...is right on this time. Just now my mom phoned, surely she regretted that she called me in my 'what-the-hell-should-I-do-with-my-life' mood. I didn't blame her for feeling disappointed at me, in fact even myself is disappointed in me. Day by day comes and goes, each day I feel how useless I am. Sure, maybe it is just 'an university course' but it is much more. Too much to think about... and to be honest, I feel like I am completely lost. Whether I like it or not (actually, I do NOT like IT), I will be stuck in this stupid course. What the hell should I do... each day I fear that I'm going to fail, each day I fear that I'm going to disappoint my family, yet each day I feel like myself is destroyed bits by bits because of my uncapability... and then there it is... no one is going to help me. No one is going to come and help me. I am alone. I am alone in this world. Like what I had predicted in my blog a few days before, today in the phone mom told me to 'pray to God'... and then I told her that 'SURE SURE, PRAY TO GOD... BUT WHAT IF I JUST CAN'T DO IT?!' Right now I'm doubting myself and even Him, and I know I shouldn't do that... It's just that I'm failing... I'm scared... I'm alone... and no matter how I cry and beg... no one in this world is going to help me. Please God... I'm lost yet again... Help me... I'm just tired...
Please... help me...
Tasukete... watashi no koto... Kamisama...
Watashi wa... yowai... kono toki...
Dakara... tasukete... watashi no koto o tasukete....
Kamisama...
Onegaishimasu...