Chapter Two "In the Bedroom"

Get down on your knees
Whisper what I need
Something pretty
I feel that when I'm old
I'll look at you and know
The world was beautiful
Then you tell me...

"Do you know who's asleep out in Foona-Lagoona? Two very nice Foona-Lagoona Baboona." Joel read, giggling , laying on Zack's bed with him. "We've added them into our Who's-Asleep count, which has grow—" He must have noticed I was standing there.

He looked up and smiled at me. I smiled back.

"What's next, daddy?" Zack asked peeking into the book.

He looked back down at the book and Zack. "Um…" He cleared his throat. "Which has grown to a really amazing amount."

I loved when I caught him being cute like that. I went into our bedroom and started cleaning up. He had been really trying to "help" me around the house, since I was supposed to be doing as little as possible, but he still left his dirty clothes in a pile just outside the hamper and dirty plates and bowls on the dresser. I sighed and stacked them up.

"Mommy…" Sam startled me.

"Oh," I took a breath. "Yeah, sweetie?"

"Did you wash my soccer uniform?"

"Oh, I'll do it tonight."

"I need it TOMORROW." He whined.

"I know that baby, and it'll be all clean." I smiled.

"Okay." He made this little Joel-like face. "Can I stay up?"

"What time is it?" I asked him, waiting for him to use his watch. All the first graders in his class were wearing them to help them learn to tell time.

"Um…" He looked down uncertainly at the time piece. "Uh."

"C'mon sweetheart I know you can do this." I sat on the bed and took another breath. I was tired.

He had this really determined look, eyebrows furrowing together as he struggled to understand his watch.

"Eiiiiiiight…uh…eight, sixty…three?"

I smiled. "Okay, remember when dad showed you that the numbers are in fives? One is 5 minutes, 2 is ten minutes…"

"I don't wanna, Mommy."

"Sam, c'mon, you're really close, don't give up."

He made a face, his shoulders slumped. I motioned him on the bed. He climbed in next to me, extending his left wrist to me so I could see his watch.

"Okay…so where's the little hand?" I prompted.

"By the eight."

"Okay, so what does that mean?"

"It's 8 o'clock." He answered.

"Good boy." I patted his shoulder. "Where's the big hand?"

"On the 7." He bit his lip.

"Do you remember what that means?"

He shook his head.

"C'mon Sammy, I know that you know this…" I pushed gently. "Five, ten, fifteen…"

"Whatcha still doin' up buddy?" Joel came in, stretching.

"I wanna stay up and watch 'toons with you." Sam looked up at his father face full of hope.

"Naw, I don't think so bud, it's getting late and you gotta game tomorrow." Joel made his little half smile.

"But Joel, we were…" He didn't hear me as he extended his arms to Sam and led him to bed.

He dragged along. "I don't wan-nuhhhh"

"C'mon, Sam, in the bed." I heard him down the hall and in Sam's bedroom already.

He was so close. I know he knew how to tell time, if we could just get him to put in that effort instead of whisking him off he'd be doing it on his own by now. Like Isabel. I usually hate to compare the two of them, but I can't always help it. They're the same age in the same class and yet, she can tell you what time it is without faltering…she even WANTS to give the time. Sam wasn't stupid…at all. He did really well in everything else, he just got so distracted sometimes. Joel only encouraged it and he didn't understand.

'Oh, he'll be fine, Al.' I could hear him now. 'He's still a kid. Let him have some fun.' It was so frustrating. I could hear him tucking him in down the hall and it only made me more frustrated. I got up and started cleaning up again. Grunting out my frustration.

"Al, baby, what are you doing?" he sounded so concerned at me leaning down to pick up dirty underwear. HIS dirty underwear.

"Cleaning up."

"Don't worry about it. I can do that."

"Ya know, Joel I CAN do things for myself." I turned and shot him an evil look

"I know you can, but…"

"Then stop it!" I yelled. "Just let me do it. I'm not an invalid."

He sighed and sat on the bed.

"Alex, I don't understand you sometimes. I don't think you're weak. In fact you're stronger than me, but you're pregnant and I love you." he explained. "I'm just trying to be a good husband and father. I'm not trying to piss you off."

I knew that, I knew this. This was something we went over many times. Joel loves me, Joel's my husband, he's protecting and loving me. He is not my mother and father thinking I'm nobody and nothing and not good enough. I don't know why I still act like this. I'm 35 years old. I've been married to this amazingly caring loving wonderful man for almost 10 years and I have the best kids in the world, but the minute someone wants to do something to help me I'm offended and insulted and I come out swinging.

"I-I-I-I'm sooorrryyyyyy" I suddenly cried. Man, I hated the hormones of pregnancy. I don't even wanna cry, I just can't stop it.

"Shh, no baby, no crying." He stood up and went to me.

"I just wanted Sam to tell me the time."

"The time?" he asked.

"I was helping him with his watch when you came in."

"oh…oh I'm sorry." He frowned. He looked so guilty. "I'm sorry Al, baby don't cry."

I shook my head and wiped my tears on Joel's shirt. His shirt smelled good. He smelled really good. I kissed him behind his ears and he giggled.

"So, no New York?" I asked.

"Naw…" he sighed sitting again. "I can't think about work when…"

He made a face and his shoulders slumped.

"When what?" I cocked an eyebrow and sat next to him.

***

I'd been trying to forget it all day long. I couldn't wrap my head around the scene at Sarah's house. I mean, I sensed something was wrong before, but seeing it. Seeing Cate cling to Lewis like he was gonna protect her or something. See Sarah barely able to hold it together. It made me want blood.

"It's nothing." I shook my head. I didn't want to think about it. Not when there was nothing I could do to make it better. I really wanted to call Sarah and help her escape. Just go pick them up and take them away. That's what I really wanted.

"You're lying to me and I know it Joel, what's the matter? Is Sarah okay?" She pushed.

"Yeah…yeah, she's…no. she's not alright." I admitted.

"What happened?"

"I don't know, Benji called me over there today." I paused. "He went to pick up Iz and Sarah had locked herself in the bedroom and Lewis was gone."

"So, they had a fight?"

"Not just 'a fight'…" I rolled my eyes.

"What then, Joel?"

"I'm really worried, Alex…" I sighed, I felt helpless.

She frowned at me.

"Baby, it'll be okay." She slid closer to me and rested her hands on my shoulders, gently rubbing them.

I hoped so. I really did. Sarah didn't deserve to have a husband like her father. We didn't deserve to have the father we had. I can't believe Benj saw him. Here, nearby, close to us close to our kids and wives and families. This all made my head hurt. I groaned.

"Babe?"

"I'm gonna watch TV." I said standing up and heading for the stairs.

"Do you want anything?" she asked, cocking her head to the side.

"Naw, I'm okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Alex, I'm fine."

"Well I'm going to wash Sam's uniform and go to sleep. Don't stay out there all night." she told.

"Yeah." I nodded.

I sat in front of the TV and switched it on. Cartoons blurred to life and danced across the screen. I sighed. I couldn’t hear the characters all I could hear was "Joel, I saw him." Benji saying it over and over again, his voice sounding more desperate and painful with each repetition. The phone rang making me jump from the couch. I shook my head, I was being stupid.

"'Lo?"

"Hey, Joel." It was Benji.

"Dude that's freaky. Don't do that!"

"What, were you thinking about me?" he laughed.

"Yeah." I admitted. "Well about what you told me."

"Dad?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, me too." He sighed.

We were quiet a minute, which was fine. We had tons of conversations where we mostly breathed instead of talked.

"So, what's up?" I slightly turned my attention to the television. Old-School Hour, it proclaimed. I loved Old-School hour, they played all the old nick cartoons; Spongebob, Rugrats, Fairly Odd Parents.

"Nothing really. Jess's giving the boys a bath…I…"

"You okay, Benj?"

"Yeah, sure." I could almost hear him shrug. "I just felt like calling. I was bored."

I laughed. "Oh, yeah, bored. You're never bored. You're Benji!"

"So, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Dude, you've got 4 kids, you don't have time to be bored."

"Why is that such a big fucking deal? Four kids, so what?" He sounded angry and all offended.

"It's not, Benj, sorry."

"I get so fucking tired of hearing it. I have four kids, it's not that interesting!"

"Dude, it's nothing. It only means one thing."

He paused as if contemplating it. "What?"

"That you and Jessa are nympho's" I giggled.

"Shut the fuck up, Joel." He sounded just as angry.

"Dude, what is your problem?" I asked, starting to get annoyed. He could be so fucking touchy.

"It's nothing."

"Bullshit, it's nothing. What's going on? Is this about dad?"

He grunted.

"You know, if you're gonna talk to anybody it might as well be me. I mean who knows you better?" I pointed out.

"Look…I…I'm not ready to talk about it, yet." He sounded wounded. I hate when he made calls to me like this. I love him, ya know, but when he calls cause he's feeling fucked up about something and then pretends nothing's wrong, it kills me. He gets all moody, like I'm SUPPOSED to know what's going on.

"Well…you called me." I pointed out.

"I know that. What are doin' tomorrow?"

"Sam's game."

"Oh…I thought we could go to Momma's. All of us." he said. "Josh and Soph, me and Jess and the kids, and you and Alex and the boys, Sarah and the girls…"

"And Lewis."

"Yeah, whatever."

"Benj, I don't like him as much as you, but Sarah told us to knock it off. We gotta…"

"Joel, he's probably beating the shit out of her. You were with me on this 2 hours ago!" Here he goes with the yelling. I don't think he even realizes when he does this.

"I know, but…" I sighed. "I don't wanna hurt Sarah."

"So, we should just let it happen all over again?" he screamed. "We should just let him hit Momma like that?"

"Momma? Benj…" Well, that came out of left field.

"I mean Sarah, jeez, you know that."

"This isn’t like before. We're not kids, Sarah's not Momma." I explained, afraid Benji was going to burst again.

"I KNOW that!" He yelled again.

"Calm down man…maybe you should just relax or something. Watch some cartoons." I suggested.

"I'll be fine."

"I'm serious Benji." I used my stern daddy tone. "Get Jess to suck you off, I dunno."

"JOEL!?!" I could just see his face. "Dude…don't…"

"It'll get your mind off it, right?" I shrugged. Nothing wrong with some good old oral. I knew I was right. And he knew it too.

I probably wouldn't have suggested it if I wasn't so horny. I couldn’t help it. I hadn't had sex in over 6 months. Hearing about Benji's sex life at least made me feel…I dunno, it was like softcore porn. Something's wrong with me. That's my brother and my sister-in-law…I'm so sick.

"Look Benj, I need to go, but relax. Call me tomorrow, alright?" I said. "We'll work something out."

"Hey, Joel…"

"Sup?"

"I'm not crazy, am I?"

"No, Benj." I smiled. "You're not crazy. You just love your family and nothing's wrong with that."

"Okay..." he seemed content. "Night Joel."

"Night bro."

I set the phone down and tried to focus on Spongebob, but my mind was wandering. Pornographic images swam through my brain. God, it was too much to stand. I shut off the TV and went upstairs and realized Alex was still doing laundry. My hand instantly dove under my side of the bed and reached towards the back. I found only carpet, no porn. Damn it, what was I supposed to do now? I forgot the Sam found my stash a while back and Alex made me get rid of it.

Alex! Alex had porn. Well, she had trashy smutty romance novels, but they got her off okay. Some of them actually were pretty hot, if you ignored the Fabio look-alike on the cover. I stuck my hand between the mattress on Al's side and found the dog-eared paperback. Secret Wishes. How fucking pathetic sounding. Women were so strange about sex sometimes.

I was gonna give it a go. I laid on the bed and flipped open the cover and turned pages looking for a good part. This one obviously got a lot of use. I smirked to myself, thinking about Alex laying here and doing what I was about to. She let me watch once. God, was that hot. You can learn a lot from watching them, I mean they know where they like to be touched and how.

Jeez, this was just making me hornier. I unzipped my pants and pulled them down slightly over my hips just past the edge of my butt. My dick was already getting hard and I reached my hand down to just hold it. I slowly made a full grip and stroked up and down once, moaning softly at the motion.

I opened my eyes and looked down at my own cock, standing straight up like a soldier saluting. I turned my attention to the book. Tina and Carlos the gardener. I giggled slightly before pulling on my own dick. 'I need your love, now' blah, blah, blah. My index finger traced down the page 'til I found the key words I was looking for; thrust, engorged member, milky breasts. I realized I wasn't even reading about that they were doing but somehow it was doing the trick. I bucked my hips up and thrust into my hand. I was moaning as the sensations rippled through my body.

I dropped the book to my side as I pumped my hand over myself. Grunting and moaning.

"Oh God." I cried.

***

I heard Joel making noise in the bedroom as I came up. Panting, moaning. What was he doing? I opened the door slowly and evenly, careful not to make too much noise. The sight before me was…orgasmic, to say the least. My husband writhing in the middle of the bed, his pants loose around his thighs, his dick stuck out and his right hand eagerly stroking it. In his left hand was a book. MY book. My husband was jerking off to a trashy romance and it was…HOT.

I leaned against the door frame and cocked my head as I watched him. I licked my lips. I couldn't believe how turned on this made me. He pounded his body violently on the bed, his hand fisted around the pages of the book and slammed it into the comforter. I just couldn't stop watching. Seeing his body react to the motions, his chest rising and falling rapidly. His hair matting to his face and just the sound of his breath, ripping rabidly from his lungs.

And then came the loud throaty moans. Obviously he didn't want to be seen jerking off, but didn't he realize he was waking up the neighbors.

"Uhhhhh…ohhhhhh…" He cried, accentuated by high pitched "ooh's". He slowed his hand, his body tensing noticeably and he released. "Ohhhhhhhhhhh…fuck." He groaned, thrusting up a few times as it all emptied.

He laid back and let his cock go limp. He relaxed his already shut eyes and sighed. I smiled to myself and sat on the end of the bed, sure he would feel the motion. His eyes popped open with embarrassment. His lips moved like he was going to say something, but no words came out.

"Did you get to the part when she has a threesome with Carlos and her friend, Anne?" I asked seriously.

"There's a 3 way?!"

I gave him a lopsided grin. "Having fun with your girly porn, Joely?"

"You…you saw me, huh?" he looked shy, like a little boy.

"I saw all of you Joely." I bobbed my eyebrows and licked my lips motioning to his still exposed cock.

He looked down "Sorry." He began to pull his pants up.

"No, no, no." I motioned.

"What?"

"You need to clean up." I said, crawling towards him.

"Oh." He sounded so surprised as I reached for his tender pink skin. "Naw, I can do that, A-A-A-Alex!!" he cried as I licked the cum off of him.

"You were so hot, baby." I whisper, in between cleaning.

"Ohhhh, yeaahhh, did you like that Alex?"

"Mmm." I sucked the head only slightly rubbing my tongue in the slit.

"Ohhh, mmm…God Al…baby!" He groaned. "yeah, babygirl, suck it….ssssss…ooo."

I did more than I planned, but I couldn't help it, we hadn't had sex in over six months. We kinda needed this. I sat him up, his legs swung over the side and got on my knees in front of him. I sucked him hard, corkscrewing my hand around it as well. He was hard as a rock again and God did I want it inside me. I knew we couldn't and it made me suck him off harder. He moaned louder and began bucking his hips up, his cock forcing entry into my mouth, like he was fucking my mouth.

"Oh, ohhhhhh Alex…baby, baby…oh babygirl you're so good." He yelled at me. Goddamn right I was and how big and thick he was didn't fucking hurt the situation. How hot he was didn't hurt it either. I played with his balls and licked up and down his length. I felt so…dirty and utterly hot.

I moaned out loud as if he was doing these things to me. He looked down and gave me a cute little grin.

"You're getting off on this aren't you, baby?" He asked, so sexy with this rough voice.

"Mmm." I moaned again sure he felt the vibrations. "Come for me, Joely." I pulled back and stroked him.

He moaned again and tossed his head back, his body going rigid again as he came, flooding my mouth. I looked up at him and batted my eyelashes as I swallowed all he had for me. he helped me back to my feet and for a few minutes we didn't say anything. He zipped his pants back up and we both fell onto the bed.

We laid down next to each other and sighed. Content, happy, in love, tired. I opened my eyes and turned towards him at the exact moment he did the same. We smiled at each other. We still didn't say anything. It was like we were too shy. Like we didn't want to talk about what we just did.

"C'mere baby." He twined an arm around me and pulled me close. I would have been offended by the hair on his chin, or annoyed by my arm crushed between our bodies. But I just wanted to be close to him. This close, close enough to feel his heart beating and his breath on my hairline. He kissed my forehead and sighed, "Love you."

***

"Mooooooooom!" Sam cried. "I need my uniform!!"

"It's in the basement Sammy." Alex yelled back from the bathroom.

"OOKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAY!" he shouted.

"Whoa, what is with all the yelling!?" I rubbed my ears. "Can we talk at a normal volume please?" I asked walking through the hallway past Sam running down the stairs to the basement. "And no running. You're going to break your neck."

Jeez, this house was crazy on Sundays.

"Daddy, can we read a book?" Zack begged, holding up a Dr. Suess book and tugging my shirt. His face was smeared with sticky red jelly and crumbs of toast.

"Uh, why don't we get you cleaned up?"

"NO!" Zack protested. "No baths!"

"Not a bath, Shrimp. Let's wash your face and then you can get dressed. Don't you wanna go see Sammy play soccer?"

He made a face.

"We might go to Grama's today!" I added.

"GRAMA'S!? REALLY?!" he grinned.

"We're going to your mom's?" Alex came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her wet hair.

"Maybe Benji sai-"

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!" Sam yelled from the basement, his voice getting louder as he ran up both flights of stairs. He had a balled up orange something. "It's WET!" he yelled.

"Oh." Alex looked nervous. "I must have forgotten about it."

"What am I gonna DO?!" he sighed. Dramatic or what?

"No, problem buddy, mom will pop it in the dryer you'll have it in 15 minutes." I told him.

"But what am I gonna wear 'til then?"

"The shirt you're wearing already Sam. It's not the end of the world."

He moped and crossed his arms, handing Alex the shirt and huffing off to his room.

***

An hour later we were unloading from the car down at the park. Dozens of cars were lined along the fence and the undeniable sound of children rang in my ears. Sam hopped out of his seat and ran towards the wave of orange surrounding Paul by the bleachers. He waved a clipboard over his head trying to get the kids to settle down. I chuckled and went around the back of the truck to get our contribution to this week's game, tons of packages of sandwich crackers. Cheddar and peanut butter, wheat and cheddar, mmm, mmm.

"Hey! Maddens!" Lilly waved us down to her end of the field. A few other parents milled around the table. 4 coolers sat underneath, water dripping out as it's ice melted. It was our job to sell the soccer watching audience, crackers, chips, cookies, sodas, Capri Suns, and Gatorade, Sometimes we made hot dogs too. Lilly had one hand around the handle of a metal money box and the other around Leah's hand. She directed people with her money box, smiling with relief at seeing us.

"Need a hand?" I smirked.

"PLEASE!" she moaned. "Can you tape the price list to the table? And set the crackers down over there." The change jingled in the box as she pointed.

"Me and Zack are gonna go sit." Alex tapped my shoulder and motioned to the bleachers. She had a tired expression. She seemed okay on the way out here.

"Okay." I gave Shrimp a nudge on the head and winked at Al.

"Daddy, canna havva drink?"

"Yeah, go sit with mom and I'll bring you guys a snack."

"Hey Al, watch Leah for me?" Lilly asked.

"Sure, c'mon Leah." Alex took each child's hand and looked for an empty spot.

I watched them walk away instantly worried. In the back of my mind I knew it was nothing, but it didn't stop me from feeling concerned. If I went over and asked if she was okay, she'd yell at me anyway, scold me for fucking caring so much. It wasn't worth the fight. If something was really wrong she'd tell me.

"So, you wanna work the stand with Abby and Jim or do scoreboard?" Lilly leaned over the table, as I carefully taped.

"Scoreboard!" I quickly choose as I saw them approaching.

Lilly scowled at me. "Bastard," she whispered. "Okay then." She picked up her volume. "Have fun out there. I'll bring you a snack later!"

"Hey, mom, can I have a coke?" Xander approached, setting change down on the table.

"You can have a juice." She told him.

He rolled his eyes, but nodded. He looked a lot like Paul, except he was still kinda short. He stuck the straw in his juice and nodded at me.

"Hey, Joel."

"Hey, X, sup? Ready to kick the FD's ass?" Sam and Xander's team, Creek Side Community, was playing the Fire Department's team today.

"I don't know why you use such offensive language." Abby sighed at me. I rolled my eyes.

"Sorry, Abb's" I shrugged. She made a face, she didn't like being called Abb's, but at least I didn't call her Shrek.

"Sam's gonna start today." Xander ignored us and sipped his Capri Sun.

"He is?" Why didn't he tell me?

"Yeah, dad wants him to have a shot, none of the other guys put him out cause he's too little." Xander told me. "But I gotta go. I'm supposed to be in the bathroom, bye Joel. Bye mom."

He tossed his container in the garbage and waved. I wonder why Sam didn't tell me he was starting. Or why Paul didn't tell me.

"You better get going." Lilly motioned with her neck. "Game's about to begin."

***

"Polaris" Jimmy Eat World, from the album Futures

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