Part 2|Truly Awful
I looked fat and terrible. My eyes were still red and puffy from crying. Was I going to be able to look alright and be faux happy for Billy and Heidi?

"Lucy!" Joel called out and found me looking in the full length mirror in the walk in closet. I was naked except for a bra and underwear. Joel grinned.

"You look awesome."
"No, I don't. I'm fat." I pinched a bit of skin.
"Baby, you look great." He put his arms around my waist and kissed my neck.

He rubbed his hands slowly down my body and kissed my shoulders. I froze, then pulled away.

"C'mon we're gonna be late."
"So. We're still sorta newlyweds…" Joel wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

He pulled my body close to his and began kissing my neck again.

"You're already dressed." I whispered and closed my eyes enjoying every minute of his passion. It was pretty obvious that neither of us cared he was already dressed.

We went into the bedroom and Joel laid me down on the bed and made love to me the way a husband should.
***
We arrived only 20 minutes late and it would have been longer if we'd gone again as Joel wanted. Everybody was already seated at the table. Benji sneered at me. I got the familiar feeling to beat the crap out of him but stopped myself. Be a good girl now, Lucy.

Heidi, Billy's girlfriend turned fiancée, was beaming. Billy had his arm around her shoulder. I smiled despite myself. I was happy for them. Somebody oughtta be happy.

Paul was whispering into his wife's ear and I cringed. What was I jealous? Get a grip, Lucy. Joel saw me. He touched my arm and looked at me questioningly. I shrugged.

Joel ordered a bottle of champagne. I refused, along with Benji and Sasha (who had forgone alcohol for Benj). Again Joel stared at me.

"Someone has to drive if you get hammered." I shrugged.

He believed it. He always believed it.

Halfway through the meal I excused myself to the bathroom. Benji was glaring at me too much, but that was just me feeling guilty. Benji always glared at me, he didn't know anything. Secretly, I think he was just a little jealous that Joel was married before he was. Not to mention that when we first met, it was Benji who tried to pick me up and I ignored him in favor of spending the night casually flirting with Joel.

"Oh, hi!" Anna was standing next to me at the mirror.
"Hi." I mumbled.

She ran her fingers through her short dark hair. Anna was a lot prettier than I was. She had a flawless olive complexion and large almond-brown eyes. She looked like an exotic playmate. I looked like a boring white girl with boring long brown hair and boring normal sized brown eyes. Why did Joel marry me? Why did Paul sleep with me?

"Are you pregnant?" she asked nonchalantly, batting her eyelashes furiously to dispel dust from her eyes.

What?! Who told her?

"Uh…"
"I mean, you're not drinking and you usually do. It was just champagne. A toast."
"I uh…"

Anna smiled. I was caught.

"I can't believe you guys haven’t told us!" "Joel doesn't know." I said. Yeah, neither does Paul.

Her brown eyes went wide.

"What? Why not?!"

I shook my head.

"Well I bet he'll be thrilled!" Oh yes, really thrilled to hear his wife is carrying his best friend's baby.
"Uh hmm."

I couldn’t blame her for being excited. She and Paul have been married for almost 3 years and she's been trying to get pregnant for approximately 2 and half of those years. But nothing ever happened. I hate to think, but maybe you aren't getting pregnant because your husband is wasting all his best swimmers on me. God, I'm a whore.

"So, when are you gonna tell him?"
"I don't know Anna." She definitely sensed my annoyance.
"Aren't you happy to be pregnant?" she asked earnestly.

Sure, isn't anybody who question's the child's paternity? I didn't answer her. She didn't push it.

Now that Anna knew, I had no way out of this. Why, why, why did I let her find out about this? "I'm not pregnant." How hard was it to lie? I'd been doing great so far. She was gonna thing I was such a bitch when she found out the truth. And she was going to find out the truth, they all were. There was no way I would be able to raise a child with Joel that may or may not be Paul's. That would be all I could think of.

Me: Baby said daddy today.
Joel: Really?
Me: Yes, but he may or may not be talking about you.

I sat back down next to my husband. Anna sat down next to hers and grinned at me. Stop it you fool! Dessert had arrived.

"And what were you two talking about?" Paul asked.
"Girl talk." Anna put chocolate frosting on his nose.
"I can’t get to it." Paul stuck his tongue out as far as it would reach and tried to lick the frosting.
"I can." Anna licked the chocolate off of Paul. He grinned at her.

It occurred to me that half of Good Charlotte was gonna know by tomorrow morning that I was pregnant. And not the good half.

McKensie was Paul's cousin, she and Anna were really close. Anna would tell her and she would tell Chris of course and Chris had a big mouth so he would tell Billy and Heidi, who lived next door. Heidi wasn't great at keeping secret's either. I was forced to tell Joel tonight or face his fury when he read it in Rolling Stone.

And let's not forget lovable Paul. "Shit, Luce, when were you gonna tell me? Is it mine? Do you know what this is gonna do to Anna?"

Yes, poor Anna, boo hoo blah, blah, blah. What about me? I knew I was a lying cheating whore, but whores have feelings too, even lying ones. And maybe they don't count for much, but goddamnit, I'm the pregnant one here!

"Baby?" I asked Joel. "Can we go home now? I'm feeling kinda tired."

He gave me a sympathetic frown and then smiled weakly. "Yeah, okay."

He paid our part of the Bill and we drove home. He wasn't drunk at all since it'd been an hour since he toasted Billy and Heidi, so he drove. We didn't say much on the drive except when Creed came on the radio and we both screamed, "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo."

He must have forgotten that he wanted to talk to me because when we got home, he said he was beat. He changed out of his clothes and hopped into bed. I was relieved. I wasn't quite prepared for "the talk." Maybe, I'd sleep on it. I'd wake up refreshed, make vegan waffles and spill as I doused his in maple syrup.

I crawled into bed next to him and smiled when I felt Joel's warm hands grasp my waist. He snuggled close to me, my back against his chest. I could feel his warm puppy breath behind my ears.

"Iiiiiiiiii, I wanna fall in love tonight." He sang just above a whisper into my ear.

My brain was mush. My heart was thumping. My body was limp. Completely venerable. Joel pulled me tighter to him.

These were the times I believed everything would turn up roses.