its all alexs fault.
i really need a bf. and nows not a good time to be single. i need someone here to help me and get my mind off alex. goddamn him. i cant believe that was such a mess. and my goal was by the end of the year to have been able to talk to him. and i didnt. and im really pissed that this whole thing happened. im listening to a song by thursday called how long is the night. "its never over, its never over." yeah that definately fits in my life. shits never over, shits never over. this is gonna haunt me forever now. my friends keep saying "ah, alex wont matter in 5 years from now." but he will because he was my first boifriend and everything just got screwed up. and we used to be really good friends. ha. ya know whats happening now? no eye contact, no smiling, no talking. im dying here. wait, i just remembered. ive never been alive.

today.
my schedual for today:

12am- 7am: sleep.
7am: get waken up by the garbage man and my possessed shit. i mean shih tzu.
7am- 10am: sit on my ass and eat bread.
10am: give the shit a bath.
10:15am: turn on the stereo, turn on afi, throw on a pair of dickies and a concert shirt. brush on some eyeshadow, heavy eyeliner and mascara. braid hair.
10:30am- 12pm: sit on my ass again.
12pm- 1pm: go to the mall, buy a chimeny sweep hat.
1pm- 2:45pm: do the goddam laundry.
2:45pm- 5pm: sit on my ass in front of the computer and tell you about my day.
5pm- 6pm: head out to the fields.
6pm- 8:30pm: kick ass while the rest of the teams asses are getting kicked in the game.
8:30pm- 10pm: go home and sit infront of computer again.
10pm: figure out if i want to sleep tonight.

bored.
my dad took the day off to stay with me today. idk why. im bored as hell and i wish i was alone with my friends. oxymoron from an oxymoron. i think im scaring away all the guys... not good cuz i need a bf. oh well. im going to go subconsiously run into the wall repetatively. then maybe ill buy a mic. i need one for my band. peace.

another random bunch of words ill probably turn into a song... check back later.
sometimes it feels like i try so hard for nothing. for nothing. my life feels like its only so much nothing. its nothing. i make my way through to get to you but its nothing. were nothing. words of friendship dont pay back all the ass ive kissed. maybe its my fault i missed. but it isnt.

last day.
today was the last day of school. i know im gonna lose some friends over the summer, me changing more than them mostly, but also because people seem to develop hate for me over vacations. honestly, this year was annoying as hell, but i made friends with people a lot like me, and a lot different than me. i think thats really cool because i can learn from them. my best friend is completely different than me, and its amazing to see the things we argue and agree on. her names kate. seen by most as a quiet good school girl. she can be a pain in the ass. but hey, we all still love her. as stupid as she may be at times... hahahaha sry kate.

beginnings.
hello. this is my site. if you enjoy hearing about happy days, sunshine, and icecream, leave now.