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Evil Ice Cream Man


Species: Human

Gender: Male

Height: 1.73 meters

Weapon: Cans of Whipped Cream, Farce abilities (chocolate milk side, that's evil in case you didn't know)

Affiliation: Evil Dairy Empire

Ice Cream Man, Evil

No one is quite sure how or why he was first introduced to the power of the chocolate milk side of the Farce. (We wonder, obviously, because it was a really stupid thing to do.) Whatever the reason (or lack thereof), the individual known only as the Evil Ice Cream Man is the most powerful practitioner of the dark ways of bad humor in modern times, as well as the supreme ruler of the Evil Dairy Empire. (What a long sentence!)

To counter the chocolate milk side's consumption (as well as his own raging mental instability), he turned to a bizarre combination of medicines. Using a collection of highly colorful pills daily, he could avoid death (and a one-way ticket to the funny farm) indefinitely -- as long as his apprentice remembered to give them to him with water. Otherwise, he would choke to death (which happened often). Although he called for the extermination of the Comedi and any Farce-sensitives who could conceivably challenge his rule of bad taste and evil jokes, he did keep a few loyal agents who were trained in the Farce. Dark Chocolate Milk was chief among them, as his primary lieutenant and apprentice.

There are many mysteries about the Evil Ice Cream Man, such as, why the heck is he an ice cream man, as well as, what is an idiot like this doing running and intergalactic empire, and of course, why does he have that stupid bag over his head? (Let's not even mention that he sounds like Jerry Lewis. Oops, too late, we did.) Well, we have no idea either. It's funny, dagnabit, it's a moron with a bag over his head! So get over it and laugh. (That's what we do, anyway.) Laugh, LAUGH I SAY! (Ok, I'm done venting, you can go away now.)


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