Part 3|The Truth is Out There
When I woke up, Joel was missing. I forgot that he was going to the studio early. There was a ruckus outside and I'm sure a few rocks had "plink" hit the bedroom window.

I hoped to God it wasn't Maricel. Maricel was Joel's number 1 fan, marked by her insane depths of psychosis. Following us to dinner, the mall, sporting events, running "All Things Joel", her website (that for some reason had a copy of his birth certificate) and, this one takes the cake, getting herself invited to our wedding. Yes, she was the "and guest" of one of Joel's 2nd cousins. But she was pretty harmless. She'd buy us gifts and I'd chat with her now and again. She was a nice girl, just obsessed with my husband, but she's never done some of the nasty things other retards have done. Like send Joel naked pictures of themselves, seriously, WHY? So he can jerk off to you? He's never gonna see you again. Or he will and what? "didn't I jack off to you?" really now girls.

Anyway, I didn't feel like talking to her about what Joel ate for dinner last night. I wasn't in the invading Joel's privacy mood. I told her nothing but lies anyway. I was really good at that I think. Guess what mom, turns out I do have a talent, can I re-enter the kindergarten beauty contest?

"Open the goddamn door!"

It wasn't Mari, it was Benji. Which was in some ways worse.

"Hold on!" I screamed as another rock "plink" hit the window.

I put on my robe and went downstairs. I opened the door to Benji's ugly angry face. * shutter* I almost slammed the door on him. He marched into the house arms crossed. The doctors say they may stay that way permanently.

"Who do you think you are? You bitch!" He yelled at me, some brother in law he turned out to be.
"What?" I basically ignored him and let him follow me into the kitchen.
"You know what I'm talking about. You fucking slut."

I froze pouring milk into my honey nut cheerios.

"How could you do that to him?"
"Look Benji, if Paul or I could stop it…"
"Paul? What does Paul have to…oh my God! Lucy!"

Oh my God, omigod, OH MY GAWD! I don't think I was as good at this lying thing as I thought. But isn't that a good thing.

"You're fucking Paul!? That asshole is married!"

Forget Joel murdering Paul and I, Benji could do it. Joel would probably hug him too…and throw a my-cheating-wife-and-her-secret-lover-who's-my-best-friend-is-dead-and-my-brother-killed-'em-yippee party.

"Lucy?"
"What?"
"What? You better tell Joel that's what. If you don't I will."
"No, you won't." I rolled my eyes.

Benji would never let me off the hook and tell Joel himself, besides if Benji told him there's too much of a risk that Joel would project anger onto Benji, thus not letting Benji kill for him. Simple logic. AND Benji won't like being the one to break his brother's heart.

"I can't tell him, Benji."
"Why?" he yelled, boy he liked to be mean and hate people and by people I mean me.
"Why, Benji? It would break his heart to know his pregnant wife has been sleeping with his best friend."
"Pregnant?!"

Oh, damn it, but since I was being so honest…maybe I'd start a new trend.

"You fucking slut. It's not even Joel's is it?"

I shrugged.

"What is wrong with you?" What IS wrong with me?

And here it comes, the water works.

"I'm sorry." I moaned. "Shit. Don't fucking cry." Benji actually sounded like Joel.

The tears became those tantrum tears that made it hard to breathe.

"I-I-I-m-m s-s-sorry I-I c-c-can't-t st-stop."

From somewhere Benji pulled out tissues and handed them to me. He sat me on the couch.

"Stop that."

I wiped my tears and blew my nose with a honk.

"You have no right to cry you know?"
"I know." I still wept. Tears would not stop a-coming.
"Oh, God I'm so terrible." I wailed loudly. Benji cringed.
"I'm a lying cheating whore. Joel doesn't deserve me."
"You don't deserve Joel." Benji crossed his arms, I told you what the docs say about that.
"You know what he's gonna do when he finds out the truth?"
"Murder me?" I looked at Benji through my fingers.

Benji shook his head.

"Give you a chance to explain. Try to forgive you and Paul for the sake of the baby. Then he'll try to raise the baby as his own. You have no fucking idea."

Benji shook his head again.

"Benji?"

He didn't look at me. "What?"
"Will you help me?"
"Help you?" He widened his eyes.
"Help me tell Joel and tell Paul and…please Benji?"

He considered it a minute and then nodded. I smiled weakly.

"I'll help you, but…" He paused. "I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this for Joel."

I nodded.
***
Basically, the way Benji was helping me was by not telling Joel or Paul himself. Which he probably wouldn't have done anyway. I was on my own again, but the truth, as Mulder says, is out there..

Benji insisted I confess to Joel tonight.

"Do it now before it gets worse."

He was right, but I still didn't want to do it. having two lovers wasn't as good as it should sound.

When Joel came home I was cooking, at least trying to. I wanted to look like a housewife, a proper one. He hugged my waist as he came into the kitchen and kissed my cheek. He had a large manila envelope in one hand.

"Mmm, smells good." He lied, maybe better than me, it smelled like a boot.
"What's that?" I set down my spoon and faced him.

Joel grinned.

"Well I did something today. Maybe it was a little crazy but…"
"Joel!" I grabbed for the envelope.

Joel held it up higher than I could reach, playing keep away.

"Joel!"
"Merry Christmas, happy birthday." He smiled and handed me the envelope.

I open it up and inside found 2 plane tickets to New Zealand and all the travel arrangements.

"Oh, Joel, I automatically melted.

He still grinned as he came and stood by me and put his arm around my waist.

"You deserved a real honeymoon, not 2 days in a new York hotel room with the rest of the band next door." he kissed my cheek and gave me a squeeze.

Look at this incredible man. Benji was absolutely right. I didn't deserve him. I didn't.

"Joel." I started to cry.
"Oh, baby, don't do that." He held me very close.
"No, you don't understand…"

The smoke alarm went off. My corn was burning and sticking to the pan.

"Oh shit." I jumped to turn it off and get it off the heat.

Joel turned on the fan, while I tried to salvage the corn, with no luck. Joel came around my back and looked at the blackened corn in the pot in front of me.

"Well, they might still taste good." Joel smiled encouragingly.
"Yeah, right." I had full fledged tears now.

How would I ever succeed as someone's mom? Joel hugged me close again.

"Don't cry, it's just burnt corn."
"Joel?" I sobbed. "I need to talk to you."
"What about baby?" He looked worried. He should be.
"Let's go sit down."
"Okay. Can I turn all this stuff off first?" He pointed to the stove. "We don't wanna start a fire."

I nodded. He shut everything off including the fan since the smoke had cleared. He kissed my cheek as we went into the living room.

"Don’t' worry." He murmured. "I'll fix it."

I'm sure you will.
***
When Joel called, I expected him to be hurt. I expected him to be angry. He was ecstactic.

"Benj, guess what?"
"Joel?" I couldn’t keep confusion out of my voice.
"You're gonna be an uncle , man!"
"Great." She didn’t tell him. bitch. "Lucy's pregnant, huh? Congrats man. Joel?"
"Yeah?" He sounded like we'd won a Grammy.
"Are you…"I couldn't do it. "That's really great Joel. Really, I'm" I choked. "I'm really happy for you."
"Look I'll talk to you later. I gotta call the other guys."
"Alright."
***
I hung up the phone with Benji. He seemed…I dunno? Upset or something. Benji was a little jealous I think. I know he wished it were him who was married and having a baby.

A baby, wow! I was gonna be somebody's father. There was a little part of me growing inside Lucy. It was surreal.

"Luce?" She was laying down on the bed.
"Yeah?"
"Aren't you excited?" I laid down next to her, playing with little strands of hair around her ears.
"Um hmm." She murmured. Be a little more convincing Luce.

I kissed her cheek. Soft, smooth, warm.

"I know you're scared, but Luce, a baby. Our baby." I put my hand on her stomach. I kissed her again. "We're in this together. Don't worry."
***
Yeah, like there's nothing to worry about, like, um, I dunno, say Paul! And the fact that "our" baby might be "our" baby, if you take my meaning.