Part 4|The Truth and Nothing But
Upset? Upset? Paul Thomas was not upset. Paul Thomas was a raging ball of emotions and he was bawling. Like a baby.

"This can't be happening, Luce."
"Well it is." Damn it, Paul, I'm supposed to cry you're supposed to be an asshole.
"Lucy, you know how bad this is? How bad it is to impregnate somebody else's wife, When that somebody is one of your best friends, and when your own wife may as well be barren. I'm screwed Lucy."
"Of course you are, but what happened to being terrible cheaters together?" Huh, Paul? It's all about you isn't it? You selfish bastard.

"That was then. Now there's a baby involved, a whole little life that never asked for any of this. Our reproductive systems were just doing their jobs. We're the ones who were stupid."
"Well we could have used condoms."
"Yeah Lucy, it's all my fault!" Paul could look so ugly when he's mad.
"I didn't say that." I sat down next to him on the bed. "So what are we gonna do?"
"What can we do?" Paul sighed. "We have to come clean and confess. And just deal with that."

Paul shut his eyes and buried his face in his hands. Suddenly he sat up and leaned over my stomach.

"Your parents are morons, short stuff. Well they are if I'm your pop."

I must admit Paul was earning points for nicknaming the kid short stuff. Wait, since when were Joel and Paul on a points system. What did they get for the most points? Take a look at this fabulous prize…it's a lifetime supply of genuine grade a fatherhood, brought to you by your lying whore of a wife and/or mistress.

"Look you gotta tell Joel. I gotta tell Anna. No kid deserves to start life like this."

I nodded.
***
On the drive home I gained courage. I'd just give it to Joel straight.

'Joel, baby?'
'Yes, sweetheart.'
'I fucked Paul.'
'Well, I understand, if you were hurt and confused. I still love you, we can work through this…together'
*tear*

Yeah, right, life is not a fucking after school special. Joel would go apeshit. Joel would scream and yell and go nuts. Then he'd call Benji to murder me. Kinda like that song, bloody valentine, only he kills his love AND her lover, then dances for joy with the raven. Benji was the raven, he was just annoying like that.

Damn hormones, I'm acting like a crazy person.

When I pulled into the driveway, Joel's car was there. I sat alone in the car for a long time. could I really break his heart like this? I already did. I had to face the fucking music. I'd made my bed, after using it to sleep with Paul, and now I had to lie in it.

I slung my purse over my shoulder and went into the house. I shut the door, with a gentle slam.

"Baby is that you?" Joel called from upstairs.
"Yeah." I put my purse on the little table by the door. I rubbed my temples and closed my eyes. No Lucy, you are not going to headache your way out of this.

Joel appeared from down the stairs. He smiled. He looked really hot. He was wearing a white beater and jeans. Sweat was on his brow. If I didn't know better I would have taken him upstairs and treated him to a tongue bath.

"C'mere," he grabbed my hand and led me into the den, 10 or 15 books with titles like "You and Your baby," "The first born," and "So, you slept with your husband's friend and now you're pregnant." Okay the last wasn't actually there, but when this is all over and short stuff is heading to college I'm totally gonna write a do's and don'ts book.

DO: Marry a wonderful man, with sexy star tattoos one his shoulders.
DON'T: Get freaky with his cute doughy bass player.

"Joel did you buy all this stuff?"
"Uh huh." He nodded.
"Babe, we don't need this stuff."
"Well…I was in Borders and I saw this magazine with a baby on it…"

Yes, the freakish alien baby was staring at me from the coffee table.

"And I remembered that really famous book about babies…'What to Expect…"
"When You're Expecting, yeah?"
"Well I went to see if they had it and they had tons of books, Luce." I could tell, thanks Joel.
"Did you buy the whole store?"
"I thought they would be helpful. I mean, we don't know anything about raising a baby."

What Joel meant to say was, you're a terrible homemaker and you should learn how to be a good one. Next he was gonna buy me a subscription to that magazine from that super crafty woman. The one who puts up decorations for Rosh Hashanah or some crap.

"Joel. We have to talk about something."
"There's something else." He got up.
"Joel sit down."

He looked at me puzzled. I wasn't going to chicken this time.

"What's wrong?"
"Joel…" I began and the phone rang.

Joel reached for it.

"Hello?" he eyed me, still confused about what I was going to tell him.
"What?! What happened? Paul? Calm down man."

I was struck with fear.

"Okay. Okay. Lucy and I will be there. Bye."

Joel looked at me a minute.

"That was Paul. Anna's at the hospital."
"What?!"
"She's in surgery or something. Paul was crying too much to talk."

I shut my eyes and felt my stomach lurch forward. What else could go wrong?
***
We arrived at the hospital around the same time Benji and Sasha did. Chris, Billy, Heidi, and McKensie were already in the waiting room with Paul. McKensie had her arm around her cousin's body and her head on his shoulder.

I wanted to go and sit with Paul. Hug him, make him feel better. He didn’t look up at us. I sat down next to Heidi and Billy.

"What happened?" Benji asked.

Paul slowly raised his head. He swallowed and took a deep breath.

"Anna's having surgery. She has an ectopic pregnancy. Like when the baby is…growing in her tubes and…" It was too painful for him to talk about.
"Shh," I unconsciously put my hand on his shoulder and rubbed him.

Paul gave me a small look. I glanced at Benji, he glared.

"Mr. Thomas?" a lab-coated doctor came in.

Paul stood up. Joel sat next to me and put his arms around my shoulder. I know what was going through his head. 'What if something happened to Lucy and our baby?'

"Yes?" Paul tried to maintain an even tone.
"You're wife is gonna be fine. Just fine."

The entire room sighed with relief. Paul smiled, breathing a little easier.

"Can I see her?" he asked.
"She should be awake in a few hours. I'll have a nurse come get you then." The doctor nodded and walked back out into the hall.

"Well at least she's okay." Chris gave him a reassuring grin.
"Yeah." Paul nodded and sat down away from everybody.

I knew just what he was thinking about too. No one could understand. They were all gonna hate me. All of them. They were going to hate Paul too. That would be my fault. I felt teary. I stood up.

"Excuse me." I walked fast towards the ladies room.
"Luce?" Joel followed me.
"I'm okay, just give me a few minutes."
He looked concerned. "Are you sure?"
"Yes." I nodded.

I locked myself in a stall in the bathroom. I cried softly and banged my fist on the door. This was horrible. I had to tell Joel. As soon as possible, because things had gotten worse, just like Benji warned.

I heard someone come into the bathroom and I sniffed up my tears. I saw feet appear under the door. Big feet. Boy feet and I recognized the shoes.

"Paul?" I opened the door and stared at him.
"You haven't told Joel?" he asked like it was the most normal topic in the world to talk about in the ladies room.

I couldn't answer I couldn't believe he was in here, now, when Heidi or McKensie could walk in, or maybe Benji!

"I locked the door." he said, doing that mind reading thing again.
"Paul."
"Luce." His eyes were puffy and red. "Tell Joel. Now, go home, tell Joel."
"Paul, with Anna…"
"I'll deal with Anna." Paul raised his voice. He shut his eyes, turning off his anger. "Lucy, please just tell Joel. Everything."
"And what if he kicks me out."
"Then you can live with me." he blurted out.
"What? Paul?" I stared at him. was he crazy?
"You can't tell Anna like this."
"I have to."
"Paul, she just lost her baby…you can’t…"

Paul just sobbed. I'd never seen him cry so much in one day. I'd never seen him cry period. He sat on the chair in the corner. I put my hand on his shoulder. I was destroying lives here. I kneeled down and kissed Paul softly. I smiled weakly at him and he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. He gave me a warm satisfying squeeze.

I unconsciencely started crying. He pulled my tighter to him as he stood up and leaned his head down on my shoulder.

"It's gonna be okay, baby." He rocked me back and forth.

We stood in each other's arms for a whole minute, not speaking.

Finally Paul broke our embrace. He wiped tears from his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Okay, I'm gonna go see if I can see Anna now. You go home with Joel."

I nodded. Paul left the bathroom first. I splashed water in my face and soon followed.

Joel stood up as I walked back into the waiting room.

"We need to go home." I said plainly.
"Wha…?"
"Now!" I took his hand and lead him out of the room.
***
I paced back and forth in front of Joel. He was sitting on the couch in the den and looked at me questioningly. He grabbed the hem of my shirt.

"Luce?"

I swallowed and sat down next to him. staring into his nervous chocolate eyes.

"Okay." I breathed out once. "Remember when I went out with you on tour after we got married and we got into that fight about socks?"

Joel laughed.

"No. We fought about socks?"

I nodded seriously. Joel's smile disappeared.

"Well we did. We got into this huge fight. And I was upset so I went to the bus. When I got there Paul was there."

Joel just stared at me.

"Well I told him what had happened and I was crying and he told me it was gonna be alright."
"Paul's a good friend." Joel nodded, with a little smile.

It broke my heart. Some friend he turned out to be.

"Well, I, I, I kissed Paul."

Joel's face went rigid.

"And he kissed me back."

His jaw set and he squeezed his lips shut. I looked at my fascinating hands.

"I had sex with Paul." Look at the round nails, with their pinky color.

Joel's breath had quickened. I dared a look at my husband. He was seething, the way I knew he would. His face was twisted in anger, hate, agony.

"Just once?" He asked through clenched teeth, he wouldn't look at me.

I didn't answer.

"Jesus Christ, Lucy!" Joel shut his eyes, angry tears spilling out. "You slept with…Paul? W-why?"

I cried and shook my head.

"You don't KNOW?" Joel stood up yelling. "What the hell Lucy? How long…? You're doing this when you're pregnant with my baby?"
"Joel." I said sadly.

He realized and looked like he was gonna be sick.

"Oh, God! I can't believe this." He grabbed his jacket from where he left it on the counter. "I gotta get out of here."

Joel headed for the door. I chased after him.

"Joel." I pleaded.

He kept walking.

"Please, it was a mistake."
"One you made over and over again?" He met my eyes, anger all over his face.

I shook my head. I didn't have an excuse.

"I love him."
"You WHAT!?"