Ok guys, it's story time! Well, like any good story
Act I must begin with set up. The set up for this story, for those of you
who don't already know it, is that my friend Ben and I share a room. This
room is very small, so to create living space our beds are on stilts over
our desks. This is nice for the space but the drawback is that our beds
are nearly six feet off the ground. You also need to know my VCR is old
and I leave it partially open so when it screws up I can tinker with the
innards and fix it.
The other night Ben was getting into his bed the
way he does every night. He grabs whatever book he's going to read, throws
it on top of the bed, and then climbs up the pseudo ladder behind his bed.
Only there was something different about this night. When he threw the
book up it landed on the edge of the bed, and just as he reached the top
of the latter and hoisted himself into bed he knocked the book onto the
floor, six feet below. This is very bad because he needed to read the book
for homework, and getting out of, and then back into, bed is a HUGE pain
in the ass, especially at 3 am. I think Ben responded to his situation
as appropriately as possible, by yelling "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I was lucky
enough to see this whole thing unfolding so of course I laughed at him.
Rather than get back down Ben decides it worth a
shot to reach for the book from his bed. Of course he can't come close,
off by about four of the six feet, even when a great deal of his body is
hanging from the bed.. This is when I decide that taking a picture of Ben
being an idiot would be a great deal more fun than telling him his arm
is not six feet long. So now, I'm hanging from my bed trying to reach the
digital camera on top of my computer. With a little straining I get it.
Then I reach for the battery. Remember the vcr? Well this is where it becomes
important. I reach the battery but accidentally knock it into the crack
in the vcr, which happens to be about the with of the battery. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
I yell. This is Ben's turn to laugh at me.
I was ready to give up on the whole thing when I
saw what Ben was doing. Having realized he couldn't reach the book with
his arm, he had decided to try with his leg, which is longer. (Still not
six feet though.) This heightened stupidity demanded photographic record.
I decided I was willing to risk my life in pursuit of this goal by hanging
my full torso off the bed and reaching around under it so I could blindly
fumble around inside the vcr for the battery. (I could have just climbed
out of bed but that sucks, that's how this whole story started.) Luckily
I didn't die AND I achieved my goal. The fruit of my labors? The first
visual aid for this story. (That's right, there'll be more.) Here ya go:
Ben reaching for the book with his foot. If only you could see the
vast abyss below him.
Now once Ben realizes the err of his ways he decides it won't really count
as climbing out of bed if he never touches the floor. So he decides to
climb down unto his chair and pick up the book from there. The only problem
is that in the process of climbing down he can't see the chair, and doesn't
realize he's knocked it unto it's side. This is information he needs 'cause
it's a lot harder to stand on a chair sideways, and 'cause he knocked it
onto the book so he'll have to climb back up and fix it anyway. Do I tell
him any of this? Of course not. Why do that when I can take a picture of
Ben cautiously feeling out the over turned chair with his feet
Having settled in on the chair Ben reaches down for the book, but to no
avail, it is covered by the chair.
Ben looking for the book
This realization causes Ben to throw a fit, durring which he knocks over
the guitar next to the chair. Luckily he catches it before it hits the
Ben righting the guitar
Being proud of himself for catching the guitar, Ben celebrates by sticking
his hands into the air triumphantly. This is dumb when you're standing
on a chair. He accidentally punched the ceiling and hurt himself.
Ben reeling from his dual with the ceiling.
Back to the matter at hand, Ben climb halfway back into bed . Just enough
so he can manipulate the chair back to where it was with his feet.
Ben righting the chair
Of course Ben retrieves the book, and commendably without touching the
floor. He celebrates again, this time carefully so as not to hit the ceiling.
Only one challenge lay before our hero. Getting back into bed. He manages
to surrmount the final obstacle without much effort.
Ben the conquering hero
Unfortunately, in celebration of the completion of his epic struggle, he
hits his hands on the ceiling. Again.
The conquering hero is an idiot