.
"Oh."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, oh" he stood there a few
minutes transfixed with the pattern on the couch fabric.
"So, are you gonna say anything?" I
asked.
"Anything." He deadpanned.
"Oh c'mon Benj, I'm not asking you for a
divorce or something." I sat next to him.
"You're asking me to let some doctor mess
with my junk." He crossed his arms.
"Benji if you're not going to do it, then
say that, don't do this to me."
"Look, I know this is important and I get
it, I really do baby, but just because you're the one who has the babies
doesn't mean you can just MAKE me go do something to my body." He
explained patiently. "You can't
just act like it's my turn. Don't you
think it'd be a little traumatic for me?"
"What are you a pussy?" I asked.
"Jessa! That's my dick! You can't act so nonchalant about
something…something…" he looked down.
"That's important to me."
"Your dick is important to you?" I
wanted to laugh.
"Sure it is." He said
seriously. "That's the little
trooper." He pointed down. "I
gotta take care of my man, Jess."
I could tell he was being sarcastic, but part
of me believed he was serious about this.
The little trooper? Men sometimes, honestly.
"I'm all for your plan. I mean, 5 kids is a
"Benj, your whole life isn't summed up in
your sex life."
"I know that."
"Losing your ability to father children
doesn't make you any less virile or sexy to me Benji." I told him and slid
closer. "I love you for plenty other reasons besides the sex."
“Oh yeah?” he raised his eyebrow.
“Mmmhmm, like…the way you actually LIKE to
cuddle.”
Benji’s face turned pink. “Well…”
“I love that baby, it’s so cute. I love your sense of humour.” I added. “And your sense of family.”
He smiled.
“I love OUR family.” He put
his hand on my stomach.
“I love when you do that.” I grinned back.
“Mmm.” He kissed my neck. “What
else do you love about me?”
“Hmm…I love the way you’re daddy.” I
added. “I love your eyes. I love that you’re a romantic. I love that you’re…my Benji.”
“Awwww,” he cooed and kissed behind my
ears. “I love that you’re my Jessa too.”
He started laying me down across the couch.
“Hey?!” I sat up. “We’re not
getting out of this. We can’t just fix
everything with sex Benj. That’s how we
got here in the first place.”
He
sighed and slapped his hands against his thighs. “Well, I’m not making the decision in a few
minutes Jess.”
“Well…then…”
“Baby,
look I…” he
sighed. “I don’t know what to say, but
this isn’t something that’s just going to happen in a little bit. I love you, and…the last thing I wanna do is
hurt you more, baby. It really is. You have to believe me.”
“I
always believe you.” I smirked and rubbed his cheek.
“You
wanna get a bite?”
“Breakfast in bed?” I asked.
“You
don’t wanna go out?”
“I
dunno, if I could cook for you, I’d do that.”
“Baby,
this is a vacation. You cook like 90% of
the time, let someone else do the work sometime.”
“I
do, I-”
“No,
you don’t Jessa. You never let people
help you, you wanna do everything on your own. And I respect that babe, I respect it big
time. But once and a while…just ease up,
let me take care of you.”
“I
let you take of me!”
“When?”
“I…” okay so I couldn’t
think of a particular time. “I like to
be mommy.”
He
grinned at me. “Well, mommy, I think a
trip to a pancake house is in order.” He patted my belly and got up to
stretch. He leaned down and kissed my
cheek. “Get dressed I’m gonna take a
shower.”
I
watched his cute little ass walk into the bathroom, having to stop halfway
there to untie the necktie on his ankle.
I got up, walked back to the bedroom and started picking out an
outfit. I noticed Benji’s wallet sitting
on the dresser and decided not to be nosey.
What could be in there I needed to see?
Other than maybe how much he spent at Blaloc’s last night.
C’mon Jess, what do
you need to know that for? He bought you
some gifts, leave it at that.
“Hey,
Jess?”
I
jumped at the sound of his voice streaming though the wall of water. “Yeah?”
“Can
you call Nik on my cell?” there was a pause.
“Ask him what that place is called on 72nd and
"Sure." I looked away from his wallet and picked up
his phone.
***
"Ya
know, this trip really was the best thing for
us." Benji looked out across the city from the hotel window.
I
wrapped my arms around him from behind and kissed his neck. "Mmmhmm."
"I
mean we've been having some really good talks and everything."
"Yeah,
I know baby." I continued on his neck.
"I
think we're in a better place."
"Uh
huh…better…" I kept it up.
"Jess?"
he stopped me and turned around.
"I-"
I
leaned up and kissed him again.
"Mmm,
baby…"
"BLACK COAT
WHITE SHOES
BLACK HAT
CADILLAC, YEAH
THE BOY'S A TIME BOMB
BLACK COAT
WHITE SHOES
BLACK HAT
CADILLAC, YEAH
THE BOY'S A TIME
BOMB"
"Damnit!" I cried.
"It's
probably the kids again." He sighed. "Hello?...hi
babygirl."
"Hi Isabel."
"She
says 'hi mommy.' What're you doing,
kiddo?" Benji asked, so sweet. "I can't wait to see them….ok…hi Noh,
whatcha doin'?...oh yeah? That's awesome, buddy."
"Yeah,
I miss you too Noah…and momma misses you too…okay." Benji held up his phone. "Noah wants to talk to his momma."
I
smiled. "Hi baby."
"Do
you miss me momma?"
"Yes,
I miss you"
"I
miss you a lot! I want you and daddy to
come home."
"We're
gonna be home in a couple of days, it'll be okay, Noah." I sighed, I hated feeling guilty. "Aren't you having fun with grama?"
"I
guess."
"You
guess?"
"I
wanna go hooommee!"
"Noah!
Don't cry, baby."
"He's
crying?" Benji asked.
I
nodded, covering the receiver. "He
wants to go home."
"Lemme
have the phone…" Benji motioned. "Noah?...hey, buddy, stop it.
You're gonna be okay. Me and
momma are gonna be home in no time, okay?....Noah,
okay?...good, bye buddy. Muah!"
He
hung up. "Way to make me feel
guilty Noh."
"I
feel bad too." I sat next to him on
the bed. "They really miss
us."
"They're
gonna be fine though. We still have a
few days. We're gonna regret it later if
we go home early."
"Yeah,
you're probably right. It's just…they’ve
been calling all day." I sighed.
"Maybe
we can just…turn them off for a little bit." Benji suggested. He grabbed our phones and began shutting them
down. I giggled.
"Shall
I throw the do not disturb sign?"
"Mmmhmmm"
"Oh
man…" I grinned.
It
didn't take long for us to strip down and start making out like crazy across
the bed. His hands were all over me,
touching me, grabbing me. I moaned as he
started kissing down my body.
"You
like this Jess?"
"Uhh…ohhhh…Benji!" I whined as his
tongue started working down below. "Benji!"
He
giggled as he continued. He was so
good. Just as I thought I might orgasm,
he stopped and climbed back up.
"Baby,
I need more" I cried.
"YOU
need more!?" he grinned and kissed all over my neck. He suddenly entered me hard.
"Oh,
baby…" I shut my eyes tight and let him ride me.
Up,
down, harder, faster. I put my arms
around his neck and pulled his face towards me and kissing him deeply. He slowed down some and kissed me back.
"Mmm,
Jess, I love you." He moaned. "C'mon, you on top
now."
He
rolled off me and pulled me on top of him.
I smiled down at him, tracing the lines of his ink softly. He rolled his head back and moaned. I leaned down and kissed him.
"C'mon…baby." He pleaded, grinding his hips up. "Do it!"
"Oh
Benji" I
pressed into him.
"Jess…oh"
We
kept going, slowly picking up speed. The
sex was amazing, it felt like it did back when we
first started. He put his hands in all
the right places, he moved with me. I
leaned in to kiss him again. It only
made him more excited. He rolled me
again and sat up to push in harder and deeper.
He grabbed my hips and pulled me onto him and he
thrusted in.
"Jessa! Oh
god! Jess!" he cried.
I
was seeing stars as I began screaming. I
caught him smile as he rolled his head back and moaned.
"Benj...uhhh"
"Oh
Jess…I like that…ohhh…god." He moaned. He sounded so hot.
We
both screamed and cried out as we came.
Benji leaned against me, breathing hard.
He kissed my neck, cooing sweet nothings against my ears. He giggled.
"I
love you, so much Jess."
"I
love you too, baby."
***
"Uhhhh…oh god Jessa!" Benji cried out as
he came again. I don’t know how many
times we'd had sex, it felt like we've been in bed
forever.
He
rolled over sweating and panting and grinning.
“OH
MY GOD!” he yelled. “Jess…I…I…I swear to
god…I love you.” He rolled back towards
me and kissed me.
“You’re
all sweaty.” I laughed.
“That
was…I mean…my god.” he shook his head in disbelief. “You felt it right?”
“Of
course I did, baby. It was incredible.”
“We’re
so good together.” He kissed me
again. “We really are baby.”
“You’re
so cute.” I rubbed his cheek and smiled.
He climbed back on top of me and leaned down to kiss my cheeks and down
my neck again. “Mmm, baby, that feels
good.”
“We
should go out to dinner again.” He rubbed his hand down my curves.
“Mmm, where?”
“Hmmm,
I dunno, but I’m starving.” He grinned.
“Me too.”
“I’m
gonna call information.” He climbed off.
“Ahhh.” I shivered.
“What?”
“It’s
cold now”
He
smiled at me. He picked up our phones,
which had fallen on the floor and got back in bed. He tossed me my phone. I crawled up against him.
“Mmm,
you’re all warm.”
He
smiled. He turned on his phone and
immediately it alerted him to a missed call.
“What
the fuck? 22 missed calls? How long were we fucking?”
I
giggled.
“They’re
all from Joel and my mom…you don’t think…”
I
turned my phone on at the same moment and I had 15 missed calls, again all from
Joel and Benji’s mom. Oh my god, what
happened? I was suddenly so scared. What if one of the kids got hurt, or got sick. I began feeling like the most neglectful
mother in the world.
“I’m
checking my messages. You call
Joel.” Benji said frantically. His phone started ringing. “Joel?!” he answered. I rolled facing him,
I hope the kids are okay.
***