Directions from the internet. Is there nothing more useless in this life (not counting my existence)? I'm not certain...and I don't know about anyone else out there,but I fucking hate MapQuest with a passion I usually reserve for my brother,music I hate,and people who always smile (they're usually up to no good and are out to make life difficult for those of us who are honest people).

Those people who smile constantly MUST be in charge of MapQuest...there is no fucking way in hell that directions to a place could change within a month when the place you're getting directions to hasn't moved and neither have you. I thought the directions looked different this time around. I'm damn sure I'm right too.

It all started this past friday night. Anthony and Shannon from UNSTOPPABLE FORCE and my friend Rich decided to go to The Hook in Brooklyn,New York. I got stuck in the front seat navigating again and Shannon got stuck driving again. No big deal,but at the same time I can't really enjoy the ride because I've got to be looking out for street signs and other shit and I can't see shit at night...even in a town as bright as New York City.

We somehow missed a turn-off out of the Holland Tunnel and wound up,in of all places,Chinatown. How the fuck did this happen? Partly my fault for being stupid and not remembering how to go in the first place but I'm laying alot of the blame on the fucking worthless directions MapQuest cursed us with.

Not to rag on the staff at The Hook,but these guys gave us shitty directions as well. After a while (I won't embarass myself by mentioning how long we drove around lost,but it was a good amount of time.) we started seeing familiar buildings and everything and KIND OF had a sense of how to get there. Unfortunatley,we still got lost. Drove around for another long time until EVENTUALLY we got to the club.

Now I have no problem with driving around looking for someplace (but after a while you begin to lose your mind slowly),but the question I have is HOW THE FUCK DID WE GET THERE SO FAST THE LAST TIME WHILE IT TOOK US SO LONG TO FIND THE SAME CLUB THIS TIME AROUND? I'll tell you why...because MapQuest fucking sucks,that's why.

I swear,they pick the most ass-backwards way to get where you need to be. This is also not an isolated incident...just the most recent.

Everytime I needed directions to someplace for a job they have fucked me over as well. Expedia is no better,but my fucking brother (or King Moron as he will now be referred) could give me better directions than any of these places. MapQuest directions have so far led me in circles,made me look for streets which don't exist in the town I had to go to,and various other problems with their directions when my main focus should be on the road ahead of me.

A logical person reading this is probably thinking "Damn you're an idiot." I have probably admitted a thousand times (and will mention a thousand more times) that I'm a few cans short of a six pack,but I'm only going on what I am being given as far as directions go. Most of the time if I have been someplace once I have no trouble going back there without a map or directions. Maybe it's the fact that I don't drive in NYC and am not neccesarilly aware of all the bridges,highways,tunnels and other shit,but I'm willing to put most of the blame here on MapQuest.

I swear that the directions this time were different,adding a few useless things in the middle of them because the beginning and end directions were alright. I thought they were different when Shannon handed them to me and I still swear they were different than the ones for our previous trip to Brooklyn.

Fuck MapQuest...piece of shit!!!

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