Story inspired by a manip by sueworld2003 and the song "Why" by Annie Lennox.
Rating: Mature/Adults only
Spoilers: None. All human AU.
Warnings: This is very dark. Includes reference to child abuse, incest, rape and murder. Also talks about mental illness and character death.
Author's Note: I do not claim to know everything about psychology, then again, who does? Most of my knowledge comes from an abnormal psych class I took a while ago. If I state something wrong, I'm sorry but I didn't go extremely out of my way to research every aspect of the conditions in this fic.
This is unbetaed. I'm very sorry. All mistakes are my own.
Text in italics are memories, flashbacks and/or hallucinations in William/Spike's mind. Hopefully, that will make sense to you when you read.
Dr. Rupert Giles sat hunched over his desk, jotting down the last of his notes in the large file before him. His pet case had taken an interesting turn during the day and he wanted to get his thoughts down before they began to lose their clarity. It was an interesting study that he had been following for several years. Poor girl, lost in the trap of her own mind. Hitting adolescence, the young teen had developed paranoid delusions making her believe there were monsters and she was the one chosen to destroy them. Her schizophrenia caused her to kill a man she insisted was a vampire, even as she shivered in the police car, covered in his blood.
Every once in a while, she would pull herself out of her catatonic state enough to tell Dr. Giles a little more of the story she lived in her head. She was determined that he was something she called a 'Watcher' and she was upset at him for leaving her.
Dr. Giles did his best to assure the hysterical girl that he had not left, nor did he plan to, but she simply mumbled about taking care of her sister, a sister she never had, before sinking back into the trap of her diseased mind.
Closing the file on Buffy Summers, the doctor sighed heavily and moved to stand and leave for the evening. Before he was able to leave his chair, the door flew open and a large, rather attractive man strode through it as if he owned the place.
"Dr. Giles," the large man boomed loudly, a large, toothy smile gracing his face. "It's so nice to finally meet you."
The Englishman sat back and studied the grinning man for a moment before returning the smile tentatively. Something about him set off an alarm for the doctor; he just had to find out why. He was just about to speak when his secretary followed the tall man through the office door.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Dr. Giles," the flustered blond woman apologized as she rushed in. "He just wouldn't even wait for me to ring for you."
"It's all right, Harmony," the doctor assured his secretary with a smile. He turned to the still smiling man and said coldly, "You seem to have me at a disadvantage, sir. You seem to know who I am but I don't know who you are."
The dark-haired man smiled widely before holding out his hand. "Sorry about that. I forget that there are people who don't know who I am. Liam Aurelius. Most people know me as Angel."
Giles continued to stare at the man in confusion even as he reached out to shake the proffered hand.
"Angel? Star hockey player for the Red Wings for six seasons? One of the greatest, you know? I came to LA to play for the Kings until I got injured and decided to retire. Now I've got my own show on ESPN. Really? You've never seen me?"
The doctor smiled and shook his head as he pulled his hand away. "Sorry. Not much of a hockey fan."
The dark-haired man began to open his mouth to say something to that when a thin girl entered the room, swaying and dancing through the door. She was dressed in a long, black lace dress and had long hair the same shade as the smiling man.
"Bad daddy," the girl scolded the tall man as she walked over to him. "You haven't told the nice man about fixing our Willie yet."
A look that frightened Giles flickered over the handsome man's face for a split second before he turned a huge, toothy smile on the strange girl.
"Drusilla," he growled through clenched teeth. "What did we say about talking out of turn? You were going to sit and be quiet while Daddy talked to the nice doctor, remember?"
"I remember, Daddy," the girl whispered conspiratorially. "Quiet as a church mouse so Willie can come home."
The doctor watched the exchange curiously for a moment before straightening up and addressing the grinning man.
"So, what can I do for you, Mr.Angel?"
"It's just Angel, and I need you to prove that my son William is crazy to get him off this murder charge."
Dr. Giles walked down the halls of the psychiatry ward, new file in his hand. It had taken him a while to convince Mr. Angel...just Angel, that he didn't just 'get people off' murder charges. He was a respected criminal psychologist and his job was to diagnose and help the poor souls in his charge.
The halls of the Sunnydale Institute for the Criminally Insane were quiet and Rupert sighed at the lateness of the hour. He knew he should have waited until the morning to see the boy. After the long day with Buffy, he'd do better to observe the boy with fresh eyes after a good night's rest. But as he came around the corner, he saw the two orderlies standing in the hallway outside the new patient's room. One was holding both hands over his face while the other rubbed his own arm.
"Forrest," Dr. Giles quietly addressed the man cupping his face. "What happened here?"
The orderly looked up at the doctor and pulled his hands away, smearing the blood dripping from his nose in the process. "The new guy, doc," he explained. "His dad came by to say good night and he just flipped out. Kicked me in the face and then he bit Graham. Had to put him in a jacket."
The doctor nodded before reaching over to grab the dark man's chin, tilting his head so he could get a good look at the damage to his face. Assured that Forrest's nose wasn't broken, he turned to examine Graham's arm. It was a nasty bite but the skin was not broken so he told both men to go get checked out at the infirmary.
"Doc?" Graham asked, concern coloring his voice. "Are you sure you want us to leave you with him? He seems a little...unstable."
"It's alright," Giles answered, smiling at the young man. "I'll only be observing him tonight. I'll see you both tomorrow."
As the two men left the doctor alone with his charge, Giles turned to observe the boy through the mirrored wall. He seemed so small as he huddled in the corner, his arms strapped tight to his body. The boy rocked on his bare feet, mumbling something so softly that the doctor couldn't make out the words.
Opening the file, Giles began to write in the file, noting the boy's obviously bleached but overgrown hair, perfectly pedicured feet and expensive trousers. The boy seemed lost somehow. Lost in his own mind, refusing to notice his surroundings or the state of his own body. Giles knew this would be a difficult case. The boy's father was not going to make his job any easier, but right now, he had to concentrate on the boy in his care. He needed to unravel the mystery that was William and figure out how to fix him.
As if he could hear the doctor think his name, William looked up, his eyes seeming to catch his own reflection in the two way mirror. Giles watched in wonder as the boy struggled against the straight jacket before pleading quietly, "Please. It hurts."
Giles struggled with himself for a moment before looking around to see if there was anyone around to assist him in case the boy decided to attack. Seeing no one, he decided, against his better judgment, to go and help the boy.
Slipping into the slightly padded room, Giles slowly made his way over to the still crouching boy. "Hello, William," he whispered softly as he approached slowly, like he would a frightened animal. "I'm Dr. Rupert Giles. Why don't you let me loosen those straps for you there?"
Confused crystal blue eyes regarded him for a moment before William slowly nodded his head. Giles came to the conclusion that the boy was no longer a threat and reached over to unbuckle the jacket.
As the stiff canvas slipped off, William reached up to rub at his sore shoulders. He turned grateful eyes toward the older man and sighed. "Thank you, Dr. Giles. I'm sorry to be an inconvenience to you, but could you do me one more thing?"
Giles was surprised at the boy's gentle nature, but nodded slightly. "I was just getting ready to leave for the day, but I'll do what I can."
William smiled lightly before dropping his head to stare at the padded floor. Giles watched as the boy sat down slowly, resting his back against the stark white wall. "I was wondering if maybe you'd let Xander know where I am. I'm afraid he'll worry if I don't call."
"Xander?" Giles asked.
"Yes, Xander. My boyfriend."
"I'll see what I can do," the doctor replied as he stood, tucking the file under his arm. "Rest well, William and I'll see you in the morning."
"Yes and thank you, Doctor."
Giles slipped from the room and closed the door quietly. Pulling the file out from under his arm, he looked over the report and froze when he re-read the charge that had brought the boy to him in the first place:
William Randolph Aurelius. Charged with the first degree murder and rape of Alexander Lavelle Harris.
The next morning, Giles was looking over the notes from the night crew about his newest charge. William had apparently slept through the night without incident before waking in the morning and eating his breakfast without complaint. He certainly didn't seem the type to attack two orderlies without just cause, much less commit such a heinous crime. But Giles had learned better than to come to judgments about his patients without a complete examination first.
So he observed William for a while, taking note of how he reacted when one of the orderlies came into his room or when the nurses checked his vitals. He seemed to be a quiet, but polite young man.
Finally ready to meet the young man, Giles entered the small room, smiling lightly as sharp blue eyes met his own.
"Hello, William," Giles said quietly. "I assume you slept well."
"Yes," the young boy replied. "Thank you for last night."
"You're welcome. Why don't you and I talk for a bit?"
The two men talked for some time, discussing William's school life and touching lightly on his home life, although he seemed somewhat reluctant to talk about his family. Giles smiled and quietly asked, "So, tell me about your mother?"
William giggled as Giles slowly raised a single eyebrow. "Sorry," the boy apologized. "Just that it was funny. You just sounded so Freudian, 'Tell me about your mother'".
Rupert smiled back at the boy before nodding. "Yes, funny. Now according to your file your mother died when you were very young, is that right?"
"Yeah," William said, his eyes dropping to the floor for a moment. "She died giving birth to my younger brother, Connor. It was all my fault."
"That's not possible," Giles replied quietly. "What happened to your mother was in no way your fault. No one had any control over that situation."
"Not according to my father."
"You stupid little shit! Why did you tell her you wanted a brother? Now she's fucking pregnant and we're going to have another little monster around here?"
"How old were you?"
"Five. I was tired of my sister dressing me up like a princess and braiding my hair and all. So I begged my mom for a brother. I guess she just gave in to shut me up or something."
"Are you happy now? I'm knocked up again and your father won't even touch me. Late night at the game, my ass. He's off fucking some groupie or something, I just know it. He was always my beautiful boy and I'm stuck here with you and your nutball sister. Jesus, this is so pathetic. This is all your fault."
"William. You were five years old. You had no more control over that then than you do now. It was wrong of your family to blame you."
The young boy simply shrugged and continued to stare at the floor. They talked for a little bit longer, discussing the family moving after his mother's and brother's deaths and the boy's troubles in school.
"I really didn't have many friends," William explained. "Not that I minded. Most of the kids in my school wouldn't know their ass from a hole in the ground, if you'd excuse the expression."
"What about Alexander?" Giles asked. "You too seemed very close, is that right?"
At the mention of the young boy's name, William's warm sapphire eyes turned a harsh, cold blue as he glared at the doctor. "Xander is a sweet boy," the boy growled. "He helped me when no one else would, so don't you dare say a fucking bad word about him, you hear me?"
The older man tried not to flinch at the harsh words from the previously calm boy. The change in William was such a shock considering that until that point, he had been compliant almost to a fault. Now, maybe they were getting somewhere.
"I never said anything bad about him, William," Giles explained. "I was simply asking about your relationship."
"Well, don't wanna talk about him, right now, 'k?" William mumbled, his previously impeccable English accent slipping into something nearly unrecognizable. "Xander was…no, is, he is special and I don't wanna talk about him with you."
Giles sat back and watched as William's defense mechanisms slid into place. The boy became distant and cold, physically turning his body away from the doctor as he began to slowly, mournfully rock on the balls of his feet. When he started mumbling to himself and writing on the padding with a single finger, Giles knew William was done for the day. He wouldn't get any more information out of the boy, so his analysis would have to continue later.
That was fine with Dr. Giles. He had to visit Buffy today and see if she had any change before he made his rounds to check on the other patients. But as he turned to look at the mumbling boy one last time, he couldn't help but feel a little bit of fear at what William was hiding.
What was buried inside that could cause such a sweet young lad to become such a monster?
Rupert Giles sighed as he entered his office the following morning. Harmony had warned him that Angel had come by and was looking for him. The last thing the tired doctor needed first thing in the morning was the pushy, self-important man making unreasonable demands on him. Just the thought of talking with his patient's father made his aching head throb.
Giles sipped at his large coffee, grateful that his secretary was able to do at least one thing very well. Rubbing his dry eyes, the doctor wondered what the day would bring. His night had anything but restful. Every time he had closed his eyes, he had seen William, sad and hunched in the corner of his room, knowing he had to help the young boy somehow.
The doctor had become lost in his own thoughts when the buzzer on his intercom roused him.
"Boss? I hate to tell you this, but Forrest just called and it seems that the new guy got a little bit violent again."
Giles stared at the speaker for a moment before quietly replying, "Thank you, Harmony. I'll go right now." Quickly drinking down some more of the needed morning java, Giles stood and slipped on his glasses before grabbing William's file and heading for the boy's room.
Turning the corner, the doctor was a little surprised to see Angel standing in the hallway, cupping his bruised jaw. He approached the family quietly, hoping to catch some of their interaction before they discovered they had an audience. From his vantage point, Giles could see William was still inside his room, but he didn't look the least bit upset. He was holding his sister, speaking to her quietly in her ear and making her smile. They seemed cozy, even intimate. Their father stood outside the room, watching the siblings interact.
Giles was surprised to see William look up at his father and smirk before dipping his head to kiss his sister. It was soft and sensual and definitely not a kiss normally shared between siblings. Their father watched intently, his jaw clenching as the kiss dragged on.
Finally, the seething father reached out and pulled the giggling girl away from a smirking William.
"Daddy's jealous," the girl giggled, wiggling her fingers at her father.
"That's enough, Dru," Angel growled. "Not in public, remember?"
"Yes, only at home with Daddy. That's the rule. I just miss my sweet William."
The dark-haired man held the young girl close, threading his fingers through her long, silky locks, as he stared at his own son.
Giles decided that he had seen enough and he quietly walked around the corner, acting as though he had not seen any of the family's interaction.
"I'm sorry it took me so long," he said loudly, announcing his presence. "I was delayed for a moment. I hope everything is alright."
To his surprise, Angel did not recoil and try to hide his attention on his daughter. Instead, he held her closer as he turned his bruised jaw for the doctor to see.
"It's nothing," Angel replied, the smirk still gracing his handsome face. "We have a tendency to be a little…impassioned."
Giles nodded in disbelief for a moment before stepping forward. "Would you like someone to take a look at your jaw, Mr. Aurelius? I can have one of the orderlies escort you to the infirmary."
Angel simply smiled as he slowly disengaged from his daughter. "That won't be necessary, but thank you, doctor. I would just like you to concentrate your efforts on William."
The doctor glared at the man, upset at the implication in the simple statement. He smiled tightly and shot back, "Then I suggest you let me do my job and take care of your son."
The two men stared at each other for a few tense moments. The chill in the air was broken when the young girl began to sway and mutter in a sing-song voice, "Daddy, the stars are singing and it hurts my ears."
"It's ok, Princess. We're leaving." Giles watched as the tall man reached out and wrapped an arm around the still swaying girl's waist and directed her down the hall without a single look back at the doctor.
Shaking his head at the odd behavior, Giles turned away from the retreating couple and walked into his patient's room. He was surprised to see William sitting on the floor, his back against the wall and his legs in a casual sprawl in front of him. The shy smile was gone, replaced with a smug smirk that felt so much like Angel's that it made the doctor nervous for a moment.
"Hello, William," he greeted the boy. "You must not have slept well to attack your father this morning. Do you want to talk about it?"
"No," the boy replied quickly. "You got a fag?"
"I beg your pardon?" the doctor fired back, slightly shocked.
"A fag, a cigarette, I need a bloody smoke, mate."
Giles stared at the boy. "No, I'm sorry, I don't. Besides, this is a California Institution. Smoking is not allowed within 20 feet of the building."
"Bloody fucking hell," the blond boy cursed.
The doctor stared at the boy for several long moments, taking in the changes in the boy. Gone was the shy, quiet boy with a gentle lilt in his voice and tentative smile. In his place was a brash, cocky punk slurring his slang in a crash guttersnipe and a vicious smirk.
"I'm sorry you didn't sleep well. Is there anything I can..?"
"Didn’t say I didn't sleep well, now did I?" the boy interrupted. "I meant, no, I'm not William."
"You're not?" the doctor asked quietly. This was unexpected but not totally unbelievable. Giles leaned in, waiting to hear what the boy's explanation.
"Nope, the ponce buggered off when 'daddy' showed up. Can't take the pressure, him."
Giles nodded and made some notes in his chart before looking back down at the boy. "Well, if you're not William, then who are you?"
Dr. Giles sat back and let Spike talk, which he apparently had no problem doing. The young punk was very opinionated and pleased with the sound on his own voice. Spike went on for a while, talking about music and clothing and how awful things were in the States as compared to England.
When he finally got around to talking about the family, Giles jumped on the question he was waiting to ask. "So, you mentioned that William left when Angel showed up. You are conscious of him then?"
"Of course I am," he answered, snorting in disbelief. "Gotta help the little ponce out. Can't handle stuff, 'specially when it comes to 'his Da'. He's just too soft hearted, that one."
"So, William has you to help him deal when things are too stressful for him," Giles stated. "Something like his mother and brother dying?"
"Something like that," Spike replied as he began to pick at his fingernails. "Although I really wasn't around for that yet. Remember it though."
It was a beautiful sunny day as William stood next to his father looking down at the two shiny white boxes. They were sitting in the grass next to two big holes and William's little five year old mind couldn't grasp why they here looking at them. One was huge, big enough for him to play in, but the other one was tiny, maybe just big enough for one of Dru's dolls.
He wanted his mom. She went to the hospital and never came home. His Da had told him that God took her and Connor up to heaven, even though his uncle had snorted and muttered, 'Not likely'.
But then he saw his mom. She was sleeping. Dru said she had gone to sleep and now she wouldn't wake up again. That scared William so bad, he tried not to sleep for a week. He didn't want to not wake up like his mom.
So now they stood in the grass, his Da gripping his little boy hand just a bit too tightly, as they listened to the preacher talk on and on. There were people crying and William didn't know why. Da didn't cry. He just stood and watched. His smile was gone now. His face had turned hard and cold. Dru hadn't cried either. She just laughed and told her brother that the stars told her everything was going to change.
William just didn't understand.
"So no one really explained to him what happened and William took the blame for his mother's and brother's deaths," the doctor asked.
"Something like that," Spike explained, stretching as he stood to pace the small room. "Didn't help that Angel was a big broody ponce and blamed the kid every chance he got."
"So when did William start to rely on you."
"When Daddy Dearest decided that Dru wasn't enough to take Mommy's place."
"That's right, my boy. Do it just like Daddy taught you."
"But, Da, I don't wan..." William began to protest.
"No. Say it like I taught you."
"Daddy," William whispered quietly.
"That's my good boy. Remember, Mommy's gone and Daddy has needs. Wrap your hands around it, just like that. That's a good boy. Now, just like Daddy showed you."
Strong fingers threaded through William's curly locks, but all he wanted to do was shake them off and run away. But his Daddy always found him where ever he hid, and it was always worse after.
"Angel was sexually abusing his children," Giles murmured as he quickly wrote more notes in the chart.
"I don't think there's a word for what Angel did to those kids."
"How pretty. You two are so pretty together. That's right, William. Touch her there. She likes that, don't you, Dru? Daddy's pretty babies.
"I suppose that explains Drusilla's odd behavior."
"Nah," Spike disagreed. "She was always off her nut. Sweet girl, don't get me wrong, but she's mad as a hatter."
"But if William was sexually abused by his father, and he was as much in love with Alexander as he claimed, why did he kill him?"
Spike laughed for a moment before looking Giles in the eye. "William didn't kill Xander. I did."
Giles stared at Spike for a moment but the young man never flinched. The look on his face told the doctor that he was not lying. Spike was most definitely capable of murder. Finally, Giles asked, "So, you didn't like Xander?"
"Nah," Spike said, shrugging off the deadly look in his eyes. "Xander was a bit of alright. Took care of William after he got transferred and all."
Giles remembered reading in the notes of the case that William, who had been a straight A student at one time, had suddenly gotten into a lot of trouble and was expelled for beating another student so badly that he had to be hospitalized. The only thing that saved him from prosecution that time was the fact that his father was very famous and had bought and charmed his way out of it.
"Were you the one that got William expelled?"
"Yeah, I'll admit I've got a bit of a temper but the quarterback never should have propositioned me like that."
"Hey, William. I know I should probably not assume shit like this but I was wondering, you know, if you were interested, maybe you'd like to go out sometime?"
William stared at the handsome quarterback. He knew Larry had just recently come out of the closet, but was he really asking him out?
He retreated in fear as Spike's anger surged.
"Are you calling me a fuckin' faggot?" Spike raged as he picked the larger boy up and slammed him into the lockers hard enough to make the boy's head wobble comically. Spike saw red until they pulled him off the beaten, bloody body of Sunnydale High's finest.
"You took offence that the boy thought that you were gay."
"William might be a nancy boy, but I am not," Spike growled as he settled down once again.
Giles noticed that the boy seemed on edge, never able to hold still for more than just a few seconds at a time. It was so the opposite of William, who was calm and steady.
"Why don't you tell me about Alexander so I can understand what happened, alright?"
Spike nodded and rested an elbow on his bent knee. "Got sent to the continuation school after getting kicked out of Sunnydale High. Angel wanted to do the home school thing like he was doing with Dru but William insisted on going to school. Didn't want to be home all day when Daddy wasn't working. Besides, being in the house with Dru was too distracting to concentrate on doing school work.
"Met Xander that first day. He was the biggest dork you've ever seen. Floppy brown hair and awful clothes, flying around on that damn skateboard. Nearly ran right into William. Not that I blame him. Looked a right damn good sight that day. See, I'd gone and had William's hair done like this. He didn't much appreciate it until Angel had a shit fit over it. Got a good laugh out of that one.
"Anyway, the boy took a shine to William. Damn good thing too, 'cause the boy probably never would have made it without him."
When Giles looked curious, Spike explained. "The soft hearted thing. Too many tough cases, you know. But Xander looked after him and all. It was easy for them to fall into each other, you know. They shared horror stories and bonded over their pain. It was pretty pathetic."
"I can't believe your father hits you, Xander. That's just awful."
"Well, your dad is even worse, Will. You and your sister should just leave. Maybe we'll do that some day. You and me. We'll take you and your sister and we'll run away someplace where no one can hurt us."
"You mean that?"
Xander's smile was blinding; sweet and true. Will couldn't help but lean forward to touch Xander's lips with his own. He'd felt the pull toward his friend for so long he couldn't resist him any longer.
"Sorry," William whispered as he pulled back slowly.
"Don't be," Xander replied, leaning in for another sweet kiss.
"Their relationship was sexual, then?" Giles asked.
William writhed on the lumpy, moldy mattress of the pull out bed, shoving his fist in his mouth to keep from crying out loud. They were supposed to be watching movies in Xander's basement and if his parents found them fucking, his father would probably kill them in an instant.
Xander was poised over him, thrusting deep inside him, strong and sure, as he panted and gasped at the feeling.
"Jesus, Will, you feel perfect," Xander whispered. "Just fucking perfect."
William arched his back, thrusting down onto the hardness inside him. Xander made him feel loved and pure, not nasty and dirty. Xander erased all the filth and evil inside him, even if it was only for a little while. He cried out as the cock inside nudged that special place inside that made his vision white out. "Xander, please. So close."
"It's ok, Will. I'll take care of you."
A warm hand reached between them as Xander began to stroke William's needy cock in time with his thrusts. Soon they were both coming and William never had to beg or cry or humiliate himself.
It was heaven.
"Then what happened? Why did you kill him?"
"Ponce wanted me to bugger him."
"No, Xander. I really don't think that I can."
"But please, Will. You won't hurt me. I'll show you how. I've never hurt you and you know how good it can be. I want to feel it too. I want you to be inside me."
"I don't think so. I might do something. After everything with my father, I can't believe you'd ask me to do such a thing."
Xander wrapped his arms around the blond boy's waist, holding him close. "You are not your father, Will. You'd never hurt me. I know you wouldn't."
"William might not have been willing to hurt him, but you were," Giles accused the smirking punk.
"Yep," Spike shot back.
"What exactly happened?"
Spike looked around as if searching for something else to do, someplace else to look while he told his tale, but finding nothing, he simply stood and began to pace yet again.
"Xander's parents were gone to some wedding or something with an open bar that they figured they wouldn't be takin' him to. Which was fine with Xander. House all to himself meant he and Willie could be fucking on something other than the ratty pullout in the basement.
There was lots of necking and groping, the usual. But this time when the clothes came off, Xander starts sticking his fingers in his own ass, telling William that it's his turn. Tonight was the night.
Well, as expected William starts to freak out, telling the boy that wasn't a good idea, practically begging Xander not to do this, but he wasn't listening. Just when it looked like William's about to have a panic attack, Xander looks William right in the eye and calls for me."
William flinched at the name. "What?"
"Come on, I know you can do it. If you won't fuck me as Will, you can fuck me as Spike."
Giles was shocked into silence for several moments. He jotted down several notes before looking back up at Spike who was now on the opposite side of the room, simply staring back.
"He knew about you."
Giles cocked his eyebrow at the blond boy.
Spike sighed and acquiesced. "Fine. I might have let it slip to the boy a time or two."
"So, Xander knew of your existence and tried to call you forth to get what he wanted when William wouldn't comply."
"Something like that," Spike whispered, looking at the padded floor. "Didn't turn out quite how he planned though."
"Spike, please. I want it. I love you, love Will. Please."
Spike couldn't believe it. How could this boy think that he would do something like that? Sure, he liked the boy just fine, but he wasn't gay like William. Looking into those pleading brown eyes, Spike's vision flashed red again and he reached out, grabbing the boy harshly.
"You want it, boy?"
Xander smiled, thinking he had gotten what he wanted. "Yes."
Spike grabbed the long locks, throwing the boy over onto his stomach. He grabbed the slim hips, pulling Xander up onto his knees before placing his cock at the hastily prepared entrance. He thrust in harshly, spurred on by Xander's screams.
"He asked for it," Spike whispered, pain and regret coloring his normally cocky voice. "I just couldn't seem to stop myself. It was like I wanted to take out all the anger and pain than I felt for William's dad on Xander since he made me do it. He made me! I was just so mad.
"I was almost done and he was crying and calling for William but he was long gone by then."
"Oh, you want your sweet William back now, do ya'? Too late. You've got me, just like you wanted."
"No Spike, please. It hurts. You said you'd never hurt me."
"Wrong again. William said he'd never hurt you." Spike reached down and wrapped his arm around Xander throat, pulling him up so they were both kneeling up with their backs straight. His arm tightened as Xander scratched and clawed at the skin, trying to catch a single breath of air. Spike held him close as he thrust one last time before dropping Xander to the floor, only to pass out next to him.
"William was the one who woke up next to him," Spike whispered, his back to the shocked doctor. "I think he knew what was going on but he wanted to remain in the safe place I always gave him, so I let him forget and I kept all the memories. I told him that Xander was just sleeping."
"And he believed you."
"Yeah, he covered Xander up with a blanket, kissed his cheek like he always did and let himself out of the house. It wasn't even until the next day when the cops showed up that he even let himself think anything other than what I told him. He still doesn't want to believe."
"Do you blame him?" Giles asked harshly. "You killed the boy he loved. But he's the one on trial, he's the one they are going to try and convict because it's his DNA, his fingerprints."
Spike nodded his head and slumped onto the small bed in the corner. "I'm a bit knackered after all that. Mind if we skip the rest of the pity party 'til later then, mate?"
"Certainly," Giles said as he finished his notes and stood to leave the room. He stopped when he heard his name sadly whispered from the bed.
"Do me a favor, will ya'?"
The doctor smiled slightly, remembering William asking him nearly the same thing the night before.
"I'll do what I can."
"Tell him I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to. He might believe it coming from you."
Giles nodded. "I'll see what I can do."
He walked out of the room, wondering how he could ever fix two such broken boys, both living in the same body.
Several hours later, after preparing his papers for the court and having a whiskey or two, Giles made his way back toward William's room. Standing, looking through the glass, Giles knew that William was back simply by how the boy sat. It was no surprise to him that Xander had discovered Spike. They were so different that anyone spending time with them would have to know. The fact that Xander loved and accepted both parts of such a broken person amazed Giles and he knew that the boy had to have been an amazing person. It saddened him that he would never get the opportunity to meet him.
Taking a deep breath, the doctor stepped through the door and smiled lightly at the anxious looking boy. "Hello, William. How are you feeling?"
William looked at the doctor, slightly confused. "I feel ok, I suppose, although I'm feeling quite tired today."
Giles sighed and smiled at the boy. "Yes, well, I am as well, so I guess that makes two of us."
They shared a smile for a moment before Giles motioned to William to sit as he did the same. "William," he started quietly. "Do you know what is going to happen tomorrow?"
"We're going to court tomorrow, isn't that right?"
"Yes, that's correct. But there are a few things that I need to tell you before then." Giles watched as William nodded his head in understanding. "This will be nearly like a normal court proceeding. You will be sitting at a table with the lawyer your father hired and they will be calling people to testify. Mostly, they will be asking me a lot of questions. There will probably be a lot of things you do not understand, but that's ok. Most likely, they will rule to have you brought back here for treatment."
"Because they think I'm crazy," the boy whispered softly.
"No, William, because you are ill and you need help," Giles replied. "You need help and I can help you if you'll let me."
"I'd like that," William whispered, his eyes shining with unshed.
"I must warn you, William. We will be talking about very difficult things in the court room. I'll be discussing the relationship that you had with Alexander and the death of your mother and brother. We may even talk about Spike."
William's eyes widened as some sort of understanding began to dawn within their depths. But as soon as it there, it was gone. "I don't know what you're talking about," the boy insisted.
"He asked me to tell you something." William stared at Giles for a moment, patiently waiting for the message. "He wanted me to tell you that he's sorry."
As William stared at the doctor, his eyes once again began to bleed from sapphire to icy, crystal blue as he began to whisper, "He really is dead, isn't he? Xander wasn't sleeping. He's really dead."
"Yes, William, I'm sorry. I know how you must feel."
William turned eyes full of anger and pain up at the doctor. "Do you think you know what I feel? You think you know what I feel?!" William's voice began to rise as did his anger. "You think you know what I feel?!?! I don't think you know what I feel!! You don't know what I feel!!"
Giles tried to calm the boy down but nothing was working. William continued to yell, his ranting getting louder and angrier. Finally, the doctor decided that he wasn't going to be able to calm William down and maybe it would be best to leave him alone. He slipped out of the room, locking the door behind him.
Forrest looked at him as they both watched William continue to rage in his room. "You want me to give him something, Doc?"
Giles watched as William curled into the corner, still yelling but now he had started pulling at his hair.
"No, not unless he starts hurting himself. I'd rather not give him any Ativan the day before court, but give it if necessary. Be sure to call me if anything else develops. I want to be notified of any changes."
"Will do, Doc. Have a good night."
"Thank you, Forrest. You do the same."
Giles walked away, still able to hear William yelling down to the end of the hallway. He doubted he'd have a good night for a long while.
Sitting in court the next day, Giles looked out over the courtroom from his place in the witness stand. William looked subdued but calm as he sat next to the lawyer his father had hired. Lindsey McDonald was one of the best and brightest from the firm of Wolfram and Hart and Giles couldn't stand him. He was young and handsome in his Armani suit and overgrown hair. He carried the air of someone cocky and arrogant. Plus he was short.
Giles snickered as he quickly diagnosed the man as having a Napoleon Complex as the lawyer approached him, ready for his interrogation.
"Could you state your name and occupation for the court, please?" Lindsey asked as he approached.
"My name is Dr. Rupert Giles and I'm the chief psychologist and director of the Sunnydale Institute for the Criminally Insane."
"And have you had the chance to examine the defendant?"
"Have you come to any sort of diagnosis that might keep him from testifying in his own defense?"
"I have," Giles pulled out his chart so he could refer to his notes as needed. "William is suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder, also known as Multiple Personality Disorder. He has been fractured into two different and separate personalities; William and Spike. Although Spike is cognizant of William, William has no memories of what he does as Spike."
Lindsey nodded as the doctor talked, looking interested in the explanation. "So, William is basically two people, two separate personalities. Is that correct?"
"And what causes that?"
"Normally, there is some sort of trauma in the patient that happens at an early age that they are unable to deal with in normal ways. The psyche handles the trauma by creating a persona that can handle the situation and they take control when it becomes necessary."
"Could a trauma like the untimely death of a parent and sibling cause this?"
"It is possible, although there are usually other factors involved." Giles tried not growl as he answered, his eyes catching Angel sitting behind William as he softly stroked his daughter's hair.
"Doctor," Lindsey stated, bringing Giles' attention back to the proceedings. "Do you think William killed Mr. Harris?"
"No," Giles answered quietly, checking on William to make sure he was alright. The boy was quiet and subdued, refusing to make eye contact with him. "Spike has already admitted to killing Alexander without William's knowledge. William and Alexander were involved and partaking in a sexual relationship. Eventually, Alexander found out about Spike and tried to engage him sexually. The personality of Spike does not consider himself to be homosexual and took offense. In his rage, he killed Alexander."
William sobbed quietly at the table but made no other move to disrupt the court.
"In your opinion, Doctor, do you think William is fit to stand trial for this crime?" the smug lawyer asked.
"No," Giles replied, looking at the judge. "William is not mentally equipped to stand trial or speak on his own behalf."
"Thank you. No further questions."
"Mr. Gunn?" the judge asked the Assistant District Attorney. "Do you have any questions for this witness?"
"Yes, your Honor," the tall, dark man said as he stood and approached the doctor. "Dr. Giles, do you think that, in time, the defendant might be able to stand trial for his crimes?"
Giles knew this was a tricky question. Would they ever be able to punish William for what he did? Even more than he had already punished himself?
"I don't know," he finally stated. "William has a fractured mind, Mr. Gunn. He has been this way for a long time. There is no magic cure to fix someone when they are so broken. I won't be able to say a few words or give him a few hours of therapy to make him all better. He may never be whole again."
"Thank you, Dr. Giles. No further questions."
"Very well," Judge Reynolds said. "If there are no further witnesses," he paused for either attorney to speak up before continuing, "You may step down Dr. Giles. It is decision of this court that William Randolph Aurelius is not fit to stand trial by reason of insanity. This will be sealed in his records as the defendant is still a juvenile. He will be returned to the Sunnydale Institute for the Criminally Insane under the care of Dr. Giles until his twenty-fifth birthday when he will return to this court of re-evaluation. We are adjourned."
The doctor watched as Angel practically jumped for joy at the verdict. He didn't see any reason why the man should be celebrating. Angel shook Lindsey's hand like they were greeting each other at a wedding and smiling happily at the news. The tall man then turned to William and pulled him into a hug, whispering something into his ear before the bailiff came to escort the boy away. The doctor caught William's eye and they shared a small smile before William turned and left.
Giles stayed behind as Angel, Drusilla and Lindsey walked past. Mr. Aurelius stopped to shake the doctor's hand. "Thank you, Doc. I knew you'd get him off."
"That is not the way to look at it, Angel," Giles snapped a little bit more testily than he intended. "William is a sick boy and he is more tormented over the murder than any punishment the court could conceive."
Angel just rolled his eyes and patted the doctor on the back before walking away. "Whatever, Doc. I'll be seeing you."
As they walked away, the ADA and another man approached Dr. Giles. "Gunn," Giles smiled addressing the attorney. "Thank you for agreeing with my recommendation."
"No problem, man," the tall man said with a smile. "Besides, I owe you one and I doubt there's any way we'd ever get a conviction out of this one. By the way, this is my friend, Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, Special Investigator with the Special Victims Unit. Why'd you ask him to come by?"
Giles shook hands with the investigator, smiling slightly. "I have something for you. Call it a special project." He reached into his briefcase and pulled out two identical files before handing one to Gunn and the other to Wesley.
They opened them and scanned the front page, shocked at the claims of sexual abuse made against Liam Aurelius. Giles smiled as the two men read the first page voraciously. "So I assume I'll be needed in juvenile court again soon seeing as the victims are only fifteen and seventeen."
"Assuming these charges are real, you can count on it, Dr. Giles," Wesley said with a smile before turning to the lawyer. "Come on, Charles. I'd like to go over this tonight."
Giles stood back and watched as the two men walked away, eager to discover the horrors he already had. Maybe they could actually spare poor Drusilla some pain and misery at the hands of her father. But for now, that wasn't Giles' concern. He had a broken boy waiting for him. He wasn't about to let William down like his own flesh and blood had.
He knew that everyone in William's life, with the exception of Xander, had hated him. They had turned him into the broken creature he was now, but Giles knew he would never be able to understand why.
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